CASSANDRA NOVA versus PROFESSOR X

Silence: Psychic Rescue In Progress (Marvel)
Where: New X-Men #121 When: February 2002
Why: Grant Morrison How: Frank Quitely

The Story So Far...
The X-Men face challenges from within and without as they discover the comatose body of their newest arch-enemy, Cassandra Nova, actually contains the brilliant mind of their visionary leader - Professor Charles Xavier!

With Xavier's hijacked body already in space on sabbatical with the Shi'ar Empire -- Jean Grey and Emma Frost scramble to perform a psychic search & rescue to coax the mind of their mentor from its mental prison. In doing so, they learn the shocking secrets of Cassandra Nova and Professor X's first startling battle!

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Professor X 2 (Average)
Intelligence: Professor X 5 (Professor)
Speed: Cassandra Nova 2 (Average)
Stamina: Cassandra Nova 6 (Generator)
Agility: Cassandra Nova 2 (Average)
Fighting: Professor X 2 (Average)
Energy: Draw 6 (Mass Destruction)
Total: Draw 21 (Champion)

Throughout formative years of the X-Men you could've said Professor X's shadow counterpart was Magneto, the hate-filled creator of Sentinels, or perhaps even evil telepath Mentallo, but at the turn of the millennium Grant Morrison had the radical idea to apply the evil twin trope to Charles Xavier with outrageous results.

Cassandra Nova is literally the secret twin-sister of Charles Xavier. A stillborn mutant who apparently manifested a penchant for evil pre-birth, becoming the very first nemesis to the once and future X-Men founder.

The exact details and implications of the sibling opposition are what we're here to explore today, but suffice it to say Cassandra Nova has endured to sew chaos and disruption for the X-Men in the years since her introduction.

As the dark shadow to Professor Xavier, she possesses telepathic and telekinetic abilities that rival her brother. She's been able to evade detection and death by masking her movements, controlling others, and literally commandeering bodies -- including Professor X's. That spells a whole lot of bad news for everyone!

Traditionally Charles Xavier isn't thought of as a combatant, forming the X-Men to effectively be his soldiers, but despite iconic wheelchair-bound status, he's actually found ways to be a very capable conventional operator in the field.

Using simulated zero gravity, he was able to effectively hold his own sparring with Quicksilver. This prepared him for a dramatic confrontation with Magneto, which he fought while wearing a Shi'ar exo-skeleton that temporarily restored his ability to walk. In the end, it was of course his mind that was his greatest weapon - used to mentally castrate Magneto. A slightly less aggressive assault was used to put an end to the Magneto-impersonating Xorn in a later issue of New X-Men.

In addition to his telepathic abilities, Charles Xavier is also possessed of a keen intellect and rational demeanor. He kept his nerve under threat from the Sub-Mariner, relying on communication to stay the mutant monarch's fury. He also wields tremendous capacity for compassion to extraordinary ends, but we visit him in his absolute earliest moments, when these skills may not be a factor!

The Tape: Draw Ranking: Professor X (#438)

What Went Down...

A traveler in the unconscious mind possessed by Charles Xavier -- Jean Grey is given witness to the terrible secret origin of the villainess who has locked him in her own mortally wounded, frail body.

Jean's mental projection swims amongst the spermatozoa at the moment of conception. She watches as ovum is fertilized - becoming zygote - and then as cells rapidly divide as weeks of embryonic development occur in an instant.

It is the formation of life, but not a single human foetus -- twins!

The tiny creatures float peacefully side by side in the womb, but then one opens their eyes -- and turns to glance to their other to the left.

These are not normal human embryos. In a future yet to occur they will be known as "homo-superior" -- mutations from the natural development of humanity.

One of these beings will work to foster brotherhood amongst the mutants, and peaceful coexistence with conventional humanity, but the other has turned to face their sibling and found nothing but contempt for what they see.

A tiny fist strikes a sleeping brother in the face and then escalates to turn the life-giving umbilical cord into an instrument of strangulation!

The tightening of the fleshy cord around its throat awakens the foetus.

It has seen its sister for the first time and in doing so stared death in the eye. If it is to ever see another face again and live to become Charles Xavier it must defend itself. So - it does.

In an act of miraculous biology -- foetal Charles manifests the mutation of telepathy and unleashes a psionic assault that will seemingly end the lifeline of his twin sister before it has truly begun.

The attack takes a terrible toll on their mother. She tumbles down a staircase -- suffering a miscarriage that will lead doctors to declare her daughter stillborn, but will deliver baby Charles into a world that will one day learn to fear & hate him.

The Hammer...

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. New X-Men is one of my favourite comics. That's really only a secret because sometimes I'm bad at talking about my top favourites, and the series isn't necessarily best defined by its fights. (That's the thing we predominantly build our articles around here, you might have noticed).

Personal favourites aren't a short list. There's a lot of comics I love - but New X-Men was a little different. Maybe a lot different. I mean, look at the fight we just described. It's going to be tough to top this for weirdest battle of all-time.

New X-Men helped re-energize my love of comics in 2001 after a couple of quiet years pursuing other interests, and almostlosing touch with the lifelong habit. There were notorious diehards who resisted its dramatic new package, but for me it was an instant sensation arriving at a time of need for X-Men, the industry, my life, and eventually the world.

The timing of New X-Men #121 will be significant to many of us who were reading at that time. 

Although there are notable exceptions throughout this issue -- it was one of the best entries into Marvel's "'Nuff Said" month of wordless "silent" comics.

The silent stories, with tiny red, white & blue ribbon on the cover, commemorated the September 11th terrorist attacks that toppled the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York City. An event we were all still getting to grips with roughly four months after it happened, but undoubtedly hit uniquely close to home for the traditionally Manhattan based comics publishers.

I'm not American, and wasn't in America at that time, but will probably never forget the stunned stupor I felt as we were bombarded with then-unprecedented blanket 24/7 news coverage of the attack, and its fallout, for roughly two solid weeks. Some of this was directly sourced from live American broadcasts.

Even outside, away from television sets and computer screens, escape from the harsh reality was difficult. Newspaper headlines dotted the streets, and a general sense of compassion, and bewildered unease, permeated the air of society. We tried to go about our technically unaffected lives, but were aware that things had changed. The event had aroused regional concerns of similar hostile attacks, which manifested October 2002, but in 2001 I was just getting by, in search of release and distraction, as security procedures became common conversation.

The role of entertainment came into strange focus. I remain hyper-aware that one of the local channels has still never made good on the pre-empted second Rudy Coby special that was scheduled to air in re-runs that week. I remember the relief when one station broke the unending television coverage with an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. I remember reading Wizard Magazine and surfing Marvel.com to get the latest information on comics like New X-Men. I remember the gradual drop-off of joy & style as the Twin Towers were edited out of movies like Spider-Man, and aesthetics & tone took a dark turn in the following years.

I was very enthusiastic for the 'Nuff Said concept.

