IN STORES: November 21, 2007
You can probably find complete shipping list updates on most major comics sites. Consider this an opportunity to either do all your info-shopping in the one place, or get a speculative perspective on what might be worth checking out. These are untested reads. Secret Wars on Infinite Earths can offer no guarantee or endorsement of quality. These are simply titles that may be of potential interest. Some items may ship late.

The list...
SEP072182 AVENGERS CLASSIC #6 $2.99
SEP070179 BATMAN CONFIDENTIAL #11 $2.99
SEP070193 BIRDS OF PREY #112 $2.99
SEP073506 BOYS #12 (MR) $2.99
SEP072186 CAPTAIN AMERICA #32 $2.99
SEP070180 CATWOMAN #73 $2.99
SEP070200 CHECKMATE #20 $2.99
SEP070144 COUNTDOWN TO FINAL CRISIS 23 $2.99
SEP070146 COUNTDOWN TO MYSTERY #3 (OF 8) $3.99
SEP070177 DETECTIVE COMICS #838 (GHUL) $2.99
APR071868 GODLAND #20 $2.99
SEP070011 GRENDEL BEHOLD THE DEVIL #1 (OF 8) $3.50
SEP070277 HELLBLAZER #238 (MR) $2.99
AUG072227 INCREDIBLE HULK #111 WWH $2.99
JUN071916 INVINCIBLE #46 $2.99
SEP072200 IRON MAN DIRECTOR OF SHIELD ANNUAL #1 $3.99
JUL072191 LONERS #6 (OF 6) $2.99
AUG071993 MADMAN VOL 2 TP $17.99
SEP072220 PENANCE RELENTLESS #3 (OF 5) $2.99
SEP072225 SHE-HULK 2 #23 $2.99
AUG073595 SNK VS CAPCOM VOL 7 SVC CHAOS TP $13.95
AUG070258 SPIRIT #11 $2.99
JUN073931 STREET FIGHTER VOL 4 BONUS STAGE TP $12.95
SEP070034 UMBRELLA ACADEMY APOCALYPSE SUITE #3 (OF 6) $2.99
SEP072231 WHAT IF ANNIHILATION $2.99
AUG070264 WORLD WAR III TP $17.99

SEP070148 COUNTDOWN SEARCH FOR RAY PALMER:
GOTHAM BY GASLIGHT #1 $2.99
Nothing phenomenal really jumps out at me this week. I guess that's made a bit more difficult by the lack of momentum I might be feeling if I'd been reading books like Countdown, which appears to be turning out a solid issue, or Captain America, which has been one of the most talked about series from Marvel this year.

Gotham by Gaslight just about gets it on the merits of a kick ass cover, but I'd like to think of all the Search one-shots, this one promises to be among the best.

QUICK FIX DOUBLE FEATURE: Secrets Illuminated!
TONY STARK versus SKRULLS
(Marvel)
Where: New Avengers: Illuminati #1 When: February 2007 Why: Brian Michael Bendis & Brian Reed How: Jim Cheung

Quick Fix...
With the total lack of recent purchases, you'd be forgiven for missing the supposed underlying theme of reflection in the Infinite Wars. Apparently, or so Haseloff keeps trying to tell us, the Infinite Wars are attempting to reflect the year as a sort of obscure, sport league style time capsule.

Icelandic pop sensation, Björk, theorises that there's an inevitable tangibility between all decisions made within the space of a year. That regardless of conceit or design, hindsight will reveal a commonality between all events and junctions within the span of a certain time period. Obviously one has to allow the opportunity for transition, but it's a nice way of supposing that even without a weekly bombardment of spent pennys, the Infinite Wars remain relevant by accident.

Long winded introductions aside, today we are looking at a couple of issues that very much represent a force from within 2007. Though divided they were on both sides of the Civil War, and it was their actions that led to World War Hulk.
In case you've been living under a rock, or been victim to their conspiracy, I explicitly refer to them as The Illuminati!

I would begrudgingly acknowledge the subtle brilliance of retro-fitting a secret super-society of intellectuals and power players into the Marvel Universe. It's with some chagrin, because lord knows we haven't yet learnt to stop worrying, and love the Bendis -- particularly where the milieu of the Marvel history is concerned.

Fortunately this mini-series that explores the team introduced in the pages of the first incarnation of New Avengers, carries with it the placebo of co-writer, Brian Reed. Yes, that's co-writer. Brian. Reed. Something I feel the need to put particularly emphasis on, because even the most credible sources seem to be completely dismissing Reed's involvement, to talk, good and bad, about Bendis.
I, of course, will only be talking bad about him.

If you place any weight on the reviews hidden beneath our fight club antics, then it's a damn good thing I've waited nearly a full year to review these issues, because the immediate reaction was not good. Not good, at all.

Essentially the only linking qualities of this series is the conspiratorial nature of the team, and the way these pages lift the curtain on their operations. Stories feature events from present and past, illuminating subtle reprieves experienced, and yet to come. And it's that future aspect that makes leaving this review until now such an important quality.

