THE HULK versus THE US MILITARY
(Universal Pictures/Marvel)
Where: Hulk When: June 2003
Why: Ang Lee, Michael France, John Turman, James Schamus How: Sam Elliott, Josh Lucas, Eric Bana

The Story So Far...
Man's insatiable thirst for knowledge is rivaled only by his damning addiction to destruction. So comes about the research of docile scientist, Dr. Bruce Krenzler, a geneticist working with Betty Ross and Rick Jones in an effort to harness the regenerative process found in nature.

Unbeknownst to Krenzler, his own DNA hides within it the secret of a past life, and the designs of a prerendered destiny. Having been experimented on as a child by his true father, David Banner, Bruce's blood contains within it the secrets to unlocking the hidden power that lurks beneath his human facade. A twist of fate accidentally produces the keys to unlocking Banner's hidden strength when he saves the young Rick Jones from a mechanical malfunction in a nano distributor machine.

With the net of his forgotten childhood closing in, Banner finds whenever he is stressed, angered, or afraid, the green-eyed monster within bursts free of his puny prison to become the incredible Hulk! With his secret exposed, Bruce becomes the subject of suspicion and fear, but even as forces conspire to destroy the Hulk, the true villain hatches machinations decades in the making.

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Hulk 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: General Ross 4 (Tactician)
Speed: Hulk 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Hulk 6 (Generator)
Agility: Hulk 2 (Average)
Fighting Ability: Hulk 6 (Warrior)
Energy Power: General Ross 4 (Arsenal)


- Dr. Robert Bruce Banner, a slight and insignificant scientist, lives slavishly dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge, as funded by the United States military.
Though Banner justifies his goals as means for peace, he becomes one of America's leading weapons designers after inventing a gamma radiation bomb.

During preperations for a test launch in the desert, Dr. Banner spots a reckless youth on the testing ground, and in a moment of magnificence, knowingly throws himself on a bullet that would grant a far crueller fate than death.
Bitterly aware of the Communist conspiracy of his fellow scientist, Banner struggles to usher he and the boy to safety while his colleague continues to countdown the launch.

After succumbing to an ordinarily lethal doses of gamma radiation, Dr. Banner soon finds himself undergoing a horrific transformation. Originally by night, but soon triggered by rage or unease, Banner discovers the superhumanly strong alter-ego within himself, dubbed simply - the Hulk! As the Hulk, Banner's brilliance is reduced to a childlike lumbering, while his slight frame conversely comes to possess size, strength, and durability never before imagined.

Hulk has no specific known weaknesses, but is fiercely protective of the few who earn his favour. Though generally good hearted, Hulk is prone to wild rages and varied personalities, including the calculating persona adopted during his time on the planet Sakaar, where he adopts a military savvy.

- In his career as a life-long military man, General Thaddeus "Thunderbolt" Ross's defining moment would come as head of the Gamma Bomb Project, designed to test and develop a new radioactive weapon for the United States.

Sabotage during the testing phase of the project would result in the mass exposure of one of the scientists working on the project, Dr. Bruce Banner. The accident would radically alter Banner's genetic composition, giving birth to the rampaging behemoth that would become Thunderbolt Ross' green whale; the incredible Hulk.

The Hulk's constant ability to overcome and escape military opposition has earned Thunderbolt Ross his share of disgraces. In the pursuit of his foe, Ross has held memberships with SHIELD, Hulkbusters, and even allied himself briefly with the gamma irradiated villain, the Leader, which would eventually result in his dishonorable discharge for treason. Even so, General Ross prevails in parallel to his violent counterpart, always ready to step into battle with the Hulk.

The Math: Hulk Ranking: Hulk (#5)

What Went Down...
Glenn Talbot, Bruce Banner's rival for the affections of Betty Ross and experimentation with human regeneration, takes full advantage when Banner reveals the symptom of his accidental gamma exposure. When Banner is taken into custody, Talbot seeks to extract a sample of the Hulk's altered DNA, but to do so, must first provoke the change in Banner without endangering himself and others.

Awakening the beast proves easier than expected, but when the Hulk's burly hide proves resistant to Talbot's sampling drills, he quickly breaks free of the shackles containing him. Emergency protocol to subdue the Hulk upon escape soon fails when the behemoth's strength is again underestimated. A flood of knock-out gas proves ineffective, inspiring only a violent sneeze from the monster.

