Secret Wars on Infinite Earths: The Comic Book Fight Club

RHINO versus THING

One Man's Prison (Marvel)
Where: The Thing #24 When: June 1985
Why: Michael Carlin How: Ron Wilson & Joe Sinnott

The Story So Far...
The Thing has returned home from his adventures on Battleworld, but his arrival proves less than triumphant when he learns of a budding relationship between Johnny Storm and his ex-girlfriend Alicia Masters!

The last place Thing wants to be is with the Fantastic Four, so he books himself a bus ticket to Ticonderoga and sets out to visit old pal Quasar, who not too long ago offered him work at Project Pegasus.

Thing isn't the only noteworthy passenger boarding the motorcoach for North Country. Fate would have it that old FF foe, The Miracle Man, is on the same busline and their journey is about to take them on the same course as a heavily armored prison truck carrying the perfect muscle for the magician -- The Rhino!

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Draw 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Thing 3 (Straight A)
Speed: Rhino 3 (Athlete)
Stamina: Thing 5 (Marathoner)
Agility: Thing 2 (Average)
Fighting: Draw 3 (Street Wise)
Energy: Draw 1 (None)
Total: The Thing 22 (Champion)

Step right up! It's a super heavyweight showdown in the classic Marvel style!

In one corner we have The Rampaging Rhino! Aleksei Sytsevich - a brutish thug who subjected himself to dangerous experimental procedures that greatly enhanced his strength & durability, but also left him trapped within a full body rhinoceros-like hide grafted directly to his skin.

The suit traditionally boasts powerful Rhino horns that add further threat to his charging assault, but over the years he's occasionally been modified with various armored enhancements and offensive additions. These impermanent alterations speak to fleeting attempts to update a bona fide classic!

In the other corner we have Aunt Petunia's favorite nephew! The world-savin', ever lovin' Benjamin J Grimm - otherwise known as the blue-eyed Thing!

The Thing is a man who can relate to Rhino's experience. Due to insufficient shielding on a certain fated space mission -- Grimm was subjected to dangerous levels of cosmic radiation that greatly enhanced his strength & durability, but also trapped him within a monstrous rocky exterior.

In addition to their broadly similar lot in life -- Rhino and Thing have found themselves tough enough to go up against some common enemies. Most notably, they're both recurring sparring partners for the incredible Hulk!

So far, our record can only speak for The Thing, who had a little help from an underground saboteur while grappling with Hulk in Fantastic Four #12, and fell short of a conclusion when a blow knocked him through the floor during a showdown between the Secret Defenders and FF in Fantastic Four #374!

For Rhino, the price of nigh invulnerability is his inescapable imprisonment within his ultra-durable hide, but there have been rare instances when he was briefly liberated. Frequent arch-nemesis Spider-Man used a chemical compound to dissolve the suit in Amazing Spider-Man #43, as retold in Spider-Man: Blue #2.

Thing has access to one of the greatest minds in the Marvel Universe, but in this battle they aren't on speaking terms, so we won't rely on scientific smarts winning this encounter.

The Punisher used one of Arnim Zola's dreaded Satan Claws to enhance his strength enough to knock Rhino on his ass in Punisher War Journal #3, but Thing won't need any gimmicks to deliver that calibre of punch!

We've seen him trade blows with the likes of Gladiator, Captain Marvel, Super-Skrull, Paibok The Power Skrull, Doctor Doom, The Super Adaptoid, Gomdulla, and even The Sentry, so we've gotta think he could handle the Rhino. Let's find out!

The Tape: Thing Ranking: Thing (#13)

What Went Down...

Reluctantly liberated from the prison transport taking him to Project Pegasus -- Rhino quickly falls under the spell of The Miracle Man!

His dim-witted rage is easily exploited by the carnival magician, who redirects the Rhino's frustrated rampage towards the passenger bus that ferried both Miracle Man and The Thing to the Rhino's path. An effort to eliminate any witnesses.

The passengers flee for their lives, but engrossed in his newspaper, and unwittingly under the hypnotic suggestion of The Miracle Man -- The Thing doesn't exit the bus - or see the peril coming!

Rhino collides with the side of the vehicle -- sending it grinding from the roadside towards the mountainside edge! It teeters for an extended moment and then begins the tumbling plunge down a sheer cliff!

As the bus is torn to shreds in the tumbling descent -- The Thing emerges from the twisted metal and stops his fall with a firm grip on the cliffside!

He makes the climb back to the top, where horrified onlookers are relieved to find their fellow passenger has survived his fall.

He's red hot mad about his quiet ride being interrupted and intent on collecting his $13.50 paid from the bus service -- or the one responsible for ruining his day.

Thing finally recognizes The Miracle Man at the front of the crowd, but the mentalist calls upon the Rhino to prevent a reprisal!

Thing's surprised to find the notorious villain's as big as he is. He braces for impact, but is still sent hurtling by the collision with Rhino's horn!

Buoyed by the support of the crowd, and an awareness of Rhino's reputation from Spider-Man and the Avengers, Thing picks himself up from the rocks that broke his fall, and prepares to return fire.