We now know in intimiate detail that a Skrull invasion is coming to the Marvel Universe, and it's in the pages of this first issue that we learn much of the history involved. Sure, the Skrulls have always had a naughty desire to invade our planet, but the Illuminati's behind-the-scenes intervention during the 1980's crossover event, The Skrull-Kree War, highlights a personalized layer to this latest incursion. Not only that, it reveals how the Skrulls may have found ways to evade the most efficient of detection means, including; Dr. Strange's mystic prowess, Mr. Fantastic's technology, and Wolverine's nasal dexterity!

We're still running late so to spin things along; essentially the gang teleport into a Skrull mothership, tell the Skrulls to bugger off and never come back, and then set Black Bolt on them for some Inhuman killer-karaoke. Chaos ensues, the team struggle to escape, and after Namor enjoys a slightly premature and psychotic celebration of the carnage, find themselves captured.

As though they'd been swapping architectural recipes with Dr. Doom, the Skrulls just happen to have a set of customized traps ready to incapacitate the Illuminati. A giant barbecue for Namor; a massive bondage machine for Reed Richards; the usual odds and sods once keeps on an evil alien spacecraft.

We enter the scene with a naked Tony Stark; the most easily debilitated of the team, given the removable nature of his power source.
In between fighting off the shrinking chill of deep space, and dealing with a heart condition maintained by constant use of his armor, Stark finds himself confronted by a rescue brigade of Avengers. Cool! Nah?

See, the problem with running a secret club behind the backs of your mates is, when you get captured by shape-changing space aliens, noone knows where you are to save you. This was the eighties, too, so you can forget text messaging.

Being a pretty seasoned chap, Stark is full aware of the Skrull's cerebral warefare, and sees through the ruse, incurring the wrath of Skrull-Thor.

In an illness defying scene of Rocky 4 proportions; Stark proves he's more than tin cans and string, opening an addictive can of whoop ass on those Skrully bastards. A roundhouse and a few naked spin-kicks later (try not to visualize), and Stark stands triumphant.

I've got whole other issue to talk about yet, so I might just abruptly wrap this up here with the picture of naked Stark. Sure, that's maybe not what you came here for. Maybe that's not what the major sites are doing. Maybe that's just a little too cutting edge for you, but you know what? That's what I do.

The Fix: 3.5 The Issue: 4
Winner: Tony Stark

This first issue of the Illuminati mini-series details events occuring behind the scenes of the Skrull-Kree War. Though it's by no means required reading to appreciate the short amount of story contained within the issue, it wouldn't hurt to splurge this Christmas and get some history before the Invasion! Know the enemy!

---

NAMOR/STRANGE/XAVIER versus THE MIND GEM
(Marvel)
Where: New Avengers: Illuminati #2 When: March 2007 Why: Brian Michael Bendis & Brian Reed How: Jim Cheung

Quick Fix...
I mentioned in the previous fix initial concerns that were central to my first reading of the first couple of issues, and to a certain degree they remain.

Essentially these first issues, while very nice in concept, deliver little that we haven't seen before. Before knowing the specifics of the coming Skrull invasion, one could be forgiven for panning the series as a dull tour through retroactive history, devoid of any real purpose or scope.

Unfortunately, there remains a hint of truth to this assessment, even with a greater goal in mind. Certainly as an element that was introduced through a special, there was a lot of unexplored territory in the Illuminati's clandestine operations, but invariably one can't help but feel there needs to be more at work, even in the asthetics, than a tour through neo history.

Staring down this issue's cover, it would be unfair to say the book was without repercussions. Inherently the title immediately fails if it alters established history, but by playing with the present, the Illuminati are conceptually enabled as they gather the veritable pandora's box of power that is the Infinity Gauntlet -- another call back to the eighties and nineties of Marvel event comics.

Those who don't know Brian Reed may adopt an air of cyncial suspicion when they learn his entry into comics essentially came from penning the Ultimate Spider-man game with his Illuminati co-writer, Brian "How much for the rabbits?*" Bendis.

Reed has since entrenched himself in the Marvel writing staff with a sturdy run on the well sponsored, but inherently B-list, Ms. Marvel solo-title.
Continuing the theme, Reed has now expanded into even less admirable territory, taking up the writing chores of the resurrected, and conceptually maligned, Captain Marvel. More surprising than that, some say he's actually doing a pretty damned good job of it, too.

Now, I'm going to attempt to bend logic in ways even the infinity gauntlet would struggle to do, but stay with me here. We devolve into an abridged version of the Brian Reed history, because there's an important note to be made of Illuminati.

Given the collection of characters involved and the conceptual potential of their adventures, New Avengers: Illuminati does read dramatically under par, but even so, it holds on to a steady mediocre because of reasonably solid characterization. A skill monsieuer Reed appears to have adopted from his contemporary writing partner, who also, despite repeatedly bashing his chromed head against a wall built of his weaknesses, is undeniably competent when characterization is concerned.

Though not especially shown off by this particular scene, these slightly underhanded compliments lead us to our battle in-question, featuring the [spontaneously fan-favourite] Sub-Mariner, Professor X, and Dr. Strange.

