DEADPOOL versus AJAX

Payback Part 2: The Quick and The Dead (Marvel)
Where: Deadpool #19 When: August 1998
Why: Joe Kelly How: Walter McDaniel

The Story So Far...
From the tortured corridors of The Workshop he came. A hulking marriage of man and machine! Once, he was merely Francis Fanny - The Attending at the Weapon X hospice where he kept failed experiments in check for scientist Dr. Emrys Killebrew. When he was unleashed on taunting inmate Wade Wilson, he unlocked the healing factor within cancer-riddled Wilson, and seemingly became Deadpool's first victim.

Resurfacing years later as a cybernetically enhanced killing machine; Francis sets his sights on killing Wade Wilson once and for all! After murdering his way through surviving Weapon X rejects, Ajax finds the reformed Dr. Killebrew in the Swiss Alps. Torturing Killebrew for knowledge, he teleports Deadpool to the Alps to enact a final revenge quest against The Workshop's worst escapee!

Haunted by the ghosts of the murdered Weapon X subjects, Deadpool is sworn to set their spirits free to a great reward by stopping Ajax once and for all! With the life of his recently acquired Swiss hostage hanging in the balance, Deadpool steels himself for the final battle that must be waged. It's go time!

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Ajax 4 (Enhanced)
Intelligence: Ajax 4 (Tactician)
Speed: Ajax 5 (Superhuman)
Stamina: Deadpool 5 (Marathon)
Agility: Deadpool 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting: Draw 4 (Trained)
Energy: Deadpool 4 (Arsenal)
Pollution: Deadpool 0 (He's a hero!)

Ready, Player One? Player Two has entered the game! We've got a newbie in the ranks this week with the Secret Wars on Infinite Earths debut of Ajax! Long story short: He's a leftover from the days of the Weapon X hospice called The Workshop where Wade Wilson thought he was drooling his final vacation days in front of the window, and Dr. Emrys Killebrew thought he could experiment on failed projects without consequence.

Deadpool Facts:
To remove Deadpool's heart simply hit: back, down, forward, low punch at close range!

Plot-twist: Those wacky Weapon Xers had a mix-up in the luggage department. That meant Wade's life-threatening cancer was sent to LAX, while Wilson picked up his very own second-hand version of Wolverine's healing factor! That meant when Francis The Attending [aka; Ajax] tried pulling his heart out to impress friends at the Weapon X-Mas party, Deadpool got the last laugh -- and gasp of sanity -- by regenerating!

This is probably where Ajax' deep-seated resentment comes from. Which is bad news for Deadpool, cuz Ajax isn't just great for removing stubborn stains! He comes with enhanced extras: superhuman strength, speed, durability, and titanium laced armor chock full of cybernetic tricks n tips.

We've seen Deadpool come up short against another opponent stuffed to the gills with weapons, enhancements and training: The Punisher [Deadpool: Suicide Kings #2]. His flexible perception of reality hurt him in that one. That said, a propensity for unorthodox tactics was shown to be the key to victory against Taskmaster - twice - in Deadpool #2 and Cable & Deadpool #36! Super strength? No problem! Agility and healing helped him take out Hulk [Deadpool #4]!

Deadpool Facts:
Little does Ajax realize - a diet of foraged pine nuts has triggered Deadpool's irritable bowel something fierce! As so often in the wild, the hunter becomes the hunted...

History means there's a special mojo between these two that only arch-nemesis' can have. Ajax is highly motivated and at this stage has already succeeded in temporarily ending Deadpool's life a few times. That means 'Poolman isn't his usual funky fresh self. He may even be a little afraid! As we'll see, though, we're jumping into the pair's final showdown and Deadpool is feeling his zen.

At this stage of the game, Deadpool has no weapons, no shirt, and is still suffering from exposure and injuries incurred in previous skirmishes with Ajax. Can he face his fear and overcome the odds? Lets pretend we don't know this is the final fight between the two and do that fight novelization stuff...

The Tape: Deadpool Ranking: Deadpool (#36)

What Went Down...

With the sun setting and his allies dwindling, Deadpool has a moment of clarity. He has run from Ajax long enough. It has cost Dr. Killebrew and innocent Swiss miss Ilaney Brükner their lives. No more will die fighting his battles. DDedpool will not run from his fate any longer.

Awaiting Ajax' inevitable arrival, Deadpool provokes the mechanically enhanced hulk to come at him! It brings the fast running cyborg right through a carefully laid tripwire -- comedy to Ajax! His enhanced optical sensors detect the trap and allow him to effortlessly evade a swinging log. He knows all about traps!

The stick covered "tiger pit" isn't any more effective. Ajax' enhanced legs leap over the trap with arrogant ease. All part of the plan!

Ajax's willingness to under estimate Deadpool sends him gliding onto prong-two with military precision. Cybernetics can't save him from the snaking, slick sheet of ice hidden on the other side of the pit! He slides uncontrollably, propelled by his own superhumanly fast momentum. Thrashing only sends him head-first into the surrounding rocks of the Swiss Alps!

Deadpool makes further use of the natural stonery - heads up, Ajax!

Being clobbered with a small boulder leaves Ajax dazed, in agony, and waist deep in Greek metaphor with a busted cybernetic ankle. It's Icarus, it's Achilles, it's chopped tomato, sliced cucumber, onion, feta, olives, seasoned lightly with oregano and a drizzle of olive oil. A whole lot of bad time of his own making!

"RAAAR! Idiot! I don't need my legs to kill you! I'm superior in every way!"

Deadpool Facts:
Because of Chef Deadpool's sabotage, Chef Ajax will have to make his Greek Chicken Salad out of chicken crap. #evilicious

Ajax claimed he was too strong, too fast, and too smart for Deadpool. Claims systematically and irrefutably disproven! Deadpool broke Ajax's super-strong ankle, he tactically stalled his super-fast attacks, and as they glide for a large body of water with a cyborg's electrical system showing - the tournament of minds smart kid scholarship will undoubtedly go to Deadpool!

When they hit the water, all sound fades to silence. Is it the natural muffling of the water, or did Deadpool's eardrums burst in the initial impact? It hardly matters. While the electric shock blisters his skin and kills an untold number of innocent byswimmers (fish) - Deadpool finds another moment of Zen.

