AVENGERS versus THANOS

(Marvel)
Where: Free Comic Book Day Civil War II #1 When: May 2016 Why: Brian Michael Bendis How: Jim Cheung

The Story So Far...
An Inhuman known as Ulysses Cain may hold the secrets to the impending future! In an effort to verify his ominous visions, Inhuman Queen Medusa accompanies him to The Triskelion for further testing under the watchful eye of Black Panther and The Ultimates.

Upon his arrival, Ulysses is suddenly confronted with a glimpse into an oncoming threat: Thanos is coming!

The Mad Titan aims to claim a Cosmic Cube from Project PEGASUS, but as he teleports towards their secluded Mount Athena base in New York -- a powerful assembly of Avengers prepares to greet him with extreme prejudice!

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Thanos 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Black Panther 5 (Professor)
Speed: Photon 5 (Super-Human)
Stamina: Thanos 7 (Unstoppable)
Agility: Black Panther 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting: Thanos 6 (Warrior)
Energy: Human Torch 7 (Cosmic Power)
Total: Thanos 34 (Super)

The Avengers are: Captain Marvel, Black Panther, Ms. America, Spectrum, Blue Marvel, She-Hulk, Dazzler, Medusa, Crystal, Human Torch, and War Machine.

It might be a tad glib to call them "The Avengers". More accurately, we have various solo heroes joining representatives of then-current lineups for The Ultimates, A-Force, and Inhumans. Avengers, by any other name...

They're up against one of the deadliest villains in the cosmic canon! Forget what you might've heard about altruistic balance and preservation of life. Thanos will always be The Mad Titan whose lust for Death nearly destroyed the universe!

When he famously formed The Infinity Gauntlet, he became nigh omnipotent, wiping out half of all life in existence to impress Lady Death. When the surviving heroes came to confront him, his true sadism emerged! Various heroes met a twisted end, including She-Hulk, who was consumed by some type of growth.

She-Hulk's the only one of today's heroes we've seen go against Thanos before. Despite her demise that day, she showed potential for getting some serious shots in! Iron Man was one of the heroes also there, but his example of an unceremonious decapitation isn't the most promising one for War Machine.

Thanos doesn't have any Infinity Stones in today's battle, which at least means War Machine should be able to leave a mark! Human Torch might fare better than Firelord, as well. Johnny went mostly unnoticed by Gladiator in Fantastic Four #249, but turned up the heat enough to burn Ego The Living Planet in Fantastic Four #235. The potential to go nova could scorch even Thanos!

Captain Marvel is the real ace up this team's sleeve. We've seen her Kree-infused powers mix it up with the uber-powerful Collective in New Avengers #17, a Dormammu-powered Hood in New Avengers #54, and a giant Agamotto-possessed Luke Cage in New Avengers (Vol.2) #2!

At this point in time, Carol Danvers is once again juiced to the max and powerful enough to go toe-to-toe with cosmic powers! That could give her the best shot at recreating Drax's killing blow against Thanos, seen in Annihilation #4! I don't imagine Thanos will be nearly as accommodating this time, though.

It took the remains of a Cosmic Cube to stop Thanos when he was resurrected anew in Guardians of the Galaxy #25! His naked rampage took down the entire Guardians lineup, including Drax, Groot, and Moondragon! He also didn't even break a sweat when turning on Terrax during an inter-dimensional scheme seen in Green Lantern/Silver Surfer!

Even without that Infinity Gauntlet, we know Thanos is as serious a threat as they come! He can be defeated, but will the pre-cognition of Ulysses give this assembly of heroes the advantage they need to do the deed? Let's find out!

The Tape: Avengers Ranking: Thanos (#9)

What Went Down...
True to the prophetic vision of the Inhuman Ulysses -- a purple beam of light signals the arrival of Thanos! Though unprepared for an Avengers ambush, he is heavily armed with sophisticated weaponry and immediately resists arrest!

The descending group of heroes are quickly dispersed by the gun's powerful blast. Captain Marvel absorbs its deadly energies. The Human Torch stays airborne and maneuvers to be the first to immediately strike back!