Attempting to traverse sub-spacial concept, the trio split from their fellows in the hopes of obtaining the Mind Gem. Having apparently lodged itself outside of reality, into the collective consciousness of the universe, the Mind Gem is not without it's defenses against those who would use it's power for evil.

In an apparent sea of awareness, Dr. Strange warns Namor to pluck the crippled Professor into airborne safety as a giant acquatic behemoth bursts from the blue [pictured above].

Picking up on Dr. Strange's philosophical descriptions of the plane in which they stand, Namor recognises that the potent reality created within the Mind Gem may in fact be of his own doing. Thus, Namor does what he does best, barrelling head-first into the maw of peril!

Namor disappears into the beast's gullet, earning a dramatic "NOOOO!" from Dr. Strange. As if he needs an excuse to be theatrical. Oh yes. Went there!

Not surprisingly, Namor re-emerges from the sea-creature, and gets down to a good socking, while Dr. Strange lends the vital assist with some magickery.
Professor Xavier should be noted as present, but hopefully to the delight of the feminists, purely in the role conventionally occupied by the damsel in distress.

The Fix: 3.5 The Issue: 4
Winner: Sub-Mariner (w/ Dr. Strange)

It's 2:30am, so I shant delay in wrapping this up. If you're done with the Kree-Skrull War, and you want to read-up for some more perspective, move your Christmas purchases on to the Infinity Gauntlet, which inspired the beautiful Jim Cheung cover here. Lots of love to Reed and the gang, and stay tuned for more Infinite Wars, Friday!

*Not an actual nickname for Brian Bendis.

COVER TO COVER: DOUBLE TEAM!
Oh, yessir. Cheating our way back from the missed entries of the past!
In English? A return to the back issue bins for another round of tag teaming action. If you enjoyed the last cover's slice of tag team gold, then feast your eyes upon another realm of two-man combat.

Every so often a pair of powers are forced to unite their efforts against an evil so powerful, only their combined might will do the job. Then there also other occasions, where Paste Pot Pete is just begging for a good kicking.
I like to think both kinds of feature have their uses... Click-away!

Marvel Team-Up #58 (June 1977)
"Panic on Pier One!" Claremont/Buscema/Marcos
It's panic at the pier as a stunt movie crashes and burns due to the interference of none other than the dreaded Trapster -- aka; Paste Pot Pete!

Pete's looking for a little paste-pot payback on the hellacious hero in disguise, Ghost Rider, and he's come to the work place of his human host to do it! Thus, the visage of celebrity stunt cyclist Johnny Blaze burnss away, revealing the flaming skull of the Ghost Rider.

With hellfire and brimstone in mind, Ghost Rider is happy to indulge Pete's sinful ways, and with Spidey on the scene, the web-slinger may be forced to turn on a hero!

Captain America #252 (December 1980)
"Cold Fire!" Stern/Byrne
Not a dream! Not a hoax! Not an imaginary story!
From the legendary annals of the late, great Captain America comes this rare team-up between the sentinel of liberty and his leaping arch-rival, Batroc!

When Mr. Hyde threatens to ram a tanker full of natural gas into New York Harbor, even a dirty Frenchman can take only so much. Thus, with a twist of his moustache and a kick of savate, the Leaper turns the tables, rescuing Cap from certain doom!

Even with Cap by his side, can even this unlikeliest of team-ups possibly rival the sheer strength of the mad Mr. Hyde?!

Marvel Two-In-One #92 (October 1982)
"This Evil Returning--!" DeFalco/Wilson
Jocasta feels she isn't welcome in a world of human heroes, but that's not the only thing getting her down! It seems her creator, Ultron, has activated long dormant programming to force the robotic Avenger to free him from entrapment within a stoney prison.

Thing and Machine Man are on the scene to come to Jocasta's rescue, as she's forced to usher in a new era of Ultron, and an army of adamantium-shelled warriors!

The genocidal robot is out to destroy all humans, but for the hero Machine Man, he's happy to make a killing exception, and it looks like the ever lovin' blue-eyed Thing is on Ultron's! Egads!

Batman #637 (April 2005)
"Under the Hood Part 3: Overnight Deliveries" Winick/Mahnke
He began his career at Batman's side, and now Dick Grayson is back at the Dark Knight's side as his own brand of hero, Nightwing!

The Red Hood is running amok in Gotham City, interfering in criminal activities to the chagrin of Batman and Black Mask both. His latest scheme sees the release of an unchecked Amazo unit, signed and paid for by the Gotham kingpin of crime.

Designed to turn the powers of the Justice League against them, can the super-powerless dyanmic duo possibly make a scratch in Amazo's metallic exterior?

Batman #647 (January 2006)
Siu-Chong/Double KO/Dogan
If you think wrestling isn't real, then you want to stay well clear of the Russian red cyclone -- Zangief!

Blissfully unaware of the scripted portion of the show, Zangief has not taken defeat kindly. The mountain of muscle pursues Rainbow Mika to a signing, where she unexpectedly finds herself in the throws of a rematch!

With Zangief out of control and Sakura keen to develop new skills through the learning of other techniques, it looks like this bout is scheduled for a handicap match!
It's a women's workout and chick chairtoe that will leave one fighter reeling -- and it's not Zangief!

