WOLVERINE versus SHIELD
What If Wolverine Was Never Deprogrammed?: Bite The Hand That Feeds (Marvel comics)
Where: What If? Wolverine Enemy Of The State #1 When: January 2007
Why: Jimmie Robinson How: Carmine Di Giandomenico

The story so far...
Wolverine became enemy of the state when he was attacked by a mysterious warrior called Gorgon, killed, and resurrected by the mysterious group called The Hand.

Brainwashed into being an agent of Hydra, Wolverine went on a spree to kill and thus recruit other powered heroes into Hydra's control.

Eventually Captain America and the X-Men were able to intervene, and put a stop to Wolverine's rampage long enough to deprogram him once more, but in other realities this was not the case. Here we bare witness to a world where Wolverine savaged Captain America, and escaped to fight another day...

Previous Form:
Wolverine (#3): Wolverine has suffered defeats against Captain America and Magneto.
Captain America (#7): Captain America has victories over Wolverine and more importantly, MODOK.
Invisible Woman (#28): The Fantastic Four defeated the Frightful Four previously.
Kitty Pryde (#95): Wolverine decapitated Kitty Pryde in another issue of What If...
Magneto (#244): Magneto has yet to attain victory.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Captain America 3 (Trained Athlete)
Intelligence: Magneto 5 (Professor)
Speed: Wolverine 3 (Trained Athlete)
Stamina: Wolverine 6 (Generator)
Agility: Captain America 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting Ability: Wolverine 6 (Warrior)
Energy Powers: Magneto 6 (Mass Destruction)


Across the given areas of the tape you've got a pretty good spread of capabilities and talents, and with that, let us delve right in, totally overlooking my rampant lateness.

The SHIELD team is comprised of the awesome foursome of Captain America, who's missing half an arm and leg, but has a neato hover chair; Invisible Woman, who is possibly the last survivor of the FF; long-time rival of Wolvie - Magneto; and rounding out the team is Kitty Pryde aka Shadowcat.

Wolverine's a well known scrapper, but against a grouping like this, it's a pretty big ask. On the site alone you can find our world's version of the Wolverine/Captain America scenario [Wolverine #25]; and the famous encounter with Wolverine where he loses his adamantium [X-Men #25].
So, I guess you could get two things out of that; A) Wolverine's on the back foot to begin with, and B) Wolverine should probably try to avoid issue twenty-five of books for a while...

In the situaton of a What If... issue you can open your mind to Wolverine's true potential. I don't think the title has ever traditionally been a mature readers title, but without the constraints of maintaining a franchise, death is on the menu for anyone and everyone. And Wolverine is the best there is at serving menus. And those menus are ugly, bub.

So, yeah, Wolverine is actually in with a chance here.
He's got the healing factor, and he's even got Hydra in his ear teleporting him around the city. Without any kind of restraint there, Wolvie could take it.

That said, Magneto and Invisible Woman are big asks. Particularly Magneto, given the nature of Wolverine's adamantium.
And Kitty Pryde has the emotional tug, which is always the defense against a brainwashed hero. Hey, don't try to deny! There's precedent!

The Math: Team Cap (Total) Wolverine (Average)
The Pick: Team Cap

What went down...
Bunkered down in a SHIELD base that Hydra do not have information on, the foursome prepare themselves for their plans. SHIELD have begun leaking dummy information about their whereabouts, to lure Wolverine and Hydra in with the scent of Captain America.

Their plans are to have Kitty Pryde close blast doors, sealing the place up; Invisible Woman is to snare Wolverine with her forcefield powers; Magneto will disrupt Hydra's teleportation and communication systems by powering an electromagnetic machine; and then they'll contain him.

When the proximity alert hits, their problems begin.
Magneto readies the jamming device, while Kitty Pryde phases through the wall to look around for Wolverine, who hasn't emerged yet. Sue Storm warns her to keep her eyes peeled, but doesn't notice the shadow moving below the grate in the floor.

The Invisible Woman should've taken her own advice!
Wolverine's claws burst through the floor and her feet, spraying blood onto the steel.

Invisible Woman goes down as Wolverine pushes the floor panel up, her feet still pinned to the floor via his claws. Desperate and tough enough to act, she creates a forcefield bubble around Wolverine's head, cutting off his air supply.

This cold, controlled Wolverine doesn't even hesitate to pop his own claw through his throat, performing a tracheotomy on himself, rendering Invisible Woman's attack moot. With that, he leaps on top of the heroine, and pops his claws through her skull.

Captain America's attempts to bait Wolverine finally pay off. Wolvie lays murderous eyes on the maimed Captain, and makes a wisecrack about murderball. Geez Wolverine, you'll date yourself!

You don't want to bet on a one-legged man in an ass kicking contest, but if ever you were going to do it, it'd be if it was Captain America. Despite the handicap he fends off Wolverine's savage attack, using his good leg to spring the mutant across the room.

Wolverine is snatched in the air - the work of the one and only master of magnetism; Magneto!

Disappointed by the turn of events, Magneto springs into action, confidently lamenting on the weaknesses of an adamantium skeleton as the reason why Hydra so certainly avoids him.

However, with the field broken, Hydra is able to resume contact with Wolverine and teleport him behind the distracted mutant. "Always been your problem, bub..."

Magneto pays for his deviation, taking all six claws through the chest. The adamantium slices through flesh with little or no resistance, bursting out the front. Magneto will bend metals, no more.

He drops to the ground, his helmet popping off and bouncing on the ground above his head.
It echoes eerily as Captain America watches from his chair, fully aware that it's just he and the murderous mutant, now.

Wolverine leaps onto Cap's hoverchair, and raises his arms back.
Hands reach out of the wall behind, and Captain America finds himself intangible just at the right moment, as Wolverine brings his weapons hailing down at Cap's star-spangled chest.

The Captain orders Shadowcat to let him go, whipping his shield forward, allowing it to become solid as it wooshes past Wolverine's ducking head.

Cap pushes Kitty away, and tells her to let go, as his shield hooks around in the air in a boomerang style U-turn. Wolverine spots it, but can't avoid feeling the crunch from both sides, making the meat in a shield/fist sandwich!

While Wolverine collects himself on the ground, the Captain reminds his soldier of her mission. "You know what to do now."
Wolverine certainly does. An uppercut finishes with Cap's jaw, and several gushing pints of blood. Hydra doesn't like loose ends. Wolverine ties it up.

All alone, Wolverine stalks the last of his prey.
Shadowcat makes an emotional plee, trying to reach the man she once regarded as a mentor and dear friend. She revisits the events of the past [Enemy of the State], and considers all those that died in this world, while Wolverine slashes his arms through her phasing form.

Kitty throws a punch, slipping out of her phased form for just a moment.
Wolverine detects her inreasing heartrate and sweat and challenges her to make her one move, or put an end to it all by surrendering. She makes her move.

With blood gushing from her wrist, Kitty apologises to Wolverine as he stumbles away from the reader, dropping to his knees. She clutches at her wound, revealing a blood stump, the cut-off of where she left her hand phased in Wolverine's skull.

SHIELD chose wisely.

The hammer...
Well, that was cheery, wasn't it? The winner, if you can call her that, is Kitty Pryde. Pretty grim, but hey, Cap lost a hand and an arm, plus he ended up dead. Well, yeah, I guess he ended up dead in our universe too, didn't he? What a moot point...

... Anyway, yes! I am drifting further and further behind.
I'm only an hour away at this point from being a full week behind, so thankfully I'm on the case and trying to maintain justification for your readership!
A lot of things have been keeping me sufficiently distracted, including work on my own comics projects, which you've probably heard about by now.

