JUGGERNAUT versus COLOSSUS

He'll Never Make Me Cry (Marvel)
Where: Uncanny X-Men #183 When: July 1984
Why: Chris Claremont How: John Romita Jr & Dan Green

The Story So Far...
Returned from the violent ordeal of The Beyonder's "Secret Wars": Colossus is a changed man! He was badly injured in battle with The Wrecking Crew, but the wounds that hurt him most are of the heart and soul!

While on Battleworld, Colossus had found himself deeply in love with one of the planet's native inhabitants -- a healer named Zsaji! She was a vital ally to the besieged heroes, sustaining them with her incredible powers. Alas; it was her powers that inspired The Beyonder to hatch a plot made reality by the power-stealing Dr. Doom! The heroes were helpless as Zsaji's life-force was sacrificed a final time so that they may live.

Carrying Zsaji's memory back to Earth, Colossus confronts his greatest love: Kitty Pryde. Intent on honouring both, the mighty mutant confesses his feelings for the deceased healer. The truth breaks poor Kitty's heart, and raises the ire of fellow X-Man Wolverine! He intends to give Colossus a good talking to - maybe worse - but when Nightcrawler joins them on their trip to a Manhattan bar, they're all in for a lesson in the dangers of barroom brawling...

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Juggernaut 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Colossus 2 (Average)
Speed: Draw 3 (Athlete)
Stamina: Juggernaut 7 (Unstoppable)
Agility: Colossus 2 (Average)
Fighting: Colossus 4 (Trained)
Energy: Draw 1 (None)

Let's cut straight to it: Juggernaut's mystically endowed strength is the very inspiration behind our Infinite Wars Tape rating for 7 stamina. "Unstoppable" is in the name - but if he's such a world beater, why is the W column empty?

Juggernaut - aka; Cain Marko - may be one of Marvel Comics' most famous amoral bruisers, but he's never had the benefit of a full feature here on The Comic Book Fight Club. A harsh ruling in 2006 for Uncanny X-Men #194 saw Juggy play second fiddle to a powered up Rogue - only earning an assist to the win. When it came to going toe-to-toe in a passing crossover moment with DC Comics' Superman - you can bet there wasn't much opportunity for Juggernaut to pick up a win there, either. The circumstances of each story didn't do him a lot of favours, but those are the risks when you use the power of the Crimson Gem of Cyttorak for evil!

Of course, the mercurial muscle of Colossus is nothing to sneeze at either! A traditionally beloved member of the X-Men, he's the merry mutants' resident strong man, and when he activates his ability to transform into cold Russian steel - you better watch out!

In the 1980s, Colossus was always a young fighter with incredible heart, but was shown to lack the raw strength of benchmark heroes like Thing and Hulk. In more recent times he's been pretty comfortable mixing it up in their weight bracket, an equal 6 for strength by our measure, even if we give the edge to his opponent. He played an assist role in the aforementioned Uncanny fight reviewed in '06, but demonstrated his modern muscle in an emotional return seen in Amazing X-Men #5! His victory over alien Ord is a prime example of his uncaged rage, and 90s physicality against Apocalypse in Uncanny X-Men #295 shows how his brawn evolved.

What does it all boil down to? It means any time you get these two characters together you're going to have one helluva slugfest! The story of Colossus' super-human strength is told through fights like these, earned over years of struggles with opponents greater than he is. Theirs is one of comics' best remembered rivalries, and it wouldn't be so fondly regarded if it wasn't about struggle. By every definition, Juggernaut was Colossus' superior going into this fight - the benefit of unnatural, magical strength.

The Tape: Draw Ranking: Colossus (#273)

What Went Down...
A West Village neighbourhood bar: Monahan's. A broken hearted farm boy. A grumpy old man who thinks farm boy needs a trip to the woodshed... When the X-Man Wolverine suggested he and Colossus go for a drink and a chat, there was always going to be trouble. Not even voice-of-reason tagalong Nightcrawler could've foreseen the large man at the bar with the pretty young lady, though.

Wolverine spots him first. The smell of Juggernaut is hard to miss when you've got keen mutant senses! He tried for a discreet exit, but when Colossus drunkenly resists, he stumbles backward - spilling his beer all over the off-duty super-villain! A polite offer to buy the next one doesn't save Colossus. Cain Marko has other means of getting money. He wants payback!

A one-handed shove from the magically enhanced powerhouse sends Colossus flying through the premises! The fall could've killed him - had he not had the mutant ability to transform himself into a steel-skinned giant!

Colossus doesn't take kindly to the act of aggression! He charges back into the fray, ducking a cross to deliver his own uppercut! The fight is on and the patrons aren't planning to interfere -- Wolverine and Nightcrawler included!

