ADAPTOID versus THING
Adapt This! (Marvel comics)
Where: Fantastic Four: Unplugged #1 When: September 1995
Why: Mike Lackey How: Heitor Oliviera

The story so far...
A rainy night in New York City goes from bad to worse for the ever loving blue eyed thing. When he's too late to get a lottery ticket, a good deed goes punished when, having prevented a line-cutter from stealing a woman's cab, the Thing spots the FF emergency flare in the night sky.

Convincing the bedgrudging woman to share the cab, Thing makes for the Williamsburg Bridge where traffic is backed up for blocks. A cop informs him of a dangerous monster on the bridge, and when Thing asks about the Human Torch's progress he gets a nasty shock!

What super-baddy could fool the thing with a flaming signal? None other than the Mad Thinker's Super Adaptoid! Running amok, the Adaptoid has programming for one thing: The destruction of the Fantastic Four! So, watch out! It's a bridge-bound Brooklyn brawl, true believers!

Previous Form:
Thing (#22): Team victories over the Frightul Four & Sinister Twelve.
Super Adaptoid: No Adaptoid has yet been featued on the site.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Thing 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Super Adaptoid 4 (Tactician)
Speed: Draw 2 (Average)
Stamina: Draw 5 (Marathon Man)
Agility: Super Adaptoid 6 (Rubber)
Fighting Ability: Thing 4 (Trained Fighter)
Energy Powers: Super Adaptoid 5 (Lasers)


Y'know, when it comes to the tape, it's pretty unflattering for the ever lovin' blue-eyed Thing. Unfortunately, that really boils down to his weighted skills toward strength, which lack compensation in any other avenues.

Not that that is really a huge disadvantage for the Thing, who bruises with the best of them! Winning versatility competitions generally isn't a big part of the day when you're fighting the likes of Blastaar, Mad Thinker, Hulk and Sandman!

Of course, it gets a bit more complicated when the clobbering is up against someone designed specifically to counter and mimic your own abilities.
In that respect, the Super Adaptoid resembles the Super-Skrull, but in-truth the way in which the Adaptoid utilizes his mimickery of things like Mr. Fantastic's malleability may be far more brutal than the obscurely honorable Skrull.

When you way it up, Thing is facing the combined might of himself and his fellows in one shot, which puts him at a disadvantage by anyone's math. Generally Thing's heart and determination is going to be what gets him by, if only to buy time for the support of his teammates, but in the absence of the Fantastic Four does the Thing have the necessary might to prevail?

I'd like to think Thing always has a little extra in the tank, but the math is pretty compelling in this circumstance...

The Math: Super Adaptoid (Super Class)
The Pick: Thing (It's clobberin' time!)

What went down...
Before Thing can even digest what's going on, a giant blocky flaming fist comes out of nowhere to smack him in the gaping mouth! A fist that belongs to -- an Adaptoid!

Thing wastes no time taking a shot, but the Adaptoid takes it willingly!
The Adaptoid moves with it, shifting his fingers into jagged talons, and takes a swipe that puts the Thing on the back foot, but catches Adaptoid's hand in a nearby butcher's truck.

Thing uses the opportunity to bury the fist into the mid-section, taking the free-shot while it's there, but Adaptoid quickly rips his hand free, spraying blood (and ribs!) across Thing!

Thing notes a rumbling before taking another shot that sends him flying onto the elevated train tracks! Floored, Thing still manages to roll across the tracks out of harms way, while the Adaptoid pauses, holding his ears as the shriek of the train's brakes scream into the night air.

The train hits the Adaptoid, but it has little effect on the super-durable creature. The conductor comes to check on him, and suffers a decapitation, witnessed as the Thing pulls himself back onto the tracks. It renews his motivation.

The Adaptoid returns to the bridge, flaming blades for hands, as he invariably encounters the woman with which the Thing shared a cab. Towering over the young woman, Thing arrives just in the nick of time!

A left bends the Adaptoid's face outta shape, before Thing nails him with a right that launches the villainous mechanoid into the air!

Alas, it's not that easy! The Adaptoid comes back fast, dodging a wild swipe from the Thing, to hook up with him from behind! With no holds barred, the Thing opens his mighty jaws to bite down into the mushy arm wrapped around him!

The move forces the Adaptoid to release the hold, but Thing is quickly shocked to discover this Adaptoid retains remote control over even pieces broken away! While the Adaptoid recovers from the move, the tiny piece in the Thing's throat begins to wriggle around and try to choke him!

With a devestating crunch, the Thing pounds both of his fists into his rocky abdomen, performing a super-Heimlich maneuver on himself!

The tiny saliva covered projectile lands at the feat of the taxi-cab lady, still desperate to get beyond the fight to continue to her recital. She stomps the chunk of Adaptoid, and finds her expensive shoe snared in it's grip! Using her handbag she pounds furiously at it, before finally proving her worth in the scene. (Gee, could you tell she had a greater purpose here?)

A vial of perfume in the bag breaks, spilling onto the piece of Adaptoid with explosive results! Assuming the reaction was caused by alcohol, she calls the revelation out to the Thing!

With a beer delivery truck conveniently stuck on the bridge, Thing is able to scoop the Adaptoid up and toss him into the truck! The Super Adaptoid thunders back at the Thing, striking him with a cloud of foamy suds burning from his rubbery body.

The Adaptoid's body begins to lose dexterity, gradually becoming increasingly unstable and gooey, until he eventually melts to a smoking stain on the bridge.

And, the lady from the taxi-cab?
Takes off to leave Thing with the toll. Nice!

The hammer...
And after that lengthy account we can call it a definitive win for the Thing!

This is a very interesting comic.
I don't know if I just got a little too distracted writing the fight summary, but the past fifteen minutes are a complete haze!
We've been talking a lot the past month about comics that could provide valuable knowledge to the future of comics, particularly for the generation that progresses out of the shadow of anti-heroes and bad heroes.

This issue sort of touches on some of those writing themes, even if this is a fairly classic take on the Thing character himself.
What you won't appreciate from the scanned panels and summary is the violent quality to the comic. For what is essentially a superhero fight comic, Lackey's script seems to refuse to resign to that, and is ultimately filled with a lot of cheap, throwaway distractions.