With his legs wrapped around Ajax's neck and his junk resting tenderly on his scrotum-like scalp, Deadpool ponders his situation. He doesn't really want to kill Ajax. He wants to be the good guy and do what good guys do: leave the crook tied naked to a flagpole with a quippy note from "your friendly neighbourhood Deadpool". Alas; that's somebody else's shtick - and the 'Poolman is honorbound to some restless spirits who want the cycle of death to end.

So with a spurt of blood and a sickening "KRAKKT" Deadpool ends it.

Because he was Ajax' superior - and all he needed was his legs.

The Hammer...

Uhhh... I guess if you just skipped to the end section to find out who won you might be surprised to learn Deadpool wins! FATALITY!

Exactly how Deadpool did the deed isn't shown, but I do like the implied detail that he probably snapped his neck with his legs. It's a nice double back to Ajax claiming he didn't need his legs to finish Deadpool.

It's also the kind of detail you don't usually see in reviews and recaps of issues like these. So make sure you choose Secret Wars on Infinite Earths as your #1 source for superhero smackdown summaries - and tell your friends! [Shhh! You can take the credit!]

If you remembered that Deadpool was supposed to be helping out some dead Weapon X guys who've become ghosts who're harassing him from beyond the grave - well done, you! Ajax's death didn't help them move on, proving two deaths (or six) don't make a right. Deadpool's Swiss Miss hostage Ilaney did get a reprieve from the spirit of the late Dr. Killebrew, though. She lives! Wunderbar!

Ajax - not so much. He first appeared in Deadpool #14 and hounded the Merc' With a Mouth pretty good for a few intense issues before biting the big one in #19. Ajax lived a short comic book life, but he shined bright. I hear he's made a couple special comeback appearances as Deadpool's worst nightmare, but for the most part remains crossed off the hit list since this final encounter. A rare example of an effective arch-nemesis who lived only to die.

You'll probably be hearing more about Ajax now that he's about to hit the big time in the Deadpool movie. It'll be interesting to see just how movie Ajax measures up. He won't get headlines, but he seems like a good villain for a non-traditional superhero movie. A bad guy who can tie into Deadpool's origin and drive a traditional storytelling device to its conclusion. If they adapt this issue in any recognizable form, I'll be surprised and impressed. If they don't - at least you now know what really happened!

Deadpool Facts:
Cyber broke Wolverine's claws and made him cry like he couldn't find his mommy. We'll get to him, eventually.

Ajax kinda reminds me of Wolverine arch-nemesis Cyber. Not just because he's named Cyber and Ajax is "cybernetically enhanced" - although it's a big part of it. It's the fear factor. You can get pretty used to superheroes being pretty cavalier about their adventures in life and death - especially when they have a mutant healing factor that heals most wounds. It's an interesting change of pace to have a villain who actually inspires fear in a hero!

It's amazing to think it was around this twenty issue mark that cancellation started to be the frequent talking point! Now Deadpool's well on his way to being a household name!

Deadpool has become pretty well known for his comedic side through internet memes and the like, but these Joe Kelly stories really stand above and beyond for being both funny and engaging stories. They deserve a lot of credit for really fleshing out the reality of Deadpool, contributing some of his most memorable friends and foes: Blind Al, Taskmaster, DD, The Great Lakes Avengers - all here!

If you checked out the first Old Comics Wednesday for 2016, you may have already familiarized yourself with a couple of Deadpool's classic encounters from this run.

Next week we'll be venturing even further into the past as we continue to celebrate Deadpool and his theatrical coming out!

Winner: Deadpool

(+10) #26 Deadpool [+1 kill]
(new) #769 Ajax

Deadpool Facts:
By clicking Amazon links provided at the bottom of each feature fight, you not only get an easy one-click reference for a collection containing this issue - but also help Secret Wars on Infinite Earths continue the good work that it does! You can also find more interesting entries by clicking the tag links below, or visiting the Issue Index Archive! Yay!

SUPERMAN versus BATMAN
"Who Would Win?" (DC)
Where: Superman/Batman #78 When: January 2011
Why: Joe Kelly & Jack Kelly How: Ed Benes

The Story So Far...
Violence. The will to fight for survival.
It is a trait manifested in nature across almost every level of dominating species. For those who possess it, it is a skill measurable in the darkest aspects of social heirarchy, and equally revered in sport and entertainment. For many creatures who exist within universes, and beyond them, power over the physical is an attraction whose lure attracts great fascination and mathematical speculation.

In a world where superhumans bare symbols and insignia, the lines of conflict and sport can blur. Beyond the multiverse exists a place known as The Comic Book Fight Club, where the struggles of everyday super-beings are watched and analysed. Within the universe itself, similar beings do much the same, dwelling on the powers of their greatest champions, whilst pondering their farthest limitations.

On a planet known to some as "New Earth", two beings, children, Gus and Skyler, indulge in such speculation. Representing the heroes known as Superman and Batman, they pit the two titans' tested combat repertoires againt each other in a battle of wits and wherewithal. No killing, no mind control, no Bat-Mite, no Mr. Mxyzptlik, no magic. A scenario of irreconcilable difference and the will to answer one simple question: "Who Would Win?!"

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Superman 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Batman 5 (Professor)
Speed: Superman 6 (Mach Speeds)
Stamina: Superman 6 (Generator)
Agility: Batman 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting: Batman 5 (Martial Artist)
Energy: Superman 5 (Lasers)


Real Name: [Kal-El aka; "Clark Kent"]
Group Affiliation: [Justice League of America]
Cumulative Rank: [#5] Win Percentage: [56.67%]
2006: [#7] 2007: [#13] 2008: [#2] 2009: [#245]

With the planet Krypton on a path toward destruction, a scientist, Jor-El, bundles his only son into a rocket ship designed to take him far from the impending doom. The young Kal-El would be rocketted far from his home to come to land on the planet Earth, where a yellow sun would grant him the powers to become the man of steel - Superman!

A spiritual leader for the superhero community; Superman has a wide array of physical capabilities to back his presence up, the stalwarts being; super strength, flight, heat-vision, super breath, and super speed. He also has a keen intellect, his Kryptonian brain enhanced in much the way his body is.

A keen strategist, Superman has a broad understanding of sciences and battle tactics, but is often hindered by his own sense of caution and responsibility.