Juggernaut, of course, recognizes his Russian sparring partner, but Colossus is slow on the uptake. Is it the alcohol in his system, or just the obscurity of seeing Cain Marko in civilian attire? Perhaps he just has other things on his mind as a giant fist comes crashing down from above - narrowly missing Colossus as he shoves out of the way, condemning the bar to splinters!

Severed by the clubbing blow - the bar becomes an overgrown weapon for the Juggernaut. Enraged - he swings the entire structure into Colossus!

Fortunately, the owner has superhero battle insurance, but that doesn't stop a terrified mob fleeing the scene -- including Juggernaut's date! With no signs of movement beneath the wreckage, Juggernaut decides to call it quits -- but Colossus is just getting started! He bursts out, tackling Juggernaut from behind!

They square off. Juggernaut likes the boy's willingness to take punishment. Colossus doesn't like being called a boy. Trash talk advantage: Juggernaut! He sends the metal mutant airborne - head-first through a wall with a "Sunday" punch! "An' this is what my partner Black Tom Cassidy'd call..."

The "Coup de Grace" brings the house down - literally! Several storeys of plunder collapse in upon Monahan's bar -- and on top of Colossus! KO!

The Hammer...
In case there was any doubt - don't worry! Colossus can take it! Juggernaut may have won the battle, but the war between the X-Men and Charles Xavier's invincible step-brother was destined to be long and winding feud far beyond this famous issue!

 

This is, of course, the first fight of December 2015, celebrating the 10th Anniversary of Secret Wars on Infinite Earths! It is also one of the most suggested fights for feature in the blog's history - so I hope you'll be pleased to finally see its famous fisticuffs added to the running tally!

 

The battle is actually a make-good in a couple of interesting ways!

 

As mentioned above in "The Tape"; despite being one of Marvel Comics' most renowned super-heavyweight brawlers - Juggernaut hasn't had the most stellar representation here on The Comic Book Fight Club! In fact, with no prior victories recorded [3 assists], he ranks a lowly #761 prior to this result! Colossus is a bit better off at #273, but it's fair to say both have plenty more features ahead of them before an accurate measure can be recorded!

 

There's also a little editorial make-good at work, as well! In another famous face-off: Juggernaut had lost a surprise fight with Spider-man just a couple years prior [Amazing Spider-man #230]! It's referenced in the issue as a reason for Juggernaut drowning his night away in the bar, and it makes the win here all the more shrewd. After all, if you beat you bad guys too often, they start to lose their lustre - and even a mega power like Juggernaut needs to keep his heat!

 

Actually, there's a lot to like about this deceptively simple issue and the many masters it serves. On the surface, it's a simple stand-alone superfight issue - but scratch a little deeper and you quickly realize its varied connections.

 

The fight itself refers to the '82 Spidey battle, and draws upon Juggernaut's many confrontations since his 1965 debut. He's played against type in casual setting, but the cover gives clear indication of the marquee scuffle. At the time of the issue, Colossus was into his tenth year in print. Still a relatively young character - in and out of the story - developing into the legendary X-Man we know today. The issue adds another twist in the soap opera love affair between he and Kitty Pryde, and at the same time deals with fallout from the original Secret Wars maxi-series. Oh, and Juggy's date? Selene - a relatively new, relatively deadly life-sucking villainess who left with another of the bar's patrons, to return in an upcoming issue!

As a sporadic reader at best, I don't have a strong affection for this period of X-Men, but what I do have a great appreciation for is the shaping of its published issues. Claremont's stories have a wonderful way of using monthly issues to weave in and out of the lives of characters, splitting them off for small groups or individual spotlights - like this issue - before inevitably weaving them back together. Focusing on big action is bringing levity back to a book soaked in heavy, team and event dramas. It isn't abandoning them, just keeping it fresh. Good in isolation, fresh in sequence. A wonderful approach that slipped away from superhero comics as time went on.

 

Thus, a relatively simple issue - remembered for the fight on the cover - connects directly to many varied strands and goals! It's a relatively light read, but these layers of complexity are there if you want to purse them. It's a fine way to do superhero comics, and maybe even a metaphor for this blog, which has always put the fight front and centre, but aimed to juggle more than just combos.

 

What are we juggling in December? Well, to celebrate the 10th Anniversary, it had to be some of comics' biggest fights - but not necessarily the most obvious! At the end of the year we'll finish big with another of the most requested fights from the blog's history -- but up next we're going with a legendary hero/villain combo who are yet to appear! Be here next week for this famous first!

 

Winner: Juggernaut

ONSLAUGHT versus X-MEN
Traitor to the Cause (Marvel)
Where: Onslaught: X-Men #1 When: August 1996
Why: Scott Lobdell & Mark Waid
How: Adam Kubert & Dan Green

The Story So Far...
When the Juggernaut falls from the heavens to crash land in Hoboken, it begins the mystery of a new villain who will attack the X-Men at their most personal core. The entity called Onslaught contacts Grey in an effort to recruit her into his mission to destroy the divide between humans and mutants, but before she can submit, the Juggernaut reveals to her the true identity of the armored monster.