The lady from the taxi-cab plays awkwardly, imposing character interaction better fitted to a character who could be developed with the benefit of time, and potentially be a love interest for Thing. Having just seen Strange Than Fiction, I recall the description that in a comedy the love interest begins hating the hero, but ultimately hooks up with him. That's exactly the comedic set-up you have here.

Unfortunately, this is a character that has, as far as I know, no future in Marvel comics from this point, and plays as little more than an intrusive mcguffin to defeat this version of the Super Adaptoid!

Given the hyperactively kinetic quality to the page layouts, these sorts of distractions, and moreso spontaneous scenes of unrelated extreme violence [like the conductor's off-screen splatter execution...], serve to make this a very jarring story. It's no wonder that Fantastic Four: Unplugged didn't become a series.

As a first issue of anything, it's pretty average, but I suppose some benefit has to be given to what seems to be an intent to tell isolated, done-in-one stories with the characters from the FF. I didn't read any of the following issues, so I don't know whether or not that was successful, but needless to say, the ending - which depicts a firey Human Torch declaring he's quitting the team - does not inspire great hope.

We're now in July and I'd very much like to catch-up soon, so I'll wrap it up with a question posed to anyone reading: Is Mike Lackey a pseudonym?!
I'd like to think he is, but then something in the blank that is my mind right now is nagging at me with some forgotten evidence to suggest he's a person.

If he is, I mean no disrespect for this review, and wish he and his family well.

The Fight: 3 The Issue: 3

SUPERMAN versus EQUUS
For Tomorrow: Part 3 (DC comics)
Where: Superman #206 When: August 2004
Why: Brian Azzarello How: Jim Lee

The story so far...
Superman has found a human friend in Father Leone, but even as they debate the philosophies of Superman's existence in the world, their seemingly unrelated perspectives inevitably collide.

For Superman, his mission begins in the investigation of a phenomena called The Vanishing, which describes the unexplained mass disappearance of citizens of the United States. Among the missing, Lois Lane, Superman's wife.

Tracing the Vanishing to the Middle East; Superman intervenes in a civil war, resonating his discussions of divine intervention with the minister. Ultimately the fates decide Superman's course of action, but not before he comes to blows with a soldier the likes of which has never been see -- Equus!

Previous Form:
Superman (#9): Victories over Hulk, Metallo, Moleman, Wonder Woman & Uncle Sam.
Equus: Has not yet been featured on the site.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Superman 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Superman 4 (Tactician)
Speed: Superman 6 (Speed of Sound)
Stamina: Draw 6 (Generator)
Agility: Superman 3 (Acrobat)
Fighting Ability: Equus 4 (Trained Fighter)
Energy Powers: Superman 5 (Lasers)


Did you like that intro? Oh, yessir! That's the kind of build-up you want if you're new on the scene as a Superman villain. Sadly, it might not be entirely accurate to describe Equus as "a soldier the likes of which has never been seen."

In truth, Equus bares a very basic resemblance to a similar, but theoretically more successful villain who goes by the name Doomsday.
Yeah, you might have heard of him. Tall guy, grey, lots of white lumpy, spikey bits. Carries the claim to fame of killing Superman, for a bit.

There's a bit of a disappointing repetitive quality to a lot of Superman villains. It might even be somewhat a contradictory conunundrum, because you see, the very thing that makes these characters so utterly similar, is exactly the kind of thing that's needed in a solid, new Superman foe.

Because you've got your Lex Luthors, your Braniacs, and your Bizarros; but when it comes to day-to-day fighting, who's Superman got? Who can play the stand-in for an arc or two here and there, before disappearing to await another go?

What a good upper-mid tier Superman villain needs is strength and cunning.
Granted, Equus has that, and skills to boot. For some inexplicable reason, his Doomsday-esque have the likeminded capability of piercing the Man of Steel's skin [or outer-telekinetic forcefield, depending on your persuasion! - Mike of Steel]. Doomsday himself being a product of science, who knows whether or not these characters might represent the advanced and the obselete, but at the end of the day one thing is true of Equus that wasn't of Doomsday.

We know Equus won't win.

I could talk about pounds-per-inch, about tonnage, and bending steel, but when the dust settles and the sun casts it's dramatic shadow of resolution: Superman wins this. He's seen tougher, and he's beaten them!

The Math: Superman (Super Class)
The Pick: Superman

What went down...
Advancing on the kingdom, Equus marches beyond the dead bodies and pools of blood, while the commanding General Nox begins to warn him of incoming interference. Before Nox can get beyond the 'soup,' a red blur begins to take form, before colliding with the genetically processed bulk of Equus!

The impact of the collision leaves Equus on his super-engineered arse.

Equus refers to his actions as part of liberating a country, but Superman seems unconvinced. Ol' Kal's always had an aversion to blood, mind.
The two titans stay their pleasantries and come to blows, Supes going for a defensive-offensive on one of the fists, while going for the jugular with his free hand.

The move proves to be a surprising tactical error, as Superman's chiseled cheek becomes the unwitting victim of Equus' spiney claws. As though reacting to the shock of pain, a Superman on one knee swats Equus away with a savage right!

Supes puts up a brave face, but we all know getting slashed on the cheek smarts! Equus lets out a threatening growl, but the fight ends with an exchange of insults as General Nox declares no quarrel with the Superman.

The revolutionary leads Superman to the palace balcony, where masses of people stand cheering Nox' name in joyous celebration. While he disagrees with the methods of the coup, Superman bends to the will of the new authority, and leaves it.

The hammer...
With points favouring noone in particular, it's a draw!

So, about that intro... In truth, my dramatic exposition completely undercuts one of the terribly interesting facets of this storyline. Something that may still be one of the most overlooked portions of the story, and that's its obscure connection to the company-wide event that was, Infinite Crisis!

The connection is marginal, but what some won't know is that the technologies being explored within the pages of For Tomorrow mark the precursor for what become the contemporary model for OMAC.

We might very well wind up talking about those issues in the future, so I won't elaborate too much, but I found that to be one of the most interesting facets of this project at the time. There were a lot interesting things to consider going into, and whilst experiencing, this project, which received a fair amount of criticism in contrast to it's impressive sales figures.

This, I think, marked a real turning point in the evolution of comics in the double-oh's [2000's]. I think we see a lot of the current landscape forming in this period, out of the crossovers and artistic movements of the nineties, which gradually morphed from stories like Batman: Fugitive into Batman: Hush.