Real Name: [Bruce Wayne]
Group Affiliation: [Batman Inc., JLA]
Cumulative Rank: [#1] Win Percentage: [73.8%]
2006: [#1] 2007: [#2] 2008: [#1] 2009: [#19]

After witnessing the street murder of his parents, the young Bruce Wayne's destiny was forever shaped to be one dedicated to an ideal. Having spent his formative years studying the various sciences, martial arts, and crime fighting techniques, Bruce is ultimately inspired to become the one-man war on the criminal element in Gotham City: Batman.

Perhaps Batman's greatest power is the millions inherited from his industrialist parents, and the various facilities that came with that. They prove crucial in the design and construction of his many weapons, which are typically non-lethal, and have a variety of uses.

Complimented by his keenly strategic mind is Batman's expertise in the martial arts. He is extensively trained in multiple fighting styles, and commonly regarded to be one of the greatest hand-to-hand fighters in the world. He is also extremely proficient in general urban warfare.

Additional: Superman and Batman may be known as two of the greatest heroes in comic books, but their relationship hasn't always been representative of two World's Finest buddies. It's become something of a tradition here on The Comic Book Fight Club to start the year off with one of the many battles between the two. So far, there've been six, making this feature, the seventh.

Currently, at least here in the "Infinite Wars", Batman has proven to be the superior. In 1986, Batman famously had the better of his Kryptonian counterpart in Frank Miller's seminal final chapter, The Dark Knight Returns #4. In 2008, Darwyn Cooke acknowledge being influenced by this interpretation when he approached their secret battle in Justice League: The New Frontier Special.

Mind control had a part to play in other features, including the Hush storyline encounters of Batman #611 and #612, where the Man of Steel came under the influence of Posion Ivy. It was Batman who was possessed in 2005, however, when Kryptonite Man used him as a vessel in Superman/Batman #23.

History: Batman (4-2-0)
Math: Superman Ranking: Batman (#1)

What Went Down...
The specifics are ultimately unimportant. Batman has run the numbers, Superman remains unconvinced. However similar their desire to protect the innocent may be, they can simply not agree on the terms necessary. With the stakes devastatingly high, the two heroes have no choice but to force a concluson upon the other...

Superman strikes first, with a super-fast burst that shatters the Justice League meeting table and sends Batman reeling. When he reaches for a tool, the Dark Knight finds his trusted utility belt taken from him already. Ready for just such an occasion, he utters the voice command, "Damocles." With it, the utility belt explodes in a ball of flame that scatters "capsules of lead micro-filaments" that momentarily blind Superman, and render his incredible X-ray vision useless.

Batman makes a break for it, but the sound of the explosion was insufficient to deafen the alien ears of the last son of Krypton. Unable to see for the moment, Superman can still hear Batman, his heartbeat, if not deliberate, carefully trained movements. Batman isn't hiding, though. He's merely planning ahead.

Utilizing a "subcutaneous beacon," Batman summons the Batplane to his location, sending it hurtling toward the Man of Steel! The destruction of the machine slows Superman down, but does not defeat him any more than the batarangs Batman tosses after, to annoy him.

Superman responds in kind with a blast of arctic cool breath that sends a freeze across Batman's cape. The Dark Knight presses a button on another one of those wonderful tools, but Superman is on him once more before any result becomes apparent. In an effort to put the Batman to sleep, Superman takes him on a one-way trip thirty thousand feet above the Earth. The lack of of oxygen would defeat any mere mortal, but Batman has accounted for even this possibility!

Apparently dropped off by the Batplane before it's destruction, Batman dons an unfolding suit of armor, complete with oxygen supply! Suited up, the Dark Knight takes control of his direction in space, while the giant Batman/Superman Robot designed by The Toyman takes control of Superman's!

The massive robot, once pilotted by Captain Atom against a Kryptonite meteor hurtling toward Earth, certainly does not go unnoticed by it's right-side inspiration, but even a robot as big and powerful as this pales in comparison to the one and only, original Superman!

An unrestrained blast of heat vision makes light work of the gigantic robot, rennovating a massive hole in the machine's torso. It is an impressive feat, but plays right into the Batman's hands, who reveals his intent to deceive, rather than defeat.

Acknowledging that "there is nothing [Batman] can make that [Superman] can't break," the Dark Knight reveals the robot's status as a vessel, intended to carry and deliver a terrible weapon! Batman's greatest assault proves ultimately to be a chilling irony as Superman realises he has played a part in unleashing a terrible defeat upon not just himself, but the entire Earth below.

Batman rockets toward the Man of Steel, punching with armor-enhanced fists as black bats flitter around them. The engineered swarm reflect Batman's greatest powers -- incredible economic fortune, and a mind dangerously capable of putting it to work. Superman rips away at the rocket pack on Batman's armored back, while a dark shadow is cast across the Earth as Batman's trump card slowly but surely obscures the source of Superman's powers -- the Sun!

Batman continues to fight with an unwavering drive to win, unable to effect their trajectory without the pack on his back as they drift back into the clutches of mother Earth. His powers failing him, Superman is also too weak to do anything but object to the madness of his counterpart's actions. As the plummet back into the Earth's atmosphere, this Batman makes a final chilling declaration, "Welcome to the human race!"

The Hammer...
With 2009 aborted and 2010 a total non-event, The Comic Book Fight Club has seen a lot of annual traditions go sacrificed and unfulfilled. With 2011 approaching, I couldn't bare to let that continue, and had a great issue to inspire a return.

There's something about the combative combination of Superman and Batman that inexplicably gets the juices flowing. Yes, they're two of comicdom's biggest and oldest icons, but they don't naturally match-up well like Hulk and Thing, and lack the natural history of tension that a famous feud like that one was founded upon. Never the less, it's become a fond tradition to start the year with these two at each others throats, and I'm pleased to be doing it again with a comic as meta-textually relevant, and sincere, as this one.