It's not long before Hulk escapes into the labyrinthine underground tunnels of the military facility. Talbot mobilizes his people to pursue the Hulk, calling upon the wealth of defensive resources at his disposal to ensure the non-lethal detainment of his specimen. His efforts fail to curtail the attentions of General Thunderbolt Ross, who orders an immediate evacuation of the contract sector, an order blatantly defied by the zealously determined scientist.

With his sector in an unauthorized lockdown, Talbot defiantly heads into the field to obtain his much desired sample. The Hulk, contained by a super durable constrictive foam, grows increasingly frustrated by his predicament, which includes the continued antagonism of Talbot's sadistic pleasure in his pain.

Hindered by injuries sustained during a previous encounter with Dr. Banner's dark side; Talbot finds himself overwhelmed by the sheer charisma of Hulk's will. Even with his extremedies tethered, the Hulk is able to knock Talbot off his feet.

The scenario provides Talbot with the necessary provocation to justify more extreme methods of detainment, but as he soon learns, even this escalation is over estimated. An explosive cartridge is easily deflected by the Hulk's super musculature, repelling the bullet back from where it came.
Talbot is engulfed in the resulting flames.

With the interfering scientist now a bitter footnote; General Ross is able to commandeer the facility, ordering a complete lockdown.

Codename "angry man" escapes the tunnels, entering the main hall where his statuesque dimensions are given greater freedom of movement. The dire situation forces the General to order the evacuation of personel, and the deployment of heavy weaponry to curb the beast's rampage.

The military's weaponry proves ineffective, and with the risk of mass casualty and further damage to the base, General Ross is forced to concede to more evasive maneuvers. Strategic lighting is used to lure the Hulk to the desert above, where the military hope to have better luck with more destructive missiles.

On the surface, the Hulk takes full advantage of the wide open spaces provided by the desert. His incredibly powerful limbs launch him into an aerial escape, making for a quick getaway from the puny humans that attack him.

Hulk finds himself landing in a long since abandoned military village, which provokes a flood of vague memories of a previous life. The ghost of his alter-ego emerges from within his raging mind, unearthing the day Bruce Banner witnessed his mother's accidental death by his father's hand. The confusion of the moment is compounded when suddenly his childhood home explodes, sending him airborne with the force of the shockwave.

The Hulk witnesses his own magnificent capacity for healing, just as a faint popping in the sky alerts him to the military's continued assault. The aerial missiles fan out in the sky, bringing down an artistic shower of war.

Hulk again launches himself, leaving behind the now pot-marked planes of this forgotten memory. His leap brings him to the arid dunes of the desert, where he tumbles uncontrollably upon landing. The strange landscape plays host to the continued nightmare of the military's faceless assault, interrupting the barren tranquility with yet more variations on cannisters of explosives.

The explosions push the Hulk tumbling further down the dunes, where the sandy flats reveals an incoming cavalcade of tanks. They fire in unison, sending another hail of artillery at the besieged giant. The Hulk disappears behind the curtain of sand that splashes with each impact, masking the effect of their weapons.

The soldiers soon realise their work continues as the Hulk emerges in a far less neutral stance. With guns blazing, the soldiers and tanks meet the Hulk's charge head-on, their influence continuing to be ultimately ineffectual against the raw power of the gamma-irradiated scientist.

The Hulk shrugs their gunfire off, and collides with one of the tanks, knocking it over like a child playing with a toy. Capsized, the vehicle is defenseless, as the Hulk hoists it by the barrel and swings it like an oversized hammer toss!

In full battle mode, the Hulk lets loose an animalist roar, before turning his attentions to the next tank in his wake. He leaps onto the front of the warmachine, this time isolating the moving turret section that houses the soldiers. With a mighty tug the Hulk yanks the section free, while ignoring a barrage of machine gun fire from the remaining two tanks.

He shakes the driver and his fellow free of the cab, just as one of the other tanks fires a shell that would have ensured their demise. It penetrates the isolated piece of tank, and knocks Hulk off his feet.

Growing stronger with each provocation, the Hulk recovers in an instant!
Enraged, he turns the tank cab into a weapon, dragging it by the barrel to be used as a club against his opposition. He repeatedly swings at the tank, shaking it with the unimaginable pounds of pressure of his super human swing.

With only one remaining tank, the Hulk marches toward an end to the fight with muscles taut. He grapples with the last remaining gun barrel, and with incredible strength he bends it backward toward the driver's cab in a final act of irony.