COVER TO COVER: JUST THE TWO OF US!
The Infinite Wars are open to most forms of comic book related combat, but it's always just a little bit special when it neatly falls into convention. The thrill of the one-on-one measure is unparalleled, but if there's a close second, it's two-on-two tag team action!

If you enjoyed yesterday's battle between Sagat/Vega and Ken/Ryu, then why not sample some of the battle backlog for more tag team terror?! We've got everything from unlikely team-ups, to old hands, and they're all ready to duke it out against the most dastardly combinations in town!

Amazing Spider-man Annual #4 (1967)
"The Web and the Flame!" Lee/Lieber
The Human Torch has landed himself a part in a big Hollywood picture, and Spider-man couldn't be happier... to spoil it for him! This age-old feud kicks off once more when Spidey mistakes a scene in the film for a real-life rampage by the flaming superhero!

Little do the pair know, their bitter rivalry is soon to be fuelled by a dastardly duo hidden in the shadows!
It's movie set mayhem as the Wingless Wizard and Mysterio team-up to mess with the minds of their most hated foes! Can Spidey and the Torch put their differences behind them, or when the filming wraps, will villainy reign supreme in the final cut? Roll credits!


Power Man & Iron Fist #66 (December 1980)
"The Jade Tiger!" Duffy/Gammill
Nightwing Restorations has taken a job that involves "restoring" a priceless jade tiger to it's rightful owner, and even though few are better to deliver the goods, they're up against a new breed in crime!

Sabretooth and the Constrictor have been employed by the art stealing crime boss in question, and have trapped Misty Knight in the magnetized vault, leaving Colleen Wing to narrowly escape with her life!

Enter the tag team might of the heroes-for-hire, Luke Cage and Danny Rand! It's an old fashioned throwdown as Power Man abandons stealth in favour of strength! Sweet Christmas!

Ghost Rider #40 (August 1993)
"Hunters" Mackie/Garney
Blade has become the recipient of the Demogorge and is on a rampage to kill not only vampires, but ALL mystical elements in the lower city portion of New York.

Ghost Rider and Frank Drake are on the trail of the daywalker as he slaughters his way through the underworld, devouring the powers of all who fall before his sword, and Ghost Rider is about to be on the menu!

Sharing a twisted common goal; Demogoblin joins Blade in his extermination of sages and sinners, but a creature of demonic magic himself, surely he is in danger too!
Magic mayhem as these two powerhouse teams clash!

Captain America #6 (April 1997)
"Soldiers" Liefeld/Loeb
Earth's mightiest heroes are dead: killed by Onslaught.
Pfft, try telling that to the sentinel of liberty, Captain America!

It's a universe blurring team-up through reality as Cable somehow finds himself in the pocket universe of the Heroes Reborn. Not one to shy away from battle, Cable joins the Captain in the fight of their lives as they go up against the reborn team-up of MODOK and Baron Zemo!

With the odds stacked against the heroes, MODOK and Zemo may yet fullfil the prophecy of death that befell the Captain, and bring Cable along for the ride, too!


Batman #647 (January 2006)
"Franchise Part 2: The Away Team" Winick/Mahnke
Jason Todd has returned from the dead, and having assumed the identity of the new Red Hood, he has begun a rampage across Gotham. Destroying those that oppose him, and uniting the gangs that obey, the Hood is causing more than a headache for Batman and Black Mask.

Enter the Society, who have promised Black Mask the benefits of an unlimited army of super villains if he joins them, and offers them the same supports in-kind.

Thus, Batman and the Hood are together again, in an unlikely team-up against Captain Nazi and the feral Hyena! Oh yeah, and don't expect the Society to play by the tag team rules!

SAGAT/VEGA versus KEN/RYU
Revenge Match (Universal/Capcom)
Where: Street Fighter When: December 1994
Why: Steven E. deSouza How: Byron Mann, Damian Chapa, Wes Studi & Jay Tavare

The story so far...
For con-men Ken Masters and Ryu Hoshi, things quickly go from bad to worse when they travel to the Thai rebel state of Shadaloo. Looking to take advantage of an arms race between UN Peace Troopers and the soldiers of would-be warlord, General M. Bison; the pair of swindlers import phony weapons with the intent to get in, and get out.

Ken and Ryu make a powerful enemy in Thai underworld crime boss, Victor Sagat, who captures the pair to parade as fodder for his champion Spanish cage fighter - Vega! The con-men avoid lethal combat, finding themselves apprehended along with their enemies, by UN forces led by Guile.

Colonel Guile convinces the pair to use their connections to stage a fake breakout and assassination, using the scenario to earn the goodwill of Sagat.
Though Ken and Ryu are successful in embedding themselves in Bison's operation, the ultimate battle nears, and they are soon uncovered for the spies they are. With Bison's fortress crumbling under UN incursion, Ken and Ryu go their seperate ways, leaving the Japanese fighter to walk alone into a trap...