I wound up with this issue over Christmas by accident, in a pull-list that was supposed to contain an easily misread #76. I wouldn't by any means call it a blessing of fate, but I'm glad to have stumbled into it. There's something very charming about a comic book that allows for this kind of diversion, playing upon an idea that's a common thread for comics readers of all ages, but is stitched naturally into the world of the DC Universe. One of my overruling philosophies about superheroes in the modern age is that, after nearly a century of this archetype, it starts to make sense without explanation. To that end, we have people dressing in costumes and fighting crime in the world as you read this now, in a none too subtle example of life imitating art imitating life. If it exists as long as these ideas have, they inevitably start to make sense to someone.

This particular story asks less of the reader, settling for a familiar scene of two kids debating the powers of their favourite hero. This duelling dialogue takes on a very plausible tone, perhaps thanks to the presence of Joe Kelly's son, Jack, who is creditted as co-writer. It seems this could've very easily been transcribed directly from a friendly discussion between father and son, bringing with it the hint of dad injecting undeniably cool moments into son's somewhat shallow script, like the final exchange between the heroes as they plummet toward Earth, and Batman punctuates his harsh victory with the foibles for self-destrution he and the rest of humanity possess. You get a sense, as Superman plays the back foot throughout the story, that perhaps papa played Batman throughout the scenario, but speculating about who wrote what is really beside the point.

This is a comic book that reminds me of my childhood, filled, as it was, with long bus rides, and a father who patiently and enthusiastically indulged in these types of conversations with me. It's a reminder that there's another audience that needs to be catered for, not just in a special cornered off cartoon-based imprint, but in widely available superhero comics. A fact I'm sure many motivated readers and parents are aware of, but something the rest of us can easily forget.

The artwork of Ed Benes, existing somewhere in the realm of a Jim Lee-esque DC mid-2000's house style, is perhaps the most vital component that separates the cartoon imprints from these "standard" in-universe comic. It's a design standard that represents the presumed middle ground of comics, which doesn't assume anything about a readers' comprehension, which was vital to my enjoyment reading comics at a young age. Combine that with the whimsy for insulated ideas and the recent shift to one issue stories, and Superman/Batman is a book worth acknowledging, in general. The cover looks like stock art that got some text slapped on it to explain away the commercial irrelevance, but other than that, it's a peach.

On [Benes]; I don't know that young readers would have the critical eye to note some ugly inconsistencies in Benes' faces and figures, or the sometimes shallow framing and storytelling his artwork exhibits, but when he's good, he's really quite. Every now and then, those Jim Lee comparisons seem eerily apt. There are a few tells that it isn't Lee, but the panel featured above almost feels as if it could've come straight out of For Tomorrow. Other times, I wish Benes had a bit more depth in the staging of his frames, and a few less awkward poses. This poster simplicity probably lends itself to a younger audience, but wouldn't become overcomplicated with a few improvements.

Cynics might grizzle about young Jack's easy ticket into a credit in a world filled with would-be writers, but I'm sure you won't find any of those people here. Cynicism is something Superman/Batman seems to have battled for quite some time, but ultimately, that audience has been swiftly defeated by the books total lack of cynicism. Even when Batman isn't locked in [Grant Morrison] high concepts and Superman remains Earthbound, there's an awful lot of books month-to-month starring these two characters, it's true, and Superman/Batman as a series has struggled to find it's purpose since it's much hyped launch in 2003. By wholly investing in these fanciful, single shot stories, I think the series comes up a winner, even if an issue like #78, bought instead of #76, is soon forgotten.

To the question of the comic -- Who would win?
Gus and Skyler, the two children in the story, decide the ultimate end of their debated fight would be too grim for either hero to be deemed winner. We here in The Comic Book Fight Club have the luxury of judging on a scale, however, and I simply couldn't ignore the fact that Batman holds the upperhand, right to their hypothetical demise. It's a result that will do little to end debate over which hero would win in a fight, but for now, it is another statistic noted by Secret Wars on Infinite Earths: The Comic Book Fight Club.

Winner: Batman
The Fight: 5 The Story: 4 The Pictures: 4

BATROC versus DEADPOOL
Justice, Order & Luck or...
Skinless Drooler's Day Off! (Marvel)
Where: Deadpool #20 When: September 1998
Why: James Felder & Joe Kelly How: Pete Woods

The Story So Far...
Back before everyone jumped on the bandwagon and the comics started sucking lame from cash cow's teat, there lived a merc' with a mouth named Wade Wilson! Known as Deadpool to his friends and victims alike; Wade lived a simple life of cash for killings and torture for fun - that is, until the intergalactic holding company Landau, Luckman, and Lake told him he was destined for greater!

A reluctant sort of hero (read; homicidal maniac); Deadpool was convinced of his destiny only by the realisation of several personal precognitions shared by LL&L's resident seer, Montgomery. Finally beginning to believe that beneath his crispy disfigured exterior and lethal lunacy there might lurk the trappings of a hero; Deadpool dedicates himself to walking the straight and narrow as best he can -- but not before taking "Monty" on a balls-out (literally) field trip to Monte Carlo, to thank him for the precognitive vote of confidence!

The life of the hero can be a hard one, however, and whilst enjoying the fruits of Monty's predictions in the casino, Deadpool runs afoul a fiend most foul indeed! Georges Batroc, aka; Batroc the Leaper, has the gift of fortune both in pocket and hand, but when the pompous villain dares call Monty a cripple, his financial fate is sealed. Burned by the loss of his money and suite, Batroc takes his disguised adversary up on an offer of a hotel room showdown, knowing not that the man who bares suspicious resemblance to Ricardo Montalban is in fact the merc' with a mouth and destined saviour of all -- Deadpool!

Tale of the Tape...
Strength: Deadpool 3 (Athlete)
Intelligence: Deadpool 3 (Straight A)
Speed: Batroc 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Deadpool 5 (Marathon Man)
Agility: Draw 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting: Batroc 5 (Martial Arts)
Energy: Deadpool 4 (Arsenal)


- Georges Batroc is a French-born former soldier of the French Foreign Legion whose skills and physical prowess were turned to the self-serving occupation of international mercenary. Hiring himself out as an assassin, thief, and smuggler, Batroc has come into the service of THEM and HYDRA, Baron Zemo's Masters of Evil, Klaw's Wakandan coup, and was even forcefully drafted into the United States' government funded super-group, the Thunderbolts. These agencies have brought him into conflict with the likes of Captain America, Hawkeye, Spider-man, the Avengers, and Captain America's replacement, Bucky Barnes.