I think it was a very conceited progression from a bit of an industry funk, where low sales figures gave strong ideas the opportunity to stand out. It's here that you see the unquestionable rise of the Brian Bendis' of today, and a reactionary wave circling out of that to start building even the most trivial of stories with a writer-driven concept.

Coming out of Hush, the semi-retired Jim Lee was a renewed force, and a degree of seperation called Broken City connected him a step down to Brian Azzarello, a man better known for non-superhero books like 100 Bullets.
Broken City had the daunting task of following Hush, and while it did it with some of the most impressive style I've seen on Batman in years, it suffered the difference of 'names', which had retained their power inspite of a story-driven shift in the medium.

We can easily attribute the sales of this project to Jim Lee, and in some ways it's unfortunate that that overshadowed what was otherwise billed as Brian Azzarello's shot at the superhero 'big-time.' While this story was suffering the blows of critics' condition-based scrutiny, an interesting take on the boyscout was lurking underneath.

In the same way Thunderbolts may demonstrate the learning and understanding of how the anti-hero exists in comics through the scope of heroic-villains, this particular story perhaps puts a spotlight on the same subject from a different angle.

In contrast to the post-Infinite Crisis mandate of action based 'bright' stories with the DC icons, this represented an attempt to bring grim internal conflict, and gritty world affairs to the threshold of the world's biggest superhero. While it perhaps proved a point of giving Superman feet of steel, it did at least provide an interesting take on the character. It perhaps just did so over too many pages.

The conundrum, of course, is writing Superman to have problems to deal with, without making them so problematic, people reject them. The latter pehaps being the problem here, where Superman is essentially handed existential and moral questions alongside physical encounters with Equus, Zod and other.

His relationship with the priest, Father Leone, which ultimately provides the emotional throughline of the story, provides a method of externalising Superman's human struggles, without actually having to uncharacteristically diminish what Superman is capable of. And diminishing his abilities has probably been the misguided method of the past.

I did quite enjoy this series, even if only as a contained piece of history that need not be revisited within the pages of the on-going title. It probably isn't what you want to see in a Superman book every month, but Brian Azzarello deserves the credit of writing a very interesting Superman story.
Likewise, Jim Lee delivers competent work, arguably the text-book example of dynamic, well crafted, contemporary superhero comics.

More on this story in the future, but in the mean time, I need some sleep!

The Fight: 4 The Issue: 6

THUNDERBOLTS versus WRECKING CREW
Justice... (Marvel comics)
Where: Thunderbolts #1 When: April 1997
Why: Kurt Busiek How: Mark Bagley

The story so far...
Earth's mightiest heroes are dead: Killed saving Manhattan and humanity from the threat of the dreaded Onslaught!
In their stead they leave a gaping justice-shaped hole and a population of villains ready to take advantage of the power vacuum.

Then, as if from nowhere -- Justice like lightning!
Enter the Thunderbolts! A team of mysterious heroes with strange and fantastic powers, led by the courageous WWII inspired patriot, Citizen V.

The Thunderbolts represent a new wave of protectors, tackling threats like the Hulk and the Masters of Evil! Or do they? Though these mysterious heroes have manipulated the media to cement their success, what dark secrets lie beneath their colourful costumes and masks? Maybe the Wrecking Crew will find out!

Previous Form:
Baron Zemo (#287): Defeated by Hulk, Captain America and Cable.
Songbird (#162): Present for multiple instances of the team.
Thunderbolts [#14]: Split results, defeating Jack Flag, with a loss to Hulk.
Wrecking Crew: Have not yet been featured on the site.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: The Wrecker 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Techno 6 (Genius)
Speed: Moonstone 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Bulldozer 6 (Generator)
Agility: Citizen V 3 (Athlete)
Fighting Ability: Citizen V 4 (Trained Fighter)
Energy Powers: Moonstone 5 (Lasers)


Well, I've been busy-busy, but it's about damned time we get talking about The T-bolts, and the Wrecking Crew. Serious business, friends!

While not as prevelant as the Avengers or X-Men, we've had the opportunity to see a couple of incarnations of the Thunderbolts in action, and unless you've been living under a comics rock for ten years, you'll have some idea that the Thunderbolts generally have an association with some form of villainy.

Traditionally villains are not particularly cohesive or proficient fighting units, but the Thunderbolts were able to exceed the individuals, to become a superior fighting whole. Thus, let us deduce that motivation strengthens team dynamic, and therefore gives the Thunderbolts a numerical edge against their construction crew foes.

The Wrecker, aptly named leader of the Wrecking Crew, gained his powers through dumb-luck and mistaken identity, and has ever since had the enchanted power of an Asgardian. Like a good working stiff, he shares this power with his fellows in the gang; Thunderball, Bulldozer & Piledriver. Spreading the enchanted power not just to their chosen weapons, but also to each of their selves.

These days Wrecker does this without cost to himself, thanks to a little wax-on training with Ulik. This roughly equates to a quartet of badly dressed Thor-level villains, complete with construction based gimmicks, and a whole lot of average joe 'tude.

The Thunderbolt's find their key to victory in their versatility.
Under the strategic guidance of a disguised Baron Zemo - who is no fighting slouch - they are able to utilize their combination of strength, technology and super powers to deliver an encompassing attack on the one-note foes.

Likewise, the Thunderbolts, at least in this period, have the element of surprise. Most villains are completely unfamiliar with their techniques, while the former Masters of Evil have unique incite to the strategums and capabilities of their foes. This is perhaps the true edge, not seen against the likes of the Hulk. [Incredible Hulk #449]

The Math: The Thunderbolts (Total) The Wrecking Crew (Average)
The Pick: The Thunderbolts

What went down...
With New York City still reeling from the mass destruction unleashed by Onslaught, the Thunderbolts occupy their time dealing with the scavenging baddies, The Rat Pack. Having already defeated them, the team is quick to pose and rally in front of the press, mounting their efforts to again take the battle to the villainous clan.

The Rat Pack are quick to take to the skies, and even though they fully recognise the maneauver as an ambush, the Thunderbolts take chase, following the lowly crooks out of Manhattan toward Liberty Island.

There, they find themselves under the attack of an enchanted wrecking ball -- the calling card of Thunderball! His weapon destroys the V-wing, forcing the team to rally, those with capabilities of flight aiding those without.

