FIN FANG FOOM versus IRON MAN
Dragon Flame (Marvel comics)
Where: Iron Man #271 When: August 1991
Why: John Byrne How: Paul Ryan

The story so far...
With Tony Stark's health worsening, long-time friend and confidant, Jim Rhodes, accompanies him across the seas to China, where communist rulers have allowed him audience with one of the world's greatest Neurosurgeons.

In exchange for her expertise, the leaders required payment -- the unconditional services of Iron Man in eliminating the problem of The Mandarin.

Unwilling to let his friend and boss turn his back on a good thing, Rhodes knocks him out, and sets out as he has before to be the golden Avenger.
Things go from bad to worse for Rhodes. Not only is his track record against the Mandarin poor, but he's got himself a pet dragon -- Fin Fang Foom!

Previous Form:
Fin Fang Foom (#164): Fin Fang Foom was previously defeated by Nextwave.
Warmachine (#32): Warmachine had a victory over Blacklash with Spider-man in the Iron Man armor.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Fin Fang Foom 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Warmachine 3 (Straight A)
Speed: Warmachine 3 (Trained Athlete)
Stamina: Fin Fang Foom 6 (Generator)
Agility: Warmachine 2 (Average)
Fighting Ability: Warmachine 4 (Trained Fighter)
Energy Powers: Draw 5 (Lasers)

To avert angry e-mails from FFF fans (Scherer signal!), I am fully aware that Fin Fang Foom and his dragonesque powers stem from his -alien- heritage.

Moving on, it's interesting to think of Fin Fang Foom in this context.
Generally he would have to be considered one of Iron Man's biggest hitting foes, perhaps not possessing the stature of a Mandarin, but certainly power that puts him above he, and into a class with guys like Ultimo.

That said, he's kind of found his way into the sillier side of fandom.
Under advice of fans, Fin Fang Foom found himself onto the Jim Mahfood penned cover for the recent Marvel comedy special - Wha Huh?!, and made one of his more popular recent turns in a tongue-in-cheek role as an Unusual Weapon of Mass Destruction. [Nextwave #2]

An indifferent measure puts him in the very highest echelon of a six strength rating. As a giant dragonoid, contextually the way he can distribute his strength is much more impressive than a Hulk, though his vulnerabilities and penchant for destruction are probably comparable.

Certainly against an Iron Man, the size advantage gives him a more encompassing physical presence than the Hulk.
Likewise he is known to be surprisingly nimble considering his gargantuan size.

Iron Man's greatest strengths, be it James Rhodes, Tony Stark or even Happy Hogan, is the arsenal of long-range weaponry the armor brings with it.
It's questionable whether a blunt repulsor ray attack would ever phase the beast, but persistent attacks and maximum power at least proposes that potential.

Key to victory is also: flight!
Without that added maneuverability and distance, Fin Fang Foom is going to run over just about anyone who isn't Nextwave. Of course, that brings us to one of the glaring weaknesses that runs parallel to his strength. These days it's not so bad, but back in the nineties the ol' batteries had a way of running juice.

The Math: Warmachine (Meta Class)
The Pick: Fin Fang Foom

What went down...
"Foom pants" are nowhere to be seen, as Fin Fang Foom rampages through a tiny village on the trail of the jet propelled Iron Man. He narrowly avoids the crushing blow brought down by Foom's powerful fist, whilst avoiding flame-breath.

Foom's tail gives him an edge as Rhodey reminisces about recent events, giving him an opportunity to pin the armored hero down. He mocks the power of his shell, as Rhodey lets loose with repulsor rays, all guns blazing.

Iron Man finds himself put to the test, trapped in the cruel grip of the dragon alien, who decrees a warning through the meaning behind his name, "... He whose limbs shatter mountains, and whose back scrapes the sun? What power could you possess that could contend against this?"

For an alien, this guy definitely talks some straight up smack from the hood, yo! Er, anyway...

IM deploys a pair of hyperwave generators and cranks them up to max, firing conflicting magno-pulse energies from both sides of Foom's mighty head. I don't know much about magno-pulses, but it appears to upset his equilibrium and generally leave him feeling disgruntled.

Foom tosses his prey aside with such gusto, Iron Man's jets aren't able to kick-in, leaving Rhodes to employ the suit's powerful strength to snag a jutting rock and pulls himself to a stop.

Taking the distance put between he and the beast, Iron Man swoops into a canyon when here blasts himself a hefty trench, in order to spring a trap for the winged warrior. He doubles back, reensuring the creature's attention with a double spray of repulsor rays to the face.

Iron Man flees from the creature on foot, firing off a few blasts for good measure, just to make sure the giant dragon is nice and surly when he's chasing him.

Threats continue to be Foom's weapon of choice, but Rhodes turns it around nicely, springing his wile trap by first blinding the creature with a dust cloud stirred by his trusty palm rays. Then, using a titanium cable wrapped around a rock formation, he brings Foom tripping down into his trap.

For good measure he takes to the skies, blasting at the surrounding cliff faces to bring down a hail of rock and debris atop the menacing dragon.

With the Mandarin and his alien ally, Chen Hsu, watching on, the great destroyer, Fin Fang Foom, appears defeated by a clumsy replacement no less.

But Chen Hsu advises that even the mighty Mandarin has much to learn in the ways of what are and will be.
As does Jim Rhodes, the man who would be Iron Man.

Iron Man walks away from the battle a little worse for ware, but still alive, only to hear something stirring somewhere behind, amidst the debris.
Can you guess who it was?...

Rhodes leaps back into the fray without hesitation, but his quipping sense of humor proves to be the least effective remedy to calm the already insulted beast. Foom swats him out of the air, unphased by his repulsor rays.

Iron Man skids to a halt, finding himself lying in the shadow of what is to come.
SHOOM! Fin Fang Foom brings his fist thundering down atop the armored hero, leaving him a cracked mess amongst the shattered ground beneath.

The hammer...
It required some deliberation, but the winner here is clearly Fin Fang Foom. The only question was where the fight officially ended.
The fakeout pause used after Foom is trapped was potentially a close, but I decided to open it up to the cliffhanger ending of the issue. Whether or not we'll follow the conclusion up remains to be seen.

Actually, now that we've been doing this for five weeks, I had almost forgotten that Mondays are featuring the villains of the Marvel Ultimate Alliance videogame. A game that's, presumably, well and truly old news by now.

I mentioned in the Punch-Up [Monthly Punch-Up #16] that I was pleased to see the site referenced as a resource, and I guess that's potentially what I'd like to see these pages become. Maybe these aren't comprehensive accounts of historical milestones for the villains, but what I'd like to think I'm laying down is a combination of both introduction to the villain, and a bit of fun that can get thrown onto the pile of statistical data we call, the 'super stock,' every month.

Fin Fang Foom definitely had to be one of the most exciting inclusions in the game. The gameplay itself was a bit of a letdown, but if I'm not mistaken, this is the first time we've ever seen Fin Fang Foom in a video game!
I wouldn't say he's my favourite villain in comics, but a milestone like that is worthy of joy from any Iron fan!

With some of the April foolery we didn't really get to go into much in the Punch-Up, but it's interesting to note Iron Man's status as it is today.
I think moreso than last year, partially because of recent purchases, we're representing the times a lot more than we did. So, perhaps it's an interesting reflection post-Civil War to see Iron Man featured much less so far.