Though it took me a while to get to it, I really like these fifth week What If events. I think over time the void that was left by the title healed over, but these extras on the months with a fifth Wednesday have been a delicious application of the concept, and a welcome treat. Even if some of them have been on the mediocre side...

This one, thankfully, was not that bad. I was a big fan of Enemy of the State, as you might know if you've been with us long enough. It's one of those storylines that was really made for a blogsite like this, and one of these days we'll get all the relevant parts up and reviewed, I'm sure.

The original Wolverine run was notable for the feature roles of writer Mark Millar, and more to my point, penciller John Romita Jr.
I can never really decide whether I love or hate JRjr's pencils, but it isn't even a factor with Carmine Di Giandomenico taking the role of both penciller and colorist, with inker Robert Campanella rounding things out nice and smooth.
The finished product has a rendered sheen of a flat-coloured cartoon, boasting cool colour palettes and smooth, clean lines everywhere. It's really a great looking comic. I'd love to see more from this team!

The artwork aside, which really IS a huge highlight, the story plods on along well. As you would expect from the scenario, there's a grim overtone of Wolverine hacking his way through the superhero community, and we even get a one-page fight with Moon Knight that I might like to get in the Quick Fix sometime in the future!

Like the original storyline it isn't heavy on over-thought plotlines, but it contains enough to be less of a beat 'em up comic than the original, and has the obligatory twist ending that makes you rethink what you've read.
Due to the nature of the flat summary style used here, you've actually had part of the twist (Kitty Pryde's role on the team) spoiled, so if you haven't read it... Sorry.

Still, it's a pretty decent read, and is hopefully a shot of Wolverine into the site that will keep up our average hitcount. I know guys, but it was a good issue, and the hits are just a bonus. Stop buying if you have that big a problem!

Jokes aside, I'm trying to wrap this up so I can get on with the next feature!
I'll be trying to catch my way back up before the 100th fight next Monday, but I won't make any promises about that. I will, however, promise one of the biggest weaks of Secret Earths history whenever I do get around to it. And if you're wondering -- nope. We don't break the themes. Cheers!

The Fight: 4 The Issue: 5

IRON MAN, BLACK WIDOW & CRIMSON DYNAMO versus TITANIUM MAN
Triangle (Marvel comics)
Where: Iron Man #316 When: May 1995
Why: Len Kaminski How: Tom Morgan

The story so far...
With the Cold War well and truly behind America, Stark Industries finally succeeds in efforts to open an industrial park in Russia. Good news for Stark, but not so much for resurrected Soviet Super-Soldier, Boris Bullski aka the Titanium Man.

With the Black Widow by his side, Iron Man finds himself in a fight for his life, while Russian military scramble to recover and put an end to this political nightmare.

In their desperation, the Russians turn to a former villain and ally of the Titanium Man - General Valentin Shatalov - the sixth man to wear the armor of the Crimson Dynamo. Thus, with hopes for a future Russia, they send their soldier into battle -- but whose side will he be on?

Previous Form:
Iron Man (#4): Iron Man has a string of victories against; Diablo, Hulk, Captain America, & She-Hulk.
Black Widow (#117): The Widow was among the pro-registration heroes during Civil War.
Crimson Dynamo/Titanium Man: Neither of the armored Russians have previously been featured on the site.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Titanium Man 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Iron Man 5 (Professor)
Speed: Black Widow 3 (Trained Athlete)
Stamina: Titanium Man 6 (Generator)
Agility: Black Widow 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting Ability: Black Widow 5 (Martial Artist)
Energy Powers: Iron Man 5 (Lasers)


Alright, I'm running behind schedule once again, and there's a lot to get through, so I suppose here is as good a place as any (as opposed to all those other places we usually begin...).

For anyone wondering, we're dealing with mostly originals here.
This is the resurrected Boris Bullski-Titanium Man at this point, and the Black Widow featured is the always lovely, always deadly, always Russian about the place -- Natasha Romanova.

As the tape shows, despite being equally rated with his armored counterparts, Titanium Man excells in the field of strength and durability. At the heart of his bulk is a lack of technology, which required much larger mechanics along the lines of the earliest 'refridgerator' suits of the Iron Man armor.
That said, this appears to have come with great capacity for physical strength, and that's definitely got to be recognised.

In the numbers game, the advantage goes to the good guys, who number not only Black Widow, super-spy extraordinaire -- but also the pairing of two suits of armor in Iron Man and this sixth incarnation of the Crimson Dynamo.
While it may not be reflected in the armor's capabilities, I probably rate this as the slickest and most attractive suit of crimson armor. While that will win it points with the fashion judges, it gets no points for originality. Tres derivate~!

But more to the point, the combined abilities of the two suits of armor should spell defeat for the Titanium one. The nature of the beast (and materials used to make his suit) make it possible for Titanium Man to turn the tables, but statistically it just shouldn't happen.

The Math: Iron Man, Black Widow & Crimson Dynamo
The Pick: Iron Man, Black Widow & Crimson Dynamo

What went down...
We begin our story with our invincible hero in the menacing clutch of the Titanium Man, as the villain threatens to break him in two!
Fortunately for Mr. Stark, the Black Widow is on hand to swoop in to the rescue and do more than the translating she was paid for: like kick some tin can ass!

With Titanium Man on the back foot, the former Russian spy reintroduces her comrade to the pain of the Widow's bite, firing her blast directly into the base of the Titanium Man's helmet.

The attack serves only to further enrage the Titanium Man!
With Iron Man being whipped around like a ragdoll, Black Widow is left to play the agility game, leaping to avoid the attacks of her countryman while Iron Man rights himself for a second pass.

He thunders in, jetting head-first into his adversary like a human torpedo.
The attack still doesn't manage to fell the bulky Russian, leaving Iron Man to take energy blasts.

The nimble mechanics of the Iron Man armor allow him to slink between the beams with relative ease, despite taking a hit initially. Stark berates Widow for getting involved, despite being grateful for the save, and punctuates his ability to take Titanium Man down, plummeting atop the aforementioned feet-first with devestating results.

Iron Man comes around to finish the job, but Black Widow intervenes, insistent upon talking Bullski down, perhaps even relating to his dated ideals on some level.
At that moment, ruby blasts rain down from the sky, signalling the entrance of the man we're here to acknowledge:

The Dynamo informs Iron Man of his jurisdiction, and orders him to stand down to allow him right to deal with the Russian matter. Iron Man, not content with leaving the battle, reenforces his claim with the threat to Stark property.

Titanium Man begins a sermon of distain for the foreign interference, but to his surprise he is abruptly shushed by his countryman. Though the Crimson Dynamo voices similar distaste for the capitalist tendencies of their government, he declares his allegiance to the country as it is, and not as he or the Titanium Man would have it be.

Titanium Man is not so easily convinced.

TM runs through the Dynamo, and swats him out of the air with an unforgiving fist!
Like the attack he suffered moments ago, Titanium Man brings the entirety of his armor's weight down upon the comparably diminutive suit of the Crimson Dynamo, squashing him between he and the Earth.

The Dynamo continues to try to reach out with a calm voice of reason, lamenting that their efforts of the past [Ramont 4] were futile and foolish. However, this only strengthens the Titanium Man's resolve, and harshens the blows of his bulky gauntlets.

Iron Man makes the save, charging from behind with a stiff shoulder.
As Titanium Man turns to meet his attacker, the Black Widow strikes again with the blast of her sting, and yet again Titanium Man turns, this time struck by a blast from the Crimson Dynamo!