Having overcome the mutant forebarer Post; the X-Men find themselves summoned to Charles Xavier's headquarters when the search for an attacking Juggernaut is called off. Little do they realise the Juggernaut is trapped within the crimson gem of Cytorrak sitting on a desk right under their nose, and the true enemy that endangers all of them is right before them -- Professor X!

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Onslaught 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Dark Beast 6 (Genius)
Speed: Cannonball 5 (Superhuman)
Stamina: Onslaught 7 (Unstoppable)
Agility: Ice Man 7 (Malleable)
Fighting Ability: Wolverine 6 (Warrior)
Energy Power: Onslaught 6 (Mass Destruction)


- When Magneto, inspired by a near death experience, declared war on humanity, it prompted the initiation of the Magneto Protocols. From his orbital station, Avalon, the master of magnetism plunges the Earth into darkness with an EMP that destroys the protocol's electro-magnetic fence around the Earth, along with all electronic technology on the planet. In an effort to prevent further escalation, Professor Charles Xavier leads the X-Men on a suicide mission to Avalon.

In the final confrontation, Magneto mercilessly rips the adamantium from Wolverine's skeleton [X-Men #25] - forcing Professor X to resort to drastic measures. In a spontaneous assault, the Professor uses his telepathic powers to rip the malice and malcontent from Magneto's mind, reducing him to a catatonic state in the process.

Unbenknownst to the Professor, the guilt felt over his attack on his former friend festers in his subconscious, merging with Magneto's ill will to form a gestalt entity borne of his negativity. Onslaught - a creature of mass psionic ability - possesses much of the Professor's telepathic strengths, without any of the inhibition. Clad in powerful psionic armor modelled after Magneto's uniform; Onslaught is also highly resistant to physical attack.

- The X-Men are: Jean Grey, Cyclops, Storm, Bishop, Wolverine, Gambit, Ice Man, Cannonball, and Dark Beast.

The emergence of the mutant X-gene brings with it mixed blessings as humanity finds itself confronted by the next stage in human evolution. As individuals begin to manifest inherent superhuman abilities, two men; Charles Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr; find themselves at a philosophical crossroads where education would be concerned. In contrast to his counterpart, Xavier uses his family fortune to found the Charles Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters, using his knowledge and powers to train and educate mutant pubescents struggling with their abilities.

Xavier's original class consisted of Scott Summers, Jean Grey, Bobby Drake, Hank McCoy, and Warren Worthington III, but would soon expand exponentially proportionate to team's activities as a covert paramilitary force protecting humanity from those who would misuse their power. Among the prominent new recruits; Wolverine, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Kitty Pryde, Storm, Rogue, Havok, Dazzler, Gambit, Emma Frost, and for a short time, even Magneto.

Math: X-Men (Ttl) Onslaught (Avg) Ranking: Wolverine (#6)

What Went Down...
Scouring the grounds of the X-Mansion, the team is gathered to Xavier's study by telepathic call from their mentor. Most of the X-Men are unaware that they are about to walk into a trap that will test everything they believe, but Jean Grey, having encountered a traumatized Juggernaut, knows the horrible truth.

Maintaining a telepathic shield around her mind, Jean Grey probes at the recesses of Professor Charles Xavier's mind, searching desperately for hope, as the jaded mentor delivers his epiphany to the gathered inner circle of X-Men.
While the Professor informs his students that he has lost the faith, Jean Grey notices an artifact easily mistaken for a paperweight on Xavier's desk, but in actual fact, the crimson gem of Cytorrak -- powersource of the Juggernaut!

Before she can even hope to free the trapped soul inside, a psychadelic array of psionic energies fills the space all around a startled Jean Grey. She emplores the Professor to overcome the darkness that has engulfed his heart, but is quickly muzzled by the brute force of Xavier's mental attack.

The X-Men gather to aid their suddenly convulsing teammate, blissfully unaware of the telepathic exchange going on, at least until Cannonball calls their attentions to the chair where the Professor once sat, but now crouches the hulking red and purple mass that is -- Onslaught!

The looming visage of this mighty psionic warrior reveals to the startled X-Men it's origins as a manifestation of Xavier. He compells them to follow him in his unabated march on humanity, to follow as they had once the dream of peaceful coexistence envisioned by the Professor.

When the mutants prove unconvinced by his claims, with the merest of thoughts he attacks their hidden fears, reducing Wolverine to a confused animal, Ice Man to an uncontrollable mass, and Storm a frightened child buried by rubble.

Acting on instinct, Cyclops catches Onslaught offguard with a high powered optic blast! He speaks for the entire team when he warns that Xavier would know all too well that, inspite of their reluctance, they would stand united against him.