Amazing Spider-Man (Vol.2) #36 had already jumped on directly addressing the horror of "9/11" a couple of months earlier. It most infamously showed Doctor Doom shedding a tear, as heroes and villains converged on "Ground Zero" to observe the human tragedy within the Manhattan-centric Marvel Universe, and aid in rescue & recovery. With Doom's record of bombastic villainy and terrorism it raises an eyebrow or two, but living in that moment -- it felt real.

'Nuff Said was more like a constructive catharsis. It wasn't necessarily addressing the moment directly, but leading us out of it with a big, interesting idea: A challenge for the writers & artists working on each book in the vein of Larry Hama's GI Joe #21. For fans of the medium it was a massively intriguing prospect to behold, and a powerful gesture for moving forward.

Morrison and Quitely were already doing amazing things with New X-Men.

Like so many of Grant Morrison's wonderful works: The revamp tapped into intuitive advancements of the X-Men concept, with a marriage of honoring classic material while chasing exciting new dimensions.

It was a mutation of sorts. An evolution demanded by the very premise. Another no-brainer from the man who gave us the "Big Seven" JLA, and a career of superhero instant-classics such as All-Star Superman.

It was a holistic rethink of the entire thing, but not without attention to detail and honoring what came before. The series grabbed the livewire of a burgeoning blockbuster film series, adapting their black leather outfits with Frank Quitely designs that instantly made it more palatable and stylish than anything Hollywood has ever imagined. Like everything else - the New X-Men leather look brought it in keeping with the comic book tradition. I've always thought it would be nice to catch Cyclops, or somebody else, wearing one of those jackets over their suit.

Admittedly, some ideas were more challenging than others. Secondary-mutations stretched the concept of naturally occurring "homo-superior" towards a precarious future, while today's featured fight went in the other direction, introducing the prospect of Charles Xavier and Cassandra Nova bombastically manifesting fully formed mutant cognisance in the womb.

Of course, even these ideas weren't without their precedents. The origins of Nightcrawler always told of his demonic appearance at birth, while the similarly blue-furred Beast triggered his further mutation beyond enlarged features through self-experimentation. Foetal and secondary manifestations, by any other name.

As for the delivery of the latter revelation -- we get a wonderfully surreal plunge into the mind of Charles Xavier as conceived by Morrison & Quitely. A silent mission to coax his consciousness from its prison in Cassandra Nova's discarded comatose body, while his form is hijacked by his evil twin. An amusing episode that sees Jean Grey take centre stage, while Emma Frost plays frustrated assist.

This is a great episode in a fantastic, imaginative run, and I broadly consider this one of the last great periods of the X-Men. I recently spent some time reading another revolutionary period that reminded me of this run, and rekindled my enthusiasm for recent X-Men comics. Perhaps we'll be able to talk about it soon.

If you'd like to keep the X-Men X-File expanding, and find out what caught my attention, I would invite you to consider becoming a supporter on Patreon. Even at the absolute lowest tier, your patronage will go a long way to making it possible to produce more updates, and support this and related projects.

Secret Wars on Infinite Earths has featured well over 700 fights and ranked more than 1,000 characters! You can find them all for free by diving into the Secret Archive for a complete index of battles in order of publisher, series, and issue -- or by hitting links to your favourite topics found throughout each entry.

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Winner: Foetal Charles Xavier
#141 (+297) Professor X
#1030 (new) Cassandra Nova

BATMAN versus HARLEY QUINN

Once More, With FEELING! (DC)
Where: Harley Quinn #25 When: December 2002
Why: Karl Kesel How: Craig Rousseau

The Story So Far...
For four weeks Harley Quinn has staged a minor crime spree on the streets of Gotham City. Three times Batman has attempted to stop her -- and three times she and her Quinntets have managed to give him the slip!

It all started around the same time The Joker busted out of Arkham Asylum, but no one has seen hide nor hair of the so-called Clown Prince of Crime!

When Harley leads her boys on a jewelry store robbery it's another opportunity to score big and blow wind up The Batman -- or is it? All is not as it seems as Harley ups the stakes in an effort to become Batman's #1 arch-nemesis!

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Batman 3 (Athlete)
Intelligence: Batman 5 (Professor)
Speed: Harley Quinn 3 (Athlete)
Stamina: Batman 5 (Marathoner)
Agility: Harley Quinn 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting: Batman 5 (Martial Artist)
Energy: Batman 4 (Arsenal)
Total: Batman 29 (Metahuman)

The Tape paints a fairly one-sided picture, so what could a screwball psycho with a jester hat possibly do to the dominant Dark Knight Detective? Plenty - if you make the mistake of under estimating Harley Quinn!

Dr. Harleen Quinzel may have surrendered herself to a life of criminal abandon, but this lapsed psychologist isn't as spaced out as she may seem!

In fact, so far her record against Batman is dead even, with a victory over he and Catwoman in Batman #613, and an unlikely team-up win with Batman against her beloved Joker, in Batman #663!

Being under estimated can be one of Harley Quinn's great tactical assets, helping upset her homicidal pseudo-hubby "Mistah J" and The Batman in equal measure. Her tenuous tether to the side of angels means switching sides is always an option, and it's also seen Batman exercise slightly more lenient methods when putting a stop to her misdemeanors.

Along with an arsenal of novelty weapons that includes canon-sized pistols and an oversized mallet; Harley Quinn is a physically gifted gymnast capable of out maneuvering opponents with speed and agility -- provided her mind stays on the job.

A tendency toward frivolity and madcap antics can quickly see Harley Quinn come unstuck, especially against superior fighters like Batman. Her comic mallet may pack a genuine wallop, but it did her no good in the service of protecting Joker from a highly-motivated Dark Knight in Batman #614!

History: Draw (1-1-0)
The Tape: Batman Ranking: Batman (#1)

What Went Down...
A shadow is cast over BT Jewelers as The Batman descends upon a robbery in progress. Frozen in the shade of his looming presence are the culprits: Harley Quinn and her two goons - Kenny Two-Bear and Buster!

Glass shatters. A black boot descends upon the back of Buster's head. A dark fist collides with Kenny Two-Bear's face at breakneck speed. It's all in a day's work for The Dark Knight Detective until a bag of loot smashes against his back!

Harley Quinn steps up to Batman with fists raised, and dares him to take on someone half his size! He lets out a sigh, underwhelmed by the vision of her daring dukes and the stolen tiara sat crookedly over one half of her jester's hat.

A dark glove glides past Harley Quinn's face as she side-steps the straight, workmanlike punch. A "cool, refreshin' breeze", she calls it, completely failing to guard herself from the elbow effortlessly snapped into her waiting jaw.

The chin check tells Harley he means business, but The Dark Knight isn't coming as hard as he would against The Joker. Harley rubs her sore chin and takes full advantage of the soft approach, reaching for a close bystander.

The barrel of her deadly pop gun rests at the frightened man's jaw as she asks Batman who his number one archenemy is. Even after Harley evaded him for three previous encounters, he still answers Joker. Harley is unamused.

While Harley's been putting the screws to Batman, her best guy Joker has been MIA. With her gun finding its way to the hostage's mouth, she asks Batman again: "Who'd you say is he biggest pain in your bat-behind right now?"

