RHINO versus THING

One Man's Prison (Marvel)
Where: The Thing #24 When: June 1985
Why: Michael Carlin How: Ron Wilson & Joe Sinnott

The Story So Far...
The Thing has returned home from his adventures on Battleworld, but his arrival proves less than triumphant when he learns of a budding relationship between Johnny Storm and his ex-girlfriend Alicia Masters!

The last place Thing wants to be is with the Fantastic Four, so he books himself a bus ticket to Ticonderoga and sets out to visit old pal Quasar, who not too long ago offered him work at Project Pegasus.

Thing isn't the only noteworthy passenger boarding the motorcoach for North Country. Fate would have it that old FF foe, The Miracle Man, is on the same busline and their journey is about to take them on the same course as a heavily armored prison truck carrying the perfect muscle for the magician -- The Rhino!

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Draw 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Thing 3 (Straight A)
Speed: Rhino 3 (Athlete)
Stamina: Thing 5 (Marathoner)
Agility: Thing 2 (Average)
Fighting: Draw 3 (Street Wise)
Energy: Draw 1 (None)
Total: The Thing 22 (Champion)

Step right up! It's a super heavyweight showdown in the classic Marvel style!

In one corner we have The Rampaging Rhino! Aleksei Sytsevich - a brutish thug who subjected himself to dangerous experimental procedures that greatly enhanced his strength & durability, but also left him trapped within a full body rhinoceros-like hide grafted directly to his skin.

The suit traditionally boasts powerful Rhino horns that add further threat to his charging assault, but over the years he's occasionally been modified with various armored enhancements and offensive additions. These impermanent alterations speak to fleeting attempts to update a bona fide classic!

In the other corner we have Aunt Petunia's favorite nephew! The world-savin', ever lovin' Benjamin J Grimm - otherwise known as the blue-eyed Thing!

The Thing is a man who can relate to Rhino's experience. Due to insufficient shielding on a certain fated space mission -- Grimm was subjected to dangerous levels of cosmic radiation that greatly enhanced his strength & durability, but also trapped him within a monstrous rocky exterior.

In addition to their broadly similar lot in life -- Rhino and Thing have found themselves tough enough to go up against some common enemies. Most notably, they're both recurring sparring partners for the incredible Hulk!

So far, our record can only speak for The Thing, who had a little help from an underground saboteur while grappling with Hulk in Fantastic Four #12, and fell short of a conclusion when a blow knocked him through the floor during a showdown between the Secret Defenders and FF in Fantastic Four #374!

For Rhino, the price of nigh invulnerability is his inescapable imprisonment within his ultra-durable hide, but there have been rare instances when he was briefly liberated. Frequent arch-nemesis Spider-Man used a chemical compound to dissolve the suit in Amazing Spider-Man #43, as retold in Spider-Man: Blue #2.

Thing has access to one of the greatest minds in the Marvel Universe, but in this battle they aren't on speaking terms, so we won't rely on scientific smarts winning this encounter.

The Punisher used one of Arnim Zola's dreaded Satan Claws to enhance his strength enough to knock Rhino on his ass in Punisher War Journal #3, but Thing won't need any gimmicks to deliver that calibre of punch!

We've seen him trade blows with the likes of Gladiator, Captain Marvel, Super-Skrull, Paibok The Power Skrull, Doctor Doom, The Super Adaptoid, Gomdulla, and even The Sentry, so we've gotta think he could handle the Rhino. Let's find out!

The Tape: Thing Ranking: Thing (#13)

What Went Down...

Reluctantly liberated from the prison transport taking him to Project Pegasus -- Rhino quickly falls under the spell of The Miracle Man!

His dim-witted rage is easily exploited by the carnival magician, who redirects the Rhino's frustrated rampage towards the passenger bus that ferried both Miracle Man and The Thing to the Rhino's path. An effort to eliminate any witnesses.

The passengers flee for their lives, but engrossed in his newspaper, and unwittingly under the hypnotic suggestion of The Miracle Man -- The Thing doesn't exit the bus - or see the peril coming!

Rhino collides with the side of the vehicle -- sending it grinding from the roadside towards the mountainside edge! It teeters for an extended moment and then begins the tumbling plunge down a sheer cliff!

As the bus is torn to shreds in the tumbling descent -- The Thing emerges from the twisted metal and stops his fall with a firm grip on the cliffside!

He makes the climb back to the top, where horrified onlookers are relieved to find their fellow passenger has survived his fall.

He's red hot mad about his quiet ride being interrupted and intent on collecting his $13.50 paid from the bus service -- or the one responsible for ruining his day.

Thing finally recognizes The Miracle Man at the front of the crowd, but the mentalist calls upon the Rhino to prevent a reprisal!

Thing's surprised to find the notorious villain's as big as he is. He braces for impact, but is still sent hurtling by the collision with Rhino's horn!

Buoyed by the support of the crowd, and an awareness of Rhino's reputation from Spider-Man and the Avengers, Thing picks himself up from the rocks that broke his fall, and prepares to return fire.

"I'm gettin' up, Rhino -- now's yer chance ta beg fer mercy! No response, eh? Yer just gonna stand there like a mope, eh? Okay, big boy --"

The hypnotized Rhino is unresponsive to Thing's warning -- taking the full brunt of an overhanded right punch that sends him flying through the air!

The Rhino crashes into more nearby mountain rock, but the blow shakes him out of his hypnotized stupor.

He's back on his feet and of his own sound mind, but before Rhino can get to grips with what's going on -- he's instinctively charging to meet an oncoming Thing!

The two super-heavyweights lock up and Rhino tries to tell The Thing he's been acting under somebody else's spell. That the blows have shaken him out of it.

Already feeling the weight of the world, and caught in the heat of battle, Thing ignores the grappling Rhino's plea for reason, and hurls him violently across the makeshift battlefield!

The toss leaves the already bruised Rhino rattled -- and gives Thing time to think about his opponent's claim.