Betrayal comes from all sides as Titanium Man finds himself the victim of a combined triple threat of pooled attacks. Though they serve to rattle his cage, the Ruski super-soldier is still able to swat away the opposition, and with one final jet blast, make an escape.
"Though you are all against me, I shall never surrender!"

With the damage of the battle having taken it's toll, Iron Man is unable to follow the fleeing Titanium Man, turning instead to find the Black Widow nursing a floored Crimson Dynamo. Though badly hurt, he has served his country valiantly.
As a mark of respect, Tony Stark strips Shatalov of the Dynamo armor, and swares a resolution for the people of Russia.

The hammer...
Magneto was mad! Titanium too! And the Crimson Dynamo picked up the victory along with Iron Man and Black Widow.

We've been doing this for two months now, and honestly, I have to admit it's been probably that long since I played the Marvel: Ultimate Alliance video game, so the relevence of each of these character's appearances is starting to dissipate.
I went with a Crimson Dynamo appearance that I had handy, and was interested in. As I mentioned in the tape, this has got to be the best looking Dynamo design, even if it's similar to IM's.

Fortunately for us, the game features Shatalov in the armor, so I didn't have to cheat my way through this one. There have been something like seven or eight different men to wear the armor, so as you can imagine, it can make sending evil Christmas cards difficult come December in Latveria.

If the accompanying image shows nothing else, it's that Tony Stark is living the life of the ultimate action figure.

If you switched out the helmet, I guess this design harkens back to the Centurian armor worn in the eighties. Or maybe that's just a really lazy observation because of the red and silver colour palette.

Speaking of armor, the first official images have been leaked from the set of the 2008 Iron Man feature film. It appears to be a shadey image of the first model of Iron Man armor, bulkier and unrefined than he will ultimately appear in the majority of the film, or at least we've been led to believe.

I've noticed a lot of people blindly speculating that it's War Machine, presumably because they're unfamiliar with the original bullet grey 'refridgerator' suit, or because they're blissfully unaware that the metals used probably don't come red and yellow.

Either way, amaze your friends with the knowledge that one of the earliest certainties revealed by director Jon Favreau was the fact that the movie will feature a fast track through the graduating design processes.
This fits neatly with the tweaked origin developed by Warren Ellis and Adi Granov during the Extremis storyline, that featured a scaled down version of the original armor.

If you're wondering where I'm going with all this, it's nowhere fast.
Once again we find ourselves a few updates behind, and I must apologise for that. There's been a massive influx of hits, and we've just hit 10k, so a big thanks to all the people all over the world visiting.

Some big things coming, but until then, I've gotta get some sleep! Cheers!

The Fight: 4 The Issue: 4.5

NEXT WEEK: Swing your arms from side-to-side. Come on, it's time to go do the MODOK!

THE MONSTER SOCIETY versus BLACK ADAM
Deaths in the Family (DC comics)
Where: 52 #44 When: May 2007
Why: Geoff Johns, Grant Morrison, Greg Rucka, Mark Waid How: Keith Giffen & Eddy Barrows

The story so far...
Black Adam's nation of Khandaq has been plunged into a plague of darkness, and Adam's young protégé, Osiris, believes his committing a murder with the powers granted to him is what's responsible.

Convinced to give-up his powers, which free him of his condition as a cripple, Osiris is quickly slaughtered by Sobek, a crocodilian creature he rescued from the sinister mad scientist, Dr. Sivana.

Sobek reveals himself to really be Yurrd the Unknown, member of "The Four Ages of Dread Of Apokolips in it's anguished, bloody morning."
The NEW Monster Society, and remaining three horsemen of Khandaq's apocalypse reveal themselves, and launch their sleeping attack on Black Adam.

Previous Form:
Black Adam, Isis, The Four Horsemen: None of these characters have been featured previously on the site.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Black Adam 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Black Adam 4 (Tactician)
Speed: Black Adam 5 (Super Speed)
Stamina: Black Adam 6 (Generator)
Agility: Black Adam 3 (Acrobat)
Fighting Ability: Black Adam 7 (Born Fighter)
Energy Powers: War 6 (Mass Destruction)


Okay, this was a tough one, because the [Four Horsemen] characters, as far as I know, are new to 52, so there isn't a lot of discussion to be had.
Certainly the nature of their powers and the way they are presented paints a fairly clear picture of their capabilities, but the minutia may be lost here.

The tape is deceptive, because while Black Adam's broad strengths paint a fairly encompassing picture, the four Monster Society pawns have a comparable bredth of strengths that simply aren't as potent as Black Adam's.

Each character possesses impressive physical strength. Famine (Yurr) appears to be the only character without a strong, unique twist to the rest of abilities. Rather than possessing any famine themed abilities, he's simply a reptilian with a penchant for eating things, and an insatiable hunger.

In the previous issue he revealed his true nature by devouring Osiris once he had reverted to his crippled form, which brings us to this issue, where the powers granted to Osiris return to Black Adam, and alert him of the danger.

Pestilence (Zorrm) possesses various chemical based attacks, with a backpack/blaster combination, as well as oral means of gas projection. He is potentially the weakest of the group, while also being the most grotesque and subversive.

War (Roggra) is a lumbering mechanical looking creature with various mount weapons, and a distinct theme of modern weaponry. There's a very tanky motiff, there.

Death (Azraeuz) appears somewhere between an angel and an Egyptian Anibus style creature, and as we will ultimately learn, he is capable of drawing dark strength from the deaths of others. [More on that in The Hammer -- Mumbling Mike]

The strength in numbers certainly gives this new Monster Society a leg up on the competition, but Black Adam is truly an impressive character. Arguably more powerful than his cheesy counterpart, Captain Marvel, Teth-Adam (as he's also known) is far more ruthless a character, despite his noble intentions.
He will make no bones about killing in situations of ambiguity, let alone with the onslaught of engineered creatures designed to destroy him.

It should also be noted that he has another young companion, Isis, a slave woman who was offered to him by Intergang, and ultimately proved to be an outspoken and courageous young woman named Adrianna Tomaz, worthy of the power of Isis.

Isis has comparable powers to Adam himself, if a little less potent, but also properties for healing, and limited control or influence over the weather.

As far as caling a winner here, it's hard to deny the numbers advantage possessed by the Four Horsemen. Black Adam is an incredibly compelling and powerful character, and if anyone's going to overcome odds like those, he's probably a good bet. The powers of Shazam may just have the edge here.

The Math: Monster Society (Total) Black Adam (Average)
The Pick: Black Adam w/ Isis

What went down...
Adam and Isis stand confronting Famine, as the remaining members of the Four Horsemen descend upon them. Death is the first to strike, swinging his giant golden scythe into the grip of the SHAZAM powered ruler.

The two mighty beings smash through the balcony roof of the Kahndaqi palace, but despite being on the bottom, Adam has strength enough to throw the larger Death beast off with a thundering right hook.
Famine descends quickly, wrapping his taloned finger tips around Adam's face.
"Let me tell you how I ate Osiris! How his organs popped in my mouth like fresh grapes..."

Osiris, having been snatched up by Pestilence, drops into the palace through the hole left by Adam and Death. She witnesses Teth-Adams firey rage first hand.

Adam takes Famine's snout in his hands, and as a tear makes it's way from the creature's eye, he pulls open it's jaw much farther than it should ever be. Blood sprays, "These are not men, Isis. Sobek said it himself. They are monsters."

War lumbers, as Black Adam points him out as next on the list. However, a hail of bullets interrupts his charge. He's pushed back, taking less damage than his residence, before War blows him off his feet with an explosive.

"I have the power of all the world's soldiers and missiles and bombs. Those are my gods."

Osiris continues her tustle with Pestilence, warned by her preternatural relationship with nature that he is a creature made of little more than virii and bacterium. It was he who brought disease and misery to the people of Kahndaq.