Swooping behind his target, The Human Torch bathes Thanos in an intense flame! There's no need to hold back against a foe as powerful and resilient as The Mad Titan -- but his fire can only blaze so hot with friends nearby.

The Torch's former Fantastic Four teammate She-Hulk ignores the burn and rushes in to dive tackle Thanos from behind! The bold move succeeds in scoring a takedown, but The Mad Titan swears this day will mark her death.

She-Hulk grapples with the burning Thanos before Captain Marvel calls her shot and unleashes a massive blast of photonic energy!

The explosive energy pushes She-Hulk clear. Dazzler joins in, enthusiastically pouring on the power with more energy blasts. With Thanos pinned down, Captain Marvel calls in War Machine for a second wave of artillery fire!

Reeling from the awesome display of power, Thanos wonders how the Avengers could be ready with such a coordinated attack. He doesn't have long to contemplate before Medusa ensnares him in blinding, suffocating curls of hair!

War Machine is still firing munitions when Thanos manages to gain purchases of Medusa's living locks and hurls her toward the armored Avenger!

The collision throws War Machine's targeting off, sending a wayward missile into the chest of She-Hulk! The Colonel moves in to check on his friendly fire victim, letting his guard down for just a moment -- a fatal decision!

Thanos seizes his opportunity -- rushing through flames to drive his massive fist into the armored but prone mid-section of War Machine! A killing blow!

As Captain Marvel and Black Panther watch on in horror, Thanos turns to his opponents with a sinister grin and demands his Cosmic Cube. They respond.

Captain Marvel, Spectrum, and Blue Marvel launch an all-out assault! Their awesome powers create a wall of energy that hammers the Titan from all sides!

For a moment he faces into Captain Marvel's raw power, stumbles into Dazzler's pink bursts, feels Black Panther's claws slice at the back of his neck, is caught from behind by Blue Marvel's force bolts, takes Spectrum's best to his face!

The devastating gauntlet leaves Thanos a stumbling, smoldering mess. He has no defense as Captain Marvel moves in to deliver a devastating uppercut!

The finishing blow launches Thanos across the battlefield, leaving him lying unconscious amidst the flames. Captain Marvel rushes to cradle a bloodied War Machine. Black Panther & Blue Marvel tend to a barely breathing She-Hulk.

The Hammer...
The Avengers defeated Thanos, but at what price comes victory? War Machine is dead, and She-Hulk in critical condition! Such dire stakes can only signal the beginning of yet another major Marvel Comics event...

I come into this one with some pretty strong biases. Ten years removed from the gratuitous murder of Goliath in Civil War #4 -- the novelty has long since lost its flavor. By this point, I'm largely beyond caring about the majority of crossover events, let alone their obligatory superhero deaths.

Truth be told, the bloom was off the rose for Marvel's blockbusters by the time Siege rolled out in 2010. That story functioned as a reunion of Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor, mopping up lingering consequences of the original Civil War, specifically its villain-centric aftermath: the period known as "Dark Reign".

Dark Reign had been a refreshing exploration of ideas organically grandfathered in through the post-Civil War and Secret Invasion landscapes. It was anchored around monthly Avengers titles, rather than a single dedicated event-series. Sadly, Siege was to bring that pleasing break in action to a much-hyped end.

Siege ultimately cobbled together mayhem and carnage in four unfortunately lackluster key issues, and various focused tie-ins. It played like a perfunctory ticking of two to three major editorial boxes, most notably: The removal of Norman Osborn as Marvel's ultimate arch-villain, and the emphatic killing of The Sentry, which reads like a meta-textual in-joke. Even with a reduced four issue core, these simple beats couldn't sustain a series, resulting in a messy, joyless counterpart to DC's better built, superhero war-time smorgasbord of Final Crisis.

The palpable tedium of Siege should've seen Marvel close the door on events for a fair while, but instead, the publisher went into event overdrive in the years that followed. It hasn't even been a decade since Siege -- yet Cap, Iron Man, and Thor have all been split-up, pitted against heroes, maimed, and killed more than once! Only to reenact another mock reunion before doing it all over again.

They've shared the 'death bench' with many high-profile heroes in that time, all of whom died and returned within a couple of years. The endless cycle of kill, rinse, repeat leaving the Marvel Universe stinking of its own meaningless decay.