The seasoned hero knows he was influenced by Miracle Man's power on the bus, and it stands to reason that Rhino could be too -- even if he is one of the bad guys. So he gives the villain a chance to explain and it all makes sense.

The Hammer...

The battle leaves Rhino stopped in his tracks, but more torturous than the beating is the thought that he may have lost his ticket to Project Pegasus for the apparent breakout attempt.

His prison sentence was to be shortened in exchange for submitting to an experimental Pegasus program designed to further understanding for dealing with super-human criminals. If all went well, it could also potentially end in freeing Rhino from the hide he was surgically grafted within.

Sytsevich has had enough of being trapped inside his in-human grey coating and taken advantage of for his power. A sob story that hits close to home for the ever lovin' Thing, who fully intends to vouch for the super-criminal, and give him a shot at returning to a normal life. The kind of chance Thing wishes he could have, if his cosmic ray-induced mutation could be so easily reversed.

Unfortunately for both of them -- Miracle Man has other ideas and isn't about to let everyone just walk away!

I've always thought of Miracle Man as one of the rare misses from the legendary original Stan Lee & Jack Kirby run of Fantastic Four. He's just a bit too cliche and ill fitted for the FF, who found a more interesting mystic nemesis in Diablo.

Yet, in classic comics style, he became a bit more appealing as he lingered, better matched against Son of Satan and The Defenders, and ultimately an interesting throwback to return in The Thing solo series, which was a bit hit & miss over its three year run. Pairing him up with a bigger name villain for a dream match really helps sweeten the issue, series, and Miracle Man's return in general.

There's more action to be had, with an unexpected fourth player, but that's a fight for another day. For now, we're enjoying the simple pleasures of a marquee match-up between two of Marvel Comics' classic super-heavyweight bruisers!

The jaded grump in me thinks this kind of issue is a thing of the past in American comic books, for better or worse, but I was excited to see the recent announcement of a new five-issue mini-series that will take The Thing on a clobberin' tour of the Marvel Universe.

It might not be a pleasing, carefully considered, character-driven dream bout, but I'm never the less interested to see what comes of a brawling gauntlet through some of Marvel's classic and obscure villains. Assuming all is as it seems, that brand of uncomplicated fun with favourite foes could really hit the spot!

The Rhino match doesn't quite live up to the hype, but sometimes it's nice when these punch-ups give way to a sympathetic sub-plot. I know we're on The Comic Book Fight Club, but hey. Sometimes there's more to life than violence!

That Rhino starts the issue just as nervous as the Pegasus sentries guarding him is a nice touch, setting up his anxiety about seeing his stay through without any incidents. Rhino might be a bit of a dummy, but he's been around long enough to know trouble has a way of finding him. He doesn't want any of it. Not this time!

Ron Wilson is established as one of the great Thing artists, but I also really enjoy his classic rendering of Rhino here. He's got the Romita dimensions and broad face that gives the design a lot of character despite its relative simplicity.

This is the Rhino I like to see. I sure as heck don't want any mech-suit nonsense, and I could really do without the decorative jewelry and padding as well. There are plenty of characters who are better suited to all that jazz. Rhino might not be fancy, but he's one of a kind. A classic model you don't need to mess around with.

As for the verdict for today's featured fight... It teeters on the brink of the inconclusive, with Thing sympathetically helping Rhino to his feet, but I think the brawl is decisive enough to call this one a win for The Thing, even if we consider it an asterisk for Miracle Man's influence dulling Rhino's awareness. The blows stopped him in his tracks and he is as good as tapped out.

Should we take a look at what happens when Rhino faces his would-be master? If you'd like to help make that happen sooner than later, you might like to consider becoming a supporter on Patreon this holiday season.

Secret Wars on Infinite Earths has featured well over 700 fights and ranked more than 1,000 of your favourite characters! You can find 'em all by diving in to the Secret Archive for a complete index in order of publisher, series, and issue number -- or by following links throughout each post to discover more from your favourite characters, creators, series, and categories!

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Winner: Thing
#11 (+2) The Thing
#1087 (-11) Rhino
#668 (new) Miracle Man [+1 assist]

ZOMBIES versus ZOMBIES
Marvel Zombies Conclusion (Marvel)
Where: Marvel Zombies #5 When: June 2006
Why: Robert Kirkman How: Sean Phillips

The Story So Far...
Earth 2419: A frightening twisted version of the Marvel Universe, infected by the decay of an alien virus that turns all infected into decomposing, viracious zombies.

With the Earth's population decimated by the super powered zombies, food supplies begin to run low.
Failing to follow their zombified Fantastic Four into a parallel universe (Earth-1610), the zombies finish the last active snack, Magneto, before the heavens present a miracle.

The timing of his arrival affected by unknown elements of this universe; the Silver Surfer descends in present-day to assess the viability of the Earth for consumption by his master - Galactus: Devourer of Worlds. Irony smiles upon the fortunes of Earth, however, and the Surfer is quickly devoured by the once heroic collective of Avengers, granting them the alien energies of the power cosmic!

With their newly aquired powers the zombies seek to feast on Galactus himself, but first they must face the zombie horde of those who opposed them in life. Freed of the moral constraints that spurred their infinite war, the rabid heroes march against their enemies in a battle to the undead-death.

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Hulk 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Dr. Doom 6 (Genius)
Speed: Colonel America 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Juggernaut 7 (Unstoppable)
Agility: Super-Skrull 6 (Rubber)
Fighting Ability: Wolverine 6 (Warrior)
Energy Power: Super-Skrull 6 (UWMD)


- The zombie-heroes are: Colonel America, Luke Cage, Wolverine, Hulk, Iron Man, Spider-man, and Giant-Man.

The Avengers were the first to fall before the zombie infestation of Earth-2419.
Carried by an alternate universe Sentry who had escaped from the gates of the afterlife; the plague spread to even the most powerful members, benefitting from the powers of the likes of Thor to spread the undead plague throughout the superhero community.