The Dark Knight answers through grit teeth that it's Harley Quinn and lets her go. All part of a plan to lure The Joker out of hiding by collaborating with Harley on a series of public stunts that dare him to come out of hiding!

The Hammer...
So, did you catch all that? It was a case of the ol' switcheroo as Batman and Harley Quinn went through the motions to stage an elaborate sting. In cahoots!

In exchange for Harley Quinn's co-operation she'd be spared jail time. All she had to do was stage a series of public crimes that culminated with her claim to be Batman's new #1 arch-foe. A challenge that would surely lure The Joker out of hiding, and allow Batman to shut down his inevitably violent return to crime.

Of course, we all know Harley gets a little weak at the knees when she's around "Mistah J". The plan quickly turns a corner when Joker does make contact, and Harley agrees to feed clues to Batman that'll play directly into Joker's plans.

It becomes a double-bluff when Batman anticipates the turn, but agrees to give Harley 72 hours to tease more clues out of The Joker in the hopes of stopping his big return scheme. The gag being that Joker doesn't actually have a big return scheme! The obscure clues he feeds through Harley Quinn are completely off-the-cuff, and in attempting to deduce his archenemy's next crime -- Batman unwittingly devises it for him!

Harley Quinn #25 is a great done-in-one plot that reads a lot like an episode of Batman: The Animated Series. Apropos, given Harley had only joined the DC Universe proper a few years prior, making the crossover from animation.

As most will know: Harley Quinn debuted with little explanation in the 1992 animated series episode The Joker's Favour. Tie-in comics featured more of her cartoon-universe adventures, before she made her first canon print appearance in the 1999 Batman: Harley Quinn special. A solo series soon followed in 2000.

The mid-nineties seemed to carry the burden of live-action Batman influences, but by the new millennium, the mainline Bat-books were drawing more from an iconic distillation found in early series of the Batman cartoon. Even the simplified Bruce Timm art style seemed to infiltrate into an increasingly present house style, which can be seen somewhat in Craig Rousseau's pencils here.

When Harley first meets with Joker sometime after the fight, the reunion literally starts out looking like the New Adventures of Batman & Robin. A romantic filter over the reality of a down-and-out Joker who's hiding away in a bunker unshaved and undressed. A fun reference to the good ol' days, for Harl'.

Those little details further enhance a great looking issue driven by its high-concept plot. Case in point: I like that one of Harley's new Quinntets is simply named Bob. This may or may not be a playful nod to Jack Nicholson's "#1 guy" Bob The Goon in the 1989 Batman movie. I like to think it is.

The early 2000s were a pretty great time to be reading Batman comics. I daresay the combination of classic and modern influences was approaching the definitive. I certainly think these were some of the best years for the Harley Quinn character, who offered another variation on the Gotham-bound flavor that was so good. Vivacious in costume, before it all went spring break gone wild.

We don't actually see the parting of combatants in today's featured fight. Given their secret alliance, it hardly seems to matter. This one will go on the books as a slightly complicated inconclusive result. Worth it to finally revisit a fun stand-alone issue from a great time.

If you'd like to experience this issue in full, and more from the era, you can check out the collected edition of Harley Quinn: Welcome to Metropolis via Amazon! By using the purchase link provided you'll help support the site at no extra cost to you!

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Winner: Inconclusive (Draw)
#1 (--) Batman
#112 (+9) Harley Quinn
#570 (new) Bob (Quinntets) [+1 assist]
#571 (new) Buster (Quinntets) [+1 assist]
#572 (new) Kenny Two-Bear [+1 assist]

SHI'AR IMPERIAL GUARD versus
THE X-MEN
Superdestroyer (Marvel comics)
Where: New X-Men #124 When: May 2002
Why: Grant Morrison How: Igor Kordey

The story so far...
Cassandra Nova, a malicious Shi'ar mummudrai, had her first encounter when drawn to arch-nemesis Charles Xavier in the woom. There, Nova duplicated Xavier's DNA to sustain a physical form, but with his mutant fetal brain developing in fantastic ways, Xavier became aware of the creature's viciousness and attacked, resulting in the Xavier twin being stillborn.

Decades later Nova would set into motion plans to annihilate all that her "twin" held dear. It would be Nova that would set off events that decimated the mutant nation of Genosha, before facing Xavier and his X-Men herself, taking possession of her nemesis' body before her own was crippled, thus leaving Xavier in the incapacitated body.

Under the guise of Xavier, Nova continued her scheme to destroy Xavier, linking up with Lilandra of the Shi'ar to convince her the mutants had become infected and would need to be destroyed for the good of the universe. Thus, Lilandra reluctantly sends her army to Earth, where they descend upon the X-Mansion.

Previous Form:
Wolverine (#4): Victories over the Invaders, Silver Samurai and others.
Beast (#17): Aided in defeats over the Lizard and Xorn.
Phoenix (#97): Was crucial in the detaining victory over Executioner.
X-Men [#1]: Defeated only once, by the rampage of a disapproving Sub-Mariner.
Shi'ar Imperial Guard: None of the Imperial Guard have been featured previously.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Gladiator 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Beast 6 (Genius)
Speed: Gladiator 5 (Super Speed)
Stamina: Gladiator 6 (Generator)
Agility: Beast 5 (Cat-like)
Fighting Ability: Wolverine 6 (Warrior)
Energy Powers: Gladiator 5 (Lasers)


Having just spent the time to identify each and every relevant member of the Shi'ar Imperial Guard, I'm not particularly inclined to break this fight down on a person-by-person basis. Honestly, given the numbers involved here, it's probably safe to say the math favours the Shi'ar. Gladiator alone is arguably a match for the small clan of X-Men defending the mansion at this particular interval, so he can represent the Shi'ar in the tape, alone.

With most of the X-Men already captured or galavanting in other disjointed X-titles, we're left with a conveniently small bunch of X-Men to look at, in no particular order: Wolverine, the Stepford Cuckoos, Emma Frost, Angel, Jean Grey and Beast. And since Emma Frost spends the entirety of this issue with a golden bucket over her head, she's cut from the team.

So, what chance does a split team of those particular X-Men have of overcoming the might of the Shi'ar super Imerial Guard?

The tape paints a pretty grim picture for the X-Men, but there are a few factors yet to be considered. Telepaths still remain grossly underrated by the tape's factors, so while Jean Grey is rated on par in the energy projection stakes, her mental capabilities make her a much more versatile and interesting opponent than is otherwise expressed.

Likewise, the true measure of Beast and Wolverine's potentials are perhaps slightly under estimated by the tape. On their home turf, Wolverine's stealth and tracking abilities could give him a strong advantage in picking off their opponents, while the brilliant Beast could man the technological defense systems built into the mansion grounds, while also providing a worthy last line of defense should it come to hand-to-hand combat.

Jean Grey, particularly in Phoenix mode, also represents a cosmic force of nature, the likes of which has been halted by the Shi'ar before, but not without considerable cost. Grey potentially represents a force even more encompassing than Gladiator, who stands as the invincible totem of the Shi'ar Imperial Guard.