Possessing a rare mastery of the martial art savate and physical conditioning to rival any Olympian; Batroc's powerless talents have been sufficient enough to induct him into the super-villain fraternity. His savate kicking offensive and impressive leg strength earned him the monikker known the world over, Batroc the Leaper. Despite his legitimate skill, Batroc's humiliations and defeats have greatly reduced his standing, regarded by many as a joke.

- The exact details of Wade Wilson's early life remain a mystery, perhaps even to him. During his adult life he became a mercenary who, upon learning he had developed cancer, gave up on his life to submit himself to experimentation with the top secret remnants of the Weapon X program. The project experimented with altering Wilson on a genetic level, attempting to treat him with a healing factor developed from the genome of former subject, Wolverine. However, Wilson's cancer interacted with the process in unforseen ways, reducing the effectiveness of his healing powers, and rendering him hideously disfigured.

Deemed a failure after several missions, Wilson was discarded by Weapon X to the care of The Workshop -- a facility for rejected subjects who could be tested upon until their death. Wilson's healing factor, however, kept him alive, allowing him to eventually escape and resume his career as a mercenary, adopting the ironic codename of Deadpool. Wilson's fantastic healing abilities, expertise with conventional weaponry and munitions, and hand-to-hand fighting skills help him earn a reputation as a gun-for-hire despite being mentally unstable.

Math: Deadpool Ranking: Deadpool (#56)

What Went Down...
Once upon an evening dreary, while Monty pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quart and volume of liquor he'd forgotten to pour,
When Wade nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As if room service gently rapping, rapping at his chamber door.
"We're running out of pillow mints," he muttered, reaching for his chamber door.

The culprit was not room service, but rather the notorious French mercenary, Batroc the Leaper, whom Deadpool and Monty had fleesed for millions at the baccarat table, earlier in the night. His polite invasion of Deadpool's suite inspires only amusement in the merc' with a mouth -- which is quickly stuffed with an orange boot belonging to the deceptively skilled savate master!

The challenge is made, and Deadpool responds the only way a mercenary can -- by losing the bottom third of a few bottles of vino and going Shang-Chi with that mofo! A fair approach, but one that doesn't quite mesh with the savate style...

Recognising a need for adaptation, Deadpool shifts gears toward his strengths, opting to go toe-to-automatic with the martial arts monsieur. A light shower of ammunition is swiftly avoided by the fleet-of-foot Frenchman, however, who takes great offense to the corruption of fairness in their fight.

Seeking righteous balance (and the removal of "ugly things" in his flat), Batroc stoops to a level he feels fitting of the merc' with a mouth, by turning his attentions toward Deadpool's helpless, hapless, and skinless pal, Monty!

With a strong thrust of savate-styled legs, Batroc sends sage Monty plummeting toward his doom in the hotel foyer below. Deadpool interrupts the exchange of blows long enough to race to Monty's rescue, but he finds not the shattered body of a sickly psychic, instead, a man liberated by defying the odds. Monty is alive and well, despite the overwhelming statistical likelihood that his trip down the fifteen-storey road of plummetsville, via a plate glass window, and final destination in a water feature below, should have left him more soup than man!

Secure in the knowledge that his pal will live to see another second-place prize in a Calista Flockhart look-alike contest -- Deadpool returns to finish the fight with the self-proclaimed Leaper. This time around he opts for a more tactically suited lamp-based assault, using it to take the Frenchman out mid-leap!

Using the lamp chord as a makeshift rope, Deadpool binds Batroc tighter than Mick Jagger's pants, and fashions him into a human wrecking ball!

Having forced the Frenchie to suffer the brunt of an entire room's ruin, Deadpool decides to cut Batroc a break, if not the lamp chord. In exchange for liberating Monty of his introverted fear of the world, our hero spares Batroc the career-destroying effects of decapitation, to instead have him test his nickname.

Thus; bound helplessly and dangling above the same fifteen-storey drop already traversed by Montgomery -- Batroc is forced to leap! Although, not to disagree with Deadpool's judgment of the situation, or anything, but technically it was really more of a fall than a leap. I mean, usually you propel yourself when you leap. All Batroc did was plummet 150" and break both his legs...

The Hammer...
The winner of this bout via ironic conclusion, Deadpool!
[Ironic because Monty only helped Deadpool win baccarat with his psychic powers because Batroc callously called him a cripple; and then Batroc himself wound up in a wheelchair. See the symmetry? Yeah, I know, that's some sweet justice.]

We are running so unbelievably, atrociously behind schedule right now, you wouldn't even begin to believe it. Those future generations stumbling across this instalment of the Infinite Wars will assume, as per record, that this was the July 14 entry. In truth, however, I'm writing this paragraph on December 20, which gives you some indication of just how far things have gone to the shit. Pardon the French. Pardon my language, also. (Comedy!)

July 14, 2009 was -- much like every other year -- Bastille Day!
I ask you: what self-respecting/loathing comics blog could let such an occasion pass without putting together an obligatory Batroc-themed post? To be honest, the fact that it was a slow week for comic fights didn't hurt things, either, but I have had this issue on the top of my to-do stack for quite some time. There were other options, but considering Deadpool sort of made his cinematic debut in 2009, this seemed like the back issue to go with.

Deadpool's a bit of a staple when it comes to online silliness these days, but unfortunately, much of that humor has come from later years in the Merc' with a Mouth's career. Ask anyone who was around for the 1997 launch of the very first Deadpool on-going series, and I'm sure they'll tell you the work of Joe Kelly is a top contender for best writing in a Deadpool comic or musical. I cerainly will!

By the time Ryan Reynolds was saddled with role that ruined the character's legit opportunity to star in a feature film -- Deadpool had already seen a significant decline in the balance between comedy and character. I personally subscribe to the theory that comedy on the whole was shot nine times in the chest right around the end of Seinfeld. At least one of the bullets might have come from the 'good samaritan' season ender, but I think you can look moreso to your Family Guy's, your Futurama's, and your Vince Vaughan's for the real lethal injection.

The early Joe Kelly issues contain high quality comedy throughout. Kelly's sense of balance is one of the most obviously missing components in the current series, which fails to mimick his equal parts formula for laughs and action.