With his enemies smashed, the Hulk takes flight once more, leaving the puny humans with the thought provoking fact that each soldier escapes with his life, and minimal injury. Coincidence, or insight into the true nature of the incredible Hulk? Such a question is not the concern of a military commited to the containment, or destruction, of this accident of their own making.

The Hammer...
And the winner of the battle, if not the war, the incredible Hulk!

Whoof! These movie reviews always manage to take a lot of out me, but I'm pleased with how easily this isolated snap shot broken into a managably smaller piece. Those of you who recall the film may need to be reminded that this skirmish is neatly concluded, right before General Ross seeks a Presidential order of executive powers, allowing for later rematches in the film. So, before you freak out, we can conclusively confirm this as an individual entry in the Hulk's battle log.

Moving on; we have something of a convergence of themes today!
What character would be more suitable for an entry on St. Patrick's Day than mean green himself? Not only that, but last week we were given the first glimpse of a trailer for the upcoming Incredible Hulk feature, which, for the most part, has been flying somewhat under the radar, eclipsed by hype surrounding Iron Man and The Dark Knight.

With a couple of vague themes in mind, I decided to open up the vote to you, the readers. We typically have at least a hundred people moving through the site every day, so it was with thorough bemusement that two of you decided we'd go the way of this year's move stars, rather than discussing super teams. Just to remind you all, you don't need to be registered to vote in site polls, or comment on entries, so feel free to make yourself heard!

This might be the perfect entry to do so, considering the ire the Ang Lee directed film has inspired. I'm going to give you plenty to shout about by declaring my resounding support of the film! I couldn't possibly deny blemishes in the over complication of Bruce Banner's backstory and largely unpleasant presence of Nick Nolte, but for the most part, I'm a fan of this picture.

One of the many criticms of the film came from the quality of a CG Hulk.
In selecting stills for this entry, I as always attempt to convey the story in the best light possible, but also kept in mind the point I hoped to make about the CG. "Shrek-Hulk" is a term bandied about by many fans who feel computer generation left the Hulk less than convincing, but it's my hope some of these warbound stills reveal a very realistically respectful approach to filming the Hulk as a living entity.

Hulk emerged in a period I would argue was crucial to the evolution of modern cinema. The post-Matrix 00's mark a period where both the industry and viewer alike come to recognise CG manipulation as a complimentary device to practical effects, rather than the utopian vision of a universal solution to cinematic fantasy. With many contemporary examples of practical wizardry, [such as League of Extraordinary Gentlemen's suit driven Mr. Hyde], one might say Lee's all-digital approach was radically against trend, at the time. I believe in some capacity this contributed to the establishment of a negative perception surrounding the digital Hulk, which boasted not only a phenomenal budget, but also the laborious application of high end technology, and motion capture.

DVD watchers will already know about Ang Lee's intimate involvement in developing the Hulk's abilities to emote, and while I wouldn't say expression was anywhere near as impressive as the characters interactions with environment and actors, it's an admirable instalment in CG quality.

St. Patrick's Day Top 25
[Characters Wearing Green]
#1 Hulk (Marvel)
#2 Sub-Mariner (Marvel)
#3 Green Lantern (DC)
#4 Green Arrow (DC)
#5 Iron Fist (Marvel)
#6 Hawkman (DC)
#7 Rogue (Marvel)
#8 Dr. Doom (Marvel)
#9 Robin (DC)
#10 Guile (Capcom)
#11 The Spectre (DC)
#12 Green Lantern (DC)
#13 Jean Grey (Marvel)
#14 Martian Manhunter (DC)
#15 Aquaman (DC)
#16 Guy Gardner (DC)
#17 Lyja (Marvel)
#18 Ganthet (DC)
#19 Sayd (DC)
#20 Drax (Marvel)
#21 Maul (Wildstorm)
#22 Banshee (Marvel)
#23 Tara (Marvel)
#24 Thin Man (Marvel)
#25 Green Lantern (DC)[Ang] Lee's vision for the character is a very unusual blend of genres. The minutia of the tale obviously benefits from some assemblance of tangible science-fact, but inherent in the character is the fantastic qualities characterized in four-colour fiction.