The creature stares through the single red orb on it's forehead, and sprays forth a green mist of goo and ill. Isis springs forth various tendrils of growth to protect her, as she slides clear of the muck.

The paths of the heroes converge. As Adam reels from the gunfire attack of War, Pestilence is throw into the mix by the greenery, before being swept into an isolated tornado along with War.

Isis' blood runs cold as Death returns to face the Black Adam family.
Death's penetrating gaze stuns both. A zealous War snatches Adam and tosses him out of the building, announcing himself the instrument by which Death's decree of doom will be dealt. Adam smashes the head from the statue of his long fallen wife as he comes to a painful halt.

War is on him almost immediately, grinding his head into the ground with the mechanical mess of engineering and metal that poses for a hand.
Adam continues to be tossed and pounded by the creature of War, while Isis finds herself victim to a full blast from Pestilence's mounted gun. Pestilence surrenders her to Death, "I have spread my disease across her and inside her."

Staring down at the stone face of his first wife, Adam is asked the question, "Will you beg for your life as well?"
It serves to inspire his rage. It gives him the strength to plunge his fist deep inside the chest of the robotic monstrosity of War.

It is difficult to say whether they are tears of mourning, or of unbridled hate, but as he rips away at the creature, Adam returns the favour, "Will you? A being who embodies all the war in the world does not impress me."

Blood gushes from Isis' mouth, and tears from her eyes, also, as she fades further and further still from life. Death lifts her by the chin with the tip of his scythe.

Pestilence' grin turns to a scowl.
Black Adam blasts his head off with the shoulder mount cannon taken from War.

Death swings his large scythe, scathing at the side of the Kahndaq ruler. Adam does away with the weapon, and uses his fists to shatter the teeth from Death's skullish head.
It is not enough to stay the beast's attack. He palms Black Adam's head, but still clinging desperately to life, Isis reaches a benevolent hand outward.

She calls to the Earth, asking it to spew forth it's moltenous lava so as to seperate the monster from her husband.
Death is jetted skyward in stream of lava and smoke, choosing to flee from further assault rather than face down the elements themselves further.

Adam cradles his queen in his arms. She confesses a new understanding for the bleakness she had discouraged. In these horseman she understands the great evils and digusting crimes man would commit, and she is angered. She stems Adams' faith in her, and the good she claimed. Dying in his arms, she asks for exactly what Black Adam can provide.

And with that vengeful scorn, lightning descends upon the ruler.
The power of Isis returns to him, and the sky begins to weep.
Black Adam is alone, but not without purpose.

The hammer...
Your winner, despite great loss -- Black Adam.
Hopefully I captured the battle with suitable drama, despite being somewhat tired by Easter festivities, and the general late we find ourselves in. Alas, we move on!

Like a lot of people, I've been well and truly been converted into absolutely loving Black Adam. The obvious aside, the character is regularly compared to Marvel's Namor, and I can't help but feel the character Black Adam has benefitted from, starting really with Geoff Johns and David Goyer's run on JSA, is exactly the kind of thing Marvel hasn't done with their character.

As I mention, the Black Adam reneissance dates back to JSA where he joined the team under the pretenses that he'd changed, but as we saw throughout the issues, he was detaching himself to ultimately form a much more hard-edged team. That progress culminated in the thoroughly awesome Black Reign JSA/Hawkman crossover story, and has really continued ever since.

As we discussed previously [52 #42], I came to the 52 party just as the business was kicking off, so I have a pretty narrow field of reference. Even so, I well and truly jump on the bandwagon toting Black Adam as the best portion of the series.

Perhaps the only concern coming out of this is the future of the character. He's crossed a pretty big line in the issues that follow this one, and that's not generally something you see from DC comics. With promotions for the upcoming World War III featuring the character prominently, you have to wonder...

I'd like to think calmer voices of reason would protect the character from such a fate, and I'd put my money there, but you just never know. It wouldn't be the first time we saw a character built-up, if only to be knocked down.

I am trying to move through here pretty quickly, but I have to draw some attention to one little note. I realise Radiohead is one of those groups depressed teens like to attach to various scenes of pathos or drama, but I have to say, despite the slightly cartoony take on the violence, if I were going to cut this comic into a music video -- Thom Yorke - Analyse.
If you've got the book and the track, I challenge you to have a paced flick through, and fill-in the gaps of motion with your imagination.

Since we're reflecting the times as they are somewhat, you can expect a follow-up to the Black Adam action in the coming months, even though they're not the easiest reviews/summaries to write. I just think the character deserves it.

Actually, also, it's just dawned on me that we've had an awful lot of killing in the last few entries.
To anyone worried we might be turning the competition too far in the direction of a bloodsport, I offer sincere reassurance. Only Wednesday's usual dose of What if? books will be soaked in the blood of your childhood icons. Those, and maybe event books written by Brian Bendis.

All the best, and a belated Happy Easter to all concerned.

The Fight: 5.5 The Issue: 5.5

FREEDOM FIGHTERS versus SUPERMAN & BATMAN
Absolute Power Chapter Two: "What Price Freedom...?" (DC comics)
Where: Superman/Batman #15 When: Early February 2005 Why: Jeph Loeb How: Carlos Pacheco

The story so far...
In a world without freedom, the intervention of Lightning Lord, Saturn Queen and Cosmic King is unchallenged.
The time travellers from the 31st century use their hindsight to capture and raise Kal-El and Bruce Wayne through their formative years, sculpting them into the ultimate dicators.

With their knowledge, they preemptively prevent the birth of the greatest heroes. Extinguishing any flame that may potentially rise against their 'sons' and the utopian they believe they have created.

Some flames cannot be extinguished, and lost in the sea of humanity is one such individual, who, once discovered by the Amazonian Wonder Woman, is reborn once more as Uncle Sam. Once in possession of the lost Green Lantern ring of Abin Sur, Uncle Sam and Wonder Woman go about starting a revolution.

Previous Form:
Wonder Woman (#130): Wonder Woman was defeated by Storm during DC v Marvel.
Superman (#6): Superman has victories over Hulk, Metallo and the Mole Man.
Batman (#1): Batman is the first ranked character to reach ten victories, having defeated the likes of; Superman, Captain Nazi, Captain America, Bullseye, Two-Face, Amazo, Slam Badley and The Joker.
Uncle Sam & The Freedom Fighters: None of the charter members of the Freedom Fighters have been featured on the site.
The Legion of Superheroes: No member of the Legion has yet been featured on the site.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Superman 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Batman 5 (Professor)
Speed: Superman 6 (Speed of Sound)
Stamina: Superman 6 (Generator)
Agility: Batman 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting Ability: Wonder Woman 6 (Warrior)
Energy Powers: Superman 5 (Lasers)


You ever get that feeling you've done something before you've done it?
Yes, not only am I running a couple of days behind again, but I'm catching up by doing a post that I wrote a week ago! If you missed out on that, scroll back to see a big giant picture of Galactus...

Anyway, taking a look again at this one I can tell you straight up that it really comes down to the two major players on either side: Wonder Woman & Uncle Sam versus Superman & Batman.

Sam's in possession of what, in the regular universe, would have been Hal Jordan's ring, given to him by Abin Sur. He's a character who's all about chanelling the people's spirit and will, so he's pretty well in the driver's seat with the ring en tow.

That said, if you think Batman is scary in the regular universe, what about a world where he's willing to kill and has access to an entire world's technology and arsenal! Set your phasers to pee yourself, because that's bad news bears.