Civil War itself was an obvious template for many of these deaths and event series, which made it even more difficult to feel like a 10th anniversary sequel was worth the while. In 2016 it was a major motion sequel to Captain America: The Winter Soldier. How can I miss Civil War if it never goes away?

No surprises then that I'm still not very interested in Civil War II's hero-on-hero conflict, or the Inhumans-fuelled take on Minority Report. Here comes the twist, however. because I've got to say the Free Comic Book Day launch issue is actually a very satisfying read!

It would, of course, be foolish to assume macro grievances belie any quality publishing. There's usually something to like on the bill. In this case, time away from Marvel's jumbled brands, and bloodthirsty event schedule, probably helped enhance the simple pleasures that make FCBD Civil War II #1 so enjoyable.

The pros are easily distilled: It starts with some nice character interaction, lays the groundwork for the moral quandary ahead, and features a big battle with an A-list villain that goes to conclusion. It's a pretty satisfying done-in-one read!

There are obvious questions left to be answered, but the FCBD issue avoids reading like a trailer for coming attractions. Impressive, since that's really the primary function these promotional free issues serve.

For a lapsed reader, some of the fun is simply in seeing old favourites together again. I got a real kick out of seeing FF alum She-Hulk, Human Torch, Medusa, and Black Panther together again, and kicking ass. Most get their moment.

As alluded to in The Tape; this was a period of Marvel history where corporate malevolence, and editorial malaise, had led a lot of established brands to erode meaning. This isn't technically an Avengers assembly, so much as a gathering of representatives of The Ultimates, A-Force, and Inhumans. The fact that these divisions are essentially meaningless is actually helpful in an isolated case.

Jim Cheung does a great job delivering the action that comprises the majority of the piece. Each character gets their moment in clear sequence, with big action beats given room to shine. There's a tremendous sense of space and reality, but with that comes both good and bad. It's easy to track what's going on, but it sometimes feels a little small scale. The intense, inescapable red/blue palette also contributes to an impression of a murky lot of one thing in one place.

Movie stardom means Thanos is as strong as ever, even though he's here to be the fall guy. It was a little weird that he comes in looking like Cable with guns strapped all over his body. I don't think that's a visual joke about Josh Brolin's dual live-action roles, but you never know. It doesn't matter much, as Thanos is quickly forced to fend for himself, sans cannons. He puts up a helluva fight, but after several years of promotional exploitation, he was ripe for being beaten in the prologue.

Of the lineup present to arrest Thanos, it makes good sense that Captain Marvel gets the knock-out blow. You could make a case for other characters, but she's the best equipped, and most primed to take the story forward. I don't know how well her conflict with Iron Man stands up to Cap's in 2006, but the fact it isn't simply a straight repeat of the earlier disagreement is appreciated.

I didn't know Carol Danvers had a romantic relationship with War Machine prior to reading this. Given their affiliations with Tony Stark, and history as military personnel, it seems like a pretty natural coupling. It's dangled unsubtly in the first few pages, milked to provide extra emotional context for what's coming.

I'd be lying if I said there was any real joy in witnessing the death of War Machine. Cheung is asked to convey a precise misstep in motion, and the net result makes War Machine look a little silly. The fact that the killing blow comes from a villain as credible as Thanos helps mitigate the goofiness. Without that, it flirts with the unintentional comedy of Hawkeye's needless self-sacrifice in the earlier Avengers Disassembled. Ultimately, tangled hair and bumping into a teammate is a pretty undignified end for a seasoned hero like War Machine.

Ten years on from Civil War, they seem to be trading on a character of greater notoriety than Goliath, but to what end? Frankly, it seems like a transparent decision to remove one African-American Iron Man alternate, to make way for a new one, the future Ironheart.

The race of the two Civil Wars fatalities may be coincidence, but as the latter participates in clumsy efforts to address the imbalance of representation, the self-defeating fallacy of the decision becomes all the more clear. Indelicate decisions like these only hobbled efforts to introduce a new generation of diverse young heroes, mortgaging the past for an unearned future.