Despite retaining cognitive function, the heroes quickly abandon their morals, driven mad by the bloodlust of hunger, to lay waste to the Earth's population.
The few who remain uninfected whittle the zombies number, among them; Magneto, the Acolytes, Black Panther, and Reed Richards of Earth-1610.

Eventually the zombies themselves decimate their own in desperation, leaving only Hulk, Spider-man, Wolverine, Iron Man, Power Man, and Giant-Man, to devour and absorb the powers of Galactus, becoming the interdimensional menace called The Galacti.

As the Galacti they possess the immense energies of the power cosmic, while the many zombies previous retained their abilities from life, with a deminished physical integrity and penchant for bouts of mindless violence caused by the hunger.

- The zombie-villains are: Red Skull, Mole Man, Green Goblin, Super-Skrull, Rhino, Juggernaut, Venom, Dr. Octopus, Stilt-Man, Lizard, and Dr. Doom.

Like their heroic counterparts, the villains of Earth-2419 succumbed to the spread of the zombie plague. Their already questionable morals were altered far less than their counterparts, but in a world where the ravenous hordes quickly became the mainstream, their struggles are on an even kilter.

As with the hero zombies; the villains possess all the abilities they had prior to infection, albeit with a dramatically reduced physical integrity due to decay. Likewise, they are also susceptible to the intellectual haze caused by hunger.

Math: Villains (Ttl) Heroes (Avg) Ranking: Iron Man (#3)

What Went Down...
With Galactus toppled by the cosmic powers of the heroic zombies, the villains who played an integral part in the assault find themselves at odds with their traditional foes. The two factions face off to fight for their food, with the first shot fired by a cosmically endowed Colonel America, who blasts the head clean off of Mole Man's shoulders!

The two sides clash, but the villains quickly find themselves outmatched by the heroes who gained control over the power cosmic by devouring Silver Surfer [Marvel Zombies #3].

Spider-man endures a slash from the taloned fingertips of Venom, only to return fire with a blast of cosmic energy. The costume recoils from Eddie Brock's body, revealing the zombie corpse to be an insufficient host for the symbiotic creature.

Meanwhile, the armored Juggernaut scoffs Wolverine's one-armed stand.
With his healing factor decimated by decomposition, Wolverine's own adamantium laced claws tore through his now missing limb. The already dimwitted Juggernaut suffers for his boast as Wolverine plunges his clawed hand into the exposed mouth of his magically endowed foe, only to blast his decrepid flesh with a swelling mass of cosmic energy!

The raging X-Man turns his attentions to his undead nemesis, Sabretooth, while Giant-Man does away with Rhino with a decapitating blast of the power cosmic.

Colonel America has his own personal showdown, facing off in a physical mismatch with the Nazi, Red Skull. Already his physical superior, the zombified Skull provides little challenge for the zombie icon.

At close quarters, Red Skull loses an arm for his troubles, but delights in the Colonel's absent mindedness. Having had the top of his head sliced open by Magneto [Marvel Zombies #1], the Colonel's wounds provide Red Skull the ultimate equaliser. Tearing at the rotting remnants of Colonel America's brain, Red Skull puts an end to the undead life of the zombie super-soldier.

Spider-man spots the showdown too late to intervene, but scores a vengeful blow for his fallen leader, decapitating the cackling Red Skull with an energy blast, leaving the head to burst like a tomato beneath the heel of Giant-Man.

Green Goblin falls to the cosmic power of Spider-man, while Super-Skrull is stretched to breaking by Giant-Man, who also decimates Dr. Doom with the power cosmic. Finally, Wolverine finishes Dr. Octopus, severing the two remaining mechanical arms, before ending the villain.

The heroes stand triumphant as Galactus rises, crackling with energy. Little does the great devourer know, he faces an enemy like none he has ever seen... [Marvel Zombies #5]

The Hammer...
The Marvel Zombies win! Fatali... Er, you get the idea.

Alright, let's work out how this went down.
Colonel America killed Mole Man; Spider-man took out Venom & Green Goblin; Wolverine killed Juggernaut, Sabretooth, (& Dr. Octopus); Giant-Man killed Rhino, Red Skull, Super-Skrull, and Dr. Doom; and Red Skull killed Colonel America (downgrading his contribution to an assist).

For the trainspotters: Lizard and Stilt-Man go almost unnoticed, but if you look carefully enough, you'll know they're there. The action is really focused on key skirmishes, but Philips works in enough background detail to imply vital input from heroes like Luke Cage and Iron Man, and the presence of these mostly obscured villains.

I don't want to get too wrapped up in the 'game' aspect of the Infinite Wars, but it's probably worth elaborating on the ranking aspects for those who came in late.
Our interpretation is that these alternate universe versions of characters fairly contribute to the win/loss tally by representing elements of unlocked potential. For versions deemed definitively removed (ie; Superboy-Prime) we accept a seperate ranking, but in the case of Earth-2149, only zombie infection differentiates the basic make-up of the characters.

It's a fine line that might be subject to change, and if you have an opinion on this aspect of the blog, you should feel encouraged to drop a comment. It's a discussion we usually prefer to avoid, but it doesn't hurt to hear your thoughts.

As you might have gathered Marvel Zombies is just another perfect contribution to our October spookfest here on the Infinite Wars. As is becoming characteristic of the site, our schedule is running a week behind, suitably enough this time because I had an infection of my own. We're not here to hear about that, though.

Whilst sick I fell in love with zombies all over again whilst watching plague films like Doomsday, Resident Evil, and the Dawn of the Dead remake (which turned out to be much better than I had imagined). Of course, while this immersion in the genre made it easy to come back to Marvel's version of the undead, it did shine further light on the gaping weaknesses of the series.