A recent DTV animated film wasn't a bad step for the character, and graduating to Director of SHIELD adds a really interesting layer to the aftermath of Civil War, but I guess maybe it's a cooling off period for one of the hottest rising stars of the Civil War period. Yes, Iron Man's firmly entrenched back in the A-list, but at what cost has this come in the broader spectrum?
A question I leave to you, intrepid reader!

I'm eager to see where the character goes, and am dying for more info on the feature film. Speaking of which, I also didn't mention (in the punch-up) that the Spider-man film comes out next month, so expect another format shift soon enough!

Speaking of movies -- interesting to note that this is the first time we've featured John Byrne on the site. I guess there's a theme that runs true there, hence the segue, because among the largest stocks in my meager collection is the Fantastic Four. Of which, I was a big fan of Byrne's work!

I don't know if this really highlights the quality of the man's abilities as a writer, but what it does personify is a shift in the field of perspective. The nineties, as many-a reader will gladly tell you, was a decade of shame for a lot of characters and titles, featuring thin plots and thin pencils.
What Byrne does in this issue, and probably very well in general, is tell part of an on-going story that perhaps isn't hugely inspired, but still packs a consistent punch, and propells the story forward in some form.

No mean feat for an entire issue of fighting in the 1990s!
With any luck Rise of the Silver Surfer will be an excuse to pull an issue or two of Byrne's FF. We'll see how we go!

Anyway, I'm running behind schedule again and am clearly struggling my way through this update! Apologies to all who are dropping by and not finding what the expect to see. Appreciate the patience!

The Fight: 4.5 The Issue: 4.5

NEXT WEEK: More Iron Man as we hit up the CRIMSON DYNAMO!

MONTHLY PUNCH-UP #16 (April 2007)
BATMAN versus THE JOKER
The Clown at Midnight (DC)
Where: Batman #663 When: April 2007
Why: Grant Morrison How: John Van Fleet & Todd Klein

Quick Fix...
If you haven't heard the hook for Batman #663, you probably haven't been around the comic scene the past few months, because while Grant Morrison writing Batman might not be news anymore -- Grant Morrison shaking things up most certainly is.

Rather ironically, this issue features something not seen in mainstream comics for probably a decade, and that's prose. The last time I remember seeing this attempted in a major on-going series it was a David Michelinie flip feature in Spectacular Spider-man #220.

So anyway, how is that ironic? Well, it was one of a string of uncanny coincidences between the major comics world and the small press musings of yours truly. Of course, in truly frustrating fashion nothing came of my work, but that doesn't mean we didn't all have fun! (Crooked Yellow Grin, Adventures of Mr. Cairo).

Moving along, there's more to this book than meets the eye.
Not only does it have the unique feature of throwing back to the pulp origins of the medium, but it also features artwork by John Van Fleet, whose unique CG images are integrated into the sketchy presentation of the book.

Given the nature and setting of the tale, and the stagnant, inhuman maquettes that represent the humans, I actually think there's a suitably eerie, almost Silent Hill-esque nature to the artwork that lends a great deal to the story.
Positioning me in contrast to most critics of the issue.

I guess what really worked against this book, for me, was an issue of style.
I'm not a big prose fan in general, but the overly elaborative kinds of prose, that spend an excessive amount of time on descriptions of descriptions tend to get to me, and while this book isn't terminal, it's certainly the bulk of the first few pages.

If you can navigate your way beyond Morrison's wordy allusions, you'll eventually crack a pretty decent Joker story, which is perhaps unfortunately for those interested, tonally removed from the bulk of the run.
For me, I actually like the shift. Morrison and DC's generally friendlier take on the Batman character isn't for me, so this book takes it to a place that was much more inclined to delight me. It's more along the lines of what I'd probably like to see from the Joker too, more or less. Removed from the homicidal trickster we even saw in Paul Dini's recently acclaimed work. [Detective Comics #826]
Although, one of the conceits of the story is to attempt to incorporate that, and other takes on the Joker, into Morrison's theory of the 'super-personas,' previously established in his Arkham Asylum mini-series.

We join the fix with Joker recovered in a mental hospital, and killing his way through the staff after rebirthing himself and rescarring his face.
This follows on from events earlier in Morrison's run, where a broken Gotham police officer shot Joker in the face with a shotgun. Hence rehabilitation and facial reconstruction...

Harley Quinn joins the Joker having followed a series of clues, but what she doesn't count on is the shift in "Mistah Jay"'s personality. She doesn't count on the fact that he has grown tired of her and her cutesy ways.

She fullfils her purpose, luring the Batman to the scene of Joker's reawakening as something horrible and terrifying, blissfully unaware that Batman is just there to witness her death. By killing the one he loved Joker can ascend to being something far more than human, in his own demented estimation, at least.

Batman, understanding the language of the Joker, challenges Harley's disbelief.
The Joker holds her with a razor blade to her neck, and through broken tissue Joker muffles something about it being better if Harley looked more like he.

Harley submits and the Batman is forced to pounce.
They land on a gurney, the Joker's wirey frame collapsing in a tangle before shifting itself back into place like it always does. The Batman uses his superior fighting skills to subdue the clown prince of crime, and attempts to make it clear that it wasn't he who shot him.

Joker plunges the razor into Batman's forearm and drags it down across the palm of his glove. Ignoring the pain the hero snaps the blade defiantly in his bleeding hand, and follows through to drive his elbow into the pale stitched chin beneath him.

Joker continues to bite and snap at his arch-nemesis, spitting bits of the poisonous goo that courses through his veins and vacilitated his escape.
Harley Quinn sobs in the corner like a child witnessing another night of violence between her once loving parents.

Batman sternly denies the Joker's attempts to leave, "You're going nowhere."
The two rivals stare each other down. "If you don't turn around and walk back to your padded cell, I'll put you down like a dog," Batman says. "I promise."

Joker slurs something about red and black, like a bat, but Batman cannot make it out. Joker surrenders, acknowledging that he could never kill the straight man of his deranged comedy routine. Then, with that confession, he charges at him screaming like something unholy and deranged. Something stops him in his tracks, though.

"You gotta stop ignoring me, Mistah Jay."

Harley Quinn returns the favour to her jilted lover with rosey blood red stains from a bullet bouquet.
The Batman drags the broken murderer by his twisted arm, deeper into the labyrinthine hospital. The cycle ends anew.

The Fix: 5.5 The Issue: 6
Winner: Harley Quinn & Batman

The Top Five...
#1 Sub-Mariner (new) (new) (Marvel)
Class: [UBER-hero] Last Opponent: [Sue Storm (wink wink)]
Win Percentage: [100%] Features: [MULTIPLE times]

Having spent his career as the measuring stick by which Aquaman is ridiculed, Sub-Mariner enters the top five purely by sheer force of awesomeness. His abilities include flight, super-strength, and so much power and manliness, he doesn't even require pants.

Truth be told, the greatest differences between the surface world and Atlantis have revolved around the absurdity of pants. Namor is so incredibly awesome he does not even require such embarassingly modest garments as trousers.
He scoffs Aquaman, and his stupid trousers. Only for the utmost special occasions will he be so gracious as to lower himself to the modesty of meer mortals.