Enraged by their opposition, Onslaught unleashes his psionic powers, blasting the gathered X-Men with a wave of raw telekinetic energy, whilst very nearly divulging the hidden portion of his gestalt psyche -- the mind of Magneto!

With the team toppled; Onslaught uses his powers to force the X-Men into a frozen state, while he levitates and phases free of the mansion, intent on recruiting a powerful young mutant to fund his machinations: Franklin Richards!

While Onslaught disappears to Four Freedoms plaza to tempt the son of Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman in the guise of a child -- Gambit uses his ability to generate bio-kinetic energy to charge the mansion floor, freeing the team of their mental hold with the resulting explosion! The team regroups to swap notes and prepare to face the biggest challenge in their history...

The Hammer...
Awww! Admittedly, in what was probably fodder for a quick fix, I give you your crossover prompting winner, Onslaught! Why stretch it out to a fully fledged entry, you ask? Well, aside from the sheer quantity of information attached to the battle, I suppose after declaring X-Men 2: Clone Wars the greatest comic book game of all time, I just wanted to jump on the X-horse while I was in the mood!

The mood to talk X-Men is a pretty rare occurance around the Infinite Wars, and in an ironic twist, you can probably trace that prejudice back to Onslaught.
In a decade where the crux of the X-Men story was the fortune of their survival - baggage accumulated through annual crossover events culminated with the Onslaught saga. So convoluted was the story that it managed to pressure cook not only the X-books, but also the entire Marvel Universe, giving way to Heroes Reborn, a reboot that segregated the core heroes in a parallel universe that left them under the creative direction of former Image founders; Jim Lee and Rob Liefeld.

I have to confess a fondness for some of the early/mid nineties crossovers!
In their unabashed popcorn, stories like; Maximum Carnage, Fatal Attractions, and even Heroes Reborn, fullfil the joyous mixed bag of action introduced by eighties crossover events, with the sense of lasting consequence that has become a stalwart of their modern counterparts (ie; Civil War).

I'm not sure I necessarily regard Onslaught as particularly awful.
It's dominance of the Marvel Universe was certainly frustrating at the time, and it's penchant for taking itself far too seriously retroactively feels sophmoric, given the clunky quality of writing, but -- informed readers will probably have been able to digest portions fitting to their own interests -- a method that makes the story much easier to appreciate for it's positives.

As a historical checkpoint Onslaught deserves credit for it's big crunch solve for a handful of unfortunate lingering plotlines. Teenaged Tony Stark is one of the key errors of judgment that was able to be phased out as a direct result of Onslaught and the subsequent Heroes Reborn reboot. Acting as a soft comparison to DC's linewide Crisis wipe, the aftermath of Onslaught also gave way to a return of traditional design sense that had also been betrayed by the illconceived, gimmick-driven shifts of the nineties.

These Marvel improvements didn't come without a cost, and one might be inclined to say the years of devolution that followed for the X-Universe was probably the price paid for a better Marvel.

Mired in a recurring string of reboots that continues today, the X-Men seem to be unable to escape the albatross of nostalgia beats from periods of previous success. A bright spark of improvement during an experimental post-movie period saw visionary writer, Grant Morrison, lead the reinvention of X-Men for the modern era.

Unfortunately, as with the short sighted design of Onslaught and other nineties X-overs; governing wisdom seems to believe hope for the franchise lies in constant redux and structural shake-ups.

The evolution of mutant society established under Morrison was completely deconstructed with works immediately preceeding, peaking with Decimation, a story which reduced the mutant population to an estimated one hundred and ninety-eight.

Erratic betrayals of consistency like this that have quite probably left the X-Men years away from retribution. No matter how unpopular, I cannot entertain the notion that Joss Whedon's Astonishing X-Men submitted anything more than repetitive backtracking and excessively familiar cues, (from the seventies, up to the nineties), that have contributed to the stagnancy of the brand.

The Infinite Wars continues to watch on with jaded bemusement as Marvel rolls out a series of silhouetted promotional art for yet another 2009 push for the brand. Cheap tricks and gimmicks feel like another misstep in the opposite direction, but then, on the surface, Morrison and Quitely's leather jacketted trendy X-Men probably appeared the same. We shall see...

The Fight: 2.5 The Issue: 3.5

Missed out on Onslaught the first time around? Found yourself wondering what the deal with that big guy in Marvel vs Capcom was? You can find the "epic" editions of Onslaught wrapped up in two volumes on Amazon! Better yet, by using online purchase links provided on the site, you not only get the convenience of online shopping, but also help sponsor future entries in the Infinite Wars! Looking for more X-Men and other reads? The Infinite Wars Amazonian Gift Shoppe contains a range of collections containing issues previous reviewed in the Secret Archives, and other recommended reads! Booyah!