War Machine had long, frustrating lulls of inaction throughout his published history, but remained grounded by those early stories that built a relationship with Tony Stark, and the Avengers. It always seemed there was plenty more to do with the character.

Given Tony Stark was destined to be the major scalp for Civil War II, the potential for Rhodey to continue to play a natural role in the development of Ironheart just seems obvious. They would both be scarred by his demise. The emergence of a new armored hero would naturally draw Rhodey back to action. His potential as a mentor figure would then seem natural more than cliché, building Riri Williams a strong foundation in the Marvel Universe. Oh well!

Want to put the pieces into greater context for yourself? You can pick up a trade paperback of Civil War II, which includes the Free Comic Book Day special and complete mini-series! Shop using the Amazon link embedded and they'll support the site at no cost to you! Who could possibly go to war over that?

Think I need to take a closer look at the rest of Civil War II? Let me know in the comments, or while you're following Secret Wars on Infinite Earths on Twitter and Facebook. There, you'll also find daily links to fights inspired by the topics of the day! You can also deep dive into the Secret Archive to discover more!

We always finish with the verdict and rankings update. Captain Marvel clearly delivered the knock-out blow, but under examination, a team effort kept Thanos off balance, and led to his defeat. So the win is shared.

Winners: Captain Marvel, Spectrum, Blue Marvel, Black Panther, Dazzler, She-Hulk & Human Torch (w/ War Machine, Ms. America, Medusa & Crystal)
#45 (+28) Captain Marvel (Carol Danvers)
#12 (+2) Human Torch
#37 (+14) Black Panther
#134 (+260) She-Hulk
#151 (+281) Spectrum (Monica Rambeau)
#174 (+305) Dazzler
#327 (new) Blue Marvel
#124 (+1) War Machine [+1 assist]
#344 (+5) Medusa [+1 assist]
#434 (-1) Crystal [+1 assist]
#558 (new) Ms. America (America Chavez) [+1 assist]
#10 (-1) Thanos [+1 kill]

THE AVENGERS versus THE SYMBIOTE
What If The Alien Costume had Possessed Spider-man? (Marvel comics)
Where: What if...? #4 When: October 1989
Why: Danny Fingeroth How: Mark Bagley

The story so far...
In our reality Peter Parker was able to free himself of the influence of the alien symbiote he obtained during the Secret Wars, but in another universe Peter Parker was not so fortunate.

Reed Richards was able to intervene and remove the symbiotic costume to contain it, but neither he nor Dr. Strange could prevent the creature escaping to again seek out the Spider-man once more.

The symbiote reemerges during a battle between Dr. Strange and Hulk, and wrenches the green goliath from being banished to another dimension. Combatting Strange and Hulk, the symbiote recognises an even more powerful host, and thus the incredible Hulk becomes the possessor of the black costume.

Leaving behind a frail and aged Peter Parker, the symbiote-Hulk now has the combined might of Peter Parker, Dr. Strange, Reed Richards, Black Cat and the Avengers in pirsuit of it. But will they survive long enough to stop it?

Previous Form:
Mr. Fantastic (#16): Mr. Fantastic has a victory against the Red Ghost and his Super Apes.
Hulk (#7): Hulk has tangoed successfully with the Thunderbolts and Daredevil.
Thor (#12): Thor has had victories over Captain Marvel and Super-Skrull.
Venom Symbiote (#11): The Symbiote has been possessed by Peter Parker, Eddie Brock and Mac Gargan.
The Avengers [#2]: The Avengers have battled and won against She-Hulk and the Secret Avengers.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Thor 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Mr. Fantastic 6 (Genius)
Speed: Photon 5 (Super Speed)
Stamina: Hulk 6 (Generator)
Agility: Symbiote 7 (Unlimited)
Fighting Ability: Thor 6 (Warrior)
Energy Powers: Scarlet Witch 7 (Solar Power)

Wow, we're running a bit late today, and we've got a lot ahead of us!

Sadly Peter Parker, having been sapped of his energy, suffers a death of old age before the fight can be taken to the symbiote-Hulk, but as Reed Richards would discover, he did provide key scientific theorums that, combined with Richards' thoughts, provided key to victory.