Namor will continue to feature heavily on the website, because of his fantastic power. All who do not submit to the will of the Sub-Mariner shall fear the adamantium smearing sting of his super-powered fist. A fist that is invulnerable to the tiny chompers of pathetic vermin like pirhanna. IMPERIUS REX!!!

#2 Captain America (RE) (4) (Marvel)
Class: [SUPER soldier] Last Opponent: [Momma Stark]
Win Percentage: [99%] Features: [50]

Even dead Captain America just keeps bringing it. Why?
Because he's Captain freaking America, bitch. He was training little kids in panties for war before yo moma was even born!

Dense? Retarded? He's the god damn super soldier! You don't stop him with a bullet to the shoulder, and a round or two to the gut from a brainwashed ex-girlfriend! Lead IS a mineral Captain America's steely body requires!
He's absorbs them bullets, and then craps out a collection of commemorative coins featuring some of the greatest Presidents starting with the likes of Washington and Lincoln, all the way up to Morgan Freeman!

Cap's bringing it on Secret Earths, and you better recognise!

#3 Rainbow Mika (new) (new) (Capcom)
Class: [Wrestler Mallow] Last Opponent: [Zangief's face]
Win Percentage: [78%] Features: [2]

Even though we might all admire some of R. Mika's other qualities, you've got to give it up to the wrestling chick who can get business done!

It was International Woman's Day and Mika was representing after gay icon, Zangief, grabbed her ample hynie in a none too subtle feature from the boys at UDON. Oh, those wacky noodle-eating characters! What will they do next?!

Maybe we'd grab it too, but for the tenacity to launch your butt at a hairy, seven foot tall Russian, R. Mika makes her way straight into the top five! HOT!!!

#4 Kraven the Hunter (new) (new) (Marvel)
Class: [Hunter] Last Opponent: [Dirt]
Win Percentage: [100%] Features: [1]

Actually, Sergei Kravinoff doesn't deserve to be in the top five, but once we admitted Captain America he cited precedent. What were we supposed to do people? It was let him into the top five, or he would pull a Zangief, and frankly, I don't much fancy launching myself butt-first at a frisky Russian. No offense, Mika.

Rawr!

#5 Black Adam (new) (new) (DC)
Class: [Human/Atlantean Hybrid] Last Opponent: [Earth]
Win Percentage: [100%] Features: [0]

I don't know if anyone's been watching DC's 52 lately, but it raises a valid and interesting point that I'd like to discuss here.

Even though we debate and question things like whether or not Captain America ever gunned down a stinkin piece of Ratzi scum during the Second World War. That's fair enough. But at the end of the day, even Cap tells us it isn't cool to go around killing people. It was the forties, and it's just not kosher anymore. You should also call them "Jewish-Americans", too. And pay them when they draw your comics... But I digress...

Black Adam, crazy world leader that he is, just tore through a nation.
He probably killed in the millions, and among those were probably just a lot of hot headed innocents who didn't take too kindly to being rained down upon with broken bones and bodily organs.

And you know what? Even Batman can't top that.
I LOVE BLACK ADAM!!!

Super Stock...
Alright, we've got a ship to run here, so I'm going to pansy out a little bit.
Since we overlooked the occasion last year, I thought it might be nice to indulge in the antics of April Fool's Day. Usually I don't bother, because we're fooling noone, but hey. Let's have a little bit of fun!

For those hyper ventilating now as they try to calculate the 2007 top five for this month, allow me to offer some relief: #1 Spider-man; #2 Batman; #3 Ghost Rider; #4 Wolverine; #5 Angel.

I'd love to tell you that last one was a joke, but alas, the numbers do not lie.
And now, on to the cumulative results, where the unthinkable has finally happened. After fifteen months of dominance since his first appearance, Batman is dethroned as the number one fighting superhero on Secret Earths!

1. Spider-man (+1) (M)
2. Batman (-1) (DC)
3. Wolverine (-) (M)
4. Iron Man (-) (M)
5. Daredevil (-) (M)
6. Superman (+1) (DC)
7. Captain America (+1) (M)
8. Hulk (-2) (M)
9. Elektra (+4) (M)
10. Steel (+8) (DC)
18. Ghost Rider (new) (M)
19. Venom Symbiote (-10) (M)
20. Beast (-) (M)
21. Thor (-11) (M)
22. Sub-Mariner (-1) (M)
23. Bullseye (+47) (M)
25. Storm (-1) (M)
29. Human Torch (+1) (M)
38. Black Cat (new) (M)
56. Winter Soldier (new) (M)
57. Black Bolt (new) (M)
58. Rainbow Mika (new) (Cap)
59. Sakura (new) (Cap)
64. Venom [Mac Gargan] (-30) (M)
65. Angel (+2) (M)
75. She-Hulk (-7) (M)
76. The Punisher (-23) (M)
77. The Trapster (-13) (M)
89. Colossus (-4) (M)
91. Natasha Irons (-9) (DC)
95. Photon (-3) (M)
96. Radioactive Man (+7) (M)
123. Starfox (new) (M)
124. Penance (new) (M)
125. Swordsman (new) (M)
128. Wonder Woman (-9) (DC)
135. Dr. Strange (new) (M)
136. Songbird (+25) (M)
137. Moonstone (+23) (M)
138. Tigra (-32) (M)
210. Slam Bradley (new) (DC)
211. Lex Luthor (new) (DC)
212. Echo (new) (M)
213. Dan Hibiki (new) (Cap)
214. Zangief (new) (Cap)
215. Jack Flag (new) (M)
221. Magneto (-17) (M)
222. Brick (-17) (DC)

The Hammer...
So, there you have it folks, we wrap up another month and head into a new one. Being unwell last week, I have slipped behind a little bit. I've got some scanning to do, but I'll be getting Marvel Monday's Fin Fang Foom post up ASAP.

Rather than delay things further trying to make up the Wednesday post that was lost, expect to see that rewrite bumped to this coming Wednesday. Apologies to all who logged on Wednesday to find that.

It was the biggest week in the site's history, not only featuring three times the entries, but also three times the visitors! Keeping the hit counter ticking over is the only incentive I have for this site, so I appreciate that a great deal!
I've been pleased to see the site even being referenced as a resource, as I hoped it would. It popped up recently on the Spawn.com message boards, although, if anyone is reading, it was actually an incorrect reference.

Later this month we'll probably do a feature on the issue of She-Hulk where she relieves Titania of the Power Gem, just to help anyone out who's wondering about how the events of the new Illuminati series have unfolded.

I'm also hoping to inject much more DC into April!
May will have a special twist that's again tilted toward Marvel, so I really feel an obligation to those of the DC Nation who are logging in to follow their guys.
Especially now that Batman has finally been toppled from the number one spot on the cumulative rankings. That's right folks, that was NOT an April Fool's gag!

It's interesting to note that Spider-man took the top spot (statistically) with the same amount of features as Batman, so you can't even call favourtism on that one. Of course, it brings a whole new flavour to the argument that Batman is too unbeatable. Just one of the many twists we hope to uncover during day-to-day fun here on Secret Wars on Infinite Earths.

Going back to traffic, I have to throw a big shout out to a couple websites who have been kind enough to throw a link up to us, and in turn showed up on the referrers list! The Four Color Media and Comic By Comic!
Each are fantastic blogsites in their own right, and I greatly appreciate their support. Inter-relations seems to be a big part of becoming part of the blogosphere, and while we're still getting snubbed by the 'bigger' blogs, I like to think this is a move in the right direction. Thanks guys!