Lee combines elements of various styles of action, showcasing tropes of conventional superhero film brawls; military maneuvers; and general action movie violence.
The merging of these qualities, as well as the underlying psychodrama of Bruce Banner, makes for a fairly well rounded representation of the Hulk's story.

Another common complaint registered by fans is a perceived lack of Hulk-style action. This seems to buck against a typical desire to see comic book films display the maturity of the medium, and it's ability to convey depthier stories than mindless fist fights and super powers. It also fails to give credit to Lee's dedicated approach to representing the Hulk's classical struggle with Thunderbolt Ross and his military, along with the psychological qualities ingrained in the source material.

One can't help but think of the precedence of influential Hulk writer, Peter David, whose own work is well regarded for dancing between big action and psychological drama.

In the span of this entry I'm not sure I can provide quality enough discourse to sway opinions of this film. Especially when noting the very real negatives that exist; such as convolutions in the Hulk's new origin, and the unnecessarily complicated backstory that further confuses Bruce Banner's identity, with the supposed pay off being a garbled confrontation with his Absorbing Man-styled father. While these elements leave intact the desire to see Hulk's exploits fighting super-villains realised on the big screen; I don't feel they undermine the more admirable qualities of the movie, such as the skirmishes with the military.

I'm reticent about this new sequel.
Incredible Hulk is smart enough to dance around the issue of the much maligned first film, completely recasting, without overwriting the original film. Already evident is the fact that this is a distinct departure from Ang Lee's vision.
Early stills show iconography familiar from the 1970's TV series, as well as elements familiar to comic-reading fanboys.

Edward Norton's intrusions on the script, though concern making, show some endearing qualities, such as the inclusion of Doc Samson; albeit, depicted by less than exciting casting in TV's, Ty Burrell. Also promising is the presence of one of Hulk's most famous villains, the Abomination, and strong rumors of appearances by Robert Downey Jr's Tony Stark, and a Samuel L. Jackson Nick Fury, all allegedly building toward a Hulk/Iron Man film, or even a big screen Avengers.

I can't help but feel we're wrapping this entry up, even though there's still so much to be discussed. Thrilling is the prospect of Marvel pioneering the big screen crossover in ways never quite realised, particularly with the promise of feature casting that includes Downey, Jackson and Norton all in the one picture! This makes a particular statement while DC toils away on a Justice League film that not only distances itself from existing franchises [ie; Christopher Nolan's Batman Begins], but also promises a cast fit for a forgettable TV movie.

Of course, much like the duality of Banner and Hulk, there's a flipside to the barely publicized Hulk sequel. Turmoil in the script suggests a power struggle that could easily jeopardize an ensemble picture, and a story that ultimately sounds far less involving than Ang Lee's character-driven two-hour epic.
More specifically, the trailer projects early indications of a disappointing legacy left by Ang Lee's box office failure. The disappointingly dumbed down action movie many fans called for seems front-and-centre, while the budget-blowing exploits of the first film leave this one with a CG Hulk and Abomination that truly are less than convincing. Fingers crossed the latter is merely a symptom of typically rear ended post-production.

You'd be forgiven for not knowing that Incredible Hulk hits cinemas in June, sandwiched between Iron Man (May) and The Dark Knight (July). I have no doubt we'll be talking a lot more about the Hulk around that time, but for now, we wait with reticent hope that inexperienced director, Louis Leterrier, can deliver the goods that many feel the Oscar winner Ang Lee did not. I have my doubts, but we shall see.

The Fight: 5 The Film: 5

Having toted the genius of Lee Falk, you've got to give it up to ol' Stan and Jack. Together they created a monstrous character part Jekyll & Hyde, part Frankenstein's Monster, and all commentary on the futility of war as Hulk smashes his comparatively morally grey military opposition time and time again. A contrast to Iron Man's pro-war establishmentarian approach, making the two characters perfect philosophical rivals! If you want to get a heads up on the action that's yet to come, or feel you might have passed the Hulk movie up without fair prespective, why not head over to Amazon? By using purchase links provided on the Infinite Wars, you help fund future military experimentation!

SAGAT/VEGA versus KEN/RYU
Revenge Match (Universal/Capcom)
Where: Street Fighter When: December 1994
Why: Steven E. deSouza How: Byron Mann, Damian Chapa, Wes Studi & Jay Tavare

The story so far...
For con-men Ken Masters and Ryu Hoshi, things quickly go from bad to worse when they travel to the Thai rebel state of Shadaloo. Looking to take advantage of an arms race between UN Peace Troopers and the soldiers of would-be warlord, General M. Bison; the pair of swindlers import phony weapons with the intent to get in, and get out.