Techno shows reluctance to battle hired crooks that might otherwise be counted as colleagues, but Citizen V quickly stems his remarks, masking them with the bold baratone of a charging superhero. Taking the cue, Atlas extends his size and strength to make an explosive landing on the island, bowling Wrecker and Piledriver, while Moonstone lends the assist against Bulldozer.

Apparently unaware of the history of the Citizen V monicker, Wrecker engages his team-leading counterpart in physical and mental combat. The Baron is more than ready to engage him in both, lithely avoiding a savage crowbar attack, with a razor edged retort of defeats passed.

While the rest of the teams duel it out, curious tourists on the island come under threat of falling rubble. Fortunately for them, Songbird is there to lend her sonic constructs as protective shields.
As Bulldozer barrels down on her, it is fortunate for Songbird that Mach-1 is on the scene to scoop up the threat with rocketting precision.

Continuing the theme of teamwork, Atlas comes to the aid of an overwhelmed Citizen V, using his impressive size and strength to clobber Wrecker into a self-made crater. Alas, Citizen V's warnings come too late, the cocky Atlas succumbing to a little teamwork from the away side.

As Atlas hurtles into the drink from the impact of Thunderball's strike, Meteorite does her best aerially to deal with Piledriver.

The super-powered menace uses his unusually large and powerful hands to wrench a piece of concrete from the battleground, using it as a massive projectile to send Meteorite hurtling into the Statue of Liberty like her namesake!

With the city watching on in horror, the Wrecker strikes at the base of the statue, sending a quiver up Liberty's spine. He challenges the star-spangle clad Citizen V to surrender, or face the consequences of being responsible for the symbol's destruction on national television.

Revelling in their apparent checkmate, the Wrecking Crew barely notice Mach-1 circling around in the air to fire spherical projectiles from the wrist mount of his armor. Each globe reaches it's target, stuffing the gobs of the cackling villains, before spewing forth noxious gas!

Under the direction of Citizen V, Songbird uses her sonic constructs to create forcefields around the Wrecking Crew's heads, trapping the gas that smothers them into unconsciousness.

His mouth shielded, the still intimidating Bulldozer mocks the Thunderbolts, but even as he speaks, his confidence begins to wither in direct response to the looming shadow from above.

A half-drowned and thoroughly ticked Atlas calls a grudge for Thunderball, but agrees to settle for the last man standing, thundering down a giant-sized fist that knocks Bulldozer back far into the city.

As the team reassembles, a strange noise begins to flood over the tiny spirited island. A sound recognizable, but yet definitely unfamiliar to the Thunderbolts.
The sound of the people cheering. The gratitude worthy of heroes.

The hammer...
Awww, ring the bell, sucka! School's back in, and the T-bolts be puttin' on a masta class of ass kickification, son!

... No good? Yeah, well, the Thunderbolts are the winners, whether my exploits as a jive talking web wacky work or not!
Bahlactus has been getting all the press for a while now, but lately respect has finally come home to roost for Secret Earths, and I've got to bring the hammer down on a whole lot of thanks to those guys.

Some of that respect finally motivated me to get on to this week's Ultimate Alliance entry, featuring the Wrecking Crew. For my estimation those guys have been about the only thing worth talking about from Mike Oeming's latest writing effort, which seems to have been downgraded from on-going to Omega Flight mini.

Even with the disgraceful slow burn and distinct lack of Mike Oeming: penciller, Omega Flight did open with some big action, and we'll probably get an opportunity to talk more about that series some time in the future.

What really knocks me on my ass here is the Thunderbolts.
While his work seems to have meandered somewhat through some easy standards; Warren Ellis has had many-a fan, myself included, several shades of jazzed over the villain-cum-hero team.

What's especially bizarre about finally discovering a love of the team is the fact that they're now a seasoned outfit, having a full decade of superheroics and internal squabblings under their belt. It was over ten years ago that we gazed upon that fateful scene where Citizen V revealed himself and his teammates as none other than The Masters of Evil! Wow!

Sadly, I was somewhat excited by the concept, but utterly bemused by the product itself. The characters were mostly second-tier villains that weren't obscure favourites, and the designs of the hero costumes, with the exception of Citizen V, inspired barely. It wasn't a book that lived up to the hype.

Some ten years later it's instability has been fully realized, but the formula has been refined in a world where superhero politics makes the lines between hero and villain all that much more blurred. The Thunderbolts exist now in a world almost inadvertently made for them, living their lives as heroes admist laws that willfully empower them to hunt down their costumed nemesis like dogs.

It's with hindsight that it can be debated that the Thunderbolts are by design a gauge of the zeitgeist of the Marvel universe. From their inception, they were the brilliantly simple response to the a power vaccuum left in the wake of Heroes Reborn, and now they again react to events in Civil War and redefinition of what a hero and villain is to the Marvel universe.

I don't mean to discount the work that went on between, and mark missing out on the so-called "fight club" years as a disappointment; but in an era still feeding and learning from the 'grim and gritty' progression of the eighties, maybe we can propose the Thunderbolts represent the final step in that exploration.

I'm confounded by regular references to the necessity of likeable and heroic characters in comics. It strikes me as foolish to claim entertainment and fiction require anything but the barest means of relating and approving.
I'd like to think maybe one day we will look back on books like Thunderbolts and recognise their contribution to our medium as the catalyst for motivated writing, over conventions of 'heroes', 'villains', and 'anti-heroes'.

And after that stretch of a musing, I'll wrap things up.
Still more Fantastic Fridays as we try to catch-up on June's delays, before reverting back to the original Friday Fight Nights. In the mean time, stay tuned!

The Fight: 4 The Issue: 4
NEXT WEEK: What evil lurks in the heart of The Lizard? The Spider-man knows!

HUMAN TORCH versus SPIDER-MAN
A Day at the Races (Marvel comics)
Where: Fantastic Four #543 When: January 2007
Why: Paul Pope How: Paul Pope

The story so far...
Famous glamour boy and superhero, Johnny Storm, is heading down to the weekend racetrack to tear up the track in his custom hotrod, which is a good thing too!

Peter Parker, ever at the mercy of his Daily Bugle boss, J. Jonah Jameson, has orders to bring in new photos of Spider-man as well as commercial newsgrabbers like the flaming hothead from the Fantastic Four!