I'm now officially out of money and energy, so I'm going to wrap this up.
Some updates I'm looking forward to here, so fingers crossed we can keep the ship running smoothly. And hey, feel welcomed to drop a comment.
In the mean time, don't believe the hype. We were Friday Fight Night before it was cool!

BONUS!: Hey, also! If you didn't notice, we added some fun interactive games to the page! See how many Avengers and X-Men you can name in ten minutes!
Is it as easy as you think? Can you do it without cheating? Fun!
If I find the time, we might get some some more of that action!

March Hit Count: [3350/8558] (+2089)

GHOST RIDER versus THE AVENGERS
Three Angels Fallen! (Marvel comics)
Where: Avengers #214 When: December 1981
Why: Jim Shooter How: Bob Hall

The story so far...
Johnny Blaze is a man both cursed and privileged with the power to become a demonic spirit of vengeance called the Ghost Rider. As Ghost Rider his whim is unpredictable, and it's this volatile nature that has led him into isolation as a wandering soul without a home.

When he spots billionaire playboy Warren Worthington III speeding through the desert, the Ghost Rider takes over and challenges his former Champions teammate to a race which sees the winged mutant hospitalized with severe injury.

The Avengers are alerted of the demon's warpath, and thus they arrive in the desert area of Alakali Flats to investigate and bring the Ghost Rider to justice.
But the Ghost Rider is busy looking for Warren Worthington, and he intends to take anyone who would protect him to justice. Will the Avengers find him in time, or will he find them?!...

Previous Form:
Ghost Rider (#55): Ghost Rider earned his first victory teaming with Spidey against The Trapster.
Capain America (#6): Cap has victories against characters like MODOK, Baron Zemo, Bane, Wolverine & The Punisher.
Thor (#19): Recently suffered a defeat by way of the Symbiote and Avengers.
Iron Man (#4): Iron Man has victories over Diablo, Hulk, Captain America & She-Hulk.
The Avengers [#2]: The Avengers recently beat the Venom symbiote and She-Hulk.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Thor 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Iron Man 5 (Professor)
Speed: Tigra 3 (Athlete)
Stamina: Thor 6 (Generator)
Agility: Tigra 5 (Cat-like)
Fighting Ability: Captain America 6 (Warrior)
Energy Powers: Iron Man 5 (Lasers)

I think I've always had a tendency to underestimate the Ghost Rider's abilities, perhaps because of my slant toward the street bound Dan Ketch host of the nineties. I think around this period of the seventies and eighties Ghost Rider was probably a more hopeful A-lister in waiting, and packed the power to match it.

His powers are certainly versatile, but then you have to take a look at the assemblage of heroes who are representing the Avengers on this occasion; Captain America, Thor, Iron Man and Tigra.

Thor and Iron Man are two heavy hitters here, and certainly each has a pretty hefty statistical advantage over Ghost Rider. As the tape shows, they outweigh him in terms of brute strength, and the bredth of their energy related powers dwarf even Ghost Rider's hellflame.

Iron Man as a man in machine is more vulnerable, particularly to the vengeful aspects of the character. Lord knows by now Tony Stark has enough sins to bury him, if Ghost Rider were to turn his penance stare on him today.

Thor, as a God, is presumably less vulnerable to Ghost Rider's attacks, assuming there would even be things to be capitalized on like the weighing guilt of sins.
Even if the Rider were able to roll through the more vulnerable tagerts of Captain America and Tigra, it may come down to Thor, if not the double team of Thor and Iron Man. Two guys who've gone head to head with the Hulk.

The Math: Avengers (Total) Ghost Rider (Average)
The Pick: The Avengers

What went down...
The menace of the hero presents itself long before the Civil War as a child dangles helplessly from a watertower dressed in a red cape in imitation of the mighty Thor! Fortunately Johnny Blaze is on the scene and gives in to the fantastic power of the Ghost Rider in order to save him!

Unfortunately... the indepedent will of the Ghost Rider demon isn't terribly interested in saving the foolish child, leaving the job to the red and gold visage of Iron Man, who happens to show on the scene just in the nick of time!
[Planting the seeds for the need for registration? I DIGRESS! -- Muckraking Mike]
Miles away on a freeway, a motorcycle riding Captain America (with Tigra entow) happens upon the Ghost Rider's flaming hellcycle!
Ghost Rider employs his daredevil riding skills to navigate the narrow gap between a semi-trailer and on-coming traffic, as he dares the Captain to pursue.

Tigra and he follow the Rider into to the desert, but find themselves facing rock in a box canyon as Ghost Rider defies gravity, driving vertically up the cliff face.
The two avengers spill onto the dirt, bailing from the crashing cycle, leaping out of the pan into the hellfire. They suffer the hellish freeze of Ghost Rider's vengeful burn.

The action of the flames alerts Iron Mans' sensors, and he sweeps in to investigate. The Ghost Rider is none too pleased to suffer another fool. He surfs his speeding hellcycle and uses it to launch himself into the air at the golden Avenger.

Though shielded from principle attack, Tony Stark does not have the foresight to seal the gaps on his helmet, allowing him to succum to the unrelenting fire of Ghost Rider's fury.

He plummets to the ground as Thor arrives on the scene.

Thor talks a big game and Ghost Rider isn't buying into it, impatiently spraying the Norse god of thunder with fire from his eyes. The magical pyre does little to the hull of the mighty Thor of Asgard, who attacks in kind with the tossing of his worthy hammer -- Mjolnir!

Ghost Rider, aware of the threat, leaps atop his hellcycle and flees from the airborne hammer. As he builds momentum he finds himself putting distance between he and the hammer, until it appears to reach the apex of it's flight.

As the enchanted hammer turns to reach he summon of it's possessor, the cunning demon snatches the handle and allows himself and his cycle to be dragged behind!

Unable to control the hammer himself, he pops his wheel, riding the flaming bike up into the face of the waiting Thor. The two heroes spill into the air, but Ghost Rider is the one nimble enough to land in stride on his cycle, leaving the thunder god to suffer his bruises.

The Avengers regroup from the attack as Ghost Rider rides into the desert.
Captain America inspires the troops, lending support to Tigra and Iron Man, each fearful of the Rider's touch, having felt first hand the effects of his flames.

The team cuts the spirit of vengeance off at the pass, and Iron Man springs the attack with an uncompromising repulsor ray to the face that dismounts the demon from his hellish vehicle.

Shaken but not stirred, Ghost Rider hurls flame at the fearful Tigra, but Captain America is ready, anticipating the attack to the weakest link!
He defends the feline heroine, and collides with the fiend in a thunderous exchange!

Furious, Ghost Rider pursues the attack, but an unlikely individual steps into the battlefield. Bandaged and in a sling, Warren Worthington approaches his former teammate from the short-lived Champions.

He supposes that the Ghost Rider's lust for vengeance becomes lest caring as Johnny Blaze finds himself increasingly depressed and dissatisfied with his life.
The Angel reaches out to the demon, and pleads for the courage of the man inside to reemerge and quell the demon's rage.

And once again, Johnny Blaze returns.

The hammer...
Despite the peaceful resolution, I'm going to give this one to Ghost Rider based on points. He pretty well manhandled each member of the Avengers, including Thor -- a god!
The assist goes to Angel too, for his participation in ending the fray.