For a high-concept spin-off from the Ultimate books [ie; UFF #23]; Zombies probably deserves some accolade for grafting something very similar to a plot to the mini. However, after seemingly attempting to take back the derogatory 'Marvel Zombie' descriptor, the series has come to encompass the type of oveworked brand serviced by those very same mindlessly dedicated fans.

I feel a little inside-out talking about the series in negative terms.
To be fair, the most recent incarnation [Marvel Zombies 3] manages to lend gravitas to the brand by admirably introducing it to the Marvel Universe proper. This kind of investment in the concept is what I believe will win Geoff Johns' inevitably compared Black Lanterns kudos, benefitting from the more immediate sense of meaning. It's a point that encompasses Marvel's situation.

I think it's retroactive perspective that has me looking far more negatively upon the first series, which was at the time, fun enough, if already clichéd.

As if presenting a fasttrack guide to Marvel's historic development processes; the Zombies series have arguably found their narrative strength the farther they've gone. Millar's original required only a vague antagonising concept akin to the anonymous threat best associated with zombies, while Kirkman elaborates on the very same characters immediately after Millar's work, indulging moreso in retro superheroes, whilst perhaps saving the good ideas for his own series (Image's; Walking Dead).

The concept of superhero zombies is a very interesting one.
Kirkman, whilst doing little to use the strong conventions of the sub-genre, offers some justification with the simple exploration of the superhero zombie. By keeping elements of the characters intact he really does tell more of a macabre superhero story than a zombie thriller, but even this has it's own merits. I have to at least acknowledge this version's conceits of cognitive function -- which deteriorates with the rise of hunger, but is diminished (in Zombies 2) with a clarity provided by longterm starvation. It provides a chance, albeit a shallow one, to look at zombies with some sense of existential self-awareness.

This only goes so far, however, leaving questions of sustainability and other reflections provided by the genre to his creator-owned work. Not that I say that with any contempt. I haven't read the stuff, but arguably because I anticipate a competence I would not want influencing me in my own aspirations to explore the genre in comics. [Is now a bad time to plug my $1.99 comic?]

On that self-indulgence; there's the matter of the origins of the zombie plague. Later series awkwardly bound the Marvel Zombies to licensed contributions from Sam Raimi's Evil Dead franchise, a fact sure to bite them in the arse in decades to come (so buy now if you want it), but still answered some questions about the spread. The origins, of course, like so many zombie tales, remain obscured, provided by an interdimensional introduction similar to our first meeting with the concept (in Millar's Crossover arc of Ultimate Fantastic Four).


As a bit of a fan for procedural detail, I think the most fascinating concept not yet hammered in to the ground by zombie comics and film is the origin story. Not so much the cause of the plague, which was given a competent sci-fi origin in Resident Evil, but how traditional zombies can achieve their terrifying hordes. While I have to admit, the concept lends a slow burn potentially fatal to audiences, but it's a concept I'd very much like to explore.

With any luck we'll talk speculatively a bit more about what history might lie behind the history of the Marvel Zombies. Probably a refreshing change from the repetitive brow furrowing these entries tend to devolve into.

The Fight: 4.5 The Issue: 4.5

Are you a dedicated Marvel Zombie? Want to avoid those inevitable rights struggles that render the backstory out-of-print? Dive in now and take advantage of Amazon's online purchases! By using links provided you help sponsor future entries in the Infinite Wars, and open yourself up to a world of financial exploitation through our Gift Shoppe. Let's face it. You like comics, I like comics. Why not? Collected editions featuring most issues reviewed are available! Hey, it beats being part of the effectless mass! C'mon!

MARVEL ZOMBIES versus GALACTUS
Marvel Zombies Conclusion (Marvel comics)
Where: Marvel Zombies #5 When: June 2006
Why: Robert Kirkman How: Sean Phillips

The story so far...
Earth 2419: A frightening twisted version of the Marvel Universe, infected by the decay of an alien virus that turns all infected into decomposing, viracious zombies.

With the Earth's population decimated by the super powered zombies, food supplies begin to run low.
Failing to follow their zombified Fantastic Four into a parallel universe, the zombies finish the last active snack, Magneto, before the heavens present a miracle.

His arrival affected by unknown elements of this universe, the Silver Surfer shows up in present-day to assess the viability of the Earth for consumption by his master -- Galactus: Devourer of Worlds.

The Surfer's defeat paves the wave for the wrath of Galactus, but the devourer who knows no satisfactions appears to have met his match. Having ingested portions of the Silver Surfer's cosmically powered carcass, the Marvel Zombies have absorbed his cosmic power, and prepare to turn it against it's master!

Previous Form:
Marvel Zombies [#5]: Victories over Magneto and the Silver Surfer.
Galactus: Making his first appearance in the Infinite Wars.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Galactus 7 (Omnipotent)
Intelligence: Galactus 7 (Infinite Wisdom)
Speed: Spider-man 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Galactus 7 (Unstoppable)
Agility: Super-Skrull 6 (Rubber)
Fighting Ability: Sabretooth 7 (Born Fighter)
Energy Powers: Galactus 7 (Solar Power)


Okay, we should probably clarify the mass of characters interacting in this particular fight. Actually, we have a bit of a unique situation, given that there's a distinctly seperate fight in the middle of this one. We're going to conclude that the battle against Galactus is a singular fight in this particular saga, and leave the in-fighting between the two factions interesting in G-man to another day.

There are two groups who do battle with Galactus.
While the "heroes" are figuring out how to use the defeated Silver Surfer's cosmic energy [Marvel Zombies #3] against Galactus, the zombified villains of this world emerge to take their own shot at the world devourer buffet on offer.

The villains are, in no particular order: Super-Skrull, Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus, Stilt-man, Juggernaut, Rhino, Sabretooth, Venom, Dr. Doom, Red Skull and the Moleman.

Conversely, we welcome back many of the core zombie heroes from previous issues; Colonel America, Hulk, Luke Cage, Iron Man, Spider-man, Wolverine, and the brains behind the development of the weapon that harnesses the deceased Surfer's power, Giant-Man aka Hank Pym.