Looking for a better vantage point for shots of the race, Parker hits the webs as Spider-man, but when Johnny spots him from the racetrack, it looks like it's more than rubber that's going to get burned! Let the rivalry continue!

Previous Form:
Spider-man (#1): Recent victories over the likes of Rhino, Shocker & Green Goblin.
Human Torch (#13): Aided Spidey in defeating Mysterio, Wingless Wizard & the Sinister Twelve.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Spider-man 5 (Super Strength)
Intelligence: Spider-man 5 (Professor)
Speed: Spider-man 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Spider-man 5 (Marathon Man)
Agility: Spider-man 5 (Cat-like)
Fighting Ability: Human Torch 3 (Street Wise)
Energy Powers: Human Torch 7 (Solar Power)


I know, I know! More Spider-man! Hey, it's not like Spidey isn't a hot favourite right now with the readers, but in my defense, I picked the FF features before Web-Slinging Wednesdays kicked off, so I didn't at all anticipate the sheer saturation of the character. To those arachnaphobes out there, an advanced apology!

So, there's the matter of a little thing we all like to call the tape!

There's always those result changing details that are unique to certain combinations of characters. The things that aren't rated by the patented, ever-reliable Haseloff system. Things like certain chemistry and rivalries between pairs of heroes and villains that bring history and emotions into it.

So, those of you coming out of the theatres still chuckling over the antics of Johnny Storm and his rocky pal, the Thing. Imagine the friendly rivalry between those two, and then make it a little bit more bitter, and you'll roughly have the relationship between the Human Torch and Spider-man.

They were both two of the youngest heroes to come from the 1960s modern era of Marvel comics, and they've both gone a ways to grow-up, but when they get together, you're never quite sure if all that maturing will be for naught.

At the end of any day, Human Torch's fantastic fire powers make him a pretty tricky adversary for Spidey. Special concoctions aside, he can burn-up Spidey's synthetic webbing, as well as any part of him, should Spidey go close-quarters.

No matter how heated their confrontations get, you can usually count on Johnny being the decent human being. He's not about to reduce Spidey to smouldering ash, or put him in the burns ward, but that doesn't mean victory isn't his.

It generally comes down to the practical jokes with these two, and that's where the trusty Haseloff system comes good again. Y'see, Spidey's a natural born prankster, and the tape clearly shows it: He can scale any type of surface with ease, giving him an all-access pass to just about anywhere, and an easy and silent escape route.

Plus, Spidey's got that freaky agility for hiding things in hard-to-reach places -- and his spidey-senses ensure any prank will be set-up with ninja-like precision, because nobody can walk-in at an unexpected moment and bust him!

So, after all that? Well, it's probably fair to say in a fight it's fifty-fifty, but for the sake of the argument, I guess I'll make my call...

The Math: Spider-man (Meta Class)
The Pick: Human Torch

What went down...
Getting shoved around like a schmuck in the adoring crowd, Peter Parker tries desperately to get a shot of Johnny Storm and his entourage of Wyatt Wingfoot, Crystal and Gorgon, Johnny's Inhuman girlfriend and her royal guard.
Spying a radio tower, like any good Spider-man, he gets an idea... Big mistake!

Literally burning with rage, a miffed Johnny Storm bursts into flames upon spotting Spider-man, reducing his custom wheels to high-priced slag!
With his spider-senses alerting him of the danger, Spidey begins to swing down toward the track, but quickly regrets it.

The Human Torch circles Spidey leaving a trail of flames, promising to burn the mask from his face as soon as he puts out the hazardous fire from his car.
Using his cosmic-borne powers, Johnny sucks up the flames from the vehicle, and quickly goes about redirecting it toward the red and blue wall-crawler!

Spidey leaps and bounces around the on-coming racecars, as the Human Torch follows in the air blasting flame in a rage.

The Torch hits the ground, and catches Spidey in a swirling array of fire streams, but with the proportionate agility of a spider, Spidey leaps out of it in a dashing action pose -- great for the camera!

Flying around above the racing cars as they come around for another lap, Spidey does his best to further dodge the swirling assault of the Human Torch, and his deadly fireball projectiles of doom!

Feeling the all too serious burn of the Torch's flames, Spidey heads for the crowd, hoping to give the hothead a chance to cool off. Spider-man comes to a crouched landing at the feet of Crystal, inciting the Torch's further jealousy.

He rattles of a barrage of fireballs, which Spider-man easily deflects with a quick-smart web shield, but his cocky retort is short lived. Spidey mocks the attack as all too familiar, but this time it provides an unceremonious distraction...

His vision impaired by his trusty web-shield, Spidey is caught unawares by the Human Torch's incoming swooping boot attack! Mmm, tastes like burnt rubber!

Before the fight can continue, Crystal interjects, berating her flaming boyfriend.

"Hey, Butane-Breath, ever notice our fights always end with some sensible blonde tellin' us to cool it? Why don't we just take her advice and call it game-and-match?"

And as the Human Torch flames down and agrees, a peaceful resolution seems to have been reached, until... As they move to shake hands, Johnny Storm pulls his hand out at the last minute in a blaze of spitefilled glory!

And as Spidey web-swings away, "I'd join the Girl Scouts before I'd join any group that had you as a member, Popcorn!" And the next day, the Thing is able to pick up the baton at the breakfast table, reciting the headline, "Human Torch Wreckes Priceless Sports Car in Track Mishap, Disrupts Formula Race -- Pictures on Page Six."

The hammer...
No! Not a dream! Not an imagined story!
As Uatu so rightly proclaimed, it is in fact, a draw!

If you're looking for more Spidey/Human Torch odd couple fun you might like to check out their reviewed battle with Mysterio and the Wingless Wizard! [Amazing Spider-man Annual #4]

I had a few choices for the Human Torch when it came to solo battles, but I decided to go with this one; A) because it was the 45th anniversary issue spectacular, and B) because it represented something we haven't seen a lot of on Secret Earths, and that's the friendly rivalry.

The hero-on-hero fights are often the most popular on the site, but many of them revolve around much flimsier storytelling techniques like cosmic mandates, and cases of mistaken/misunderstood identity. This story, however, harkens back to the good old days of a Stan Lee style friendly rivalry, where two heroes could just legitimately rag on each other, even if it meant making up at the end to do the right thing for the good of mankind.