Well, if you've been with us at the time on the site you'll know I've been unwell, and then blogspot ate my Wednesday post.
I'm going to endeavor to rewrite the exciting entry from What If Wednesday, but I'm still a bit under the weather, so if it doesn't get done before the Punch-Up, my sincerest apologies.

I have to admit to mixed feelings about this particular issue. It's almost the perfect action comic for this site, and yet, it lacks the charm of some of the other unauspicious superhero fights we've had previously.

I guess part of what's awful about it is that it centers around highlighting the fact that the Angel is utterly hopeless when it comes to a fight.

When writers were handing out secondary mutations in the X-Men books, how this guy got healing blood over some sort of offensive attack completely escapes me. I guess it's kinda fitting.
Put aside any clever Angel/pacifist-martyr connections for a moment, and just think about the fact that his body is continuing to go with what it knows.

The worse he gets injured, the more the team around him benefits!
'Wow, open up an artery Warren! The Beast just got a concussion! If we heal him, we might still stand a chance!'
Way to send a positive message to the kids, guys.

Jokes aside, this is one of the few encounters I've actually had with Jim Shooter as a writer. Somehow, despite his alleged reign of terror, I've run afoul the guy's writing very rarely. It's safe to say you would believe he started writing as a kid... I joke, I joke!

It's a simple comic from a simpler time, and it shouldn't be judged too harsh.
This was a time when Ghost Rider was hopping around the place like a pseudo-Wolverine. A nomadic character without a home, who was popular, and was inherently capable of being thrown into a fight with just about anyone!

In the seventies and eighties, Ghost Rider made even Namor look level-headed!

This book comes amidst the infamous story about the divorce of Hank Pym and his wife, the Wasp, after he assaulted her.
I've never actually read the story in any kind of complete capacity, and as hokey and out of place as it seems in a universe of fisticuffs, I still think it's fairly regarded as a key moment in Avengers history.

So, with something that heavy going on, maybe it was a good time for an issue like this. Maybe contemporary comics could benefit from the odd issue like this!

Or not...

The Fight: 4 The Issue: 3.5

BLOGGER ATE MY POST!
Unfortunately I [Mike] have been a bit unwell, so What If Wednesday's post was delayed. Then, when I finally found the time/energy to type up a lengthy and thoughtful post, blogger presented an error page that informed me I had exceded the character limit in the labels section.

And then gave me no option to edit.

Thanks a lot, Blogger.
Ssshhhhhyeah.

Some delay will occur while I [Mike] stop seething with Black Adam-esque rage.

EDIT: What If Wednesday will be rewritten if time permits, otherwise, we continue with our regular schedule.

THE THUNDERBOLTS versus JACK FLAG
Faith In Monsters Part 2 (Marvel comics)
Where: Thunderbolts #111 When: April 2007
Why: Warren Ellis How: Mike Deodato Jr.

The story so far...
Under the direction of Norman Osborn, the Thunderbolts have been completely overhauled in the wake of the Civil War. Incorporating existing members of the super-team and former criminals recruited to hunt rogue heroes, the new team is a volatile and untested mess.

Placing Moonstone in the position of leader, Osborn sends the team out on their first mission: Defeat and detain the rogue protégé of Captain America; Jack Flag.

With the press watching will this soft-target be the undoing of a team of reformed and manipulated villains. Or will they unravel live on the air?

Previous Form:
The Thunderbolts [#14]: Moonstone and Songbird were defeated by the Hulk as part of the classic Thunderbolts.
Venom (#63): Venom has a lethal victory over the Space Phantom.
Bullseye (#77): Bullseye has a victory against Daredevil, for two defeats.
Radioactive Man (#110): Radioactive Man was among the team assembled to take down the Anti-Registration Avengers.
Swordsman, Penance: Neither of these characters have been featured previously on the site.
Jack Flag: Jack Flag has not yet been featured on the site.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Moonstone 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Radioactive Man 5 (Professor)
Speed: Speedball/Penance 5 (Super Speed)
Stamina: Moonstone 6 (Generator)
Agility: Speedball/Penance 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting Ability: Jack Flag 4 (Trained Fighter)
Energy Powers: Radioactive Man 6 (Mass Destruction)

So, as we continue Marvel Ultimate Alliance Mondays, this is supposed to be the Radioactive Man representitive entry. Confession time: Radioactive Man is a pretty insignificant cog in this entry, but I'm not a huge fan of the character, so it's about as good as it gets.

As a character in this situation Radioactive Man is probably more of a second-tier performer, but he brings a great deal to the team. Strength, intelligence and radioactive power being his trifecta of terror.

There seems to have been some confusion about the origins of the Jack Flag character. He's only been on the job since the early nineties, and initially brought very little to the game as an admirer of Captain America.
His skills developed with intensive training and clearly he picked up some points from the Captain himself. It's difficult to tell to what degree it has been retained, but he also gained super human strength after a tussle with Mr. Hyde.

It seems Flag has maybe been scaled down a little from that level, bringing him back to more of a 'roid raging 4 on our stat tape.

Guys like Venom, Radioactive Man and Moonstone all excede his strength level, and Moonstone, Venom and even Songbird have the skills to potentially outmaneuver the earth-bound Flag.

The key to victory for Flag would have to be using the inexperience of some of the characters, and exploiting the lack of preperation they've had as a team. Certainly the volatile nature of many of the characters only stirs the chemicals of dissent and distrust. That said, it's a big ask!

The Math: The Thunderbolts
The Pick: The Thunderbolts

What went down...
The Thunderbolts catch up with Jack Flag in Ohio, where he's been breaking up various criminal activities in defiance of the superhero registration act. Delivering justice without a paycheque or equipment and health benefits... Actually, why wouldn't a two-bit schmuck like Flag be signing up?!

In a scene that would send a film soundtrack platinum, the team struts in unison from their space age plane vehicle. If it were a Mattel the individual credits would go in an order along the lines of; sweet ass Songbird, marvellous Moonstone, radical Radioactive Man, peripherally challenged Penance, voulptuous Venom and the swinging Swordsman!

So, anyway, Moonstone goes about fullfilling her roll as new 'team leader' by orchestrating from the sidelines. With Jack Flag standing tall in the middle of a parking lot, Moonstone orders Radioactive Man to blow the gas tanks, making it appear to the on-looking press as though Flag had rigged the explosions himself.

The explosions put Flag on the back foot, as Moonstone sends in Swordsman and Venom to do the work of soldiers. Unfortunately she doesn't count on the strength and determination of the flag-clad hero, who shatters Swordsman's sword as it hovers above him.

Flag rolls back, booting the airborne sword end into Venom's chest, whilst using the follow throw to knock Swordsman for six.

Though the sword tip doesn't do any permanent damage to the symbiote-clad Mac Gargan, it does send him into a berzerker rage. As Flag stomps on Swordsman's helmet, Venom doubles in size and becomes a veiny mess... Hello!

Flag feels the sting of Venom's taloned fingertips, and finds himself in the grip of a creature that's pretty intent on eating his head. A prospect that would produce a win for the Thunderbolts, to be sure, but probably isn't the kind of press you want on the six O'clock news.