Some folks are a little uncomfortable with the addition of super strength and flight to Wonder Woman's array of skills and abilities. Personally I'm pretty fond of it, and think it slots her suitably into that top three echelon, so I'm quite willing to entertain the idea that she'll go toe-to-toe with Superman.
That said, I still lean toward Supes when it comes down to a knock down, drag out fight between these particular two super powers. He's got a wider margin for flight, the heat vision, and all those other wacky powers that come and go.

In the mid-card, the Legion of Superheroes will provide strong numbers against the Freedom Fighters. However, the distinct lack of personality and/or fashion sense will leave the future-kids up the creek with the Human Bomb for a paddle.

The Math: Batman, Superman & The Legion
The Pick: Batman, Superman & The Legion

What went down...
The Freedom Fighters launch their attack in the shadow of the looming Superman/Batman New York monument, a symbol of the liberty absent.
There they are confronted by a number of members of the Legion of Superheroes from the 31st century, all brainwashed to do the bidding of their adult counterparts who have orchestrated this entire world.

The Freedom Fighters are swift and uncompromising.
In the interest of the future and liberty they slay all who cannot be subdued without lethality. The distraction does, however, prove sufficient enough, and Superman and Batman soon teleport to the scene.

The Ray is the first to take the bold responsibility of stopping the world's dominators, and he pays for it. Batman fires a clunky gun, blowing a hole through the Ray's head with a spray of blood and brain matter.

While the Human Bomb does his best to blast into the base of the monument, Wonder Woman launches herself at the Batman with a warrior's fury!

While Wonder Woman engages Batman, Uncle Sam uses the Oan energy of the Green Lantern ring to do battle with Superman. He creates a mighty eagle with the energies, channelling the will of the people, despite Superman's objective claims that the people bow before him.

Wonder Woman and Batman wage a war of words while they battle.
The Amazonian deflects an onslaught of razor-edged batarangs, whilst deflecting Batman's notion of a world where humanity desired only war, and needed to be protected from itself.

She takes a chop to the throat, but dishes it back, striking Batman across the face with the edge of her shield. He finds himself on the back foot, phsycially and philosophically as Wonder Woman speaks of a great age of heroes foretold by the Amazonian fates.

With a clear conscience, she strikes the deciding blow. Her sword plunges deep into his chest, and the would-be dictator dies then and there.

The blow is enough to inspire Superman's rage, giving him the maddened strength to shatter Uncle Sam's green projections, and thunder through him at lightning fast speeds to come to the aid of his adopted brother.

At the base of their monument, Superman cradles the frail human body of Bruce Wayne, and cries to the heavens for his mother and fathers. They hear, and teleport their sons to their space station high above the Earth.

Wonder Woman tends to Uncle Sam, but the bone shattering speed at which he was hit has already taken it's course. Like a flickering beacon of justice, Uncle Sam again ceases to be, no matter the strength of the people's resolve.

Cosmic King and Saturn Queen mourn the death of their pawn, and Lightning Lord approaches his emotional son. He directs his pain to vengeance, and with that, the Superman leaps away from the Watchtower, and hurtles back to Earth.

A streak of red and blue trails behind the Superman as he bursts through the atmosphere back to New York, and directly into the Amazonian warrior woman.
She pleads for him to remember a time when he was a great hero, but her words fall on deaf ears as he pounds his mighty fists like piledrivers.

Superman had been taught to be emotionally distanced in his rise above the mere mortals of Earth, but this battle is oh-so different. This battle is personal.
He snatches the broken Wonder Woman's lasso, and coils it viciously around her neck.

This time it's Wonder Woman's turn to die.

Meanwhile, within the depths of the monument below, the Human Bomb has penetrated the hidden fortress below, where the means to travel through time are held under maximum security.

Doll Man goes to work on the controls, with the Phantom Lady en tow, programming them for Smallville, Kansas, in a time before Superman was snatched from the Kent's farm and corrupted.

Shrinking Violet appears on the scene to prevent them, but the arrival of the Superman quickly dwarfs her. He pounds through the ground, furious at the audacity and ungrateful actions of his subjects.

He sprays Phantom Lady with his arctic ice breath, blowing her until her icey visage cracks and shatters. "Obey. Or die."

The Human Bomb warns the angered Kryptonian off attacking him, fearing the potential results of his explosive atomic energies should they interact with the activated time bubble. Superman does not take kindly to the advice.
Heated laser beams penetrate Human Bomb's costume and brain, resulting in an explosion that shatters not only the statue, but the entire world around them.
Superman condemns the world to death.

The hammer...
Well, despite destroying the entire planet, I'm going to give this one to Superman in the end on points. No bonus for killing the planet.

So, here we are, and here I am, at the conclusion of this entry for a second time. I can only imagine how many of you out there have felt the bitter sting of typing away for a lengthy time, only to impatiently go straight for the publish button without paying mind to a cautionary save. You can rest assured that I've reverted to over cautious saving every few paragraphs since then.

As I mentioned, and as you no doubt noticed, I am again running a bit behind.
Apart from being unwell for a little while, there's a slew of convenient excuses. I've got family returning from some time overseas, it's Easter, and I've been hard at work putting the finishing touches on my own comics work, which for all intents and purposes is print-ready. So, hopefully there'll be news on that in the coming months.

In the mean time, what about this comic?
If you can imagine it, the last time I did this entry it was one of my laboured efforts, where maybe I lingered a little long on the one subject, and pushed through various ideas without really articulating them well. Hey, when I'm running behind, sometimes the Legion of Superheroes are enough to sap me of strength.

One of the points I did want to revisit, because I find it fascinating, is the closing stages of the battle between Wonder Woman and Superman.
Apart from being ironically topical off the heels of International Woman's Day last month, it's probably one of those things that has an air of controversy. Although, I don't remember there being any major rumblings about this particular issue, and I didn't use this extra week to polish up my research. [Someone light the Ragnell symbol!]

Superman fairly brutally beats on Wonder Woman, culminating in the full page splash pictured above. The scene where Wonder Woman, already bruised and battered, is choked with her own lasso, whilst exposing just the right amount of alluring waist and thigh. Disturbing, but still a little bit sexy!

Assuming this didn't cause a furor amongst the wacky fan community, I'm going to say I'm pleased. No, I don't indulge in the battery of women (or men), and I certainly couldn't condone any crime of the sort, but this is one of those situations where it's delightful to see reality and fiction suitably separated.

The world in which these heroes live is one of regular violence. Though we may not like to see the subject considered, assault of female heroes would surely be common place, and perhaps to fairly heinous degree.
For whatever reason, innocence has been a theme for comics for a very long time, and stories like Identity Crisis, which dared to breech the subject in a fairly flippant manner have cause phenomenal outcry from fans and commentators alike.

I'm not about to say injecting rape into regular comics is a healthy thing for the industry or reader, but what does please me about this fairly brutal depiction of violence [in Superman/Batman #15] is that it's honest, and it's real.

There seems to be a tendency to want to restrict the fisticuffs to the male characters, particularly if it's going to go beyond cartoony sound effects, but this simply doesn't ring true. Perhaps one of the greatest calls of precedent is the infamous Daredevil #181, where Elektra suffers the perils of being a costumed ninja in a world of criminals and adamantium bones.

From that point, certainly in the Daredevil title, there was a threat of violence to the characters that has rung true even to this day. Few characters have been as realistically battered as Daredevil, and we see that even in the most recent take on the character, with Ed Brubaker taking the stakes to imprisonment.

Superman/Batman seems to have it's share of detractors, as does writer Jeph Loeb. On this particular title much of that seemed to be directed toward the light hearted throwback style of the story telling, and the nature of stories with minimal consequence to the long term canon of the characters within.