In some ways, this is perhaps the entry that will most resonate with the fans of Return of the Silver Surfer and the first movie, which hold the comedic timing of the FF and playful family dynamic as their strongest positives.
Hopefully through Fantastic Fridays we've been able to take a look over several of the familiar faces of the Fanatstic Four branding. Fun for fans new and old, and a positive entry point for those of you coming from the movie.

I mentioned elsewhere that one of the most surprising things about the new FF movie has been the lack of traffic it's generarted for us. Spider-man 3 and the Web-Slinging Wednesdays series brought in a barrage of hits, with many of you interested in facts and fun relating to Spidey, Sandman, and in particular, Venom!

Even the space faring Silver Surfer has struggled to attract the interests, which really makes you wonder about the appeal of these movies. I suppose the first movie proposed a strong demonstration of the mainstream appeal of superhero films, with many of the comics reading fans less than pleased with the treatment. I myself didn't see it until quite some time after release, on rental from Blockbuster no less, and I wasn't thrilled, either.

Even so, the film grossed over three times it's budget, putting an end to a box office slump at the time, and the expectant criticisms of many film critics and fanboys. Perhaps the strongest argument for the film's success would be the family contingent, with children presumably the driving force behind the success.

Which is something the Fantastic Four have always been good for.
During my childhood reading comics, the FF were always among the favourites, and maybe from this we can take a step back from the grim and gritty, ultra realism of other properties, and remember that the readers we so keenly seek, may want an opportunity to experience these properties like we did.

Even if most would have to agree, the film represents the greatest faux pas in comic film history. Dr. Doom represents one of the greatest villains of all time, lording even over big screen big bad, Darth Vader, a character the good Doctor is well known for having influenced. That's probably a discussion for the fifth Friday, though.

The Fight: 5 The Issue: 5.5

NIGHTWING versus FIREFLY
War Games: Casualty of War Act 3 Part 3 (DC comics)
Where: Nightwing #98 When: December 2004
Why: Devin Grayson How: Sean Phillips

The story so far...
The vigilante called Tarantula has murdered Blüdhaven criminal mastermind Blockbuster, and by doing nothing to stop it, Nightwing has taken on the responsibility of the death in the harshest of ways.

While Grayson is trying come to terms with his inactions, the deaths of several major criminal bosses leads to an all-out gang war in Gotham City. With the violence spilling willfully into the streets, Batman rallies all of his available forces to put a stop to it, unwittingly placing additional stress on his former ward.

Charged with clearing Gotham-West, Nightwing heads out into the city, still troubled by the secret he keeps from the Batman. A welcome distraction comes in the form of a cluster of fires: The work of the pyromaniacal villain called, Firefly!

Previous Form:
Nightwing (#44): Team-up victories with Batman over Amazo and Two-Face.
Firefly: Has not yet been featured on the site.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Draw 3 (Athlete)
Intelligence: Nightwing 4 (Tactician)
Speed: Nightwing 3 (Athlete)
Stamina: Nightwing 4 (Athlete)
Agility: Nightwing 4 (Gymnast)
Fighting Ability: Nightwing 5 (Martial Artist)
Energy Powers: Firefly 4 (Arsenal)


I don't want to upset the contingency of Firefly fans out there straight off the bat, but this guy isn't exactly what you'd consider a threat.

Okay, so Batman is the designate who gets to go toe-to-toe with Darkseid and what have you, but these guys are all street level. Which means I have to be honest and say sure, these are the guys who are going to deal with Firefly, and that makes perfect sense.

Even so, even if you don't let Nightwing into the 'with prep time...' club, you still have to assume he's going to be pretty well equipped to handle a guy in a bugsuit with a flame thrower.

For starters you've got a really obvious balance issue. Nightwing would, of course, be well versed in concepts of balance because if his lengthy martial arts training, and the bulky suit - which takes away Firefly's touch - with the big wings on the back is a keypoint for Nightwing to take the advantage.

While the Firefly suit protects against a lot of the basic non-lethal projectiles the Bat-family carry, because it doesn't have any major offensive function, it's a relative moot point. At the very least, Firefly probably doesn't have to worry about Nightwing using his flammable equipment against him, but then again... He's already tasted the blood of Blockbuster! HE COULD BE OUT OF CONTROL!

The Math: Nightwing (Meta Class)
The Pick: Nightwing (Sorry, Garfield...)

What went down...
From the rooftops, Nightwing easily spots Firefly as he enters a closed bar.
Making a bee-line for the offices upstairs, Firefly begins ransacking until he's interrupted by a voice from somewhere behind: The ninjaesque stealthy Nightwing!

The two discuss some matters of crimes comitted and the current employee survival-rate in the Gotham City underworld, before Nightwing uses his acrobatics to leap over a stream of flame thrown from Firefly's gun.

Hiding beneath the office desk, Nightwing protects himself from the barrage of flames before lifting the table and tossing it at Firefly! The suited villain somehow manages to duck the attack, shocked by the wanton violence of a Gotham City hero. It's at that point that he identifies Nightwing as "that Blüdhaven guy" and recalls that which Nightwing would much rather forget -- the murder of Blockbuster.

The front doors of the establishment swing open as Firefly is unceremoniously hurled from the building. Nightwing follows, a blazing inferno casting a dramatic light over him.

Firefly recovers and sprays off another jet of flame as the rain begins to come down, but Nightwing leaps it easily.

Firefly continues to blast his flames uncontrollably as the Gotham police roll up to the scene. Not that their presence is noticed on either of the costumed fighters.

Nightwing connects with a good left, but the helmeted Firefly quickly retorts with a clunky boot that knocks Nightwing back enough to leave him wide open for an unrelenting two-gun flame attack!

Nightwing does his best to roll-up, covering his body whilst moving offensively toward the subject. He does so successfully, sliding between the two flamethrower barrels to get right up into Firefly's face.

Nightwing nails Firefly at close quarters with a well placed elbow, but even as Firefly gets knocked silly with the following punches, the GCPD get their orders to shoot-to-kill any costumed characters on sight in response to the recent gang wars. Bad news for Firefly and Nightwing, alike.

With Firefly out on his feet, the unsuspecting Nightwing makes the tactical decision to use Firefly's armored suit and wings as a shield from the barrage of police issue slugs.

Nightwing rips one of the flamethrowers from it's connection to Firefly's suit, and tosses it toward the law officers, looking to buy some time -- it doesn't work.
Nightwing throws another left to keep Firefly on the back foot, but it leaves him open to renewed gunfire. Nightwing takes a tag to the leg.