The Math: Shi'ar Imperial Guard (Total)
The Pick: The X-Men

What went down...
A team of Guardsmen sweep the Mansion from above, ascertaining the presence of powers and peoples. The injection team engages in small talk, before falling victim to the unseen Wolverine who leaps at Neosaurus and slices his brilliant brain from one of his many bodies.

Gladiator descends in the company of Schism and Blimp, joining his team as a sicking howl echoes across the grounds. An already detained Emma Frost reveals, from within a helmet of psychic shielding, that they're hearing "the noise Wolverine makes when he's chopping people like you into quivering lumps."

Also detained in the yard are junior X-students, Angel Salvadore and the Stepford Cuckoos. Reunited after one of their number had fallen for the disguised Stuff, the Cuckoos set about taking advantage of the Guard's poor estimation of their infant telepathic abilities. Together, the five-as-one overpower the telepathic watch of Oracle, and defeat her swiftly.

Angel lashes out at Stuff, also charged with guarding the students, before the Cuckoos exact their revenge, making of him a "perfect boyfriend", while they manipulate the metamorphic creature's "pathetically simple" mind.

Inside the mansion, Beast and Jean Grey are forced to take matters into their own hands, aware of the incursion outside. With human-mutant relations at a delicate crossroads, rather than risk the lives of the large group touring the school; Jean Grey violates her code of ethics to mentally persuade them all to herd into the lower vaults where they will be safer.

Ailed by the sub-molecular threat of nano sentinels swimming in his blood stream, Beast remains a potent force to be reckoned with. With the visitors safely contained, Beast enters willingly into the field, charging violently at the first of the Shi'ar intruders, Monstra.

He quickly overpowers the four-armed lady-beast, slashing with his bestial claws at goggles, leaving the alien blinded. Beast's agility provides the necessary mobility to avoid a laser beam, fired by a foe unseen. Fader, the Guardsman hiding within the frequency of ultraviolet light, quickly learns that Beast's resemblance to an animal extends further than his good looks.

Using his heightened senses, Beast smells and hears his way to Fader, knocking him out with a nearby statue of the thinker.

Manta swoops in next, narrowly avoiding Beast's wild slashing as he lets out a Wolverine-esque gutteral growl, and heads for Phoenix. Immune to mental attack, Manta assumes Jean Grey vulnerable, but quickly learns Jean Grey has developed more than her mind during her years as an X-Man.

Grey follows her kick with a jagged elbow and palm striking combo, putting the alien Manta down hard to the shock of student on-lookers.

While Beast does battle with the suited gestalt entity, Squorm, he compels Jean Grey to seal the inner vault doors. Reluctantly, Grey does so, while Beast suffers the electric charge of Arc, who mocks the mutant's sense of bravado.

At that moment Wolverine smashes his way through a window, slashing Blimp and Schism on entry by way of a stolen imperial flight patch.

Blimp begins to vent the bio-helium that makes up his internal functionality, leaving him to swirl around the room like a deflating balloon.

Wolverine encourages Beast to resume the fight, while throwing down with the black and white diverged halves of Schism.

Arc contacts Gladiator, before being dragged into the smackdown. While Wolverine deals with Monstra, Beast uses Blimp's limp body as insulation to wrap the electric Arc up, and smack him with a healthy dose of super strength.

To Beast's dismay, the wall begins to melt away, signifying the heat-vision led entrance of Gladiator; zealous praetor of the Shi'ar Imperial Guard.

Wolverine does his best to emplore the better sense of the Shi'ar's greatest soldier, but the desperate and lethal retaliation of the X-mutants registers as proof to the Gladiator, that these are not Charles Xavier's mutants.

Acting under order based upon Cassandra Nova's lies, Gladiator stands confident in his charge to exterminate the infected mutants, all of whom have nano-sentinels undermining their defense.

Though Beast and Wolverine retaliate, the incredible alien strength of Gladiator quickly overwhelms them.

Cosmo and Gladiator effortlessly bypass the high-tech security of the lower depths of the X-Mansion, pulling apart the metal blastdoors as though they were breaking bread.

Inside, Jean Grey makes an appeal of her own to Gladiator, but her inclination to test Gladiator's mind-shielding only serves to further provoke his suspicions.
Ready to exterminate the mutant threat, Gladiator is halted only by the intervention of one of his own. Plutonia enters, carrying in her arms the broken body of Smasher, one of the elite who had stood against Cassandra Nova's lies, and suffered for it.

Having crash landed on Earth, Smasher brings word of the truth to his superior, his dying wish that the Imperial Guard remain pure. Recognising the toxic influence of Cassandra Nova, Gladiator stays his hand, only to see the X-Men suffer the effects of the nano-sentinels infecting their bodies.

The hammer...
I was all ready to declare this with certainty, but I think it's safe to say that as much as Gladiator turned the tables in the final hour, the X-Men controlled much of the battle. Thus, I declare this result on the basis of scoring and conclusion, a draw!

Now remains the task of inputting the results for every damned member of the Shi'ar. For reasons of streamlining, the battle in space between a captive Cyclops and Xorn was not included in this encompassing look at the Shi'ar's assault on X-Men mansion.

This entry, of course, was part of the on-going Marvel: Ultimate Alliance Mondays initiative. The chances of this having been an entry otherwise, are fairly slim.
I generally prefer my X-Men, if anything, to be dealing with Earthbound matters, and struggles more specific to human/mutant concerns. That said, this was actually a surprisingly easy issue to get excited about reviewing.

Maybe it's some of the spacey fun that's cropped up in conjunction with the Annihilation series [Nova #2], or maybe it's Grant Morrison's unique handling of the X-Men that made me a regular X-reader for the first time in my comics reading history.

For all the press about Morrison's pseudo-intellectual-rockstar-man-witch pretentions, there's a delicious indulgence in his approach to books like X-Men. Morrison seemingly succeeds where a Warren Ellis might falter, willfully enjoying himself as he writes unashamed four-colour fanboy moments, like Wolverine's explosive flight-patch entrance to the mansion, or Jean Grey's stiff-kick.

It's the marriage of fun moments like these, and a progressive story that made Morrison's run on the series one of the most memorable. In fact, it's perhaps not since Claremont that a writer has had a run so significant that wasn't cringe-worthy, as so much of the X-lore tends to be.

In many ways I think it's the logic of Morrison's work that makes it so strong. Four decades later, you'd like to think humanity might have gotten a bit beyond the fear and loathing, and what we see here is the forward development of social and racial change serving as a backdrop to sci-fi heavy superhero action. All this, balanced with the familiar soap opera of Marvel comics, makes New X-Men scientifically difficult to debate.

By extension the apparent editorial shift toward undoing much of the good done in these pages, is scientifically stupid. In fact, if you look up stupid in a dictionary, you'll likely find a toothy characature of Joe Quesada playing guitar in front of a burning wedding dress. See the crowd for sub-sections on Bendis, Austen, and even Claremont, the kings horses and kings men who succeeded in not only undoing some of the best X-Men work of the past twenty years, but also making it a regrettable affair. [See; New X-Men #150, for more on Xorn.]