Batroc might be a walking-talking French joke, but when you read between the lines of an issue like this, there's still plenty of effort made to fully realise the legitimate threat he was in inception.
Likewise -- Deadpool, for all the quips and gags, also maintains a capacity to be taken seriously as a character and pseudo-superhero.

The referencial comedy is a good deal smarter under Kelly, also.

His work errs more on the side of classic Simpsons episodes, implying humorous references via the context of a scene, rather than contemporary meme/Family Guy-style writing that plonks a tongue-in-cheek reference to something that isn't quite cool, and waits for Gen Y numbskulls to giggle out of ignorance. Cast in point: Bea Arthur, contrary to popular belief, is not an all-powerful comedic reference unto herself. The mere presence of Bea Arthur on stage, or television, did not immediately cause all present to burst into hysterics. The same can be said of her name printed in a comic book.

As shameful as it is for neophytes to believe the character began life in Cable & Deadpool; fans of the now classic and definitive Joe Kelly run can at least rest assured that the legacy is secure. Increased popularity brought about by DP's less than impressive cinematic debut (X-Men Origins: Wolverine), and a guest-role in the Hulk Versus animated project, have made the character's history a more prevelant issue. Marvel have begun trickling out a "Classic" trade collection scheme, which gives new readers an accessible opportunity to seek out the early glory days of T-Ray, Siryn, and the Great Lakes Avengers, and offsets the tripe being shovelled out in Wolverine-scaled guest spots across the Marvel Universe.

Kelly returns to the character he helped set into motion when the Merc' with a Mouth guest stars in Amazing Spider-man, later in the year. You'll have to wait quite a while before that turns up, but while you wait, there are three DP Classic trades ready and waiting to be snatched up. They also include the pre-Kelly years, which differ slightly from the now definitive take.

The Fight: 4.5 The Issue: 5.5

The Deadpool Classic collections haven't yet reached #20, but you'll find plenty of other Joe Kelly written issues, including the first handful drawn by Ed McGuinness, in volumes 2 and 3 of the collections. You'll find books like these, and other collected editions containing issues reviewed in the Secret Archives, in the Infinite Wars Online Gift Shoppe. By using purchase links provided there, or on any review page, you help sponsor future entries on the site.

DEADPOOL versus TASKMASTER
Operation: Rescue Weasel That Wacky Doctor's Game! (Marvel comics)
Where: Deadpool #2 When: February 1997
Why: Joe Kelly How: Ed McGuinness

The story so far...
It's a romantic rainy night at the avier Institute for Higher Learning, where Siryn is one of the many extraordinary homo-superior students who sleep peacefully in the bed.

Having enjoyed the previous night of hanging upside down from a tree outside Siryn's window; Deadpool heads out to visit his buddy and partner in crime, Weasel, only to discover a disturbing absence!

Following Weasel's tracking beacon, Deadpool goes on a romp to Nevada where he runs afoul a secret super-villain ninja training facility run by the notorious Taskmaster! Lucky for Deadpool, this is his book, so he can run head-long into a fortress-like school without a care in the world... Right?... Right?...

Previous Form:
Deadpool (#37): Notable victories over the Hulk and Taskmaster.
Taskmaster (#384): Suffered defeat at the hands of Moon Knight and Deadpool.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Draw 3 (Athlete)
Intelligence: Taskmaster 4 (Tactician)
Speed: Deadpool 3 (Athlete)
Stamina: Deadpool 5 (Marathon Man)
Agility: Deadpool 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting Ability: Taskmaster 7 (Born Fighter)
Energy Powers: Deadpool 4 (Arsenal)


- Taskmaster's "photographic reflexes" give him the inhuman ability to appropriately execute any fighting move or style he is able to observe and study.

- On the basis of his clashes with the Avengers, Taskmaster carries an arsenal of weapons familiar to Earth's mightiest heroes. A shield, sword, and arrows pertain to Captain America, Black Knight and Hawkeye, and do well to compliment his expert hand-to-hand fighting skills.

- So respected are Taskmaster's skills that he has regularly been sought out as a trainer by hero and villains alike. Among his most noted pupils; Crossbones, Spider-Woman, and a man he trained for the US Military to become a replacement for Captain America, the eventual Avenger, John Walker.

- As a graduate of the mysterious Weapon X project, Deadpool possesses a synthesized healing factor modelled on seminal Weapon X subject, Wolverine.

- Though typically assessed as mentally unstable and homicidal, Deadpool has a keen intellect for combat. His regular witicisms and obnoxious pop culture references are all key to his combative style, which regularly frustrates or distracts opponents.

- Deadpool is versed in a variety of weapons and hand-to-hand fighting methods, and comes fully equipped with explosives, guns, swords, holographic projectors, teleportation devices, and kung-fu grip.

The Math: Draw The Pick: Taskmaster

What went down...
Returning from the black haze of unconsciousness, Deadpool awakes shackled in a tiny windowed apartment with a distinctly dungeonesque design motiff.
Oblivious to the negative chi-flow of the barred windows' feng shui, Deadpool makes the grim discovery that his bestest bud is actually considering voluntary servitude to the better tempered Taskmaster.

Unwilling to leave Weasel's loyalties to the test, he takes the decision away, placing Deadpool into one of his Ninja School display sessions to illustrate various counter-fighting styles, as a constructive means of killing him.

Freed of his shackles, 'Pool goes straight to work, opening with a headbutt/mule kick combo that does away with Taskmaster's ninja lackeys.
Taskmaster maintains a running commentary of Deadpool's frivilous fighting antics, while deconstructing them for the viewing class.

TM throws a relaxed kick as a means of highlighting Deadpool's evasive maneuvers. Much to the merc with a mouth's frustration, Taskmaster easily works around his defensives, highlighting a tendency to dodge left, whilst delivering a stiff palm to the base of DP's skull.

Looking to expand the session, Taskmaster returns to Deadpool his sword.
Summoning the skills absorbed from the Black Knight, Taskmaster further engages Deadpool with an irritating air of superiority. He remains clinical in his analysis, commenting upon Deadpool's banter, without being effected by it.

Showing incredible control, Taskmaster strikes back at Deadpool's witicisms with masterful swordery, slicing away one of his fingers with the tip of his broadsword.