Previous Form:
Sagat (#58): A win, loss, and draw, all against Ryu.
Vega (#117): A quick fix gimme victory over Dan Hibiki.
Ryu (#20): The leading street fighter with victories over Balrog, Sagat, & Zangief.
Ken (#62): A string of ties with Ryu, and solo victory over Sodom.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Sagat 4 (Steroid popper)
Intelligence: Ken Masters 3 (Straight A)
Speed: Vega 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Draw 4 (Athlete)
Agility: Vega 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting Ability: Ryu 5 (Martial Artist)
Energy Powers: Ryu 3 (Explosives)


- Ryu, a Japanese orphan, and Ken Masters, son of a wealthy American heir, were raised and trained by the master of the mysterious unnamed ansatsuken fighting style, Gouken. Despite their distinct personalities, a life of training would develop the pair into two of the greatest fighters in the world.

Both are skilled well rounded fighters capable of harnessing hadou ki for trademark attacks such as; the Tatsumaki Senpuu Kyaku hurricane kick, Hadou-ken fireballs, the Sho-ryu ken dragon uppercut; along with an array of variations of each, some uniquely specialized to the fighter's minor differences.

Ryu's dedicated fighting ethic and intrinisic mastery of the hadou arguably makes him the more powerful of the two. That said, Ken's brash attitude overshadows his finely honed fighting skills, which surpass perhaps even Ryu's.

- Known as the Emperor of Muay Thai, Sagat is supremely skilled in the fighting style often referred to as the "science of the eight-limbs."
Revolving mostly around elbows, knees, fists, and kicks; Sagat's Muay Thai takes full advantage of his height and physical strength. Complimenting his furious style is the development of various ki attacks that stem from a fierce rivalry with hadou practitioner, Ryu. Many of these energy attacks not only rival the Japanese fighter's weapons, but also imitate them, ie; the tiger uppercut, and tiger fireballs.

Though he spent much time with the criminal element Shadaloo, Sagat's character is not traditionally evil. After a lengthy period seeking vengeance against Ryu, Sagat even came to regret impulsive violence, and found some degree of peace.

- The street fighting arena provides convenient abandon for the blood lusting Spaniard called Vega. Harboring homicidal tendencies, the narcissistic psychopath in the protective mask made a name for himself as a matador.
Turning his natural swift and speed to the martial arts, Vega values nothing more than the source of his vanity - his beautiful features - and protects them as best he can, while exacting brutal violence with the aid of his clawed gauntlet.

Vega's speed and agility were particularly complimented by the underground practise of cage fighting. In this domain, few can challenge the matador, and many have tasted bitter defeat at the end of his blades. It was this killing instinct that made him the perfect assassin for Bison's Shadaloo operations.

The Math: Draw The Pick: Ken & Ryu

What went down...
Having experienced a clash of ethics, the usually inseperable fighting buddies Ken and Ryu are indeed seperated, as the Bisonopolis headquarters begins to crumble under the pressures of UN Peace Troopers, technological damages, and the sheer destructive energy of Raul Julia's performance as Bison.

Seeking the riches hidden within Bison's personal sanctum, Ken inadvertently stumbles upon a video screen revealing live footage of a hapless Ryu walking into a trap inexplicably sprung by the dastardly duo of Sagat and Vega.

As he brilliantly searches for a way out in the lowest depths of the Bison-Gym, Ryu finds himself set upon by his filmic arch-rival -- Vega! The Spaniard unleashes a surprise claw attack that scratches the surface of Ryu's gut.
Sagat's typically silent goon utters his first line of the film whilst donning his mask, delivered with the cold grit of Eastwood's ADR double, "Where were we?"

Ryu springs a straight kick that shunts Vega back-first into a row of gym lockers, marking the first of many such collisions. Vega recovers, walking into the devestating heroic retort, "You were losing!", before doing his darndest to prove otherwise with the aimless swings of a six-movie slasher star.

Ryu plays the defensive, slipping the jab wherever possible while avoiding Vega's uncharacteristically unrefined attacks. The technique serves him well until he is unceremoniously informed of the two-on-one odds when Sagat enters the fray with a high kick, followed by a clumsy knee combo.

Vega takes advantage of the low ceiling and double-team situation, scoring some points with a successful swinging kick. Ryu collides with a locker, marking the third such occasion during the fight. [You'll have to stay tuned for the full scoop on the locker situation! - Mike "Play-by-Play" Haseloff]

Vega presses the advantage with a jumping forward kick, but Ryu is skilled enough to deliver a defensive-offense of small blocks and hits. He nervously backs up, putting a support structure center to he and his two foes, when suddenly a red streak strikes Sagat -- player two has entered the game!

Putting friendship before greed, Ken joins his brother in arms' side, lending his impressive fighting skills to the fray, and effectively bringing his utterly inspired character arc to a conclusion.

Having spent the heroic reunion generally menacing and grimacing, Sagat and Vega launch a syncronised flying attack on their individual foes. Going against established convention, the villains continue to pursue their film-long rivals, Sagat to Ken, and Vega to Ryu.

Ryu, having utilized the age-old tactic of stripping down, flips Vega down, while tangling his claw in his discarded gi top. Meanwhile, Ken is embattered by the unconvincing knee strikes of the emperor of Muay Thai.