Which I suppose brings us straight to a huge advantage for the team going up against the Symbiote, and that's Mr. Fantastic. He's one of the greatest scientific minds in the Marvel universe, and one of the foremost authorities on alien life.
So you can trust that Peter Parker's research is in good hands.

You'll see the line-up of the team consists of: Mr. Fantastic, Thor, Dr. Strange, Vision, Starfox, Photon, Scarlet Witch, the Human Torch and the Wasp.

We know the symbiote has vulnerabilities to sonics and flame/heat, so presumably Photon and Human Torch are a big plus in this field. If they can get a clear shot they could potentially end the fight in one shot, so there you go.

Vision is presumably a heavy-hitter who could not be possessed by the symbiote because he's an in-organic lifeform. I don't know the specifics of that, but let us assume that the Vision's strength and varying skills of tangibility would be useful in at least slowing the symbiote down.

The symbiote is entering this fight whilst possessing the Hulk. Which means he's got a massive well of energy to draw upon, likewise, he's bringing an impressive physical strength with him. Which is a pretty big deal, because the Hulk alone could probably tackle the Avengers.

That said, the Symbiote's inherent weaknesses make him a bit of a softer target, even with the Hulk, so unless he steamrolls them, he's in trouble.

The Math: The Avengers (Total) The Symbiote (Average)
The Pick: The Avengers

What went down...
With the team seeking out the Symbiote, Thor stumbles across it revelling in the power of the Hulk, lifting chunks of Earth without a care in the world.
Thor considers alerting his companions, but the Symbiote spots him, apparently as per a premeditated plan to lure the Norse God out.

The Symbiote claims remorse for the death of Peter Parker, and claims to have achieved true symbiosis with the Incredible Hulk. He claims to be restoring Bruce Banner's mind, and be curing him of the Hulk in the process of absorbing the gamma power for himself. A fate far more beneficial than that of Parker's.

The words mean little to Thor who readies to take the Symbiote into custody, provoking the true intent of the alien creature. He spews forth his own brand of webbing, swatted away by the thunder god with the use of a twirling Mjolnir.

The Hulk-powered Symbiote manages to level Thor with a thundering left-hook, but the god assures the creature that he is far from helpless, tossing the mighty Mjolnir verily!

The Symbiote oozes away from his felled host, revealing a frail Bruce Banner where there should be Hulk. Revealing the Symbiote's claims to be true!
Thor feels a brief moment of remorse, believing himself responsible for the deaths of both alien and host, but no sooner than Banner stirs than the Symbiote leaps forth onto Thor!

Thor struggles desperately, but having absorbed the power of Hulk, the Symbiote proves to be a match for his flailing and tearing.

As the Avengers arrive on the seen Thor makes one last gesture of resistence, summoning the might of the heavens in the form of a lightning bolt to strike the creature into submission. Sadly, the only one weakened by the bolt is Thor himself.

Reed Richards attempts to sway the battle of wills with a sonic blast, but the Symbiote has already taken strength from the mighty Thor.
Dr. Strange cannot do anything without dooming Thor himself, but Reed Richards proves unwilling to do what is necessary, concerned about the effects of his Terminator-Blast on the Avenger.

Meanwhile -- the Symbiote, having subdued Thor and taken the form of a Thor silhouette with cape and black hair, flees into a cave to complete the bonding process uninterrupted. The Human Torch attempts to follow in pirsuit, and narrowly avoids death as godly lightning floods from out from the cave.

Captain Marvel [Photon] follows in, moving at incredible speed in the form of microwaves. She plunges into the torso of the alien-costume possessed Thor, but with the energy of a god he channels Captain Marvel's energy back through his hammer -- sending her hurtling back from whence she came!

Starfox manages to catch her upon her violent exit, as the team of heroes are forced to face the inevitable. Dr. Strange and Vision put forth the grim proposal -- the omin-blast terminator ray may be their only chance.

Reed Richards requests a half hour to consider another alternative. What he comes up with is enough to stir a reaction from the creature.

Black Bolt steps into the cave beneath Mount Rushmore, and solemnly stares down his foe.
The Symbiote, still struggling to take complete control over the thunder god, swares he will kill the Inhuman before he can unleash his deadly blast of sound, but he leaps too slow.