Moonstone plays moderator, calling for the activation of an implant that subdues Venom with an electrical charge. They'll pass it off as a hand-held weapon concealed in Jack Flag's gloves later. Oh, they're sly!

Songbird heads to the sky, but the smoke cover caused by the exploded cars proves to make her influence moot. Flag, freed of Venom's grip, goes about taking possession of something that may or may not be a misproportioned wheel mag.

Recalling the advice of his now deceased mentor, Captain America, he whips the cylindrical shrapnel into the air, ricocheting it off a street sign and lamp post, to strike Songbird directly in the throat. The jolt to her vocals quells her sound-based energy powers, and brings her into a heavy descent atop one of the surviving stationary vehicles.

Moonstone denies Radioactive Man opportunity to step in, instead seeing the opportunity to showcase the newest face on the team - Penance. Formerly Speedball, the massochistic turn he's taken, donning an iron maidenesque outfit, allows him to turn his kinetic powers outward.

With blood trickling from his suit, Penance brims with energy and hurls it into the lot. It stirs already twisted metal into the air, but ultimately finds it's target.

Though he's struck in the back, Flag is able to not only survive the onslaught, but turn it to his advantage as he attempts to make an escape down an alley.

The police cut off his backdoor, and he proves unwilling to fight the drones of the law. Perhaps a misguided mark of respect for the men in uniform and their distance from the 'Civil War', or perhaps the true sign of a hero.

Either way he switches strategy, kicking his way into the lower levels of one of the surrounding buildings. A chance to create a distraction and find his way to his goals. Unfortunately, there was one contingent he didn't count on.
There was one last trump the team didn't display in front of the cameras and the action figure buying children, and that was the scariest one of them all. The one scarier than the alien costume that eats brains, or the bulky Chinese guy who glows green.

Flag feels it before he knows what's happened -- a sai burying deep into his spinal column. The sting of the man called Bullseye, lurking in the shadows to clean up the mess before it spilled completely out of control.
He never misses his target. Flag's cauda equina is the victim, and he will never walk again. All in a day's work for the might Thunderbolts.

The hammer...
Well, with the assist going to the rest of the team, Bullseye scores the victory for the Thunderbolts. Go team!

Y'know, there's a certain level of excitement that occurs when a person says "Warren Ellis" and "Thunderbolts" in the same sentence. Especially when that prospect is said to entail a complete overhaul of the B-list team. Which is a fact that only becomes even more exciting when names like Green Goblin, Venom and Bullseye are getting thrown around!

Unfortunately, the imagination tends to run a little wild with those ingredients, and what actually rests in one's hands is of a flavour more pedestrian, perhaps.
Actually, that accurately describes the tone of the book, as Ellis panders to the 'real world' repercussions of a world where the superheroes have been dubbed outlaws.

There are a handfull of criticisms coming the way of this, and none is more sound than the theory that Bullseye and Mac Gargan could be sold to the public as the good guys. Bullseye, a character we featured just recently, wherein he was dubbed number four on America's Most Wanted list, a hero? [Daredevil #49]

Fair enough, he seems to be lurking shackled to the shadows with armed guards, but Venom is among the public face of the team. His raging "kill!" screaming outburst is dismissed by Moonstone as she fronts the press after the assault, as she assures them Venom is quite incapable of killing, despite a long history of being a known killer and menace in public. Something that dates back even to the days of Eddie Brock [a 'lethal protector'], should there be illusions about who is wearing the symbiote.
Of course, Gargan is the Venom that only a couple of years ago tore buildings down in the streets of New York in an effort to gain the advantage over Spider-man.

I digress, there are some issues to be taken with the details.
What was perhaps most disappointing to me was the subdued nature of the book, and the shadowy psuedo-realistic artwork by Deodato Jr, someone who seems to be being pushed in this sort of street realism capacity; presumably for his photo referenced pencil work.

I think what I hoped for was something a little less covert, exhibiting the unbridled enthusiasm of a Nextwave, or something akin to it. Not necessarily so over-the-top or tongue-in-cheek, but more vibrant, and action packed, and free flowing.

Remove those expectations and there is a good read to be found here.
Some of the conventions and tools are a little obvious, but the first three issues approach facets of the concept with purpose. The first issue reveals the new team, the second issue puts them into action and exposes some problems, and the third issue explains and faces some of the changes, including superficial qualities like Radioactive Man's new suit, or the dramatic changes.

Love it or hate it, it's a decent read, and though seemingly slow paced, as an opening arc it seems to be taking very sure steps forward. Things should hopefully pick up by the second, as team dynamics begin to settle, motivations become clearer, and problems escalate outside of the parade of Z-list heroes.

One can't help but anticipate the in-house problems that will arise with guys like Bullseye on the team. A character who couldn't possibly remain on the team for much longer than a few years, guaranteed.

As for Jack Flag, it's a shame they crippled him. He actually seemed to have come out the end of a revamp looking like a strong prospect for a hero in the post-Captain America world. Maybe that's a little too Death of Superman for some, but I think it might have been nice.

Norman Osborn is looking better than he has in a while too. Hilarious ending!
Songbird apparently got herself a character too, which helps. Albeit, she stole it from Dr. Cameron from TV's House MD, but fair enough...

The Fight: 4.5 The Issue: 5.5

NEXT WEEK: Fin Fang Foom!

ZANGIEF versus R. MIKA & SAKURA
(UDON comics)
Where: Street Fighter Legends #2 When: September 2006
Why: Ken Siu-Chong & Double KO How: Omar Dogan

The story so far...
Martial arts fanatic and school girl, Sakura Kusanago, begins her journey to become a great martial artist after meeting Ryu, the nomadic street fighting legend who dethroned the king of Muay Thai -- Sagat.

Staying in touch, Sakura receives the advice from Ryu that to become the ultimate martial artist, she should be open to learning from various styles. Thus, Sakura begins a new quest to learn from various fighting champions.

Her quest takes her to the professional wrestling show in town, where she hopes to observe her favourite wrestler in action -- Rainbow Mika!
R. Mika defeats Zangief in the ring, but while signing autographs Sakura finds herself between Rainbow Mika and a challenge from the kayfabeless Zangief!

Previous Form:
R. Mika, Sakura, Zangief: None of the three Street Fighters have previously been featured on the site.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Zangief 4 (Steroid Popper)
Intelligence: Draw 2 (Average)
Speed: R. Mika 3 (Trained Athlete)
Stamina: Zangief 5 (Marathon)
Agility: R. Mika 3 (Acrobat)
Fighting Ability: Zangief 5 (Martial Artist)
Energy Powers: Sakura 3 (Explosives)


Here we are again, running a little late, and revisiting the Street Fighter scene!
Which really, if you think about it, plays straight into this little section we like to refer to as The Tape.

Zangief is a big ol' Russian who bares scars from fighting polar bears.
He's a legit pro wrestler. Now, if your laughter has subsided, and you're able to stop for a moment to ponder the nature of the grappling system, you'll observe one major a thing -- neck injuries. Seriously, even the pros suffer life altering injuries, and they aren't even playing for keeps.

So, a seven foot tall Russian who fights bears is probably going to be a seriously problem. He's got reach on his side, and while slower than your average Street Fighter, he's still pretty fast considering the bulk of his muscle.

Keys to victory here come down to the numbers game.
If R. Mika and Sakura can double team the big man, then you're starting to calculate a pretty basic win. If he can eliminate and isolate, then it comes down to individual skills.