Ken fights back, putting a bouncy punching ball between he and his skilled opponent, while Vega and Ryu engage in more competent flashy combat.

The trading of blows between Ryu and Vega culminates in the big screen debut of trademark power moves! Ryu delivers what passes for a hadou-ken in a movie apparently too grounded in reality to indulge in a full-fledged fireball.

Not to be outdone, Vega rolls his way into the rolling crystal flash, otherwise known as a claw jab preceded by a pointless roll. As if to continue to up the stakes, Sagat and Ken continue their dance, giggling and dancing around a punching ball like a pair of lovesick schoolgirls.

In a historic piece of physical comedy, Ken punches the wobbling ball so it collides with Sagat's smirking mug. Unphased, Sagat delivers a kick designed for intimidation, so powerful it explodes the tethered bobbing rubber ball!

Meanwhile, Vega continues to resort to wild slashings with his clawed fist, finding a punching bag in the absence of a ducking and weaving Ryu.

Ryu parrys his way to the gym's stone wall, where a raging incinerator is conveniently placed, presumably for all your garment disposing and face burning needs after a long work-out.
Vega's claw initiates the opening of the furnace, allowing Ryu in a struggle of strength to push Vega's steel masked face up against the heat!

Sagat uses some of the assorted weight-training equipment on hand to strangle Masters, only to have the handles turned against him in a ball-busting counter!
With Sagat on the ropes, Ken borrows an eye-bulge from Charlie Sheen, before delivering what is presumably the closest thing to a sho-ryu ken uppercut that Damian Chapa could muster.

Meanwhile, still reeling from the seering pain of the furnace's heat, Vega exerts the last of his flamboyant energy in final battle with Ryu. Delivering a string of trapped headbutts, Ryu continues the assault with a thoroughly unattractive grimace/scream combo, that would surely insult the vainglorious Vega.

As Vega tries to deliver a killing blow, his claw is yanked from his fist by a weight bar, leaving him to engage Ryu in pure hand-to-hand combat.
In another embarassing display of homage, Ryu delivers a hurricane kick with single revolution, putting an end to Vega's lineless, but none the less impressive display of dive-and-roll villainy.

And as if to emphasize just how weak Chapa's Ken is, he's still putting the finishing moves on Sagat, needing to luck his way into Sagat punching the stone wall, before delivering a roundhouse kick, to finish.

Well, when I say finish, Sagat seems more tired than beaten, as Ryu and Ken leave, with Ken delivering the moral of his story, "I owe you. If I hadn't met you, I might've become you."

Swoon!

The hammer...
And the winners of this exciting tag battle? I'm going to say Ken and Ryu, because it sure as hell isn't the fans.

Oh, alright! It's a soft target and I think we've already had our fun.
Ironically, given the ire USM has suffered, I don't actually have a venomous slew of curses to lavish upon this worthy alumnist of the IMDB worst 100 movies of all time.

As fans of comics, we're all too familiar with the disgruntled cries of diehard fans, disappointed by the latest adaptation of their favourite heroes. I'd like to think a lot of us even have perspective enough to recognise sometimes this is the sole motivation for the total panning of a big screen project (Hulk, Blade: Trinity, Daredevil...); but I suppose it's ironic that, apparently, despite commanding franchised ticket sales at the box office, everyone hated this.

I guess, particularly if you flash back to 1994, you have a related problem.
Sure, these days it's a nostalgia brand, but what you youngsters will fail to appreciate is the sheer blanket dominance of Street Fighter in a gaming market that was blossoming into the entertainment powerhouse we know today. Arguably, Street Fighter had the benefit of being a part of that market while it still had very strong novelty value, to expose it through arcades and social consciousness alike.

Which is where we arrive at the fact that, while Street Fighter: The Movie clearly has a very specific and independent story in mind, it completely under estimates the mainstream familiarity of the Street Fighter characters. Unfortunately, every man, woman, and child probably had some idea of what the Street Fighter character should look like, and a Blanka that would make Ferigno blush, this wasn't it!

Of course, that's not to say the movie isn't without it's charms.
I think it deservedly earns cult status through it's early-nineties, neon colour palette, and bizarre trappings as a hybrid between Good Morning Vietnam and Super Mario Brothers. It's peppered with all kinds of oddities, typifying the logic defying powers of a Van Damme in his prime! Simon Callow?! I mean, REALLY?! Slumming it in Street Fighter?! Take that McKellan! He was openly gay first, too!

Perhaps one of the greatest ironies of the film is the appropriate pronounciation of Ryu, which goes against the "ree-yoo" verbage popularized by [other] film(s) and video game alike.

It's also with some interest I note the content of the featured fight.
From what I'm told, the ever-brilliant censors of the United States see fit to edit large chunks of this battle, removing specifically the relatively tame portions involving Vega's face burn and claw attacks. You Yanks sure do breed a special kind of crazy, don't you?