Deadpool simmers with rage, but is ripped out of an otherwise predictable onrush by Taskmaster's persistent arrogance. Calling upon his fantastic skill for insanity, Deadpool abandons his more predictable array of moves, instead breaking into a contrary display of contemporary dance. Macarenas were mentioned.

Baffled and disarmed by the sudden harsh change in practise, Taskmaster is left wide open to Deadpool's unorthodox fearless foolishness.

Prancing around like an idiot, Deadpool sends Taskmaster's obsessive compulsive analysis into overload, recalling, "... the "dancing on the ceiling" style of kung fu taught by sensei Lioenel Ritchie..."

Calling upon every ounce of his anti-hero extreme prowess, Deadpool closes in for the finishing blow, throwing his strength into a conventional left that fells the thoroughly disarmed ninja school master.

As the final insult, Deadpool makes snide reference to Taskmaster's wardrobe, "open a copy of vogue for pete's sake..." Some would say this was the greatest insult of all, but then, those people probably fight with floppy wrists and open palms, and have never tasted the smothering pain sauce of a punctured lung.

The hammer...
He won the fight, he won Weasel, but most importantly, he won our hearts. He's the merc with a mouth, Deadpool!

Now comes the inevitable invite to ABC's Dancing with the Stars, with the Joey Fatone incentive that is sure to win legendary chubby-chaser Deadpool over. Legs may be humped.

The Deadpool/Taskmaster relationship has become one of those legendary equations in comics, and it's just thoroughly absurd to think it's an association that was defined a decade ago, by the team of Joe Kelly and then relative head-lining new-comer, Ed McGuinness.

Things have been a little slow around the Infinite Wars the past few weeks, and pining for new comics has perhaps distracted from the "classic" brand of discussion we've been bringing in the busy months. What finally got me over the hump was getting around to seperating Deadpool from his alternate universe counterpart, Swordsman, by way of a special little rule we like to call the superboy-prime directive. One of these days I'll get around to elaborating...

It seemed like an appropriate to revisit the unusually overlooked Deadpool, and one might say this seminal issue was a long time coming. Particularly as we'd done things a little backward, by going first with the then-released issue of Deadpool's current starring vehicle, which featured a solid rematch. [Cable & Deadpool #36]

What can you say about Deadpool that hasn't already been said?
He's overcome humble beginnings as a Rob Liefeld creation to become intentionally funny, exibiting a fourth-wall breaking insanity that may make him one of the most cosmically aware characters in the Marvel Universe!

I think from a characterization perspective, there's a tendency for Deadpool to dangerously straddle the realm of obnoxiousness, but one inevitably looks back upon Joe Kelly's redefining run on the character with rose coloured glasses. Or, in our wildest fantasies, with Rose McGowan strapped to our heads. What? Don't look at me like you weren't thinking it too...

We'll probably follow this up sometime in the near future with a look at one of the infamous Great Lakes/Deadpool interactions which have built on the original encounter fostered by Kelly. It's perhaps on the strength of that history alone that it becomes impossible to deny Kelly's mark on the modern comics scene.

There have been a lot of fan-favourite moments in Deadpool's history, including an oft-referred to run with Gail Simone and the Agent X character, but I don't think I'll ever get past these first issues. These early scripts just have such a brilliant balance to them between comedy and superhero antics, carrying through lines like the comedic romantic angle with Siryn, and the manic relationship tendered with Blind Al. Likewise, the character has ever looked as good as he has under the bold pencils of superstar cartoonist, Ed McGuinness.

If you haven't already, you've got to go back to [Deadpool #4] where you get but a single panel glimpse of Ed McGuinness' superb treatment of the Hulk.

There's no grand point to be made in this review.
There's no specific grandious significance to these issues, nor any ground breaking characterization I can try to spin creative insights off. This is the brilliant fun of superhero comics, boiled down to the pure essence of cause and effect. It's a done-in-one story, it's a whole lotta action, and it's gags aplenty.

I wish I had something brilliant to tell you, but this post possesses a similar conceptual simplicity. Consider it a valuable history lesson to all the newbies out there, who've been bumping, humping, and lady lumping on the Deadpool bandwagon without ever witnessing the second beginning.

... Actually, that's probably the third beginning, because you'd probably count the first appearances seperate to the mini-series... Yeah...

The Fight: 4.5 The Issue: 5
[Deadpool remains a cult mainstay of Marvel's less prominent titles, with a dedicated fanbase that saved the character from cancellation many times, and a flair unique enough to attract the interests of Hollywood. If it were up to this writer, the Deadpool movie would start with a white room credits intro, and more fourth-wall breaking discussion than you could poke a stick at!]

DEADPOOL versus HULK
Why is it, to save me, I must kill you? (Marvel comics)
Where: Deadpool #4 When: April, 1997
Why: Joe Kelly How: Ed McGuinness

The story so far...
Once upon a time there lived this dude called Deadpool.
He shoulda died a whole heap o' times, but he got this crazy healing factor from these Canadian scientist dudes, who got it from this Wolverine guy, who got it from his parents, who got it from years of evolution, which began because of... Well, to be honest, it's against state law for me to continue beyond this point, but you get the picture.

So anyway, you probably didn't know it, but behind that big old homocidal facade lies a crispy, yet creamy center -- mostly because of cancer, and that whole Canadian thing. Seriously, dude looks like a piece of bacon that's been left on the roof for six years...

Of course, whether it has three or four legs, a bulldog is still butt ugly and slightly hilarious. So, 'Pool needn't worry about losing his finger, because his Irish crish [Siryn] probably can't stand his stink anyway. Still, she's probably upset that they just found out he can't heal his finger because he's probably dying... Eh, easy come, easy go...

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Hulk 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Deadpool 2 (Average)
Speed: Deadpool 3 (Trained Athlete)
Stamina: Hulk 6 (Generator)
Agility: Deadpool 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting Ability: Hulk 6 (Warrior)
Energy Powers: Deadpool 4 (Arsenal)

Y'know, once in a while here on Secret Earths, we produce a surprising gem of information that you can actually take away with you into the big wide world. Unfortunately, this occasion is not one of those once in a whiles.

That said, it is interesting to note that the Haseloff system gives Deadpool the overall edge based on individual statistical analysis, which really makes it sound like some careful thought was put into the whole ordeal.
Of course, while not at all an accurate indicator, this information could be used to at least suggest a character like Deadpool is capable of defeating the Hulk.