Both Sakura and Mika have Zangief pegged on the speed and agility front, but neither is as technically proficient with their respective fighting styles, including Mika's brand of high flying/butt pumping wrestling.
So it's got to be about getting in and out, using the speed to the avantage to take out Zangief. But that's probably much easier said, than done.

The Math: R. Mika & Sakura (Total) Zangief (Average)
The Pick: Zangief (Champion Class)

What went down...
Having delivered his rematch challenge at the end of last issue, Zangief wastes little time highlighting the severity of his intent -- launching a flying body press attack at the relatively diminutive opponents.

R. Mika and Sakura leap clear of danger either side, leaving Zangief to land flat on his face.

Mika jumps on the Balkan behemoth, surprised to be joined by Sakura, who imitates her daydream headlock. An off-the-cuff remark about becoming a tag team becomes a reality as the two drive Zangief's head into the ground.

Zangief shrugs the attack off, and to Rainbow Mika's shock he's "wrestling for real". Sakura shoves her idol out of the way to take a diving dropkick.

Rainbow Mika comes to the rescue of Sakura with a moonsault, but it has little effect on Zangief.
He swats Mika off his back, hurtling her into the air.

R. Mika recovers, but sets herself up to suffer at the hands of Zangief's spinning clothesline of the man dubbed the Red Cyclone! Then, with Mika reeling, he intends to follow up with the banishing flat, but... His grip misses.

Yeah... He grabs her arse.
Now, fair enough, it was an accident. He actually meant to finish her off with a deadly finishing move, but... Yeah. He's gonna get it now, chief.

In a rage, Mika throws herself at her rival for a rainbow hip crush, switching her butt from plush, curvy plamed fun -- to deadly weapon of pain!

With Zangief reeling, Rainbow Mika calls in the assist from her fan, referencing the finish to a match from earlier in her career.
Sakura, knowing the reference, slips behind on all fours behind the hulking Zangief, to finish him off with a crescent kick/trip combo.

Only, even though he goes down hard... He gets back up.

Rainbow Mika switches things up for some hardcore rules, spraying the Russian with a fire extinguisher. She taunts him as he stumbles around trying to put his big mits on his foe, and at that crucial moment Dan, seeking to train Sakura, stumbles in.

With the extinguisher foam cleared from his eyes, Zangief doesn't get to see what's coming as Rainbow Mika sneaks behind with a Wingless Airplane reverse head scissors. Leaving him wide open to a juggle combo shouoken attack!

Zangief goes down for good, unable to dispute the defeat this time.
And much to the chagrin of Karin Kanzuki, who happens to be watching TV at the time, Sakura becomes a star!

The hammer...
The winners of this bout, Sakura and Rainbow Mika!

We've got a lot of new people joining us every day, and some of you might be surprised to stumble across Street Fighter on a website mostly dedicated to Marvel and DC superheroes. Fair enough!

My gross slant toward Marvel (and DC) withstanding, this site is actually really just directed toward comic book and comic book related battles, as a vehicle to discuss and document those products. So, be fully aware that Street Fighter animated movies are just sitting in waiting.

I'm a big fan of the work UDON are doing with the Street Fighter books!
If you haven't been reading, you might like to slide back to one of our previous Top Rating Reads. [Street Fighter II #2]

That said, there's a distinct problem I think I'm finding with the Street Fighter franchise, and it actually has nothing to do with the slow release schedule.
I'm a fan of various beat 'em up video games, and like many-a fanboy who insists they're a "writer", the characters in these kinds of games have mooshed around in my head and I've come up with some ideas for story.

What seems lacking in Ken Siu-Chong's stories is a sense of purpose.
For me, because the games so often offer minimal information, I look at the potential of taking everything provided and building it up to a story. Which is what's being done to a degree, but what concerns me is just how unfocused it all seems. I say this having picked up another issue or two of the main book as well, and not just the Legends: Sakura mini-series.

There's clearly a familiarity with the franchise, and UDON seems to be very keen on servicing that, but it as a story it just lacks the kind of density and sense of purpose that I would much prefer. I hate to go down that line, but it really feels like a series that's being written by a penciller.

As a guy who's brimming over with projects but is struggling to get work printed because he needs collaborators, it's probably not a great opinion to hold. But, in all honesty, there are a lot of pencillers who maybe think they supercede writers, but without them... Yeah...

This isn't a book that's suffering a hard crunch, but my attentions certainly have the potential to wander if it doesn't pick up a thread and go with it. That said, if you're a Street Fighter fan and are looking for a fun read, this isn't a bad issue at all. I'm just projecting my concern for the future, as I see the book very loosely tying threads together.
As a fan, I'd like a more complete picture, and it's not casting that net.

Buy it anyway. It's not like you're going to get a Street Fighter 4! *sniff*

So, anyway! I mentioned last Friday [New Avengers #27] that it was International Woman's Day, and we're sort of continuing the theme here with the two girls scoring the victory over Zangief. That theme will continue through next Friday as I pull out a recent tale I've been hoping to have reason to use!

I'm very tired, it's a very late update again.
I've noticed the hits are waning, spread the word folks so that I may have new victims upon which to leech energy. Until they, see you Monday!

The Fight: 4 The Issue: 4.5

THE AVENGERS versus THE SYMBIOTE
What If The Alien Costume had Possessed Spider-man? (Marvel comics)
Where: What if...? #4 When: October 1989
Why: Danny Fingeroth How: Mark Bagley

The story so far...
In our reality Peter Parker was able to free himself of the influence of the alien symbiote he obtained during the Secret Wars, but in another universe Peter Parker was not so fortunate.

Reed Richards was able to intervene and remove the symbiotic costume to contain it, but neither he nor Dr. Strange could prevent the creature escaping to again seek out the Spider-man once more.

The symbiote reemerges during a battle between Dr. Strange and Hulk, and wrenches the green goliath from being banished to another dimension. Combatting Strange and Hulk, the symbiote recognises an even more powerful host, and thus the incredible Hulk becomes the possessor of the black costume.

Leaving behind a frail and aged Peter Parker, the symbiote-Hulk now has the combined might of Peter Parker, Dr. Strange, Reed Richards, Black Cat and the Avengers in pirsuit of it. But will they survive long enough to stop it?

Previous Form:
Mr. Fantastic (#16): Mr. Fantastic has a victory against the Red Ghost and his Super Apes.
Hulk (#7): Hulk has tangoed successfully with the Thunderbolts and Daredevil.
Thor (#12): Thor has had victories over Captain Marvel and Super-Skrull.
Venom Symbiote (#11): The Symbiote has been possessed by Peter Parker, Eddie Brock and Mac Gargan.
The Avengers [#2]: The Avengers have battled and won against She-Hulk and the Secret Avengers.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Thor 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Mr. Fantastic 6 (Genius)
Speed: Photon 5 (Super Speed)
Stamina: Hulk 6 (Generator)
Agility: Symbiote 7 (Unlimited)
Fighting Ability: Thor 6 (Warrior)
Energy Powers: Scarlet Witch 7 (Solar Power)

Wow, we're running a bit late today, and we've got a lot ahead of us!

Sadly Peter Parker, having been sapped of his energy, suffers a death of old age before the fight can be taken to the symbiote-Hulk, but as Reed Richards would discover, he did provide key scientific theorums that, combined with Richards' thoughts, provided key to victory.