Though far from peak conditioning, this collective of heroes and villains is one impressive unit by any standard. Decomposition may undermine their physical strengths, but never the less, the challenge of the likes of Super-Skrull, Dr. Doom, Venom and the strategic assist from Hank Pym makes for a compelling argument. Then again, they are up against Galactus.

The world devourer represents one of the most powerful active presences in the Marvel Universe. His wealth of cosmic energy has spawned many herald off-springs, while still sponsoring his own space faring reputation built on the destruction and consumption of worlds. This is no guy to sneeze at!

Though made famous for a retreat, it should be noted that the Fantastic Four's defeat of Galactus in his first appearance was more of an agreed upon treaty than any kind of combative triumph for the FF. Such is the power of Galactus, that he has the luxury of living a life bound by his own strict rules, and not the whims of defeat in battle.

Though defeat is feasible (re; Annihilation), the zombie weaknesses of this mass is the most glaring factor undermining their potential for victory. On their best day, the combined minds of Dr. Doom and Hank Pym might represent hope, but otherwise, they stand ready to be mowed down by cosmic energy.

The Math: Marvel Zombies (Total) Galactus (Average)
The Pick: Galactus (Cosmic Class)

What went down...
Having returned from a strategic retreat, the Marvel Zombies gain the attentions of the world devouring Galactus with a massive burst of cosmic energy harvested from the Silver Surfer's broken body, and focused through a weaponized cannon.

Various villains, having engaged Galactus in straight combat similar to the heroes' previous efforts, spill as the blasted Galactus begins to lurch and fall to the earth.

Flat on the mat, Galactus is left in a more vulnerable position for the earth-bound villains to make their frenzied attack -- but the heroes, whose efforts toppled the mighty cosmic warrior, intervene to stake their claim to the fresh meat.

After a drawn out fight that sees the destruction of the villains, and the loss of Colonel America, the cosmic powered Marvel Zombies turn their attentions back to Galactus.

Having recovered from the previous attack, Galactus crackles with power cosmic, rueing the futile efforts to defy his might.

Stunned that Galactus survived the two focused beams of energy fired from Pym's cannon, Spider-man and the other cosmic powered Marvel Zombies regroup to take the fight back to the originator of the power cosmic.

The heroes launch a savage physical attack, pinning the devourer to the Earth as he spews cosmic energy like a massive battery.

The enhanced zombe heroes rip and tear at Galactus' perceived armor, finding the apparent evidence of the flesh and meat they so desire.

Unrelenting, the heroes pursue their attack, giving the cumbersome Galactus no opportunity to stay their efforts. Like a man being eaten alive by ants, Galactus has no choice but to lie and accept his fate -- death on Earth.

Like a pack of pirhanas, the zombies tear Galactus apart, devouring him and subsequently absorbing all his cosmic energies have to offer. It is a feast the likes of which has not been seen for quite some time. Bloody victory, is theirs.

The hammer...
With full bellies and even more power, the Marvel Zombies find themselves victorious once again, against overwhelming odds.

While I think we could question the validity of the victory, you cannot deny the result. Which I guess provides us an immediate segue into the contemplative discussion usually housed in this final section of our regular posts.

I have a fairly general complaint about this series, which manages to blanket much of the action, and conceptual development in this series.
The numbers, the lists, the tape. You've seen my work. I like to process things like simplistic, mathematical formulas. The idea of creating a tangential universe is ripe ground for this kind of thought process, and it's the lack of consideration in it's development that is the source of my disappointment.

Recent additions to the Marvel Zombies branding have revealed the process by which the plague spread through the community. While we were privvy to interesting and cute methods; like zombie Mystique posing as Scarlet Witch to infect the otherwise inaccessible Quicksilver; it essentially spent very little time on the numerical spread of the infection, content with vague specifics that alluded to widspread infection. Consideration for characters with unique defenses and counter abilities were largely overlooked -- we mentioned this in a previous entry, featuring Wolverine under threat of vampirism. [Blade #5]

During the original mini-series, and this issue in particular, we then have similar glossing of points, like the very nature of Galactus. There's a shakey relationship between Galactus as an abstract anomoly, and a physical threat to worlds.

The theory is that Galactus appears however a subject perceives him on an individual basis. Presumably this means there is more to Galactus than a giant man, and certainly more than the purple mini-skirt and tricked out pope-hat.
So, as cute and clever as it is to have the insatiable hunger of the zombies satisfied by the famous world devourer -- it undermines the unique nature of Galactus as a cosmic manifestation.

In some vague twist of fate, I've always liked the notion of Galactus existing as a sentient cloud, something like an autonomous gas giant. I would use the Stephen Soderbergh Solaris remake as a prime example, but it bares startling resemblence to the teased Galactus in Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.
As a true manifestation, it is nicely conceivable that a cloud of formless sentience could be perceived as many different things, including the familiar Kirby designed character we know and love.

Ultimately, Marvel Zombies represents the hook fairly well.
Continuing to be a source of revenue for Marvel comics, the concept overstays it's welcome, reflecting the kitschy fascination with broad thematic archetypes that has clogged internet humor and cutesy comics. It's big, broad, dumb fun, that potentially overstays it's welcome, even at five simple issues.

With several one-shots, a crossover mini-series, a current crossover arc in Black Panther, and an upcoming sequel mini that parodies Marvel's Civil War, Marvel proves one fascinating thing: Zombies can be defeated by destroying the brain, severing the head, or hammering them into the ground.

Believe me, if there's something we know, it's hammers.

It's not all negative though. Though underhanded, it is a genuine compliment when I say this is dumb fun. It's maybe just a little dumber than World War Hulk, featuring far fewer moving parts, but a similar penchant for big superhero battles. Magneto, Silver Surfer and Galactus each provide the sparring opposition, while there's also an underlying story about Black Panther and the surviving Acolytes, who return from space at the end of the series.