Ken and Ryu make a powerful enemy in Thai underworld crime boss, Victor Sagat, who captures the pair to parade as fodder for his champion Spanish cage fighter - Vega! The con-men avoid lethal combat, finding themselves apprehended along with their enemies, by UN forces led by Guile.

Colonel Guile convinces the pair to use their connections to stage a fake breakout and assassination, using the scenario to earn the goodwill of Sagat.
Though Ken and Ryu are successful in embedding themselves in Bison's operation, the ultimate battle nears, and they are soon uncovered for the spies they are. With Bison's fortress crumbling under UN incursion, Ken and Ryu go their seperate ways, leaving the Japanese fighter to walk alone into a trap...

Previous Form:
Sagat (#58): A win, loss, and draw, all against Ryu.
Vega (#117): A quick fix gimme victory over Dan Hibiki.
Ryu (#20): The leading street fighter with victories over Balrog, Sagat, & Zangief.
Ken (#62): A string of ties with Ryu, and solo victory over Sodom.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Sagat 4 (Steroid popper)
Intelligence: Ken Masters 3 (Straight A)
Speed: Vega 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Draw 4 (Athlete)
Agility: Vega 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting Ability: Ryu 5 (Martial Artist)
Energy Powers: Ryu 3 (Explosives)


- Ryu, a Japanese orphan, and Ken Masters, son of a wealthy American heir, were raised and trained by the master of the mysterious unnamed ansatsuken fighting style, Gouken. Despite their distinct personalities, a life of training would develop the pair into two of the greatest fighters in the world.

Both are skilled well rounded fighters capable of harnessing hadou ki for trademark attacks such as; the Tatsumaki Senpuu Kyaku hurricane kick, Hadou-ken fireballs, the Sho-ryu ken dragon uppercut; along with an array of variations of each, some uniquely specialized to the fighter's minor differences.

Ryu's dedicated fighting ethic and intrinisic mastery of the hadou arguably makes him the more powerful of the two. That said, Ken's brash attitude overshadows his finely honed fighting skills, which surpass perhaps even Ryu's.

- Known as the Emperor of Muay Thai, Sagat is supremely skilled in the fighting style often referred to as the "science of the eight-limbs."
Revolving mostly around elbows, knees, fists, and kicks; Sagat's Muay Thai takes full advantage of his height and physical strength. Complimenting his furious style is the development of various ki attacks that stem from a fierce rivalry with hadou practitioner, Ryu. Many of these energy attacks not only rival the Japanese fighter's weapons, but also imitate them, ie; the tiger uppercut, and tiger fireballs.

Though he spent much time with the criminal element Shadaloo, Sagat's character is not traditionally evil. After a lengthy period seeking vengeance against Ryu, Sagat even came to regret impulsive violence, and found some degree of peace.

- The street fighting arena provides convenient abandon for the blood lusting Spaniard called Vega. Harboring homicidal tendencies, the narcissistic psychopath in the protective mask made a name for himself as a matador.
Turning his natural swift and speed to the martial arts, Vega values nothing more than the source of his vanity - his beautiful features - and protects them as best he can, while exacting brutal violence with the aid of his clawed gauntlet.

Vega's speed and agility were particularly complimented by the underground practise of cage fighting. In this domain, few can challenge the matador, and many have tasted bitter defeat at the end of his blades. It was this killing instinct that made him the perfect assassin for Bison's Shadaloo operations.

The Math: Draw The Pick: Ken & Ryu

What went down...
Having experienced a clash of ethics, the usually inseperable fighting buddies Ken and Ryu are indeed seperated, as the Bisonopolis headquarters begins to crumble under the pressures of UN Peace Troopers, technological damages, and the sheer destructive energy of Raul Julia's performance as Bison.

Seeking the riches hidden within Bison's personal sanctum, Ken inadvertently stumbles upon a video screen revealing live footage of a hapless Ryu walking into a trap inexplicably sprung by the dastardly duo of Sagat and Vega.

As he brilliantly searches for a way out in the lowest depths of the Bison-Gym, Ryu finds himself set upon by his filmic arch-rival -- Vega! The Spaniard unleashes a surprise claw attack that scratches the surface of Ryu's gut.
Sagat's typically silent goon utters his first line of the film whilst donning his mask, delivered with the cold grit of Eastwood's ADR double, "Where were we?"