"I'm gettin' up, Rhino -- now's yer chance ta beg fer mercy! No response, eh? Yer just gonna stand there like a mope, eh? Okay, big boy --"

The hypnotized Rhino is unresponsive to Thing's warning -- taking the full brunt of an overhanded right punch that sends him flying through the air!

The Rhino crashes into more nearby mountain rock, but the blow shakes him out of his hypnotized stupor.

He's back on his feet and of his own sound mind, but before Rhino can get to grips with what's going on -- he's instinctively charging to meet an oncoming Thing!

The two super-heavyweights lock up and Rhino tries to tell The Thing he's been acting under somebody else's spell. That the blows have shaken him out of it.

Already feeling the weight of the world, and caught in the heat of battle, Thing ignores the grappling Rhino's plea for reason, and hurls him violently across the makeshift battlefield!

The toss leaves the already bruised Rhino rattled -- and gives Thing time to think about his opponent's claim.

The seasoned hero knows he was influenced by Miracle Man's power on the bus, and it stands to reason that Rhino could be too -- even if he is one of the bad guys. So he gives the villain a chance to explain and it all makes sense.

The Hammer...

The battle leaves Rhino stopped in his tracks, but more torturous than the beating is the thought that he may have lost his ticket to Project Pegasus for the apparent breakout attempt.

His prison sentence was to be shortened in exchange for submitting to an experimental Pegasus program designed to further understanding for dealing with super-human criminals. If all went well, it could also potentially end in freeing Rhino from the hide he was surgically grafted within.

Sytsevich has had enough of being trapped inside his in-human grey coating and taken advantage of for his power. A sob story that hits close to home for the ever lovin' Thing, who fully intends to vouch for the super-criminal, and give him a shot at returning to a normal life. The kind of chance Thing wishes he could have, if his cosmic ray-induced mutation could be so easily reversed.

Unfortunately for both of them -- Miracle Man has other ideas and isn't about to let everyone just walk away!

I've always thought of Miracle Man as one of the rare misses from the legendary original Stan Lee & Jack Kirby run of Fantastic Four. He's just a bit too cliche and ill fitted for the FF, who found a more interesting mystic nemesis in Diablo.

Yet, in classic comics style, he became a bit more appealing as he lingered, better matched against Son of Satan and The Defenders, and ultimately an interesting throwback to return in The Thing solo series, which was a bit hit & miss over its three year run. Pairing him up with a bigger name villain for a dream match really helps sweeten the issue, series, and Miracle Man's return in general.

There's more action to be had, with an unexpected fourth player, but that's a fight for another day. For now, we're enjoying the simple pleasures of a marquee match-up between two of Marvel Comics' classic super-heavyweight bruisers!

The jaded grump in me thinks this kind of issue is a thing of the past in American comic books, for better or worse, but I was excited to see the recent announcement of a new five-issue mini-series that will take The Thing on a clobberin' tour of the Marvel Universe.

It might not be a pleasing, carefully considered, character-driven dream bout, but I'm never the less interested to see what comes of a brawling gauntlet through some of Marvel's classic and obscure villains. Assuming all is as it seems, that brand of uncomplicated fun with favourite foes could really hit the spot!

The Rhino match doesn't quite live up to the hype, but sometimes it's nice when these punch-ups give way to a sympathetic sub-plot. I know we're on The Comic Book Fight Club, but hey. Sometimes there's more to life than violence!

That Rhino starts the issue just as nervous as the Pegasus sentries guarding him is a nice touch, setting up his anxiety about seeing his stay through without any incidents. Rhino might be a bit of a dummy, but he's been around long enough to know trouble has a way of finding him. He doesn't want any of it. Not this time!

Ron Wilson is established as one of the great Thing artists, but I also really enjoy his classic rendering of Rhino here. He's got the Romita dimensions and broad face that gives the design a lot of character despite its relative simplicity.

This is the Rhino I like to see. I sure as heck don't want any mech-suit nonsense, and I could really do without the decorative jewelry and padding as well. There are plenty of characters who are better suited to all that jazz. Rhino might not be fancy, but he's one of a kind. A classic model you don't need to mess around with.

As for the verdict for today's featured fight... It teeters on the brink of the inconclusive, with Thing sympathetically helping Rhino to his feet, but I think the brawl is decisive enough to call this one a win for The Thing, even if we consider it an asterisk for Miracle Man's influence dulling Rhino's awareness. The blows stopped him in his tracks and he is as good as tapped out.

Should we take a look at what happens when Rhino faces his would-be master? If you'd like to help make that happen sooner than later, you might like to consider becoming a supporter on Patreon this holiday season.

Secret Wars on Infinite Earths has featured well over 700 fights and ranked more than 1,000 of your favourite characters! You can find 'em all by diving in to the Secret Archive for a complete index in order of publisher, series, and issue number -- or by following links throughout each post to discover more from your favourite characters, creators, series, and categories!

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Winner: Thing
#11 (+2) The Thing
#1087 (-11) Rhino
#668 (new) Miracle Man [+1 assist]