This does nicely to leave the thread which is ultimately picked up in the current Fantastic Four-centric arc in Black Panther.

The zombie hunger is recharacterized, as Galactus gives way to the collective Galacti. Having absorbed his energies through consumption, the zombie survivors take to the spaceways, seeking out planets to quite literally devour, putting a more personal touch on Galactus' old job.

Having slipped into this parallel universe; Black Panther and the current FF find themselves face-to-face with the zombie Galacti in the current story. However unlikely, this actually serves to be perhaps the most impressive use of the device since Mark Millar's original introduction in Ultimate Fantastic Four.

Speaking of hammers, I once again find myself hunched over keyboard in the dark of the AM, losing my train of thought in a maelstrom of words and critical analysis. Fitting then that I should be the subject of such scrutiny!

The Broken Frontier's Bart Croonenborghs has the special honour of being the first out of the gates on the KMI front. His review of The Kirby Martin Inquest #1 [availble online @ nitelitetheatre.com] proves to be an astute and receptive look at the series, with a pleasantly polite outlook.

A few misconceptions aside (the book's timeframe, and format), it's a good opportunity to test the water if you've been as yet undecided about your purchase of the title. Particularly useful for the Infinite Wars faithful, who might have misconceptions about my range as a writer.
Although, even if this somehow doesn't tickle your fancy, I'd emplore you to support independent comics by buying it anyway. You can always use it to line your bird cage, or wrap around a back with a threatening message written on the bold white of the mask picture on the cover.

Before we close, it would be remiss of me not to get in the obvious dig about the Marvel Zombies cover, which was no doubt comissioned with glee by editor-in-chief, Joe Quesada.

See what I did there?...

The Fight: 3.5 The Issue: 4.5
[A fun concept, perpetuating Robert Kirkman's association with zombies, and slightly mediocre writing for Marvel properties. A concept that overstayed it's welcome, it might be a matter of choosing this, or the Evil Dead crossover.]

SPIDER-MAN versus RHINO
Let's Fall In Love (Marvel comics)
Where: Spider-man: Blue #2 When: August 2002
Why: Jeph Loeb How: Tim Sale

The story so far...
Bitten by a radio active spider; gawky high school nerd, Peter Parker, finds himself with the unlikely proportionate strength, speed and agility of a spider. With this new-found power, and his own inventive brilliance, Parker sets out to take on the ultimate responsibility of a vigilante!

As Spider-man, Peter comes into conflict with many others with rare and unique gifts. Men who would do great good, and great evil in this world. Men who would use their abilities to pursue him in personal grudges. Men who would hunt him like a rare and unique animal.

Men like the Rhino who, while being held under gas induced sedation, finds himself free to seek revenge on Spider-man after a mysterious enemy sets him free. Rampaging through the city, Rhino looks for payback, and the web-slinger is all too happy to oblige, but does he have it in him to defeat the Rhino again? Or will the mystery man step out of the shadows to capitalize? Stay tuned!

Previous Form:
Spider-man (#1): Overcome odds against Man-Ape, Tombstone, Scorpion, Carnage & Grey Gargoyle.
Rhino (#232): Comprehensively beaten by a well equiped Punisher.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Rhino 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Spider-man 5 (Professor)
Speed: Spider-man 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Rhino 5 (Marathon Man)
Agility: Spider-man 5 (Cat-like)
Fighting Ability: Spider-man 3 (Street Wise)
Energy Powers: Spider-man 2 (Projectiles)


Geez, there have been so many Spider-man entries, I'm really starting to wonder what the point of this section is! The guy is sitting tight on only two losses from twenty-four battles, and really, like the song says, he's a Spider-man.
I don't know what the historical figures are, but for Spider-man to not come out the ultimate victor in any confrontation seems highly unlikely. Sure, he's a good hero.

Spider-man takes his lumps like any dramatic hero. He has defeats from which he can come back from to triumph over adversity. But the point I'm making is, even after taking a whipping from Sandman, or Green Goblin, or Rhino, when do you ever see Spider-man not wind up victorious?

One of the early conceits of the website - among the many motivations - was to test the theory that Batman is unstoppable. After 2007 it seemed very likely he was, but as we roll on through this year, maybe we start to see there's another ever present character who's beating everybody across multiple titles.

Rhino is a fairly one-trick pony: He's a muscle guy.
What works for Rhino is that, generally speaking, he's a pretty good muscle guy. Not the sharpest henchman in the drawer, and that's usually his downfall, but certainly worth throwing up against a Hulk or a Juggernaut or whoever you have lying around.

Spidey is a versatile character bringing speed, agility, smarts, strength and all of those fun powers to the table -- which means by the Haseloff system tape, he's a much better better bet than Rhino. But a simple truth remains. Rhino is a big deal. Spider-man should never have an easy time with him, and maybe should suffer more defeats than he perhaps has over the years.

I think we all know to expect Spider-man to win this one, but don't let the sun go down on the Rhino without giving him his props. Because he is worthy!

The Math: Spider-man (Meta Class)
The Pick: Spider-man (Sigh...)

What went down...
As the mysterious-manipulator plotting against Spider-man watches from the shadows, the Rhino stands amongst the rubble of buildings destroy with a bellowing demand, "I WANT SPIDER-MAN!"

Spider-man, like any good hero, is happy to oblige where lives would be threatened, swinging in with a devestating kick to the Rhino's neck!

He puts his agility to work as the Rhino charges within the confined space of the rubbled building alley, keeping it tight enough to allow Spidey to get another lick in. It isn't long, however, before Rhino gets a stiff shot in, nailing Spider-man with a big right hand!

Spidey lands on his ass and spews out a huge spray of webbing directly at Rhino's face, blinding him in mid-charge to allow Spidey to turn the tables. Vaulting over the blinded Rhino, Spider-man leaves Rhino to a fate his own:

Rhino charges into an already damaged brick wall, bringing the house down atop his horned head! The bricks tumble down with a rumble, leaving Spidey on a web to receive the compliments of the watching police.