Personally, I'm comfortable with that, and I'm going to go the other way.
Even if only in an alternate reality, I'm going to commend Loeb (and Pacheco), for their depiction of realistic violence inflicted upon a character who is a pledged warrior. She just also happens to be a woman.

The Fight: 5.5 The Issue: 5

FIN FANG FOOM versus IRON MAN
Dragon Flame (Marvel comics)
Where: Iron Man #271 When: August 1991
Why: John Byrne How: Paul Ryan

The story so far...
With Tony Stark's health worsening, long-time friend and confidant, Jim Rhodes, accompanies him across the seas to China, where communist rulers have allowed him audience with one of the world's greatest Neurosurgeons.

In exchange for her expertise, the leaders required payment -- the unconditional services of Iron Man in eliminating the problem of The Mandarin.

Unwilling to let his friend and boss turn his back on a good thing, Rhodes knocks him out, and sets out as he has before to be the golden Avenger.
Things go from bad to worse for Rhodes. Not only is his track record against the Mandarin poor, but he's got himself a pet dragon -- Fin Fang Foom!

Previous Form:
Fin Fang Foom (#164): Fin Fang Foom was previously defeated by Nextwave.
Warmachine (#32): Warmachine had a victory over Blacklash with Spider-man in the Iron Man armor.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Fin Fang Foom 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Warmachine 3 (Straight A)
Speed: Warmachine 3 (Trained Athlete)
Stamina: Fin Fang Foom 6 (Generator)
Agility: Warmachine 2 (Average)
Fighting Ability: Warmachine 4 (Trained Fighter)
Energy Powers: Draw 5 (Lasers)

To avert angry e-mails from FFF fans (Scherer signal!), I am fully aware that Fin Fang Foom and his dragonesque powers stem from his -alien- heritage.

Moving on, it's interesting to think of Fin Fang Foom in this context.
Generally he would have to be considered one of Iron Man's biggest hitting foes, perhaps not possessing the stature of a Mandarin, but certainly power that puts him above he, and into a class with guys like Ultimo.

That said, he's kind of found his way into the sillier side of fandom.
Under advice of fans, Fin Fang Foom found himself onto the Jim Mahfood penned cover for the recent Marvel comedy special - Wha Huh?!, and made one of his more popular recent turns in a tongue-in-cheek role as an Unusual Weapon of Mass Destruction. [Nextwave #2]

An indifferent measure puts him in the very highest echelon of a six strength rating. As a giant dragonoid, contextually the way he can distribute his strength is much more impressive than a Hulk, though his vulnerabilities and penchant for destruction are probably comparable.

Certainly against an Iron Man, the size advantage gives him a more encompassing physical presence than the Hulk.
Likewise he is known to be surprisingly nimble considering his gargantuan size.

Iron Man's greatest strengths, be it James Rhodes, Tony Stark or even Happy Hogan, is the arsenal of long-range weaponry the armor brings with it.
It's questionable whether a blunt repulsor ray attack would ever phase the beast, but persistent attacks and maximum power at least proposes that potential.

Key to victory is also: flight!
Without that added maneuverability and distance, Fin Fang Foom is going to run over just about anyone who isn't Nextwave. Of course, that brings us to one of the glaring weaknesses that runs parallel to his strength. These days it's not so bad, but back in the nineties the ol' batteries had a way of running juice.

The Math: Warmachine (Meta Class)
The Pick: Fin Fang Foom

What went down...
"Foom pants" are nowhere to be seen, as Fin Fang Foom rampages through a tiny village on the trail of the jet propelled Iron Man. He narrowly avoids the crushing blow brought down by Foom's powerful fist, whilst avoiding flame-breath.

Foom's tail gives him an edge as Rhodey reminisces about recent events, giving him an opportunity to pin the armored hero down. He mocks the power of his shell, as Rhodey lets loose with repulsor rays, all guns blazing.

Iron Man finds himself put to the test, trapped in the cruel grip of the dragon alien, who decrees a warning through the meaning behind his name, "... He whose limbs shatter mountains, and whose back scrapes the sun? What power could you possess that could contend against this?"

For an alien, this guy definitely talks some straight up smack from the hood, yo! Er, anyway...

IM deploys a pair of hyperwave generators and cranks them up to max, firing conflicting magno-pulse energies from both sides of Foom's mighty head. I don't know much about magno-pulses, but it appears to upset his equilibrium and generally leave him feeling disgruntled.

Foom tosses his prey aside with such gusto, Iron Man's jets aren't able to kick-in, leaving Rhodes to employ the suit's powerful strength to snag a jutting rock and pulls himself to a stop.

Taking the distance put between he and the beast, Iron Man swoops into a canyon when here blasts himself a hefty trench, in order to spring a trap for the winged warrior. He doubles back, reensuring the creature's attention with a double spray of repulsor rays to the face.

Iron Man flees from the creature on foot, firing off a few blasts for good measure, just to make sure the giant dragon is nice and surly when he's chasing him.

Threats continue to be Foom's weapon of choice, but Rhodes turns it around nicely, springing his wile trap by first blinding the creature with a dust cloud stirred by his trusty palm rays. Then, using a titanium cable wrapped around a rock formation, he brings Foom tripping down into his trap.

For good measure he takes to the skies, blasting at the surrounding cliff faces to bring down a hail of rock and debris atop the menacing dragon.

With the Mandarin and his alien ally, Chen Hsu, watching on, the great destroyer, Fin Fang Foom, appears defeated by a clumsy replacement no less.

But Chen Hsu advises that even the mighty Mandarin has much to learn in the ways of what are and will be.
As does Jim Rhodes, the man who would be Iron Man.

Iron Man walks away from the battle a little worse for ware, but still alive, only to hear something stirring somewhere behind, amidst the debris.
Can you guess who it was?...

Rhodes leaps back into the fray without hesitation, but his quipping sense of humor proves to be the least effective remedy to calm the already insulted beast. Foom swats him out of the air, unphased by his repulsor rays.

Iron Man skids to a halt, finding himself lying in the shadow of what is to come.
SHOOM! Fin Fang Foom brings his fist thundering down atop the armored hero, leaving him a cracked mess amongst the shattered ground beneath.

The hammer...
It required some deliberation, but the winner here is clearly Fin Fang Foom. The only question was where the fight officially ended.
The fakeout pause used after Foom is trapped was potentially a close, but I decided to open it up to the cliffhanger ending of the issue. Whether or not we'll follow the conclusion up remains to be seen.

Actually, now that we've been doing this for five weeks, I had almost forgotten that Mondays are featuring the villains of the Marvel Ultimate Alliance videogame. A game that's, presumably, well and truly old news by now.

I mentioned in the Punch-Up [Monthly Punch-Up #16] that I was pleased to see the site referenced as a resource, and I guess that's potentially what I'd like to see these pages become. Maybe these aren't comprehensive accounts of historical milestones for the villains, but what I'd like to think I'm laying down is a combination of both introduction to the villain, and a bit of fun that can get thrown onto the pile of statistical data we call, the 'super stock,' every month.

Fin Fang Foom definitely had to be one of the most exciting inclusions in the game. The gameplay itself was a bit of a letdown, but if I'm not mistaken, this is the first time we've ever seen Fin Fang Foom in a video game!
I wouldn't say he's my favourite villain in comics, but a milestone like that is worthy of joy from any Iron fan!

With some of the April foolery we didn't really get to go into much in the Punch-Up, but it's interesting to note Iron Man's status as it is today.
I think moreso than last year, partially because of recent purchases, we're representing the times a lot more than we did. So, perhaps it's an interesting reflection post-Civil War to see Iron Man featured much less so far.