Ryu springs a straight kick that shunts Vega back-first into a row of gym lockers, marking the first of many such collisions. Vega recovers, walking into the devestating heroic retort, "You were losing!", before doing his darndest to prove otherwise with the aimless swings of a six-movie slasher star.

Ryu plays the defensive, slipping the jab wherever possible while avoiding Vega's uncharacteristically unrefined attacks. The technique serves him well until he is unceremoniously informed of the two-on-one odds when Sagat enters the fray with a high kick, followed by a clumsy knee combo.

Vega takes advantage of the low ceiling and double-team situation, scoring some points with a successful swinging kick. Ryu collides with a locker, marking the third such occasion during the fight. [You'll have to stay tuned for the full scoop on the locker situation! - Mike "Play-by-Play" Haseloff]

Vega presses the advantage with a jumping forward kick, but Ryu is skilled enough to deliver a defensive-offense of small blocks and hits. He nervously backs up, putting a support structure center to he and his two foes, when suddenly a red streak strikes Sagat -- player two has entered the game!

Putting friendship before greed, Ken joins his brother in arms' side, lending his impressive fighting skills to the fray, and effectively bringing his utterly inspired character arc to a conclusion.

Having spent the heroic reunion generally menacing and grimacing, Sagat and Vega launch a syncronised flying attack on their individual foes. Going against established convention, the villains continue to pursue their film-long rivals, Sagat to Ken, and Vega to Ryu.

Ryu, having utilized the age-old tactic of stripping down, flips Vega down, while tangling his claw in his discarded gi top. Meanwhile, Ken is embattered by the unconvincing knee strikes of the emperor of Muay Thai.

Ken fights back, putting a bouncy punching ball between he and his skilled opponent, while Vega and Ryu engage in more competent flashy combat.

The trading of blows between Ryu and Vega culminates in the big screen debut of trademark power moves! Ryu delivers what passes for a hadou-ken in a movie apparently too grounded in reality to indulge in a full-fledged fireball.

Not to be outdone, Vega rolls his way into the rolling crystal flash, otherwise known as a claw jab preceded by a pointless roll. As if to continue to up the stakes, Sagat and Ken continue their dance, giggling and dancing around a punching ball like a pair of lovesick schoolgirls.

In a historic piece of physical comedy, Ken punches the wobbling ball so it collides with Sagat's smirking mug. Unphased, Sagat delivers a kick designed for intimidation, so powerful it explodes the tethered bobbing rubber ball!

Meanwhile, Vega continues to resort to wild slashings with his clawed fist, finding a punching bag in the absence of a ducking and weaving Ryu.

Ryu parrys his way to the gym's stone wall, where a raging incinerator is conveniently placed, presumably for all your garment disposing and face burning needs after a long work-out.
Vega's claw initiates the opening of the furnace, allowing Ryu in a struggle of strength to push Vega's steel masked face up against the heat!

Sagat uses some of the assorted weight-training equipment on hand to strangle Masters, only to have the handles turned against him in a ball-busting counter!
With Sagat on the ropes, Ken borrows an eye-bulge from Charlie Sheen, before delivering what is presumably the closest thing to a sho-ryu ken uppercut that Damian Chapa could muster.

Meanwhile, still reeling from the seering pain of the furnace's heat, Vega exerts the last of his flamboyant energy in final battle with Ryu. Delivering a string of trapped headbutts, Ryu continues the assault with a thoroughly unattractive grimace/scream combo, that would surely insult the vainglorious Vega.

As Vega tries to deliver a killing blow, his claw is yanked from his fist by a weight bar, leaving him to engage Ryu in pure hand-to-hand combat.
In another embarassing display of homage, Ryu delivers a hurricane kick with single revolution, putting an end to Vega's lineless, but none the less impressive display of dive-and-roll villainy.

And as if to emphasize just how weak Chapa's Ken is, he's still putting the finishing moves on Sagat, needing to luck his way into Sagat punching the stone wall, before delivering a roundhouse kick, to finish.

Well, when I say finish, Sagat seems more tired than beaten, as Ryu and Ken leave, with Ken delivering the moral of his story, "I owe you. If I hadn't met you, I might've become you."

Swoon!