Perhaps connected due to TV edits is a lot of confused fan contention about whether or not a hadou-ken does in fact appear in the film. Well, gleefully absorb the unedited violence as it appears here, albeit in stills. The hadou-ken, as gradually noted by know-it-alls across the internet, is more of a traditional open palm strike, broken up by a two-second flash of a completely white frame.
Argue all you like fanboys, but it counts!

The Street Fighter film has been a looming threat in our weekly fight clubbing antics. The franchise's martial artsy credibility, and vague connection to comics, has been a gym-incinerator level convenience for my shameless fandom.
Introducing the Van Damme vehicle not only spices up the batch, but hopefully delivers a diversity to our pursuit of a top five street fighter.

Much like the video game, I've been trying to hold off a character like Bison, bucking against UDON's handling of the character to give a sense of earning.
Sure, I'm aware that Bison is hardly the most exciting character in the Street Fighter world. And sure, Raul Julia's plastic-set chewing performance isn't going to set the readership on fire, but, well... I'm still sort of looking forward to delivering the Guile/Bison battle sometime in the coming weeks.

In the mean time, I am again dragging my knuckles on updates.
It might be a good time to consider some kind of retraction for any implied or explicit promises of updated daily content. At this point I've got all kinds of "real" things going on, along with the never ending struggle to enter the industry not just as a stat-counting fanboy, but as a creative contributor.

And hey, it's been a while since I've mentioned The Kirby Martin Inquest, isn't it? It's a full-sized, 22-page first issue, and it's only $2.99 [plus shipping] from the good folks at ComixPress, who are now promising faster delivery on orders!
Any and all support is always greatly appreciated, and if you do pick it up, be sure to swing by and drop a comment. I'd love to get some reviews going!

The Fight: 4.5 The Movie: 4.5

It seems the best days of Van Damme's career are behind him, and while Street Fighter didn't slow it down immediately, it probably isn't opening many doors right now, either. Good thing: Van Damme is an amateur philosopher! Bad thing: He passed up the Johnny Cage role in the MK games, to do this movie instead.

FANTASTIC FOUR versus GOMDULLA
Electrical Problems! (Marvel comics)
Where: Spider-man Family #3 When: August 2007
Why: Paul Tobin How: Pierre Alary

The story so far...
Bombarded by cosmic rays, the quartet of Reed Richards, Susan Storm, her brother Johnny, and test-pilot Ben Grimm are transformed in bizarre ways to become Marvel's first family -- the Fantastic Four!

The idols of millions, the FF would expand their membership over the years to include many allies, but alas, it never quite worked out for Spider-man, who early in his career attempted to join the team -- a point of lasting ridicule for the Johnny Storm, the Human Torch.

Co-existing on the same turf, Spidey just happens to be swinging through downtown as the team struggle to combat the giant-sized menace of Gomdulla, the living mummy monolith! Can Spidey provide the valuable assist, or are things destined to take yet another sour turn for the well meaning wall-crawler?

Previous Form:
Fantastic Four [#2]: Team wins over Frightful Four, Paibok, & Dr. Doom.
Spider-man (#1): Successful team-ups against Trapster, Wizard, Carnage, & the Sinister Twelve.
Gomdulla: Making his lumbering debut in the Infinite Wars.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Thing 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Mr. Fantastic 6 (Genius)
Speed: Human Torch 3 (Athlete)
Stamina: Gomdulla 5 (Marathon Man)
Agility: Mr. Fantastic 6 (Rubber)
Fighting Ability: Invisible Woman 4 (Trained Fighter)
Energy Powers: Human Torch 7 (Solar Power)


- The Fantastic Four are: Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and the Thing.

The original Fantastic Four were exposed to cosmic rays when Reed Richards led the team in a race to beat the Russians to space. Without sufficient preperation time, the shuttle lacked the shielding needed to filter the cosmic radiation, resulting in unique transformations in each member.

Reed Richards, already a potent force given his genius for invention, exploration and theory, gained the ability to stretch and contort his body with limited restriction.

Sue Storm is able to manipulate invisible forcefields to create a variety of objects, typically bubbles, platforms and shields. She is also able to cast a veil of invisibility over herself, others, or objects, and do so in a variety of creative ways.

Johnny Storm is the Human Torch, literally capable of englufing his body in flame. This fire can be projected, reach extreme temperatures, result in blinding light, and produce a wave of heat sufficient to propel his body through the air.

Ben Grimm, better known to the world as the ever lovin' blue-eyed Thing is a rocky bruiser of incredible size, strength and durability. The power of his fists is dwarfed only by the power of his heart, which refuses to quit, even in the face of the greatest adversary.

- Gomdulla is a rampaging giant alien mummy from space, whose origins are largely a mystery. Though the means are unknown, Gomdulla is capable of limited telekinesis, levitation, and possesses super human strength largely due to his gargantuan size.

The Math: Fantastic Four The Pick: Fantastic Four

What went down...
We join the Fantastic Four in the steets of Manhattan, combatting the ancient rampaging mummy-monolith: Gomdulla! Mr. Fantastic wraps around the monster's body, while Human Torch and Invisible Woman (in the Fantasticar) hover around the building-climbing giant.