A recent DTV animated film wasn't a bad step for the character, and graduating to Director of SHIELD adds a really interesting layer to the aftermath of Civil War, but I guess maybe it's a cooling off period for one of the hottest rising stars of the Civil War period. Yes, Iron Man's firmly entrenched back in the A-list, but at what cost has this come in the broader spectrum?
A question I leave to you, intrepid reader!

I'm eager to see where the character goes, and am dying for more info on the feature film. Speaking of which, I also didn't mention (in the punch-up) that the Spider-man film comes out next month, so expect another format shift soon enough!

Speaking of movies -- interesting to note that this is the first time we've featured John Byrne on the site. I guess there's a theme that runs true there, hence the segue, because among the largest stocks in my meager collection is the Fantastic Four. Of which, I was a big fan of Byrne's work!

I don't know if this really highlights the quality of the man's abilities as a writer, but what it does personify is a shift in the field of perspective. The nineties, as many-a reader will gladly tell you, was a decade of shame for a lot of characters and titles, featuring thin plots and thin pencils.
What Byrne does in this issue, and probably very well in general, is tell part of an on-going story that perhaps isn't hugely inspired, but still packs a consistent punch, and propells the story forward in some form.

No mean feat for an entire issue of fighting in the 1990s!
With any luck Rise of the Silver Surfer will be an excuse to pull an issue or two of Byrne's FF. We'll see how we go!

Anyway, I'm running behind schedule again and am clearly struggling my way through this update! Apologies to all who are dropping by and not finding what the expect to see. Appreciate the patience!

The Fight: 4.5 The Issue: 4.5

NEXT WEEK: More Iron Man as we hit up the CRIMSON DYNAMO!

MONTHLY PUNCH-UP #16 (April 2007)
BATMAN versus THE JOKER
The Clown at Midnight (DC)
Where: Batman #663 When: April 2007
Why: Grant Morrison How: John Van Fleet & Todd Klein

Quick Fix...
If you haven't heard the hook for Batman #663, you probably haven't been around the comic scene the past few months, because while Grant Morrison writing Batman might not be news anymore -- Grant Morrison shaking things up most certainly is.

Rather ironically, this issue features something not seen in mainstream comics for probably a decade, and that's prose. The last time I remember seeing this attempted in a major on-going series it was a David Michelinie flip feature in Spectacular Spider-man #220.

So anyway, how is that ironic? Well, it was one of a string of uncanny coincidences between the major comics world and the small press musings of yours truly. Of course, in truly frustrating fashion nothing came of my work, but that doesn't mean we didn't all have fun! (Crooked Yellow Grin, Adventures of Mr. Cairo).

Moving along, there's more to this book than meets the eye.
Not only does it have the unique feature of throwing back to the pulp origins of the medium, but it also features artwork by John Van Fleet, whose unique CG images are integrated into the sketchy presentation of the book.

Given the nature and setting of the tale, and the stagnant, inhuman maquettes that represent the humans, I actually think there's a suitably eerie, almost Silent Hill-esque nature to the artwork that lends a great deal to the story.
Positioning me in contrast to most critics of the issue.

I guess what really worked against this book, for me, was an issue of style.
I'm not a big prose fan in general, but the overly elaborative kinds of prose, that spend an excessive amount of time on descriptions of descriptions tend to get to me, and while this book isn't terminal, it's certainly the bulk of the first few pages.

If you can navigate your way beyond Morrison's wordy allusions, you'll eventually crack a pretty decent Joker story, which is perhaps unfortunately for those interested, tonally removed from the bulk of the run.
For me, I actually like the shift. Morrison and DC's generally friendlier take on the Batman character isn't for me, so this book takes it to a place that was much more inclined to delight me. It's more along the lines of what I'd probably like to see from the Joker too, more or less. Removed from the homicidal trickster we even saw in Paul Dini's recently acclaimed work. [Detective Comics #826]
Although, one of the conceits of the story is to attempt to incorporate that, and other takes on the Joker, into Morrison's theory of the 'super-personas,' previously established in his Arkham Asylum mini-series.

We join the fix with Joker recovered in a mental hospital, and killing his way through the staff after rebirthing himself and rescarring his face.
This follows on from events earlier in Morrison's run, where a broken Gotham police officer shot Joker in the face with a shotgun. Hence rehabilitation and facial reconstruction...

Harley Quinn joins the Joker having followed a series of clues, but what she doesn't count on is the shift in "Mistah Jay"'s personality. She doesn't count on the fact that he has grown tired of her and her cutesy ways.

She fullfils her purpose, luring the Batman to the scene of Joker's reawakening as something horrible and terrifying, blissfully unaware that Batman is just there to witness her death. By killing the one he loved Joker can ascend to being something far more than human, in his own demented estimation, at least.

Batman, understanding the language of the Joker, challenges Harley's disbelief.
The Joker holds her with a razor blade to her neck, and through broken tissue Joker muffles something about it being better if Harley looked more like he.

Harley submits and the Batman is forced to pounce.
They land on a gurney, the Joker's wirey frame collapsing in a tangle before shifting itself back into place like it always does. The Batman uses his superior fighting skills to subdue the clown prince of crime, and attempts to make it clear that it wasn't he who shot him.

Joker plunges the razor into Batman's forearm and drags it down across the palm of his glove. Ignoring the pain the hero snaps the blade defiantly in his bleeding hand, and follows through to drive his elbow into the pale stitched chin beneath him.

Joker continues to bite and snap at his arch-nemesis, spitting bits of the poisonous goo that courses through his veins and vacilitated his escape.
Harley Quinn sobs in the corner like a child witnessing another night of violence between her once loving parents.

Batman sternly denies the Joker's attempts to leave, "You're going nowhere."
The two rivals stare each other down. "If you don't turn around and walk back to your padded cell, I'll put you down like a dog," Batman says. "I promise."

Joker slurs something about red and black, like a bat, but Batman cannot make it out. Joker surrenders, acknowledging that he could never kill the straight man of his deranged comedy routine. Then, with that confession, he charges at him screaming like something unholy and deranged. Something stops him in his tracks, though.

"You gotta stop ignoring me, Mistah Jay."

Harley Quinn returns the favour to her jilted lover with rosey blood red stains from a bullet bouquet.
The Batman drags the broken murderer by his twisted arm, deeper into the labyrinthine hospital. The cycle ends anew.

The Fix: 5.5 The Issue: 6
Winner: Harley Quinn & Batman

The Top Five...
#1 Sub-Mariner (new) (new) (Marvel)
Class: [UBER-hero] Last Opponent: [Sue Storm (wink wink)]
Win Percentage: [100%] Features: [MULTIPLE times]

Having spent his career as the measuring stick by which Aquaman is ridiculed, Sub-Mariner enters the top five purely by sheer force of awesomeness. His abilities include flight, super-strength, and so much power and manliness, he doesn't even require pants.

Truth be told, the greatest differences between the surface world and Atlantis have revolved around the absurdity of pants. Namor is so incredibly awesome he does not even require such embarassingly modest garments as trousers.
He scoffs Aquaman, and his stupid trousers. Only for the utmost special occasions will he be so gracious as to lower himself to the modesty of meer mortals.

Namor will continue to feature heavily on the website, because of his fantastic power. All who do not submit to the will of the Sub-Mariner shall fear the adamantium smearing sting of his super-powered fist. A fist that is invulnerable to the tiny chompers of pathetic vermin like pirhanna. IMPERIUS REX!!!

#2 Captain America (RE) (4) (Marvel)
Class: [SUPER soldier] Last Opponent: [Momma Stark]
Win Percentage: [99%] Features: [50]

Even dead Captain America just keeps bringing it. Why?
Because he's Captain freaking America, bitch. He was training little kids in panties for war before yo moma was even born!