Which I suppose brings us straight to a huge advantage for the team going up against the Symbiote, and that's Mr. Fantastic. He's one of the greatest scientific minds in the Marvel universe, and one of the foremost authorities on alien life.
So you can trust that Peter Parker's research is in good hands.

You'll see the line-up of the team consists of: Mr. Fantastic, Thor, Dr. Strange, Vision, Starfox, Photon, Scarlet Witch, the Human Torch and the Wasp.

We know the symbiote has vulnerabilities to sonics and flame/heat, so presumably Photon and Human Torch are a big plus in this field. If they can get a clear shot they could potentially end the fight in one shot, so there you go.

Vision is presumably a heavy-hitter who could not be possessed by the symbiote because he's an in-organic lifeform. I don't know the specifics of that, but let us assume that the Vision's strength and varying skills of tangibility would be useful in at least slowing the symbiote down.

The symbiote is entering this fight whilst possessing the Hulk. Which means he's got a massive well of energy to draw upon, likewise, he's bringing an impressive physical strength with him. Which is a pretty big deal, because the Hulk alone could probably tackle the Avengers.

That said, the Symbiote's inherent weaknesses make him a bit of a softer target, even with the Hulk, so unless he steamrolls them, he's in trouble.

The Math: The Avengers (Total) The Symbiote (Average)
The Pick: The Avengers

What went down...
With the team seeking out the Symbiote, Thor stumbles across it revelling in the power of the Hulk, lifting chunks of Earth without a care in the world.
Thor considers alerting his companions, but the Symbiote spots him, apparently as per a premeditated plan to lure the Norse God out.

The Symbiote claims remorse for the death of Peter Parker, and claims to have achieved true symbiosis with the Incredible Hulk. He claims to be restoring Bruce Banner's mind, and be curing him of the Hulk in the process of absorbing the gamma power for himself. A fate far more beneficial than that of Parker's.

The words mean little to Thor who readies to take the Symbiote into custody, provoking the true intent of the alien creature. He spews forth his own brand of webbing, swatted away by the thunder god with the use of a twirling Mjolnir.

The Hulk-powered Symbiote manages to level Thor with a thundering left-hook, but the god assures the creature that he is far from helpless, tossing the mighty Mjolnir verily!

The Symbiote oozes away from his felled host, revealing a frail Bruce Banner where there should be Hulk. Revealing the Symbiote's claims to be true!
Thor feels a brief moment of remorse, believing himself responsible for the deaths of both alien and host, but no sooner than Banner stirs than the Symbiote leaps forth onto Thor!

Thor struggles desperately, but having absorbed the power of Hulk, the Symbiote proves to be a match for his flailing and tearing.

As the Avengers arrive on the seen Thor makes one last gesture of resistence, summoning the might of the heavens in the form of a lightning bolt to strike the creature into submission. Sadly, the only one weakened by the bolt is Thor himself.

Reed Richards attempts to sway the battle of wills with a sonic blast, but the Symbiote has already taken strength from the mighty Thor.
Dr. Strange cannot do anything without dooming Thor himself, but Reed Richards proves unwilling to do what is necessary, concerned about the effects of his Terminator-Blast on the Avenger.

Meanwhile -- the Symbiote, having subdued Thor and taken the form of a Thor silhouette with cape and black hair, flees into a cave to complete the bonding process uninterrupted. The Human Torch attempts to follow in pirsuit, and narrowly avoids death as godly lightning floods from out from the cave.

Captain Marvel [Photon] follows in, moving at incredible speed in the form of microwaves. She plunges into the torso of the alien-costume possessed Thor, but with the energy of a god he channels Captain Marvel's energy back through his hammer -- sending her hurtling back from whence she came!

Starfox manages to catch her upon her violent exit, as the team of heroes are forced to face the inevitable. Dr. Strange and Vision put forth the grim proposal -- the omin-blast terminator ray may be their only chance.

Reed Richards requests a half hour to consider another alternative. What he comes up with is enough to stir a reaction from the creature.

Black Bolt steps into the cave beneath Mount Rushmore, and solemnly stares down his foe.
The Symbiote, still struggling to take complete control over the thunder god, swares he will kill the Inhuman before he can unleash his deadly blast of sound, but he leaps too slow.

Black Bolt screams, and the sonic force emitted is enough to shatter the American landmark around them.

Thor survives, and with the Symbiote is reduced to little more than a stain.
Dr. Strange steps in to begin a spell to expell him to a benevolent dimension, when a lethal omni-blast comes out of nowhere to destroy the creature once and for all!

The Black Widow has her revenge. The Symbiote is a menace no more.
What if... the Symbiote had bonded with Spider-man?...

The hammer...
The winners, of course, are Black Bolt, Black Cat, and the Avengers. As the possessed tools of the Symbiote, Thor and Hulk share the defeat. Sorry to all fans concerned.

I've left it literally until the eleventh hour today, and it was quite a big one. Lots of heroes and statistics to consider with this one.
I like to think the majority stock our United States viewers have means I'm safe. It's still Wednesday for yourselves, but here, I'm a little disappointed with myself. Sorry to let you guys down.

Jokes aside, those who aren't in-the-know might be interested to know that while the Symbiote appeared four years prior, Venom had his first appearance barely a year prior to this issue. Which, I thought was slightly interesting.

With the Spider-man 3 feature mere months away, it's interesting to note that Venom hasn't reverted to the over exposed schedule he featured throughout the nineties, at the height of the character's popularity. Perhaps understandably so, Marvel has made efforts for most previous features to capitalize on the mainstream exposure of the characters, pumping characters like Green Goblin, Dr. Octopus, Dr. Doom and others into the books.

Most recently Sandman has certainly felt this injection in popularity, appearing in various versions of the Spider-man books including the core titles, and also the Marvel Adventures series, aimed at young, movie-going readers.

Venom, currently worn by the Scorpion, has had a smooth bonding with the Symbiote, which has developed a personality quite distinctly different from the power-hungry super villain of this particular issue of What if...

During the exchange of the symbiote the creature's concerns were less focused on the consumption of energy, as much as they were seeking out a 'good roommate' for a host. Someone strong, with likeminded interests, but who would maintain control of their faculties, unlike Hulk and Thor in this feature.

Which I guess just highlights the dangers of alien symbiote costumes, kids.
Sure, sometimes they might seem like your friends, but they can snap and turn on you in a second. Leaving you behind a frail, white-haired husk with your best years snatched before you could have them!

I'm enjoying the Gargan take on the character and his inclusion into the new Thunderbolts team written by Warren Ellis is one of the more enticing elements of the book. I don't think it's been what anyone would have imagined when announcements paired Ellis and Thunderbolts together. Something a little more bombastic and exciting was certainly what came to mind for me, particularly when big names like Bullseye, Venom and Green Goblin were coming out.

Still, it'll be interesting to talk more about that in the near future!

For the time being, keep the hits coming!
It's been a pleasure to see plenty of new and old visitors alike!

Oh, before I go -- note the Mark Bagley pencils!
Certainly one of the most iconic pencillers to work on the character in the last ten years, made particularly recognisable via Ultimate Spider-man and a slew of Marvel/Spider-man merchandising. Check it out, kids. History!

The Fight: 4 The Issue: 5