It's amusing to note this issue [#124] features the return of the letters page, complete with a lengthy love note from Bruce Timm who largely laments on similar points already discussed here. The only glaring divergence of opinions between monsieur Timm and myself is the opinion on Igor Kordey's work, which I personally rate particularly low, with characters often appearing hideously disfigured, or attrociously under defined.

I'd pass the blame to the inker, who slathers the pencils with distgustingly ill defined blocks of black, and completely under does some lines, but it would appear these unflattering inks were done by Kordey himself, so... Ouch!

We've had three years of X-Men since the end of this run.
Right now Ed Brubaker is putting his stamp on the Uncanny team, while also revisiting the Shi'ar for the first time since this story, I believe. I'd love to have something nice to say, but I don't.

The best the X-Men have had to offer has been Joss Whedon's work on Astonishing X-Men, which has avoided a return to the boggy, garbled self-referencial stylings, opting instead for the thoroughly expendable and derivative.

The Fight: 6 The Issue: 6
[The best X-Men you'll see in a long time! Smart, slick and fun, let down only by sloppy artwork. A thoroughly enjoyable romp, featuring a to-the-point invasion, that makes even the uncomfortable Shi'ar sci-fi, fun!]

NEXT WEEK: Spotlight on the Shi'ar Praetor, Gladiator!

BATMAN versus KILLER CROC
Hush Chapter One: The Ransom (DC comics)
Where: Batman #608 When: December 2002
Why: Jeph Loeb How: Jim Lee

The story so far...
Someone has gone to a lot of trouble in Gotham City to assemble a motley crew of mercenaries and muscle in order to kidnap Edward Lamont IV, boy billionaire in waiting for the Lamont chemical fortune.

The Batman is swift in retrieving the boy who was snatched two weeks prior from his school, by a man wearing a trenchcoat. Unfortunately for him, the large man was a newly mutated Killer Croc.

With a paid ransom of ten million dollars, Killer Croc challenges the Batman's interference with the conviction of a motivated man. Killer Croc claims he needs the money, but in this city of stone and steel, it's greatest champion is unsympathetic to the wants of a career criminal. Thus, they come to blows, but little does the Batman know, each is but a pawn in a game much larger...

Previous Form:
Batman (#2): Has toppled foes such as; Hyena, Two-Face, Amazo, The Joker & Superman.
Killer Croc (#172): Suffered a harsh defeat to Batman.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Killer Croc 5 (Super Strength)
Intelligence: Batman 5 (Professor)
Speed: Batman 3 (Athlete)
Stamina: Batman 5 (Marathon Man)
Agility: Batman 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting Ability: Batman 5 (Martial Artist)
Energy Powers: Batman 4 (Arsenal)


This one's a rematch [Batman #621], so there really isn't a great deal to run down as far as predicting who should/shouldn't, will/won't win based on the standardized measurements provided by the tape. Plugging them into the patented Haseloff Tape Measure will only garner the same scientific results.

However, in the interest of streamlining, the statistics entered do not take into account the variables presented by time and space. A very different Killer Croc faces the Batman this time around, more monster than man, as opposed to the thuggish misfit that was featured in Broken City.

This hulking, over developed Killer Croc represents a far more formiddable physical obstacle for the Batman. Sitting somewhere in the upper echelon of his burly foes, Batman likely has some portable methods of contingency for dealing with him. If nothing else, less specific devices comparable to that used by Jason Todd against Danny Brickwell [Green Arrow #70], or those employed by Batman himself in encounters with Amazo [Batman #637] and Captain Nazi [Batman #647], are likely on hand.

As mentioned in the intro, Killer Croc is fighting for something. His motivations are much more personal than a lot of his usual work, which gives him an added spark in combat, but ultimately, his record suggests Batman is ready and willing to put him down as hard as necessary. Unlike many of Batman's other foes, particularly in this state, Croc can take it.

The Math: Batman (Meta Class)
The Pick: Batman (Kicker of Ass)

What went down...
So, having taken out the mob of mercenaries, Batman drags the boy into the light of the city. He think about the superior reassurance Superman could offer, but the kid is probably less afraid of the man in the batsuit, and more concerned about the big green crocodile-man charging at them!

Croc makes good with a briefcase uppercut that knocks the Batman straight to backfoot city. The bulky Croc continues to press the assault, charging forward with a following shot with his free hand.

With Batman dazed and against a wall, Croc declares his intentions to eat his longtime foe, but instead gets a face full of pipe thanks to Batman's superior speed. Taking the path of least resistance, Batman rises from his crouch, striking Croc under the chin with a stiff headbutt, before following it with a devestating boot to the face!

Croc's concerns devolve into a feral bloodlust, letting the briefcase containing the ransom slip from his grasp, he instead seeks the innards of one Batman!

Croc slashes wildly at Batman, knocking him back once more.
Batman is again able to return through superior agility, leaping over his opponent while slappinga tiny device onto the base of Croc's skull.

Taking full advantage of a vulnerability to hypersonics, Batman sets off his device, disorientating his stronger more feral foe to the point where he runs headlong into industrial piping.

Using a nearby chain, Batman wraps Killer up and leaves him hanging from the pipe as the FBI descend on the scene. With the Beureau taking the boy into custody, Batman takes off in pursuit of a heat signature carrying a briefcase.

The hammer...
Rrrring the bell! Round two goes to Batman once more!

For those of you salivating curiously over who stole the money, it was of course none other than Catwoman! Like you didn't guess it already. While in pursuit of Catwoman, Batman's batline is sabotaged and he plummets to certain doom, so begins the storyline that is Hush.

After talking at length about the scenario that was presented during the release of Azarrello and Risso's Broken City, it seemed fitting to take a look back at the story that effectively sealed it's fate. Not that I'm going to fault Hush for being a successful, top ten performer on the sales charts. Suffice to say, I think it's a shame that Broken City struggled under the weight of it's predecessor, but have been pleased to see a lot of people go back and give Broken City a go.

Hush, despite it's success, was ultimately met with a pretty surly critical response. What had begun as an exciting year-long mystery through the Batman mythos, ended as a sudden conclusion that delivered little surprise to most reading it. It served up the excessively obvious culprit, in cahoots with the obscurely unlikely, and eventually through the addition of others, the downright absurd.

Having reinvigorated Jim Lee as a regular comics penciller, it seemed Hush was only going to lead to bigger and better things. Early-on Loeb and others recounted in interviews the intent to follow the story up with a six parter at a later date, but what eventually unfolded may have only served to further garble what was, for many, an disatisfying end to the year's biggest mystery.

Hush soon resurfaced in the pages of Gotham Knights, weaving his way through a much less intentful story, coming to further blows with Batman, and new enemies too, like Poison Ivy and Green Arrow. Hush would ultimately overstay his welcome, slipping into relative obscurity after a busy couple of years.