Nightwing rips the remaining gun from Firefly's costume, and calls for the police to cease fire. Then, dragging Firefly like a ragdoll, he tosses them the threat and tells them to stop wasting their time.

Any momentary sanity quickly fails, as the GCPD again open fire on the unarmed Nightwing. Even with the injured leg, he proves agile enough to shoot a batline to the buildings above, using it to swing himself upward to the raining skies.

Finding salvation on a fire escape, Nightwing patches a contact to Batman.
There, with the rain pouring, Nightwing loses consciousness.

The hammer...
Despite suffering a crippling gunshot wound (and an appearance in a frustrating crossover), our winner is Nightwing!

As you might have just surmised, I wasn't much of a fan of the War Games crossover that spread across the bat-family books in 2004. Which provided a steady contrast to my opinion of the titles just previously. It's almost hard to imagine that a mere three years ago the entire comics landscape was a very different looking place.

At this point Infinite Crisis had not yet taken off, and I don't think anybody really knew what Civil War was going to be. This was a time where comics had been on an upswing thanks largely to strong, well built storytelling and character development.

Batman and Detective Comics, for me, represented two of the most exciting scenes in the industry. Likewise, Catwoman remained one of the sleeper hits of the early part of this decade. It was a pretty good time to be reading Batman.
The flagship title was sporting hyped storylines by Jeph Loeb and Brian Azzarello, which boasted pencilling collaborators like the top ten enducing Jim Lee, and the grim and gritty Eduardo Risso.

Meanwhile, Detective Comics was consistently among my favourite reads, with grey palette stories from the streets of Gotham. Something like a blend between the best early episodes of the animated series, and the kinds of characterizations and developments I might have imagined myself. It was a very enjoyable period, of two-six parters, and solo stories by talents that included Ed Brubaker and Brian Vaughan.

War Games was really the first big multi-title crossover to rear it's ugly head in a time that still considered the crossover to be one of the key components in the downfall of the nineteen-nineties. It seems, however, despite the exhaustian of company-wide events like Infinite Crisis and Civil War, the sands have shifted to point blame more to characters (like Ben Reilly), than the formula of the multiple title crossover itself.

As revolted as I was to realise I'd grabbed a handful of War Games issues, which marked the first conceited effort to avoid Batman and Detective after years of automatically buying; there was a silver lining.
I had wanted to have a look at Nightwing, which had been one of the titles I wasn't terribly interested in. While War Games represented something I specifically did not like, this particular issue presented the opposite within.

A lot of the features on Secret Earths have some sort of motivation or conceit to them. They're often a part of a larger plot or scheme, and connect to things before and after. In that respect they are quite unlike this crossover issue, which features the throwaway battle between Nightwing and Firefly.

This really could've been a fight with anyone. As far as I know there was no real significance put upon Firefly's intentions, or actions. This was purely a situation where a writer needed to display difunction in that area of town, while also pursuing the emotional story of Dick Grayson coming to terms with his part in the murder of a gangster.

This is a fun issue. A fight that need not be cast under any pretentions. This is about a superhero swooping in and whooping butt in the name of protecting the innocent.
This is exactly the kind of fight that belongs on Secret Wars on Infinite Earths, and as simple a review as it provides, I greatly enjoyed it.

Devin Grayson proves competent, if not spectacular, while Sean Phillips' pencils range from phenomenal to average. Some of these scenes look truly amazing, with colouring by Gregory Wright that times is so dramatic, it really feels as thought it's an animated scene. All the while, other scenes appear awkward and clumsy, as though they were the results of a latenight cram session before Phillips' deadline.

A lot of people talk about Nightwing as a broken character. A character whose value falls somewhere in the middle of a triangle of Batman, Tim Drake and Jason Todd. I personally like to think there's more to the character than that, but we might save that discussion for next time...

The Fight: 4 The Issue: 4

SPIDER-MAN versus RHINO
Let's Fall In Love (Marvel comics)
Where: Spider-man: Blue #2 When: August 2002
Why: Jeph Loeb How: Tim Sale

The story so far...
Bitten by a radio active spider; gawky high school nerd, Peter Parker, finds himself with the unlikely proportionate strength, speed and agility of a spider. With this new-found power, and his own inventive brilliance, Parker sets out to take on the ultimate responsibility of a vigilante!

As Spider-man, Peter comes into conflict with many others with rare and unique gifts. Men who would do great good, and great evil in this world. Men who would use their abilities to pursue him in personal grudges. Men who would hunt him like a rare and unique animal.

Men like the Rhino who, while being held under gas induced sedation, finds himself free to seek revenge on Spider-man after a mysterious enemy sets him free. Rampaging through the city, Rhino looks for payback, and the web-slinger is all too happy to oblige, but does he have it in him to defeat the Rhino again? Or will the mystery man step out of the shadows to capitalize? Stay tuned!

Previous Form:
Spider-man (#1): Overcome odds against Man-Ape, Tombstone, Scorpion, Carnage & Grey Gargoyle.
Rhino (#232): Comprehensively beaten by a well equiped Punisher.

Tale of the tape...
Strength: Rhino 6 (Invincible)
Intelligence: Spider-man 5 (Professor)
Speed: Spider-man 4 (Olympian)
Stamina: Rhino 5 (Marathon Man)
Agility: Spider-man 5 (Cat-like)
Fighting Ability: Spider-man 3 (Street Wise)
Energy Powers: Spider-man 2 (Projectiles)


Geez, there have been so many Spider-man entries, I'm really starting to wonder what the point of this section is! The guy is sitting tight on only two losses from twenty-four battles, and really, like the song says, he's a Spider-man.
I don't know what the historical figures are, but for Spider-man to not come out the ultimate victor in any confrontation seems highly unlikely. Sure, he's a good hero.

Spider-man takes his lumps like any dramatic hero. He has defeats from which he can come back from to triumph over adversity. But the point I'm making is, even after taking a whipping from Sandman, or Green Goblin, or Rhino, when do you ever see Spider-man not wind up victorious?

One of the early conceits of the website - among the many motivations - was to test the theory that Batman is unstoppable. After 2007 it seemed very likely he was, but as we roll on through this year, maybe we start to see there's another ever present character who's beating everybody across multiple titles.