With a tiny piece from Rhino's super-durable hide, Spider-man warns the police to hold tight while he disappears, fully aware that Rhino is down - but not out!

A quick stop to Dr. Curt Conners' lab later, and Spider-man becomes intimately aware of the inner workings of Rhino's leathery hide - composed of self-replicating genetics similar to actual rhino DNA composed with something similar to kevlar or adamantium [just in case you were wondering!].
With that, Spidey and Conners devise a means to disrupt the polymer!

Spidey returns to the scene with Rhino again roaring for revenge, while the police do their best to put him down with ineffective gunfire. Fortunately for all, Spidey has something a little more permanent up his sleeves - literally!

Rhino gets a face full of gooey webbing again, this time a special new orange blend from the fine people at Conners and Parker!

Unphased by the goop, Rhino charges at Spidey, who gives it both barrels, spraying away with the goopy orange liquid whilst using his proportionate spider-agility to leap over the rampaging Rhino!

Giving it both barrels, Spidey well and truly webs his adversary in the special webbing fluid, granting the luxury to slip down for a hilarious quip.

The webbing isn't strong enough to hold the Rhino, though, and he throws his arms up, tossing Spider-man over his head!

Though blinded by the webbing, Rhino's wild haymakers connect, first with a right, and then a left that sends Spider-man flying into a fire hydrant!
The busted hydrant leaves Spidey with a bump to remember, but it provides a convenient twist of fate. The catalytic webbing hadn't done the trick, but by introducing water to the compound it begins to take effect on the Rhino's hide!

The webbed areas of the Rhino's invulnerable costume begin to fall off in massive chunks, leaving him vulnerable - and naked - in the middle of the street! Not that that stops Spidey putting the finishing touches on the job in what he feels is a case of an overgrown bully getting his due!

A good one-two uppercut to finish, and the Rhino is out like a light, and freed of the costume that makes him so difficult to contain.

The hammer...
The hammer comes down once again in favour of Spider-man, with the victory by knock-out! Hard luck for the Rhino!

We get a lot of traffic from the uninitiated, and that's a good thing.
Secret Wars on Infinite Earths by no means represents an encyclopedia, but I like to think we can provide some interesting points of reference and informative tidbits.

New readers are drawn to the site for a number of reasons, and some of those are the major forces penetrating the mainstream consciousness. Things like the major motion picture adaptations [like Spider-man], or in other cases less direct connectors, like TV's Heroes.

Heroes seems to have quickly surpassed Lost as TV's number one action-based drama, featuring all the things we as comic fans know and love. Interesting characters, exciting scenarios, fantastic powers, and developing plotlines.

Interestingly enough both Heroes and Lost have had something in common - Jeph Loeb. Jeph Loeb is a writer who whose work has ranged from Arnold Schwarzenegger's militia vehicle Commando, to TV's Smallville, to comic works like Batman: The Long Halloween, which influenced director Christopher Nolan's work, along with writer David Goyer, on the feature film Batman Begins.

One of the characters on Heroes possesses the ability to paint the future, and this is where we reviewing Spider-man: Blue come full circle, because the artwork for that particular character [Isaac Mendez; played by Santiago Cabrera] was provided by none other than Tim Sale - artist extraordinaire on Spider-man: Blue (and The Long Halloween, for that matter).

Spider-man: Blue is one of three mini-series with the writer/artist team of Loeb and Sale, the others being Daredevil: Yellow and Hulk: Gray, each referring to colours featured in the characters unique looks, as well as emotions and events within the books.

Each story recounts events from the character's early careers in the sixties, with Spider-man: Blue retelling events that fall somewhere in the 40's of issues of Amazing Spider-man, written originally by Stan Lee.
The series puts it's own unique stamp on the events, including a new spin that supposes Kraven the Hunter is actually the master manipulator behind a string of reapparances of classic Spidey villains, before his triumphant appearance in Amazing Spiderman #47.

If you have the first Spider-man movie DVD with the extras disc, and spin-on you can actually see Loeb and Sale at Sale's drawing board, where if you look closely, you'll note that he is pencilling one of the pages from this very issue!
Particularly visible is the scene where Spider-man leaps over the Rhino, while spraying the (once coloured) orange webbing all over him from above.

So, there you have it! A little bit more of an informative Hammer to end this entry! As always I'm churning ahead to try to catch up, particularly if we're to do some of the exciting things I'd like to in July! Until then, cheers!

The Fight: 3.5 The Issue: 5.5
NEXT WEEK: Marvel Ultimate Alliance Asgard sub-bosses: The Wrecking Crew!

THE PUNISHER versus RHINO
How I Won the War Part 3: Mutually Assured Destruction (Marvel comics)
Where: Punisher War Journal #3 When: March 2007
Why: Matt Fraction How: Ariel Olivetti

The story so far...
The Punisher is back in the thick of things, and he's ready to bust some face of super villain scum once more.

Under the care of Stuart Clarke, Punisher recovers from the severe beating Punisher received at the hands of Captain America, after he shot two unarmed villains sympathetic to the anti-hero registration act.

Conscious after four days of recovery, Frank Castle finds himself held up in a SHIELD armory with a slew of weapons an intelligence at his disposal. Intelligence that points directly toward the hideouts and movements of criminals throughout the city. First top -- Rhino's place...

Previous Form:
The Punisher: Punisher has not yet been featured.
Rhino: Rhino has not yet been featured.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Rhino 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Punisher 4 (Tactician)
Speed: Rhino 3 (Trained Athlete)
Stamina: Rhino 5 (Marathon Runner)
Agility: Punisher 2 (Average Human)
Fighting Ability: Punisher 4 (Trained Fighter)
Energy Powers: Punisher 4 (Arsenal)

Punisher is a half-crazed Vietnam vet with an uncanny knack for getting hold of copious amounts of weaponry and corresponding ammunition.