What would really shock was the pursuit of Jason Todd, one of the small handful of deceased characters considered untouchable. What had originally been a psychological attack on Batman, because the means for resurrecting Jason Todd for a career as the Red Hood: vigilante with attitude. The answer for his timely resurrection? The apparent influence of an enraged Superboy from Earth-Prime, who had pounded so hard on the confines of his non-space home, he had shaken the very fabric of reality, thus undoing Todd's death while he lay buried.

We'll probably get a chance to talk more about the specifics of the Hush story and character as we featured more issues from the arc. For what it was, I enjoyed the overall presentation, and the excitement that really spurred me to return to Batman after years of ridiculously neglecting most DC properties.

Meanwhile, if I can break into a tangent, you may have noticed that to the right there's a new addition at the top of the menu. Yes, the first issue of a comic written by yours truly has finally hit the virtual shelf, and is available for purchase! I hope there are a lot of things to come for me in comics, and hope all you Secret Wars readers can come along for the ride.

If you haven't already, hit-up Nite Lite Theatre, and follow the links to find a brief teaser preview that gives very little away, and consider picking it up. It's ridiculously affordable for a small press book. Cheers!

The Fight: 4 The Issue: 5.5
[As a first issue, the action is thick, but the plot is well established. None of this neo-fascist three-issue meandering to build up the players!]

SPIDER-MAN versus RHINO
Let's Fall In Love (Marvel comics)
Where: Spider-man: Blue #2 When: August 2002
Why: Jeph Loeb How: Tim Sale

The story so far...
Bitten by a radio active spider; gawky high school nerd, Peter Parker, finds himself with the unlikely proportionate strength, speed and agility of a spider. With this new-found power, and his own inventive brilliance, Parker sets out to take on the ultimate responsibility of a vigilante!

As Spider-man, Peter comes into conflict with many others with rare and unique gifts. Men who would do great good, and great evil in this world. Men who would use their abilities to pursue him in personal grudges. Men who would hunt him like a rare and unique animal.

Men like the Rhino who, while being held under gas induced sedation, finds himself free to seek revenge on Spider-man after a mysterious enemy sets him free. Rampaging through the city, Rhino looks for payback, and the web-slinger is all too happy to oblige, but does he have it in him to defeat the Rhino again? Or will the mystery man step out of the shadows to capitalize? Stay tuned!

Previous Form:
Spider-man (#1): Overcome odds against Man-Ape, Tombstone, Scorpion, Carnage & Grey Gargoyle.
Rhino (#232): Comprehensively beaten by a well equiped Punisher.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Rhino 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Spider-man 5 (Professor)
Speed: Spider-man 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Rhino 5 (Marathon Man)
Agility: Spider-man 5 (Cat-like)
Fighting Ability: Spider-man 3 (Street Wise)
Energy Powers: Spider-man 2 (Projectiles)


Geez, there have been so many Spider-man entries, I'm really starting to wonder what the point of this section is! The guy is sitting tight on only two losses from twenty-four battles, and really, like the song says, he's a Spider-man.
I don't know what the historical figures are, but for Spider-man to not come out the ultimate victor in any confrontation seems highly unlikely. Sure, he's a good hero.

Spider-man takes his lumps like any dramatic hero. He has defeats from which he can come back from to triumph over adversity. But the point I'm making is, even after taking a whipping from Sandman, or Green Goblin, or Rhino, when do you ever see Spider-man not wind up victorious?

One of the early conceits of the website - among the many motivations - was to test the theory that Batman is unstoppable. After 2007 it seemed very likely he was, but as we roll on through this year, maybe we start to see there's another ever present character who's beating everybody across multiple titles.

Rhino is a fairly one-trick pony: He's a muscle guy.
What works for Rhino is that, generally speaking, he's a pretty good muscle guy. Not the sharpest henchman in the drawer, and that's usually his downfall, but certainly worth throwing up against a Hulk or a Juggernaut or whoever you have lying around.

Spidey is a versatile character bringing speed, agility, smarts, strength and all of those fun powers to the table -- which means by the Haseloff system tape, he's a much better better bet than Rhino. But a simple truth remains. Rhino is a big deal. Spider-man should never have an easy time with him, and maybe should suffer more defeats than he perhaps has over the years.

I think we all know to expect Spider-man to win this one, but don't let the sun go down on the Rhino without giving him his props. Because he is worthy!

The Math: Spider-man (Meta Class)
The Pick: Spider-man (Sigh...)

What went down...
As the mysterious-manipulator plotting against Spider-man watches from the shadows, the Rhino stands amongst the rubble of buildings destroy with a bellowing demand, "I WANT SPIDER-MAN!"

Spider-man, like any good hero, is happy to oblige where lives would be threatened, swinging in with a devestating kick to the Rhino's neck!

He puts his agility to work as the Rhino charges within the confined space of the rubbled building alley, keeping it tight enough to allow Spidey to get another lick in. It isn't long, however, before Rhino gets a stiff shot in, nailing Spider-man with a big right hand!

Spidey lands on his ass and spews out a huge spray of webbing directly at Rhino's face, blinding him in mid-charge to allow Spidey to turn the tables. Vaulting over the blinded Rhino, Spider-man leaves Rhino to a fate his own:

Rhino charges into an already damaged brick wall, bringing the house down atop his horned head! The bricks tumble down with a rumble, leaving Spidey on a web to receive the compliments of the watching police.

With a tiny piece from Rhino's super-durable hide, Spider-man warns the police to hold tight while he disappears, fully aware that Rhino is down - but not out!

A quick stop to Dr. Curt Conners' lab later, and Spider-man becomes intimately aware of the inner workings of Rhino's leathery hide - composed of self-replicating genetics similar to actual rhino DNA composed with something similar to kevlar or adamantium [just in case you were wondering!].
With that, Spidey and Conners devise a means to disrupt the polymer!

Spidey returns to the scene with Rhino again roaring for revenge, while the police do their best to put him down with ineffective gunfire. Fortunately for all, Spidey has something a little more permanent up his sleeves - literally!

Rhino gets a face full of gooey webbing again, this time a special new orange blend from the fine people at Conners and Parker!

Unphased by the goop, Rhino charges at Spidey, who gives it both barrels, spraying away with the goopy orange liquid whilst using his proportionate spider-agility to leap over the rampaging Rhino!

Giving it both barrels, Spidey well and truly webs his adversary in the special webbing fluid, granting the luxury to slip down for a hilarious quip.

The webbing isn't strong enough to hold the Rhino, though, and he throws his arms up, tossing Spider-man over his head!

Though blinded by the webbing, Rhino's wild haymakers connect, first with a right, and then a left that sends Spider-man flying into a fire hydrant!
The busted hydrant leaves Spidey with a bump to remember, but it provides a convenient twist of fate. The catalytic webbing hadn't done the trick, but by introducing water to the compound it begins to take effect on the Rhino's hide!

The webbed areas of the Rhino's invulnerable costume begin to fall off in massive chunks, leaving him vulnerable - and naked - in the middle of the street! Not that that stops Spidey putting the finishing touches on the job in what he feels is a case of an overgrown bully getting his due!