Black Bolt screams, and the sonic force emitted is enough to shatter the American landmark around them.

Thor survives, and with the Symbiote is reduced to little more than a stain.
Dr. Strange steps in to begin a spell to expell him to a benevolent dimension, when a lethal omni-blast comes out of nowhere to destroy the creature once and for all!

The Black Widow has her revenge. The Symbiote is a menace no more.
What if... the Symbiote had bonded with Spider-man?...

The hammer...
The winners, of course, are Black Bolt, Black Cat, and the Avengers. As the possessed tools of the Symbiote, Thor and Hulk share the defeat. Sorry to all fans concerned.

I've left it literally until the eleventh hour today, and it was quite a big one. Lots of heroes and statistics to consider with this one.
I like to think the majority stock our United States viewers have means I'm safe. It's still Wednesday for yourselves, but here, I'm a little disappointed with myself. Sorry to let you guys down.

Jokes aside, those who aren't in-the-know might be interested to know that while the Symbiote appeared four years prior, Venom had his first appearance barely a year prior to this issue. Which, I thought was slightly interesting.

With the Spider-man 3 feature mere months away, it's interesting to note that Venom hasn't reverted to the over exposed schedule he featured throughout the nineties, at the height of the character's popularity. Perhaps understandably so, Marvel has made efforts for most previous features to capitalize on the mainstream exposure of the characters, pumping characters like Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus, Dr. Doom and others into the books.

Most recently Sandman has certainly felt this injection in popularity, appearing in various versions of the Spider-man books including the core titles, and also the Marvel Adventures series, aimed at young, movie-going readers.

Venom, currently worn by the Scorpion, has had a smooth bonding with the Symbiote, which has developed a personality quite distinctly different from the power-hungry super villain of this particular issue of What if...

During the exchange of the symbiote the creature's concerns were less focused on the consumption of energy, as much as they were seeking out a 'good roommate' for a host. Someone strong, with likeminded interests, but who would maintain control of their faculties, unlike Hulk and Thor in this feature.

Which I guess just highlights the dangers of alien symbiote costumes, kids.
Sure, sometimes they might seem like your friends, but they can snap and turn on you in a second. Leaving you behind a frail, white-haired husk with your best years snatched before you could have them!

I'm enjoying the Gargan take on the character and his inclusion into the new Thunderbolts team written by Warren Ellis is one of the more enticing elements of the book. I don't think it's been what anyone would have imagined when announcements paired Ellis and Thunderbolts together. Something a little more bombastic and exciting was certainly what came to mind for me, particularly when big names like Bullseye, Venom and Green Goblin were coming out.

Still, it'll be interesting to talk more about that in the near future!

For the time being, keep the hits coming!
It's been a pleasure to see plenty of new and old visitors alike!

Oh, before I go -- note the Mark Bagley pencils!
Certainly one of the most iconic pencillers to work on the character in the last ten years, made particularly recognisable via Ultimate Spider-man and a slew of Marvel/Spider-man merchandising. Check it out, kids. History!

The Fight: 4 The Issue: 5

NEXTWAVE versus FIN FANG FOOM
(Marvel Comics)
Where: Nextwave #2 When: April 2006
Why: Warren Ellis How: Stuart Immonen

The story so far...
It's like Shakespeare, but with lots more punching.
It's like Goethe, but with lots more crunching.
Like Titanic, but the boat's still floating.
No it's not! The mother-f***ing boat is exploding!

NEXTWAVE! NEXTWAVE!

Dirk Anger is one crazy mamajama. He leads H.A.T.E. sitting around in his pretty pink pajamas.
H.A.T.E. was formed by the Beyond Corporation. Purposely to bring about catastrophic devestation!

NEXTWAVE! Oh, NEXTWAVE!

Do you want a haircut? The Beyond Corporation's gonna help you out.
Do you need a toothbrush? The Beyond Corporation's got an extra one.
Do you have a step-son? The Beyond Corporation's gonna run him off.