The hammer...
And the winners of this exciting tag battle? I'm going to say Ken and Ryu, because it sure as hell isn't the fans.

Oh, alright! It's a soft target and I think we've already had our fun.
Ironically, given the ire USM has suffered, I don't actually have a venomous slew of curses to lavish upon this worthy alumnist of the IMDB worst 100 movies of all time.

As fans of comics, we're all too familiar with the disgruntled cries of diehard fans, disappointed by the latest adaptation of their favourite heroes. I'd like to think a lot of us even have perspective enough to recognise sometimes this is the sole motivation for the total panning of a big screen project (Hulk, Blade: Trinity, Daredevil...); but I suppose it's ironic that, apparently, despite commanding franchised ticket sales at the box office, everyone hated this.

I guess, particularly if you flash back to 1994, you have a related problem.
Sure, these days it's a nostalgia brand, but what you youngsters will fail to appreciate is the sheer blanket dominance of Street Fighter in a gaming market that was blossoming into the entertainment powerhouse we know today. Arguably, Street Fighter had the benefit of being a part of that market while it still had very strong novelty value, to expose it through arcades and social consciousness alike.

Which is where we arrive at the fact that, while Street Fighter: The Movie clearly has a very specific and independent story in mind, it completely under estimates the mainstream familiarity of the Street Fighter characters. Unfortunately, every man, woman, and child probably had some idea of what the Street Fighter character should look like, and a Blanka that would make Ferigno blush, this wasn't it!

Of course, that's not to say the movie isn't without it's charms.
I think it deservedly earns cult status through it's early-nineties, neon colour palette, and bizarre trappings as a hybrid between Good Morning Vietnam and Super Mario Brothers. It's peppered with all kinds of oddities, typifying the logic defying powers of a Van Damme in his prime! Simon Callow?! I mean, REALLY?! Slumming it in Street Fighter?! Take that McKellan! He was openly gay first, too!

Perhaps one of the greatest ironies of the film is the appropriate pronounciation of Ryu, which goes against the "ree-yoo" verbage popularized by [other] film(s) and video game alike.

It's also with some interest I note the content of the featured fight.
From what I'm told, the ever-brilliant censors of the United States see fit to edit large chunks of this battle, removing specifically the relatively tame portions involving Vega's face burn and claw attacks. You Yanks sure do breed a special kind of crazy, don't you?

Perhaps connected due to TV edits is a lot of confused fan contention about whether or not a hadou-ken does in fact appear in the film. Well, gleefully absorb the unedited violence as it appears here, albeit in stills. The hadou-ken, as gradually noted by know-it-alls across the internet, is more of a traditional open palm strike, broken up by a two-second flash of a completely white frame.
Argue all you like fanboys, but it counts!

The Street Fighter film has been a looming threat in our weekly fight clubbing antics. The franchise's martial artsy credibility, and vague connection to comics, has been a gym-incinerator level convenience for my shameless fandom.
Introducing the Van Damme vehicle not only spices up the batch, but hopefully delivers a diversity to our pursuit of a top five street fighter.

Much like the video game, I've been trying to hold off a character like Bison, bucking against UDON's handling of the character to give a sense of earning.
Sure, I'm aware that Bison is hardly the most exciting character in the Street Fighter world. And sure, Raul Julia's plastic-set chewing performance isn't going to set the readership on fire, but, well... I'm still sort of looking forward to delivering the Guile/Bison battle sometime in the coming weeks.

In the mean time, I am again dragging my knuckles on updates.
It might be a good time to consider some kind of retraction for any implied or explicit promises of updated daily content. At this point I've got all kinds of "real" things going on, along with the never ending struggle to enter the industry not just as a stat-counting fanboy, but as a creative contributor.

And hey, it's been a while since I've mentioned The Kirby Martin Inquest, isn't it? It's a full-sized, 22-page first issue, and it's only $2.99 [plus shipping] from the good folks at ComixPress, who are now promising faster delivery on orders!
Any and all support is always greatly appreciated, and if you do pick it up, be sure to swing by and drop a comment. I'd love to get some reviews going!

The Fight: 4.5 The Movie: 4.5

It seems the best days of Van Damme's career are behind him, and while Street Fighter didn't slow it down immediately, it probably isn't opening many doors right now, either. Good thing: Van Damme is an amateur philosopher! Bad thing: He passed up the Johnny Cage role in the MK games, to do this movie instead.