Rhino is a fairly one-trick pony: He's a muscle guy.
What works for Rhino is that, generally speaking, he's a pretty good muscle guy. Not the sharpest henchman in the drawer, and that's usually his downfall, but certainly worth throwing up against a Hulk or a Juggernaut or whoever you have lying around.

Spidey is a versatile character bringing speed, agility, smarts, strength and all of those fun powers to the table -- which means by the Haseloff system tape, he's a much better better bet than Rhino. But a simple truth remains. Rhino is a big deal. Spider-man should never have an easy time with him, and maybe should suffer more defeats than he perhaps has over the years.

I think we all know to expect Spider-man to win this one, but don't let the sun go down on the Rhino without giving him his props. Because he is worthy!

The Math: Spider-man (Meta Class)
The Pick: Spider-man (Sigh...)

What went down...
As the mysterious-manipulator plotting against Spider-man watches from the shadows, the Rhino stands amongst the rubble of buildings destroy with a bellowing demand, "I WANT SPIDER-MAN!"

Spider-man, like any good hero, is happy to oblige where lives would be threatened, swinging in with a devestating kick to the Rhino's neck!

He puts his agility to work as the Rhino charges within the confined space of the rubbled building alley, keeping it tight enough to allow Spidey to get another lick in. It isn't long, however, before Rhino gets a stiff shot in, nailing Spider-man with a big right hand!

Spidey lands on his ass and spews out a huge spray of webbing directly at Rhino's face, blinding him in mid-charge to allow Spidey to turn the tables. Vaulting over the blinded Rhino, Spider-man leaves Rhino to a fate his own:

Rhino charges into an already damaged brick wall, bringing the house down atop his horned head! The bricks tumble down with a rumble, leaving Spidey on a web to receive the compliments of the watching police.

With a tiny piece from Rhino's super-durable hide, Spider-man warns the police to hold tight while he disappears, fully aware that Rhino is down - but not out!

A quick stop to Dr. Curt Conners' lab later, and Spider-man becomes intimately aware of the inner workings of Rhino's leathery hide - composed of self-replicating genetics similar to actual rhino DNA composed with something similar to kevlar or adamantium [just in case you were wondering!].
With that, Spidey and Conners devise a means to disrupt the polymer!

Spidey returns to the scene with Rhino again roaring for revenge, while the police do their best to put him down with ineffective gunfire. Fortunately for all, Spidey has something a little more permanent up his sleeves - literally!

Rhino gets a face full of gooey webbing again, this time a special new orange blend from the fine people at Conners and Parker!

Unphased by the goop, Rhino charges at Spidey, who gives it both barrels, spraying away with the goopy orange liquid whilst using his proportionate spider-agility to leap over the rampaging Rhino!

Giving it both barrels, Spidey well and truly webs his adversary in the special webbing fluid, granting the luxury to slip down for a hilarious quip.

The webbing isn't strong enough to hold the Rhino, though, and he throws his arms up, tossing Spider-man over his head!

Though blinded by the webbing, Rhino's wild haymakers connect, first with a right, and then a left that sends Spider-man flying into a fire hydrant!
The busted hydrant leaves Spidey with a bump to remember, but it provides a convenient twist of fate. The catalytic webbing hadn't done the trick, but by introducing water to the compound it begins to take effect on the Rhino's hide!

The webbed areas of the Rhino's invulnerable costume begin to fall off in massive chunks, leaving him vulnerable - and naked - in the middle of the street! Not that that stops Spidey putting the finishing touches on the job in what he feels is a case of an overgrown bully getting his due!

A good one-two uppercut to finish, and the Rhino is out like a light, and freed of the costume that makes him so difficult to contain.

The hammer...
The hammer comes down once again in favour of Spider-man, with the victory by knock-out! Hard luck for the Rhino!

We get a lot of traffic from the uninitiated, and that's a good thing.
Secret Wars on Infinite Earths by no means represents an encyclopedia, but I like to think we can provide some interesting points of reference and informative tidbits.

New readers are drawn to the site for a number of reasons, and some of those are the major forces penetrating the mainstream consciousness. Things like the major motion picture adaptations [like Spider-man], or in other cases less direct connectors, like TV's Heroes.

Heroes seems to have quickly surpassed Lost as TV's number one action-based drama, featuring all the things we as comic fans know and love. Interesting characters, exciting scenarios, fantastic powers, and developing plotlines.

Interestingly enough both Heroes and Lost have had something in common - Jeph Loeb. Jeph Loeb is a writer who whose work has ranged from Arnold Schwarzenegger's militia vehicle Commando, to TV's Smallville, to comic works like Batman: The Long Halloween, which influenced director Christopher Nolan's work, along with writer David Goyer, on the feature film Batman Begins.

One of the characters on Heroes possesses the ability to paint the future, and this is where we reviewing Spider-man: Blue come full circle, because the artwork for that particular character [Isaac Mendez; played by Santiago Cabrera] was provided by none other than Tim Sale - artist extraordinaire on Spider-man: Blue (and The Long Halloween, for that matter).

Spider-man: Blue is one of three mini-series with the writer/artist team of Loeb and Sale, the others being Daredevil: Yellow and Hulk: Gray, each referring to colours featured in the characters unique looks, as well as emotions and events within the books.

Each story recounts events from the character's early careers in the sixties, with Spider-man: Blue retelling events that fall somewhere in the 40's of issues of Amazing Spider-man, written originally by Stan Lee.
The series puts it's own unique stamp on the events, including a new spin that supposes Kraven the Hunter is actually the master manipulator behind a string of reapparances of classic Spidey villains, before his triumphant appearance in Amazing Spiderman #47.

If you have the first Spider-man movie DVD with the extras disc, and spin-on you can actually see Loeb and Sale at Sale's drawing board, where if you look closely, you'll note that he is pencilling one of the pages from this very issue!
Particularly visible is the scene where Spider-man leaps over the Rhino, while spraying the (once coloured) orange webbing all over him from above.

So, there you have it! A little bit more of an informative Hammer to end this entry! As always I'm churning ahead to try to catch up, particularly if we're to do some of the exciting things I'd like to in July! Until then, cheers!

The Fight: 3.5 The Issue: 5.5
NEXT WEEK: Marvel Ultimate Alliance Asgard sub-bosses: The Wrecking Crew!