A good one-two uppercut to finish, and the Rhino is out like a light, and freed of the costume that makes him so difficult to contain.

The hammer...
The hammer comes down once again in favour of Spider-man, with the victory by knock-out! Hard luck for the Rhino!

We get a lot of traffic from the uninitiated, and that's a good thing.
Secret Wars on Infinite Earths by no means represents an encyclopedia, but I like to think we can provide some interesting points of reference and informative tidbits.

New readers are drawn to the site for a number of reasons, and some of those are the major forces penetrating the mainstream consciousness. Things like the major motion picture adaptations [like Spider-man], or in other cases less direct connectors, like TV's Heroes.

Heroes seems to have quickly surpassed Lost as TV's number one action-based drama, featuring all the things we as comic fans know and love. Interesting characters, exciting scenarios, fantastic powers, and developing plotlines.

Interestingly enough both Heroes and Lost have had something in common - Jeph Loeb. Jeph Loeb is a writer who whose work has ranged from Arnold Schwarzenegger's militia vehicle Commando, to TV's Smallville, to comic works like Batman: The Long Halloween, which influenced director Christopher Nolan's work, along with writer David Goyer, on the feature film Batman Begins.

One of the characters on Heroes possesses the ability to paint the future, and this is where we reviewing Spider-man: Blue come full circle, because the artwork for that particular character [Isaac Mendez; played by Santiago Cabrera] was provided by none other than Tim Sale - artist extraordinaire on Spider-man: Blue (and The Long Halloween, for that matter).

Spider-man: Blue is one of three mini-series with the writer/artist team of Loeb and Sale, the others being Daredevil: Yellow and Hulk: Gray, each referring to colours featured in the characters unique looks, as well as emotions and events within the books.

Each story recounts events from the character's early careers in the sixties, with Spider-man: Blue retelling events that fall somewhere in the 40's of issues of Amazing Spider-man, written originally by Stan Lee.
The series puts it's own unique stamp on the events, including a new spin that supposes Kraven the Hunter is actually the master manipulator behind a string of reapparances of classic Spidey villains, before his triumphant appearance in Amazing Spiderman #47.

If you have the first Spider-man movie DVD with the extras disc, and spin-on you can actually see Loeb and Sale at Sale's drawing board, where if you look closely, you'll note that he is pencilling one of the pages from this very issue!
Particularly visible is the scene where Spider-man leaps over the Rhino, while spraying the (once coloured) orange webbing all over him from above.

So, there you have it! A little bit more of an informative Hammer to end this entry! As always I'm churning ahead to try to catch up, particularly if we're to do some of the exciting things I'd like to in July! Until then, cheers!

The Fight: 3.5 The Issue: 5.5
NEXT WEEK: Marvel Ultimate Alliance Asgard sub-bosses: The Wrecking Crew!

GREEN GOBLIN versus SPIDER-MAN
(Marvel comics)
Where: Spider-man When: 2002
Why: Sam Raimi & David Koepp How: Tobey Maguire & Willem DaFoe

The story so far...
Whilst on excursion, High School student Peter Parker is bitten by a genetically engineered spider, altering his own DNA in a process that results in the proportionate strength, speed, agility and web-spinning of a spider!

After letting a thief get away, Peter's beloved surrogate-father, Uncle Ben Parker, is murdered by the man. Inspired by his uncle's words, Peter begins his career as Spider-man, living by the code that with great power, comes great responsibility.

His life as Peter Parker and career as Spider-man collide when his best friend's father, scientist Norman Osborn, goes insane after undergoing a treatment designed by his own organization to enhance strength. As the Green Goblin Norman comes to wage a war against Spider-man, and when he learns that he and Parker are one and the same, he inevitably goes after the ones Peter loves.

Previous Form:
Spider-man (#1): Victories over Kraven, Tombstone, Scorpion, Mysterio, Green Goblin, & Carnage.
Green Goblin: Organized the grouping of the Sinister Twelve, but has not yet been featured in combat on the site. Also manages The Thunderbolts.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Spider-man 5 (Super Strength)
Intelligence: Green Goblin 5 (Professor)
Speed: Spider-man 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Green Goblin 5 (Marathon Man)
Agility: Spider-man 5 (Cat-like)
Fighting Ability: Draw 3 (Street Wise)
Energy Powers: Green Goblin 4 (Arsenal)


We kinda teased at this one during the last Web-Slinging Wednesday [Marvel Knights Spider-man #11], but I had completely forgotten than the Goblin leaves his Sinister Eleven to pursue a conclusion not unlike what we're going to feature here today. That's a matter for the next section of the website, so in the mean time, let's take a look at the tape we didn't see last week!

It's worth noting that even in the comics, where Osborn does not employ a strength enhancing exoskeleton, he poses a considerably less physical threat in combat. Even so, as we've mentioned in days past, Spidey's five-rated super strength tends to operate on a sliding scale from high to low.
The No-Prize would go to saying Spidey's strength is sabotaged by his confidence, or distraction brought on in cases like this, where he is fighting the moderately enhanced, but personally involved, Green Goblin.

Even so, statistically the tape says Spidey has strength on the Goblin, along with the expected speed and agility that are so often Spider-man's strengths. So, what skills or attributes bring Norman Osborn to the dance?

Well, apart from the afformentioned personal attacks, there's the matter of his arsenal of weaponry. This includes not only high explosive pumpkin bombs, razor sharp bats, and other nasty projectiles, but also his infamous mode of transportation -- the Goblin Glider.

Fans of the comics will be more than familiar with the glider's exploits as a weapon, being the weapon that seemingly killed Norman Osborn in the seventies, and successfully did the deed to Ben Reilly, the original Spider-Clone. Likewise, a mere two weeks ago we saw how the Glider could be used as a potential weapon. [Amazing Spider-man #176]

Osborn's mechanical, scientific and tactical genius is probably also more immediately useful than Spider-man's, although both rate a comparable five in the intelligence field.

The Math: Spider-man (Meta Class)
The Pick: Spider-man

What went down...
We're running very late, so it's a picture book event!

Having struck the first blow by putting Aunt May in hospital, the Green Goblin goes after Mary-Jane Watson, the girl Peter "stole" from Harry, Norman's son.
The Goblin takes her to the top of the Queensboro bridge, where he uses the rocket powered weapons of his glider to destroy the mechanics of a cable car system travelling between the main island and Roosevelt.

Spidey follows the explosions, flinging himself by web across the bridge to the scene of the crime. There, the Green Goblin confronts his nemesis holding the lives of Mary-Jane and the cable car full of children, and asks Spidey to choose: "This is why only fools are heroes, because you never know when some lunatic will come along with a sadistic choice: Let die the woman you love -- or, suffer the little children!"

The Goblin drops both, leaving Spidey to make a swan dive for his girlfriend, before swinging back under the bridge to snatch the severed umbilcle cable of the cablecar out of the air. Dangling beneath the bridge, Spidey desperately holds onto the car as a barge calls ahoy, offering a slow cavalry for the children.