Rhino is a really big guy trapped in a super hi-tech suit that gives him strength and stamina enough to go toe-to-toe with the Hulk or even the Juggernaut.

This really is about as open and shut as it gets, folks.

Of course, we all know that these sorts of scenarios have their flipsides no matter how much they defy logic. The key to victory for The Punisher is that innate ability to come up with some big-time weaponry.
An elephant gun might not quite get the job done against the super-hide of the Rhino, but you can bet your bottom dollar that SHIELD has something cooked up especially for Rhino. Not to mention the high grade super-weaponry other organizations in the Marvel Universe probably have. It's not like Rhino's the only level 6 going around.

The overwhelming advantage is in the fact that Rhino can withstand most punishment long enough to potentially make a knock-out charge. Not that that really happens all that often... Certainly not these days. Actually, the guy's become something of a joke, really... Hmmm... I blame poachers.

Poachers and Ralph Macchio.
Not the karate kid, the editor.

The Math: The Punisher (Champion Class)
The Pick: Rhino

What went down...
Having used the SHIELD intelligence to track the Rhino to a warehouse hideout, Punisher makes the tactical decision to burn the place down before announcing his arrival.

When the rampaging Rhino heads out for answers, Punisher is well prepared with a super lightweight SHIELD cannon designed to be as light as plastic.

Rhino takes the heat point blank, sustaining damage to the suit as he's hurled backward through a solid concrete wall.

Lying amidst the rubble and carnage, he has the misfortune of knowing his fate before it happens. The Punisher dons a read glove dubbed the "Satan CLaw," which grants him power of the punch enough to physically send Rhino hurtling through yet another wall, out into the street at large.

With the road turn up beneath him, rolled like a carpet, Rhino remains dumbfounded by the attack. Punisher tells him to stay down, and given the beat down Rhino doesn't have much choice in the matter.

On his ass, Rhino asks his attacker his identity, and with the smoking rubble behind him, Frank Castle invites the Rhino to take a close look himself.
The giant death's head emblem dawns on Rhino, and although he thought him dead, he realises he has been felled by The Punisher.

Castle gets up nice and close all up in Rhino's grille and makes clear and sure that he'll tell all the other super-criminals on the streets to reset their clocks -- because The Punisher is alive and well, and back to destroy the super villains of the Marvel Universe.

I like to try to keep this a family website, but... Fuck yeah~!

The hammer...
The Punisher debuts on Secret Earths with an unlikely victory over the mountain of muscle that regularly gives Spider-man trouble! And if you don't like it, you can probably kiss his cannon, I imagine...

Interesting to note, and it seems to be an occasional trend, that Rhino seems to have popped up in various titles. He's here, in a new issue of Sensational Spider-man, in the next issue of Cable & Deadpool, and I'm pretty sure I spotted him on the cover of Marvel Adventures Spidey! Interesting!

So, you may have noticed my reluctance to refer to this as The Punisher's return to the Marvel Universe. The powers-that-be, much like many fans, seem to have resigned to the fact that books published under the MAX imprint are all but isolated to their own canon, irregardless of connections to other characters.

Personally, being fond of the MAX Punisher, I like to think it can still work on a level that simply removes Punisher from the super criminal element.
Consider it, after twenty years of dealing with super-crime, a vacation into something that matters. MAX Punisher being the journey of The Punisher into making a real difference to real people, in a way only he can do.

With the Civil War, sure, he felt it necessary to come back to kick the butts of the criminals who were going unchecked because of the hero's in-fighting, but that doesn't mean we need to completely disregard the fantastic stuff going on elsewhere.

Actually, while I can understand the joy of the 'purists,' I'm even kinda disappointed they went back to the more costumed version with the white boots and gloves. I kinda like the evolution to a more subdued, hyper-realistic look to The Punisher. A guy in a trenchcoat and sweatshirt. Why not?

Either way it is pretty sweet having the big P back in the action.
Especially when it involves hardcore action with guys like Stilt-Man and Rhino. That's just really cool. In fact, the only thing that could possibly make this cooler is if the P-man starts dealing with these guys on a more regular basis in strategic combat.

Yes, this brings us back to Winick's Batman, Brubaker's Daredevil, and even my fabled Namor pitch. But tell me it wouldn't be totally bad ass to check The Punisher strategizing in urban warfare against the organized elements of guys like Tombstone, Hammerhead, Sabretooth, Shocker, Deadpool, Bullseye... All these so-called guns for hire, who never seem to actually live up to that role in the world outside of the story listing their appearance in that context.

Of course, if this advice is taken... My Sub-Mariner pitch is totally sunk, so... Y'know... Maybe don't listen to me. At least where The Punisher's concerned.
If you wanna drop the Sub-mariner in that world, then sure. Call me...

Who is Matt Fraction? Well, honestly, I haven't had a lot to do with him prior to this (and I haven't been able to get a hold of Immortal Iron Fist), but it would appear he's the latest talent Marvel have invested in. His previous work must have been decent, because the grooming process has been thrown out the window as he heads up two high-profile projects. And you'd think even friendship could get you only so far where sales are concerned!...

Olivetti? Also someone I've had nothing to do with, but wow!
This presumably CG painted style is something I think we're going to continue to see more and more of in comics, and really, it's not too bad. Olivetti probably holds on to organic motion a little better than an Adi Granov, but there's still room for growth.

A little disappointed that the tussle with Rhino was so brief, and really felt very much tacked on behind flashbacks relating to scenes from the core Civil War book. If it wasn't so dramatic, this would've been relegated to being a quick fix for the Punch-Up. Still, it is forgivable given that the title is War Journal...
I mean, who documents every detail of their day in a journal? You go to the good bits, and the action. Fair enough, guys.

The Fight: 3 The Issue: 5.5