Do you see a monster? Or a pirate? Electric Emu? A giant sky rat? A midget Hitler?! Or Pontius Pilate? Don't call your mum or your doctor, just pick up the phone and call... NEXTWAVE!

Whoa-oh-oh, NEXTWAVE!

Give us a Nextwave rollcall!
Monica! Is gonna microwave your ****!
Tabby! Is gonna steal all your stuff!
Aaron! Is going to organize your sock drawer.
Elsa! Is gonna speak with an accent!
The Captain! HIS NAME IS THE CAPTAIN!

NEXTWAVE! Whoa-whoa-oh-oh-oh, NEXTWAVE!
Wooooo-oo-oo-oo, NEXTWAVE!
Oooh, somebody please call up NEXTWAVE!
For God's sake, somebody call... Nextwave...*

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Fin Fang Foom 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Machine Man 4 (Tactician)
Speed: Photon 5 (Super Speed)
Stamina: Fin Fang Foom 6 (Generator)
Agility: Photon 3 (Acrobat)
Fighting Ability: Photon 4 (Trained Fighter)
Energy Powers: Photon 6 (Mass Destruction)

Y'know, for such a third-stringer, Captain Marvel [aka; Photon, aka; Monica Rambeau] is a pretty high rating hero. Oh, and if you didn't know, she once ran the Avengers. Hah-cha-cha-cha-cha.

Still, microwave special beam cannons and SHIELD regulation callisthenics aren't really all that much next to a giant dragon. A giant alien dragon who wears purple trunks, as it were.
As you can see, there are some of those vulnerabilities in the Haseloff system. I never could have accounted for purple underpants. Truly a formidable power (as we shall see).

Stats that include impressive strength levels on the side of Elsa Bloodstone and the Captain, as well as the multitude of abilities possessed by the gadget, geared up Machine Man, while impressive, aren't enough.
Even the dodgy record Fin Fang Foom has against superhero types isn't enough to render him a likely loser in this situation. Not on paper, according to statistics, at least.

Arguably a Nextwave should have far more chance of dealing with the alien dragon than a lone Iron Man, but that probably speaks more to the unfortunate writing of history.
Fin Fang Foom is a poor Iron Man villain choice, and should be granted higher status, dealt with by the likes of the Fantastic Four, or other.

What went down...
The second issue of Nextwave resumes very much where the end of the first left off. As the Nextwave arrives on the scene, Fin Fang Foom, having just been awoken and freed from his mountain prison, is f**king sh*t up!

Former X-Forcer, Tabby "Boom Boom" Smith, swoops in wearing an anti-gravity harness, to give the Fin-man an eyefull of plasma blast fit for 'shake, shaking' the room.
This plan, however, backfires...

Fin Fang Foom is swift enough to catch the little Boomer in-hand, and announces the offensive strategy of intending to place her in his pants. Not a very pretty plan, but effective in concept, none the less.
At least until an airborne Captain hurtles toward the situation.

The f**king absurdly strong action hero grapples with a giant green finger, peeling back until finally... He snaps the finger clean off Fin Fang Foom's hand.
"AAAAOOOOOOOOOO," indeed.

FFF waves his agonized hand around a bit, sending The Captain [and Tabitha Smith] hurtling once more, this time into a nearby apartment building.
Fortunatley, The Captain's absurdly powerful body was able to protect his Nextwave compadre from mortal injury.

Meanwhile, while Machine Man parks the Shockwave Rider, Photon leaps into action. Using her fantastic Photon-y powers, she converts her body into a flying deadly, flying exawatt gamma-ray laser beam! Which results in... her bouncing off FFF's big green chest...

Apparently unable to even damage the creature's toenails with a shotgun, the team decides drastic situations call for drastic measures. Well, okay, they didn't really put it like that, but I'm trying not to drone on too much...

... So, the invincible Elsa Bloodstone leaps into action, shotgun in tow, and fires at Fin Fang Foom's fintastic right eye. Which really hurts, and makes him open his mouth and shout in agony. This oral opening allows the Aaron "the Machine Man" Stack to hurtle into the gullet of the beast.

Twisting his way down through Fin Fang Foom's digestive system, Machine Man pops a whole mess of wacky, dangerous and sharp looking gadgets, and hacks away at FFF's innards like a sissy footballer brutalising a shin in the name of a steal.