Dense? Retarded? He's the god damn super soldier! You don't stop him with a bullet to the shoulder, and a round or two to the gut from a brainwashed ex-girlfriend! Lead IS a mineral Captain America's steely body requires!
He's absorbs them bullets, and then craps out a collection of commemorative coins featuring some of the greatest Presidents starting with the likes of Washington and Lincoln, all the way up to Morgan Freeman!

Cap's bringing it on Secret Earths, and you better recognise!

#3 Rainbow Mika (new) (new) (Capcom)
Class: [Wrestler Mallow] Last Opponent: [Zangief's face]
Win Percentage: [78%] Features: [2]

Even though we might all admire some of R. Mika's other qualities, you've got to give it up to the wrestling chick who can get business done!

It was International Woman's Day and Mika was representing after gay icon, Zangief, grabbed her ample hynie in a none too subtle feature from the boys at UDON. Oh, those wacky noodle-eating characters! What will they do next?!

Maybe we'd grab it too, but for the tenacity to launch your butt at a hairy, seven foot tall Russian, R. Mika makes her way straight into the top five! HOT!!!

#4 Kraven the Hunter (new) (new) (Marvel)
Class: [Hunter] Last Opponent: [Dirt]
Win Percentage: [100%] Features: [1]

Actually, Sergei Kravinoff doesn't deserve to be in the top five, but once we admitted Captain America he cited precedent. What were we supposed to do people? It was let him into the top five, or he would pull a Zangief, and frankly, I don't much fancy launching myself butt-first at a frisky Russian. No offense, Mika.

Rawr!

#5 Black Adam (new) (new) (DC)
Class: [Human/Atlantean Hybrid] Last Opponent: [Earth]
Win Percentage: [100%] Features: [0]

I don't know if anyone's been watching DC's 52 lately, but it raises a valid and interesting point that I'd like to discuss here.

Even though we debate and question things like whether or not Captain America ever gunned down a stinkin piece of Ratzi scum during the Second World War. That's fair enough. But at the end of the day, even Cap tells us it isn't cool to go around killing people. It was the forties, and it's just not kosher anymore. You should also call them "Jewish-Americans", too. And pay them when they draw your comics... But I digress...

Black Adam, crazy world leader that he is, just tore through a nation.
He probably killed in the millions, and among those were probably just a lot of hot headed innocents who didn't take too kindly to being rained down upon with broken bones and bodily organs.

And you know what? Even Batman can't top that.
I LOVE BLACK ADAM!!!

Super Stock...
Alright, we've got a ship to run here, so I'm going to pansy out a little bit.
Since we overlooked the occasion last year, I thought it might be nice to indulge in the antics of April Fool's Day. Usually I don't bother, because we're fooling noone, but hey. Let's have a little bit of fun!

For those hyper ventilating now as they try to calculate the 2007 top five for this month, allow me to offer some relief: #1 Spider-man; #2 Batman; #3 Ghost Rider; #4 Wolverine; #5 Angel.

I'd love to tell you that last one was a joke, but alas, the numbers do not lie.
And now, on to the cumulative results, where the unthinkable has finally happened. After fifteen months of dominance since his first appearance, Batman is dethroned as the number one fighting superhero on Secret Earths!

1. Spider-man (+1) (M)
2. Batman (-1) (DC)
3. Wolverine (-) (M)
4. Iron Man (-) (M)
5. Daredevil (-) (M)
6. Superman (+1) (DC)
7. Captain America (+1) (M)
8. Hulk (-2) (M)
9. Elektra (+4) (M)
10. Steel (+8) (DC)
18. Ghost Rider (new) (M)
19. Venom Symbiote (-10) (M)
20. Beast (-) (M)
21. Thor (-11) (M)
22. Sub-Mariner (-1) (M)
23. Bullseye (+47) (M)
25. Storm (-1) (M)
29. Human Torch (+1) (M)
38. Black Cat (new) (M)
56. Winter Soldier (new) (M)
57. Black Bolt (new) (M)
58. Rainbow Mika (new) (Cap)
59. Sakura (new) (Cap)
64. Venom [Mac Gargan] (-30) (M)
65. Angel (+2) (M)
75. She-Hulk (-7) (M)
76. The Punisher (-23) (M)
77. The Trapster (-13) (M)
89. Colossus (-4) (M)
91. Natasha Irons (-9) (DC)
95. Photon (-3) (M)
96. Radioactive Man (+7) (M)
123. Starfox (new) (M)
124. Penance (new) (M)
125. Swordsman (new) (M)
128. Wonder Woman (-9) (DC)
135. Dr. Strange (new) (M)
136. Songbird (+25) (M)
137. Moonstone (+23) (M)
138. Tigra (-32) (M)
210. Slam Bradley (new) (DC)
211. Lex Luthor (new) (DC)
212. Echo (new) (M)
213. Dan Hibiki (new) (Cap)
214. Zangief (new) (Cap)
215. Jack Flag (new) (M)
221. Magneto (-17) (M)
222. Brick (-17) (DC)

The Hammer...
So, there you have it folks, we wrap up another month and head into a new one. Being unwell last week, I have slipped behind a little bit. I've got some scanning to do, but I'll be getting Marvel Monday's Fin Fang Foom post up ASAP.

Rather than delay things further trying to make up the Wednesday post that was lost, expect to see that rewrite bumped to this coming Wednesday. Apologies to all who logged on Wednesday to find that.

It was the biggest week in the site's history, not only featuring three times the entries, but also three times the visitors! Keeping the hit counter ticking over is the only incentive I have for this site, so I appreciate that a great deal!
I've been pleased to see the site even being referenced as a resource, as I hoped it would. It popped up recently on the Spawn.com message boards, although, if anyone is reading, it was actually an incorrect reference.

Later this month we'll probably do a feature on the issue of She-Hulk where she relieves Titania of the Power Gem, just to help anyone out who's wondering about how the events of the new Illuminati series have unfolded.

I'm also hoping to inject much more DC into April!
May will have a special twist that's again tilted toward Marvel, so I really feel an obligation to those of the DC Nation who are logging in to follow their guys.
Especially now that Batman has finally been toppled from the number one spot on the cumulative rankings. That's right folks, that was NOT an April Fool's gag!

It's interesting to note that Spider-man took the top spot (statistically) with the same amount of features as Batman, so you can't even call favourtism on that one. Of course, it brings a whole new flavour to the argument that Batman is too unbeatable. Just one of the many twists we hope to uncover during day-to-day fun here on Secret Wars on Infinite Earths.

Going back to traffic, I have to throw a big shout out to a couple websites who have been kind enough to throw a link up to us, and in turn showed up on the referrers list! The Four Color Media and Comic By Comic!
Each are fantastic blogsites in their own right, and I greatly appreciate their support. Inter-relations seems to be a big part of becoming part of the blogosphere, and while we're still getting snubbed by the 'bigger' blogs, I like to think this is a move in the right direction. Thanks guys!

I'm now officially out of money and energy, so I'm going to wrap this up.
Some updates I'm looking forward to here, so fingers crossed we can keep the ship running smoothly. And hey, feel welcomed to drop a comment.
In the mean time, don't believe the hype. We were Friday Fight Night before it was cool!

BONUS!: Hey, also! If you didn't notice, we added some fun interactive games to the page! See how many Avengers and X-Men you can name in ten minutes!
Is it as easy as you think? Can you do it without cheating? Fun!
If I find the time, we might get some some more of that action!

March Hit Count: [3350/8558] (+2089)