Helplessly dangling, Spidey is an easy target for the Goblin, who seems content to play with his heroic adversary, rather than go straight in for the kill.

Mary-Jane falls again, saved by the dangling cable car, as Spidey defies gravity, holding onto his web whilst flipping back around to snatch the cable once more.
The gliding Goblin pops the pointed blades at the head of his glider, and prepares to come around for a killer blow, but something strikes the Green Goblin, knocking him off his trajectory.

The citizens of New York lean over the edge of the bridge, tossing debris and abuse at the villain in a show of unbridled post 9-11 unity! They buy Spider-man much needed time, but even though the barge arrives in time for Spidey to lower the children and Mary-Jane to safety -- the Green Goblin remains unsatisfied!

He snags the daggling Spider-man with a tow line, and drags him away from the bridge into abandoned buildings nearby. Spidey is hurled into the growth covered ruins, smashing through bricks and more bricks as he attempts to use his webs to steady himself, but suffers only further damage.

The clinking of a pumpkin bomb is quickly followed by the deafening force of explosion. It rips through Spidey's mask with ease, exposing his face as he's hurled through the air to come to a harsh halt against one of the many walls.

The Goblin glides in, leaping off his glider to lorde his power over the broken little spider. He denounces Spider-man for his betrayal, unleashing a volley of super enhanced punches and knees, before finishing with an uppercut that jerks the limp Spider-man into the air.

The Goblin continues the assault with a display of showy acrobatics, and another barrage of punches and kicks. Spidey tries to web an exit, but the Goblin is quick in canceling his plans with the continue combination of moves. Unrelenting, he even picks Spider-man off the ground, only to pound him back down.

Spidey finds some space, shooting webs to catch the fiend like a fly, but the powerful exo-skeleton makes light work of Spidey's super strong webbing.
The Goblin rips aggressively through the webs into another full frontal attack, ending with a blow that throws Spider-man into yet another wall!

The floored Spidey desperately tries his webs again, but the Green Goblin is omnipresent. "You've spun your last web, Spider-man!"
The Goblin taunts his beaten foe, promising to end Mary-Jane's life with a joyous orgy of torture and pain for Spidey's defiance. Though his words are rattling, they serve to inadvertently revive the hero's will!

Enraged, Spider-man rises, catching the head of an electrically charged trident the Goblin produces. The two struggle for a moment, before Spidey finally unloads with the proportionate strength of a Spider, flinging the Goblin across the scene! This time it's the Green Goblin's turn to hit a wall!

Spidey trips the Goblin with weblines to the feet, and sprays out lines to pull the brickwall down atop his fallen foe. The green exo-suit protects the Goblin to a degree, but he is slow to emerge from the wreckage.

The first thing to emerge is a hand.
Spidey helps him from the wreckage, swinging on a web to snatch him up and throw him into another wall. There, Spidey holds the Goblin pinned in place, striking repeatedly at his body and face. Norman feels the blows, even through his goblin fashioned helmet.

As quickly as the tide of battle changes, so too does the character of the man Peter Parker faces. The tone of his voice quickly shifts as he begs for mercy, pulling away his helmet to reveal a terrified Norman Osborn.

The shock of the reveal leaves Peter stagnant. Norman speaks of his innocence in the crimes commited by the Goblin, claiming to have been unable to stop him. His conviction is supported by the hint of truth, a psychotic break the result of his own experiments in human enhancement.

Even while he's speaking, he taps a button on his gauntlet to summon the absent goblin glider. He thanks Peter for his saving intervention, and reaches out to him as the father Peter no longer has. Spidey rejects him, proudly remembering Ben Parker as his true father.

The rejection pushes the button Norman needs.

Spidey's preternatural warning senses warn him of the impending doom.
He flips free of it's path, but inadvertently leaves the glider to impale Norman against the wall. Fatally wounded, Norman's final words are anything but the rantings of a madman, "Peter... Don't tell Harry."

The hammer...
Yaaaaay! Spider-man triumphs over evil! Roll credits!
Actually, it's worth noting, as if you haven't seen the movie a million times, that Spidey carries Norman's body back to his home, where he's seen by Harry, sparking their own feud.

You might say in those dying moments Norman returned to sanity, fearful of the disappointment his son will feel of his father. Or, maybe in some ominous fashion, he was really trying to spare Harry of the knowledge of his crimes, so that he wouldn't repeat them. Who knows?

In the comics being impaled by his glider turns out to be much less lethal than it would appear here. A few years underground, and a healthy dose of regeneration thanks to his Goblin Serum, and Norman is quickly back on top, and in everybody's face as the Green Goblin once more.

The return of the original Green Goblin, as previously discussed, was a bit of a slap to the power of his story, and the story that followed with the Harry incarnation of the character in the eighties and nineties. Even so, it's hard to argue the value of the Norman Osborn character, despite mediocre treatments.

He was retroactively slotted back into some of the missing years, becoming responsible for plots such as the return of the Parker parents, and the fiasco it represented. Likewise, new stories featured new history, revealing Osborn's one-night stand with then-Spidey first love, Gwen Stacy, with whom he ultimately had two children, twins.

If you can believe it, the twins aged at an increased rate because of the Goblin serum in Norman's DNA at the time of conception. Like Harry, they grow into the Goblin legacy, following a series of contingencys to one of Norman's secret labs, where they become new Goblins themselves, before ultimately dying of their congenital afflictions.

Right now Norman Osborn has survived his sinister schemes to become the director of the current version of the government funded Thunderbolts. A team that features other prominent psychopathic killers, Bullseye and Mac Gargan (formerly Scorpion, currently Venom). Otherwise the consemate strategist, mental instabilities have been at the forefront of his charaterization at the hands of Warren Ellis, with regular unprompted outbursts regarding Spider-man.

This is probably where some of my highest praises come of the film. It gleefully retains the technicolour palette of it's comic counterpart, but still manages to tell a relatively sensible story, stripping the Green Goblin/Spider-man rivalry of some of it's less impressive moments. Likewise, it condenses the saga of their feud, bridging the gap to Harry in a way the comics never quite sold.

The film isn't without it's problems. Like certain computer-generated scenes, Kirsten Dunst is entirely unconvincing as Mary-Jane. Likewise, some of the plot does stray a little far into corn, particularly the hurrah-NY moment, which unfortunately has a redux in the much toted sequel.

Fundamentally the film has a strong structure to it, and that's probably where the sequel falls for me. Though Spider-man 2 is regarded by many to be the superior film, if not the greatest superhero film of all time, I think it's repetition of the structure and strokes featured in this film make it far weaker.

As an introductory film Spider-man performs well, but certainly leaves room for improvement. Which may or may not be discussed if we ever get a chance to talk about the sequel, which isn't unlikely!

This is it for Web-Slinging Wednesdays as we finally wrap up the late May posts (today being June 8, 1:47am). If you missed out on some of the other posts be sure to track back, but in the mean time, look forward to more movie madness as we dive into some Fantastic Four/Silver Surfer action for June! Cheers!

The Fight: 6 The Movie: 6