While Mr. Fantastic coils further around Gomdulla's head, the impulsive Human Torch floats in with the intentions of setting Gomdulla alight. Invisible Woman directs him away from "... a rampaging sixty-foot-tall mummy on fire." to instead use his flame powers to blind him with a flare.

Reed Richards unravels as Invisible Woman orders him to Gomdulla's feet, to use his stretching powers to bind the giant's movement.

So busy orchestrating is Invisible Woman that she leaves herself exposed to Gomdulla's lumbering attack. He swats at the Fantasticar with a giant bandaged hand, pushing an impromptu forcefield to it's limit. Foregoing the concern of igniting the beast, Human Torch comes to his sister's aid with a vengeance!

At street level the Thing struggles to do any damage, pounding at the sixty-foot mummy's ankles with super human strength. Doing little good, the Thing looks for a way to get a better vantage point, when suddenly he finds himself hoisted into the air by the stretchy adhesion of spider-webs!

Arriving on Gomdulla's shoulder, Thing taps the monster's cheek to get his attention, before unloading with a haymaker so powerful, the mummy snaps backward, getting knocked off his feet!

Thing tumbles earthbound in a free fall, while Mr. Fantastic limits collateral damage and civilian casualty by stretching himself out like a giant rubber canopy, to direct the monster's landing.

Thing isn't so fortunate, coming to a stop in an unceremonious meeting of ashphalt and cosmically enhanced rock.

Seasoned in weird; Human Torch heckles Spider-man for being afraid, while Invisible Woman offers sincere thanks for his match-winning assistance.

The hammer...
With the assist from Spidey, it's the Fantastic Four with the win.
Though Thing hit the knock-out blow, we're going to give the rest of the team the benefit of the doubt for their involvement both on and off the page, so this is a full stat for everyone.

I'm typing this entry on Sunday, so you've probably noticed by now that we've caught up to Thursday, only to completely drop the ball again through the weekend. What can I say? I guess that busy exciting life o' mine has finally managed to interfere so much, I can't even do the usual phone-in at the end of the night.

I'll be doing my best to avoid a repeat of last week's worth of posts, providing more entries from 2007, rather than another string of cover to cover recaps, but I won't make any promises. Suffice to say obligations of [today's] original holy day of fights, and tomorrow's Saturday Street Fight, shall be met!

If you've been following the on-going saga, you'll know it's been slim pickings for 2007. Of the few fights available to me from this year, this probably isn't the most battle-worthy, but I really love the spirit behind this story. Actually, it's quite a bit longer, and chances are you'll be seeing why it's called Electrical Problems in a future entry [hint-hint].

Spider-man Family really has been one of the break-out new series in my eyes. There have been few titles that have had me this excited, and certainly very few Spider-man books that have been this good in the past few years.
In a lot of ways Family brings the Unlimited model back, showcasing talent not typically seen on characters like Spidey, with stories that aren't necessarily placed in any particular time or situation. Of course, Family pushes the addition of classic reprints and first-time translations of Japan's Spider-man J, better justifying the purchase than the days of old.

I've enjoyed material both new and old, and will no doubt be following up with more original-story entries from this issue, and the previous. Entries that are particularly suitable given our desire to represent in some form a distilled capsulation of the year's hot characters, events, and overall zeitgeist.
Spider-man Family in it's first three issues, presumably by design, cast a spotlight on characters destined for the big screen. The first issue featured Sandman and Green Goblin, while the second took a look at Venom, and this issue correlated roughly with the big-screen FF sequel; making it the ultimate complimentary series to our intentions.

The series managed to depart from the film centric model, but also showcases it's nature as a pseudo successor to the departed Team-Up title, with characters like the Agents of Atlas, Dr. Strange, and soon, Thor.

To backtrack to the creative talents featured in the book, I should probably make some clarification. A guy like Sean McKeever, even before his move to DC (and Countdown), isn't exactly a total unknown. Neither are a variety of other writers and artists who've contributed, but the point remains that with Marvel plugging quietly away at a title like this, and the recently resurrected MCP, it's my hope that we see a new fostering of new talent.

Sure, it's a slightly selfish conceit. As a hopeful young writer dedicated to the comics medium, it's with some chagrin that I observe the influx of writers from other mediums. It's a frivilous debate to argue that one type of writer should be segregated from another, but with so many "big name" talents being poached from other mediums (with varying success), it's hard not to observe some level of concern given the methods by which writers enter today's 'big two' industry.

Even as a fan, I like the idea of a comics writer writing comics.
So, even if division is a silly pursuit, I think it's a wonderful sight to see Marvel pushing projects that potentially provide platforms for experimentation with new ideas, and new talents who may be ripe for the picking, but otherwise overlooked. Realistically, this excites me as a fan more than anything else, but the notion that as a writer I may one day be given the opportunity to enter the field with short stories? There's a classic charm to that, and a self-perpetuating quality that's kinda nice.

The Fight: 4.5 The Story: 6.5

Spider-man Family hasn't yet been collected, but at over one hundred pages, these serve as collections unto themselves. If you haven't yet picked up this book, do yourself a favour a give it a quick flick through at the comics store. I honestly think this is the best Spider-man book of the decade! I love it!