Hulk's brutal strength, savage fighting ability and inexhaustable supply of energy ensures he is a tough opponent against any and all. In close quarters, however, Deadpool's superior speed, weaponry and mastery of said weaponry are all potential skills that could trump the green goliath.
Couple those with a quirky sense of humor, and there's a recipe for outsmarting and out maneuvering the hulking... Hulk. That is, unless, this isn't the moronic day-to-day Hulk.

As was quite frequently mentioned in the punch-up, this Hulk is much like the kind the Backstreet Boys would have sung about - incomplete.
Exactly what that means is a discussion for another time, but it does beg the question of exactly what kind of Hulk Deadpool is fighting. In the past, an 'incomplete' picture for the Hulk would probably conjure one of two images:

- Either the Hulk has regressed into a savage, unruly state.
- Or, alternatively, he's regressed to a weaker state.

Either toss of the coin brings up the Hulk.
So, regardless of the details, you'd probably still have to favour the Hulk on paper, because as we already mentioned, beneath that costume Deadpool is crispy creme.

What went down...
If the Hulk's gamma-irradiated blood had a name, it would be Susan, because Deadpool was desprately seeking it. Fortunately enough for him, and us, the Hulk is a pretty accomodating fellow, and our scene opens with the big green goof just standing around on some Duck Key rooftops.

With a little encouragment, our favourite merc with a mouth drops in on the lone Hulk, and does what he does best - passively provoke! Hulk smash!

Now, remember how I was saying Hulk is Backstreet Back? Well, apparently being incomplete makes him a bit of a sarcastic jerk, and therefore smarter than your average Hulk. Look to the right there. What a jerk!

Still, Deadpool is speedy like the gonzales, and avoids a smashing only to pop up behind Hulk and slash him with his sword. Ouchie!

Unfortunately, as Hulk points out, "... The trick isn't cutting the Hulk... It's getting the Hulk to stay cut!"
As if that kind of jerky delivery wasn't bad enough, he then grabs a veedub, with the intentions of squashing Deadpool like a bug - with a bug!

Luckily Doc Killbrew and Siryn, Deadpool's travelling buddies, brought a spaceship thingy equipped with lasers. The lasers sufficiently distract the jerk-Hulk from Deadpool, but unfortunately for them, he decides to huck the car up at them. Luckily Siryn is a good pilot, and Hulk's maybe a bit of a lousy shot.

Caan't miss when you're perched on a guy's back, though!
Deadpool leaps on the distracted Hulkster, and stabs him again with his sword!
That doesn't do much more than make Hulk mad, though. He disses Hulk Hogan, and then whacks Deadpool through the window of a clothing store. Nasty!

With the sword still stuck in his back, Hulk goes on a rampage stright for 'Pool, while ranting on about the hopelessness of existence, and the inevitable existential dilemmas of lonliness and life. Oh no! He's turned into Emo-Hulk!

So, anyway, Hulk does one of those super-leaps to put the crushing on Deadpool, and winds up with a broken roadsign through his crotch. Straight through to his back! Bummer, dude!

Hulk gets kind of morose about his whole situation, while Deadpool fills the cup... With Hulk's blood... Which he needs to cure himself from death! Geez...

'Pool teleports his way back to the mothership, and Doc Killbrew earns the latter part of his name, and percolates up a fresh batch of death-curing Hulk's blood. Sadly, this transfusion does not have similar results to that which took hold on one Jennifer Walters. Which is a shame, because imagine how cool Hulkpool woulda been!

The hammer...
Dananananananana dananananananana Deadpool!

Deadpool has quite possibly never been as good as he was in the hands of Joe Kelly and Ed McGuinness. These issues were energetic, mad-cap, and a little on the obnoxious side at times, but undisputedly some of the best Deadpool you'll ever read.

Which is interesting, because really, he's a wooden patchwork Lefield character, who should've died on the table. Which, I guess, was really the advantage of the character. He had so little going for him, it was easy enough to spin a really interesting character out of it, without really pissing off any zealous fans.

Of course, changing the merc with a mouth now would upset plenty, because he's developed such a hardcore cult audience, and maintains that despite being teamed up with Cable. Who is lame.

Still, I know what you're thinking... This is supposed to be Hulk month!
Okay, riddle me this, fanboys. Who would make a fantastic penciller for the stagnant Hulk monthly? Ed McGuinness, that's who. The guy is a Hulk fiend, and from what I've heard, the guy actually really likes drawing the character. It's a perfect match!

For me, even though we're tackling Hulk this month, it's a character that hasn't appealed to me in a long time. Which is sort of ironic, because for Hulk month three of the issues of focus are from the mid-nineties, which really wasn't the greatest of years for Hulk, or Marvel in general.

They were pretty fun, though, and I guess that's what matters here.
Ed McGuinness isn't going to sell a dramatic, dark psycho-drama about the struggles of the various Hulk personalities -- but he's going to be fantastic on a fun Hulk comic, that has the villains and the big hero violence.
With the Bendis 'over talk to sound realistic' kind of dialogue that's swept comics, it's kind of disheartening that the superhero fight is almost looked down on.

Obviously it's a facet that works very well, and hasn't shown any sign of going away, but it's just not cool. You can't jump on a message board and say 'this guy and this guy - who would win?' without getting at least a few sneers.
That said, you get something like the Hulk film, which I really loved, that's criticised for not having enough punching and smashing.

Hulk's an interesting character, and not necessarily a character that's money in the bank anymore. Right now the Planet Hulk storyline has been rolling on, and the premise is certainly interesting enough, but it just doesn't interest me. It's kinda like Thing stuck on another planet, which just didn't interest me, either.

So, what would I love to see? If it were me calling the shots, I'd dedicate at least half a year to bringing Hulk back to Earth and having him fight the biggest, coolest choices you could offer up, and I'd have Ed McGuinness drawing it.
Rhino, Juggernaut, Super Skrull, Sub-Mariner -- big guys fighting! Yeah!

Then once that's out of my system, maybe I go back to basics, and see how Planet Hulk affected Banner.

The Fight: 4.5 The Issue: 5.5

NEXT: There's a new element in Gotham, and it's offing villains!