Sunday, February 03, 2008

So, here's the thing... Er, just to clarify, I'm using that as a turn of phrase to begin my monologue, rather than an impromptu introduction for Ben Grimm... Okay, what was I saying? Oh, right, the thing. You might have noticed the thing: a little green twelve in the side menu and something about a Technorati Authority mentioned in the Punch-Up. That's the blog credito meter that tells me if people love me.

In an effort to figure out how to get more people to love me, I put the boys in the Infinite Wars Lab to work to come up with a strategy, and this is what they've given me: Mutants. X-Men. Freaks. Bums. Stinkin' muties!!!

My xenophobic distain for those with the ability to shoot laser beams from their eyes aside; the Lab makes a good point! The recent Messiah Complex has a select few sick, sick individuals talking about X-Men in the positive for the first time in years. Consider that fuel to the fire of the dedicated legion of zombified fans reading X-Men, and it's a pretty strong demographic to tap into! So, because it's a short month, I figure I could stomach four weeks of X-Cover to Covers. Ergo;

X-Men #6 (July 1964)
"The Sub-Mariner Joins the Evil Mutants" Lee/Kirby

How do you make a mutant book interesting? PUT A LITTLE SUB-MARINER INTO IT!!! HAH! Wait, that's not the joke...

We tend to hover around the contemporary, so this was a rare look back to the dawn of Marvel comics, when Stan "the Man" Lee was doing what any fan would love to do: He started putting his favourite character into everything he did. Enter Namor, the Sub-Mariner, whose vague origins get a whole new meaning when Professor Xavier and Magneto theorize that he is in fact one of the earliest known examples of a human-mutant! Too bad ol' Spock-ears isn't so keen on joining with either team. What follows is Namor's version of "no more mutants."

Uncanny X-Men #143 (March 1981)
"Demon" Claremont/Byrne

If Stan Lee is the drunken teen who got Jack Kirby knocked-up, then Claremont & Byrne are the nurturing adoptive parents who may or may not also be a folk rock duo. Their names remain irrevocably associated with the X-books, and with good reason, too!

It's all about Kitty Pryde in this tale that features a key motiff in the X-lore. Left alone in the mansion on Christmas Eve, the phasing student has to go up against one of the toughts initiations in history: A N'Garai demon!

It's among the most popular features on the Infinite Wars, so you should check it out, if only to look cool.

Uncanny X-Men #194 (June 1985)
"Juggernaut's Back in Town" Claremont/Romita Jr

Long before he got an online reputation for calling everyone a bitch; J..ohn Romita Jr was cutting his teeth with one of the biggest names in comics, Chris Claremont. That's right, thought I was gonna say Juggernaut, didn't ya? Hah hah, fast like the Flash. Yessir!

It's an X-tale with the lot, as Juggernaut is forced to team up with his sworn enemies when the mutant-hunting Sentinel from the future, Nimrod, decides to make an exception to his mission of genocide!

Powerhouses collide, and continuing the tradition, a certain rogue has a coming of age as she stands against the android!

Amazing Spider-man #327 (December 1989)
"Cunning Attractions!" Michelinie/Larsen

Once upon a time Spider-man didn't need to make a deal with a devil to keep his secret identity. He did it the old fashioned way with spidey-senses, and a lot of webbing clothes to rooftops!

Worlds collide when the villains united to undertake their acts of vengeance by switching it up! With little known about the web-slinger's true identity, Magneto takes it upon himself to investigate the possibility that Spider-man, like he, is a mutant! Hey dork helmet, he's a human-mutate! Totally different fillet o' fish, man! What's more, Spidey's been feeling weird, and noticing hair in funny places. That's right - he's got cosmic power, baby!

Uncanny X-Men Annual #14 (1990)
"Days of Future Present" Claremont/Adams

Okay, remember that pink guy, Nimrod?
Well, Ahab is a lot like him, only bigger, smellier, and he takes his hairstyling tips from Rogue. Otherwise, he's just another robotic mutant-killer from the future, which you tend to get a lot of when you hang out with the X-Men.

Future-folks Rachel Summers and Franklin Richards have reuinted in the past, but in doing so, brought Ahab and his chronies to our present. Major bummer!
Lucky for us, they're related to some of Earth's greatest heroes, and when they're in danger; the Fantastic Four, X-Men, X-Factor, and X-Force are ready to unite their powers! Which Ahab will turn against them. Hah! They got Punk'd!

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