In the end, Machine Man's rampaging butchery paid off.
Lurching in agony, Fin Fang Foom wonders if perhaps he had eaten too many people, but this was more than a little Bangalore belly. This was the bitter, hard-to-digest result of man's intolerance for giant alien monsters.

When will you learn to accept, humanity? Shame.

The hammer...
Fin Fang Foom's heart was broken, as was mine, with Nextwave walking away with the victory via excessive force.
This begs the question - is Fin Fang Foom now dead?

Popular opinion is to simply dismiss Nextwave as a book that obeys it's own exclusive canon, irrelevent to the established history of the Marvel "616" universe. This reporter, however, sees it otherwise.

In fact, despite it's comedy stylings, I tend to believe this book would greatly benefit the Marvel universe if it were to be directly attached.
This book has the potential to succeed where other series, like the recent ill-fated Defenders mini, have failed. Despite it's humorous and untamed antics, it has an over the top quality that nullifies, I believe, any potential misuse of characters.

In fact, thus far, it's my opinion that it hasn't even tred dodgy ground.

As a creatively and artistically brilliant piece of madness, this book, in my estimation, has not yet betrayed any of the characters it's borrowed. This opinion is no doubt held intact by the editorial wisdom that birthed a character like Dirk Anger, rather than pushing the boundaries of the likes of Nick Fury beyond parody.

In the case of Fin Fang Foom, I'd like to think a little bit of alien psuedo-reptilian regeneration could explain away a prompt resurrection. With, perhaps, the rest of the book steering clear of potential snafus that would necessitate separation from the other childred.

Critically, I could only fawn over this title.
Thoroughly disappointed with mainstream ventures from Ellis in recent past [Ultimate Fantastic Four, Ultimate Secret, JLA: Classified...], this book not only makes up for those lapses of judgment, but seemingly does it on Ellis' own specififc terms.

The collaborative design produced under Ellis' direction by Stuart Immonen, Wade Von Grawbadger, Dave McCaig and Joe Caramagna, makes this more than just a beautiful, and kinetic read. This is a book generating it's own exciting image, akin more to high-end popart than just another Marvel comic.

I have nothing but gleaming reviews for everything from cover to cover.
The application of under utilised characters is brilliant. I could not say the book is a trailblazer in that sense, but solicitations from the big two are clearly indicative of an overdue realisation that this is a fantastic way to produce interesting, and unique books.

The use of Fin Fang Foom as a recognisable face under the 'UWMD' classification is fantastic. This was surely an intelligent way of ensuring long reading fanboys had interest to invest in the style of the ook, before it deviated to it's own self-perpetuated characters and stories.
I only hope the book can keep one foot in the Marvel Universe, because there are many characters I'd love to see gain new life here.
Post-New Invaders, I think the likes of USAgent and Blazing Skull would fit in superbly here, but I digress...

Since these ramblings are rapidly going nowhere, I'll close with a negative.
While the writing is strong, and suitably wacky, Elsa Bloodstone's dialogue is a bit grinding. Coming from a true Brit like Ellis, I would have expected slightly less over the top British dialogue. It's like someone threw scripts from The Bill in a blender, and pulled out as many of the colloqualisms as possible.

Machine Man's anti "fleshy," robotic antics were fun, but also seemed a little less shiney. More specifically it felt very much like strings from Futurama were being plucked, taking some of Bender's finer moments, and regurgitating them with more psychotic menace.

NEVER THE LESS, a shining review here. This is the kind of effort I'd like to see Marvel producing more often. Superb! If there wasn't a fight in this issue, I probably still would've forced it onto the site.
A pleasure to 'review' such an oustanding book.

*Finally, if you enjoyed the opening lyrics, you can still find the Nextwave theme song via the Thunder Thighs MySpace page. This glorious madness is perpetuated by Nextwave editor, Nick Lowe, along with his brother Matt.

The Fight: 6 The Issue: 7

NEXT: The May main event. Captain America versus Batman. When it comes to fantasy fights, they don't come much bigger than this one folks. Stay tuned!